Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

[Smilingdonkey]

Hi,
Just ovulated for the first time after my missed miscarriage at 13 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 6-7) and wondered if anyone wanted to keep me company while we go through the ups and downs of ttc all over again! ! Xx

@Poppy10121 wouldn't it be great if you could test at 1 dpo, and it was only positive if you were getting a baby at the end of it!

Pretty sure AF is arriving, bit of blood on wiping so comiserating with a cup of tea and chocolate biscuits in the only half hour I've had not on teams calls all day!

Well done to those of you further along couch 2 5k, ive done the first three runs and my back is killing me! Really want to carry on as I enjoy running but think my body is saying no 🤣

Feeling a bit emotional today, I think AF has arrived with some spotting and cramps, and a BFN. Just feeling crappy as it's my 30th in a few days and I should of been announcing the gender and half way through my pregnancy, and just feel so low. What a blah week! Hope you all get your bfPs soon!

@Workingmama1 Why has no-one invented that test?! Haha :D

@mrsAndeke sorry to hear that :( I hope you can do something nice for your birthday and maybe enjoy a few drinks or nice soft cheeses?

@Threnody it’s the CB advanced digital one. I got my first flashing smiley a week ago, so I’ll keep doing once a day for the next couple of days just in case. Thank you for the tips of doing cheapy OPK’s a few times a day after flashing smiley, I’ll def do that next cycle (trying to convince myself I won’t get pregnant for at least 3 cycles, just to soften the blow).

Woke up this morning to find all my “symptoms” had gone and then when I got to the bathroom found AF is here right on time ☹️
My husband said “how is that even possible this month!?” I think the SMEP wore us both out a bit! Feeling a bit bummed out, gonna get some more OPKs and just enjoy some drinks this weekend I guess. I know it’s still early days but we conceived so quick last time I just thought it would happen again for us.

Sorry to hear that @Poppy10121 we are in the same boat, we conceived really quickly without even really trying last year. I know we are only on third cycle trying now but each month seems to be getting harder.
No AF here yet but I did take a cheapy hpt this morning (only 10DPO... I know 🙄) but was a bfn. Wanted some sort of reassurance before AF turns up next week no doubt.

Enjoy your drinks this weekend! DH has promised me a bottle of the new Gordon's Sicilian Lemon gin if AF turns up! Yum

Sorry af has arrived @Poppy10121.
Sorry for bfn @ALew15, fx for a bfp in a couple of days.

I've been kind of counting on just getting pregnant straight away next month, and have been obsessively looking up when I'd be able to get scans and things. I'm a bit worried I'm going to struggle if we don't.

Thanks @ALew15 I'm surprised how much it's affecting me each time I see AF - I was so hopeful this month. I'm going to go and buy a nice bottle of wine later and get a takeaway this evening, on to the next cycle sigh. Gordons Lemon gin sounds lovely too!

@Threnody where abouts in your cycle are you now? I totally get it, I was the same - not quite looking up scans but thinking about how I'd find reasons to not drink at a BBQ in 2 weeks time, how excited my mum would be again... etc.

I need to find some things to keep me occupied and stop thinking about TTC for a while, I think. Not that many options during lockdown though :(

@Poppy10121 I'm just waiting for af to show so I can start the cycle. I'm torn between hoping for a long luteal phase as that's better, or hoping for a short one to get on with things!

Oops, pressed wrong button. I've been trying to distract myself - been comfort reading books I know don't have any babies etc in, and watching cheesy films (made the mistake of watching Steel Magnolias last week, was in floods), and crocheting. And work is distracting, though stressful in a different way. It's those quiet times sat on the sofa watching the children play and thinking about things.

Afternoon all!

How are we?

@PurplePansy05 How did the blood test go? Absolutely had the same thoughts about how TV depicts MC, looks like you have a light period and that's it done...

