Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

[Smilingdonkey]

Hi,
Just ovulated for the first time after my missed miscarriage at 13 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 6-7) and wondered if anyone wanted to keep me company while we go through the ups and downs of ttc all over again! ! Xx

I just want to apologise if I have upset anyone else too. I reacted (wrongly) in irritation in my last post and I don't want @purplepansy5 to go at all. I hope she stays. I just want everybody (myself included!) to accept we all feel differently and have had different experiences but all of us are hurting in some way. I feel very attached to you all 😊 Can we move past it #purplepansy05? xxx

On another note entirely ... My face has gone bright red - I mean neon red! ... Apparently a symptom?! 😩

@Chatbash72 Sorry AF arrived, next month is a brand new, fresh start and I'm crossing my fingers it's the one for you 💕

@SmilingDonkey I had huge bright red patches around my mouth in my last pregnancy, they were near impossible to cover up with makeup and lasted until after my MVA, so could well be a pregnancy symptom! It's something to do with hormone surges, I believe (isn't it always!)

I am SO BORED with work today, such boring tasks to do. Got a friend coming round for a drink in the garden this evening though so that's something to look forward to, just four hours to go... 😫

@Smilingdonkey no offence taken by anything.. I did get what @Ranoutofgoodnames was originally talking about.. 💕💕

I've moved on. I'm having a terrible day today tbh, spoke to a private consultant who completely dismissed my concerns. He said what I've been through at such a young age is "unusal" and "extreme", which was a kind opening, but then he said "oh, but you're so young, I'd bet money that your fourth pregnancy will be successful" and "we can do all the tests you want, but you're probably completely fine". Well, thanks for that. I've had enough of being dismissed by the NHS, he's leading the NHS unit not far from where I live and clearly has the same dismissive attitude in his private practice. He started telling me how he sees patients who had 8,9 or even 19 MCs. No better way of making me feel shit since I clearly have "only" had 3, so why worry.

I just feel there's nowhere to turn to anymore and no one sees the woman, the human being, at the centre of this. Everyone operates on the assumption we're some sort of machines, didn't work out once, thrice, whatever, just keep going. Sacrifice yourself, your MH, your job prospects, your holidays, your money, everything, who cares. Who needs answers when you can just lose yourself and have a baby one day.

I'm so upset. I sacrificed so much to be where I am now and to be a good mum, to be ready, to be someone my children can be proud of, to give them security and life served me a huge slap right in the face. Maybe it's a sign I should just leave it and it's not meant to be for me. I'm just sat here sobbing, waiting for my con call, fgs.

Ouch @purplepansy05 that surgeon was not tactful or sympathetic to the journey you have been on at all! I hope he is better at the medical side of things than his bedside manner. You're right that people often forget about the person at the centre of a miscarriage, I have to admit that before I had one I thought they were just a sad thing, I had no idea of how they crush your hopes and dreams and how devastating they can be, let alone the physical trauma your body has to go through 😪 p.s. glad you are still around 😊

@Chatbash72 sorry AF arrived, especially after some promising signs. Its so cruel that the signs of AF being imminent and early pregnancy are so similar.

@SkyBlue20 I'm with you not loving work today, had a week off and our strategy has completely changed and I'm left to pick up the pieces! And get stuff sorted for a campaign that didn't exist 10 days ago and is launching in two weeks! But on the plus side now my daughter is at nursery so I can do a full days work (and went in without tears whoop!) I have reinstated my 9 day fortnight so I have Friday off!

@PurplePansy05 have you read Emma cannon fertile? She's on insta..

@Chatbash72 No, have you? I've just looked it up, saw some very positive reviews.

@Workingmama1 Thank you He probably didn't mean it like that, I guess it's difficult to weigh it up on the phone, maybe if I spoke to him face to face he'd come across different. Anyway, I'm not convinced this is the right clinic for me, if I'm going to be spending tonnes of money, I'd like to feel comfortable and have faith in people looking after me. Might mean travelling all the way to Coventry for some tests, never straightforward 😔

@Sakura54 I hope your pregnancy is progressing well & that you're feeling ok in yourself. I know you're very strong, grounded and realistic, but if it gets too much, do shout. Pregnancy after loss is a very different experience to how it feels pre-loss, you don't always have to be a hero.