@Workingmama1 @mrsAndeke @Poppy10121 Sorry AF has shown for you ladies. Nice big glass (bottle) of wine for you all this weekend please! Your next chance will be here soon and it's a nice fresh start 💕 Sending positive vibes for the next cycle.

@MrsAndeke Do you have anything nice planned for your 30th? So sorry it's a reminder of what could have been 💕

@Poppy10121 Found the run ok, had to slow down to a walk for a minute in the middle but was generally ok. It's very hilly near me and it was at the top of the hilliest bit that I had to stop - I could have carried on by the end though! I too started after my MMC and it is nice to see my body standing up to the challenge after all it has been through, it must have been so delicate for a while there and now it's even better than it was before!
A test that told you from 1DPO would be amazing!

@ALew15 fingers crossed the BFP is on its way 🤞🏼

I too have been kind of expecting that we'll just get pregnant first time again and am really trying to tell myself that we probably haven't, think I'll be quite upset if/when AF shows. Am constantly thinking about it, too. Work has been quite busy with calls this morning, which is good, but when it's just me at my laptop working, I get so distracted and come on here (like right now 😂) or start Googling symptoms/anything around TTC or start filling in as much info as I can on my Ovia app 🤦🏻‍♀️

My latest is that I've convinced myself that if I am pregnant I'm going to have a chemical or early MC as any symptoms I do appear to have aren't strong compared to last time. I don't even know if the symptoms mean pregnancy and I'm sure I'm probably misremembering how strong my symptoms were last time, too (though that didn't exactly end well), but at this rate even a BFP isn't going to calm me as I'll be expecting a CP or MC. It's exasperating being in my head 🙈

CD 27 today. Two weeks since the date I may have ovulated if my nipples are anything to go by (I got sore nipples 3DPO last time so based on that, which is so not something worth basing anything on 😂) or 10 days since the last time we DTD that could have been the last one to work, if it has (DTD since but I definitely had symptoms before then). Not fancying testing at the mo, convinced myself I'm not pregnant or if I am then it's going to end badly so I just don't want to know... for now.

Also, had a call with someone from MN earlier this week about something work related and she was telling me about all of these really supportive forums they've got, like pregnancy and I just wanted to say 'I know, I'm on them' but she's so right, don't know what I'd do without this thread!

Hey @SkyBlue20, it went ok, thanks. The nurse was nice and she said she'd chase everything up for me, very apologetic for the delay (no one knows why it took them nearly a month since the MVA to figure out something was missing). But anyway, over and done with!

I've had two really busy days at work, kind of looking forward to the weekend and relaxation of our travel restrictions in Wales, but on the other hand I'm feeling a bit meh. I think this lockdown has finally started taking its toll on me.

Sorry about the bfns and AFs arriving, ladies. It's not a nice day or five when this happens, but hopefully it'll go fast and before you know it, you'll be trying again. For now, one more week of gin

So I just had my booking in telephone appt. It was exactly the same, complete with all the extra appts for having a high risk pregnancy and being consultant led. They literally could just give me back the same maternity book with the dates changed lol. It feels like a waste of time really.

Didn’t think they would do it until I was 8 weeks, it's too soon. Have to go in for checks and blood test, we practically had a row lol, as they wanted me to come today whereas I don’t even want to have a blood test yet, plus I just had one a few months ago and it’s not that local, so I picked my own date. Wasn’t nice having to discuss the MMC but they need details.

Gosh, my dad is stressing and wondering why I’ve asked them not to open my letter from the hospital. My maternity care is with their local hospital instead of my own as I need them to watch DS when I go for appts and plan to stay with them after the birth, so my letters go to their address. Previously I had asked them to open all my letters to tell me when my appointments were lol. Obviously they don’t know about this new pregnancy yet, so he probably thinks something is wrong and that I’m going to miss my appointment...or they may suspect I'm pregnant again lol.

@Sakura54 How far along are you now? None of my booking appts were before 10 wks. They never sent me for blood tests in any of my pregnancies either, I was supposed to be consultant-led too.

Do your parents know it's from the hospital? I'm pretty sure my local hospital sends correspondence in blank envelopes.

I do wonder what my care will be like next time, probably just as bad as most of the time before. Maybe they'll offer me some extra scans, but probably not due to covid. Should I be asking for anything more, do you think?

@Sakura54 @PurplePansy05 I never had a blood test on my previous pregnancy either. I imagine if I had then they would have picked up that it had been lost before I went for my 12 week scan.
Do they only offer early/extra scans if you've had multiple losses?

@ALew15 So I heard that after 3 losses they should be offered as standard. But I'll tell you when I get there! (plus things might not be happening due to covid right now).

AF is certainly here for me today! I've found the sight of blood really triggering this time, thankfully can use tampons so have to see less of it. Doesn't help that everytime I try to go to the loo my 18 month old tries to shove sanitary towels down my pants as she's seen me doing it so often recently!

Alsp at least I now know that PMS symptoms for me include nausea, sore nipples and random cramping so can try to avoid symptom spotting next cycle (who am I kidding 🤣)

Its out wedding anniversary on Sunday so at least AF arriving means I can have a drink. Although funny story the poatman delivered my anniversary present to my husband today, but also delivered an identical package from the same etsy seller for my huaband, looks like we have ordered each other the same gift!

@SkyBlue20 I'm so sorry to read how traumatic your experience was. It really is so heartbreaking. My medical management was just before Covid, and was such a horrendous experience too. I was allowed to have my sister with me and I really don't think I could have done that alone so I don't know how you got through it 💕 The follow up was virtually all abandoned due to Covid which is why it all then carried on for so long, and the advice from the EPU that I 'couldn't have anything retained due to a bfn' was just completely wrong. So once they finally did a scan (that thankfully was insisted upon by a nurse at my local GP clinic and I have since called to personally thank her for that) and realised what had happened I was booked in for an MVA the following day. The doctor seemed to think I wasn't in a fit state to decide about my treatment because I was sobbing so much, and suggested that I take some time to think about things....I could have screamed I was so fed up of how much time they had made me wait by telling me for the months leading up to it that it was all just things settling down....but when I said I couldn't cope if they left me any longer they booked me in the following morning for my MVA. I'm so sorry you had to wait so long between procedures, it all just adds to the heartbreak. I get so sad thinking back over it all too, and like you say we really are stronger than we know 💕💕 I have everything crossed for a bfp for you soon, it's sounding positive 🤞🤞

@PurplePansy05 I also only got through everything due to reading other people's stories, feeling the heartbreak and seeing the positives and strength at the other end as my inspiration. As I have said before everyone here has made such a difference to me allowing us to share our experiences and our ups and downs, so thank you all for being here 💕

@ALew15 🤞🤞🤞🤞 for a bfp in a few days for you. The EPU initially told me I could go for early scans from 7w with them if I was to get a bfp again, and it was my first miscarriage. I don't know whether they would be able to do that now as it was said pre-Covid, and different hospitals will vary, but it might be worth asking just in case?

@Workingmama1, @mrsAndeke and @Poppy10121 I'm sorry AF has arrived 😔 she's arrived here too today, I'm going to drown my sorrows in booze and carbs this weekend, and fingers crossed for next month for us all 💕💕

@PurplePansy05 @ALew15 I get blood tests at 8 weeks to test for diseases like Hepatitis and 12 weeks for Downs etc. These can be merged, but my hospital want it done separately ASAP annoyingly even during CV, but maybe what's why you never got tested? I'm not even 6 weeks yet and from my understanding you don't normally have your booking in appt this early as there's a higher chance of MC, as cruel as that sounds. If I had known they were going to be this quick, I wouldn't have referred yet lol.

I'm consultant led due to many pregnancy issues, unrelated to the MMC, so I'm not getting anything extra for that. Yes, I believe you do get extra reassurance scans and monitoring after 3 MCs and rightly so. They should look after you.

They know the letters are from the hospital as it says on the envelope and more are coming for my extra appts lol oh well.

@Sakura54 Oh I see! Your local hospital is not very private then, or maybe it's just the case NHS Wales doesn't do it.

Re tests, these are done at 12 week scan in my area. I never knew they were done so early elsewhere. I see why you'd rather avoid them right now, but once they're done, they're done. And it's a fresh pregnancy, with new, good chances of success.

@JoJo58995 I'm sorry you had a bad story too. I had a horrific experience with medical management which I described earlier on this thread. Definitely never again. In fact, I can't even have it due to the fact J can't have misoprostol. I can't describe the relief this gives me!

What's everyone up to tonight?

@sakura54 bloods are taken at your booking appointment here too, or they were two years ago when I had my daughter. I didn't have them this time round as it was looking like miscarriage was imminent at a scan at 9 weeks and my booking appointment was due the day after so they told me to cancel it. Pretty shitty having to ring up to do that, surely they could have done it for me!

If anyone is unsure about how poorly women who are miscarrying are treated have a look at this thread. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3955892-Has-anyone-had-bad-treatment-at-A-E-when-miscarriage-happens it really is shocking. While I think my care was poor (I only ever saw sonographers, scan at 7 weeks inconclusive, 9 weeks no heartbeat but they couldn't acknowledge miscarriage, scan at 11 weeks miscarriage confirmed but told i needed to wait 2 more weeks before they would intervene and I naturally miscarried a week later, but was never told what to expect apart from ring this number if you bleed through more than 2 pads an hour) compared to some of your stories and on this thread maybe I was lucky. I don't understand why it is so hard to show compassion, listen to women and at least explain to them what could happen next. At least at the private scan I had at 10 weeks (I needed to confirm miscarriage as I couldn't stand the limbo) they gave me a leaflet and a hug!

Just watching the luminaries and (spolier alert!) one of the characters had a late miscarriage, they conveyed some of the pain and a bit of emotion but nowhere near the real impact, although she was an opium addict so emotions could have been numbed.

I'm having a few gins tonight to commiserate the arrival of AF!

Also, any hospital letters from my hospital (Bolton) are also stamped with their info, I find it helpful to know they are important and to open them but not very inconspicuous!

Yeah we have our bloods done with the booking appointment too (at about 8 weeks.) I haven't called the maternity unit to book yet as i'm still very nervous. 😩 I have booked at private scan for 7 weeks and will take it from there.

My miscarriage was very like the TV ones ... I found out I had had a MMC at the 13 week scan and then next day I bled so suddenly and heavily that I was taken to hospital in an ambulance and given emergency surgery that night. It was all over physically in 24 hours but the trauma of the bleeding and the surgery (they had to give me a spinal tap rather than a general because of COVID) still haunts me. It is making the beginning of this pregnancy riddled with anxiety that one day it will just happen with no notice. And - as we all know - the fact it happened in the peak of lockdown meant having to do it all alone.

I found the first period after the MC really hard and I have had some bad nose bleeds with this pregnancy so far triggered something and made me freak out. I really hope I calm down soon!
Actually that felt quite cathartic to go through it again - I haven't spoke about it for weeks!

@Workingmama1 sorry AF is here for you too ☹️ Like you I’m going to try and remember those “symptoms” for next month but... who am I kidding, I’ll be hoping again.

All my NHS interactions were during Covid so most of my ‘care’ if you can call it that was by phone apart from the actual scans at the EPU and at the one where they diagnosed the MMC they got cross with me because I was sobbing while they were still prodding about and couldn’t ‘finish their investigation’ until I calmed down.

I’ve been wondering if I should seek some counselling or something. I feel like like my reactions are getting worse every month and I’m not sure that even if I do conceive again I’d be able to relax. Has anyone else spoken to anyone? I did ring the Miscarriage Association helpline a couple of months ago but their opening times are quite limited and during my work day.