@chatbash sorry AF arrived! Bloody PMS symptoms 😩😩
@skyblue20 ... I'm not sure I'm keen on constant red face but it's weirdly reassuring that something is happening xxx

Hi everyone! Never thought I'd say this but I'm so happy to get a negative hcg test today 21 days after my MVA. I've been temping and doing opks but couldn't really tell if or when I ovulated, so just gunna hold off DTD till AF arrives and start fresh after that. Spoke to the fertility doc too and we said said we're gunna give it a try naturally for 2 cycles and if no luck gunna try IUI then move on to IVF if still no luck.

@PurplePansy05 yes I have and I follow her on Instagram, she is such a wonderful lady, very holistic and wise words xx

I‘ve just started getting cramps this evening - at first thought it was indigestion because I ate a lot but definitely cramps - so I think this means AF is on the way for me, still crossing fingers it could be implantation but seems too early

Hiya ladies.

Not checked in for a while. Hope everyones ok. Still no AF for me but only 4 and a Bit weeks since start of MMC.

Ive just randomly took a test and I'm sure I can see the squintiest of squinters 😩

@Workingmama1 I'm with you with the not knowing what's normal....I was on the pill for 13 years before all of this happened so have no idea about what is 'normal'.
I do think its cruel that we can have nausea, cramps, funny tastes, dizziness....and it all just be PMS. One of my friends told me today that she had the same symptoms every month for years while she was ttc and I feel so disheartened, because even though I've tried to remind myself that it almost certainly won't lead to a bfp this month, every time you get a new symptom you can't help but think 'oooh maybe....' I'm trying so hard just to look forwards but I do feel a bit resentful that if the doctors had listened to me I could have had an MVA months earlier rather than just being left in limbo after the failed medical treatment, so I now feel like I'm 4 months post MMC still with no idea of my cycles or normal symptoms as I'm waiting for my first AF post MVA, when I could have had a few months of learning what to expect each month! But I know in the scheme of things it's really not very long so I just need to let that go and move forwards.
@Chatbash72 I'm so sorry to hear that you've had all those symptoms and then AF has turned up, fingers crossed that next month is your month....🤞🤞
@Poppy10121 I'm keeping everything crossed for you that they are implantation cramps.
Sending positive vibes to everyone 🥰

Morning all, hope everyone’s doing okay today. Another slow week! CD20 today & the 6th day of flashing smiley, and randomly spotting. I’m so confused & have lost all hope of TTC this month, my body is clearly still messed up off the MVA.

@ew1990 do you have any other symptoms? Is there any chance that could be a new pregnancy or is definitely old hormones?

Took a test (well 2!) this morning at 12 dpo and two BFN on a femometer and one step. Not surprised so preparing for AF to show her face later this week.

@JoJo58995 I was also on the pill for a lonnng time (15+ years) and only came off last year, apart from being worried that it’s f*d up my body’s natural hormones I’m, like you, quite unfamiliar with my natural cycle and signs of ovulation/PMT/etc. I hope that your cycle comes back soon, how long now since your MVA?

@Starfish762 I’ve read that the flashing smiley is because one type of hormone is detected and you only get static when it’s your LH surge - it’s possible you’ve missed the LH surge if only testing once a day? I never had any luck with those smiley tests, the month I got pregnant before I never saw a smiley face at all!

@starfish762 I'm sorry your cycle is messed up. My first one was like that - 6 weeks of craziness. I guess our bodies went through a lot. 🤞 It's resets itself soon. It's so frustrating.
@workingmama1 I am only really starting to get clear lines on an IC now. It was FRER that gave me the first squinter ... Forgive me for sounding stupid but what's a femometer?! Xxxx

@Workingmama1 12Dpo is still quite early isn’t it? Fingers crossed for you!

I’m going to try and not test til Friday - I think AF might show up before then and save me using a test! But if not then Friday is when I would like a glass of wine so want to check first!

How careful is everyone being in the TWW about what you’re eating and drinking? I’m trying to cut down caffeine and alcohol anyway for a bit of a health kick. I feel a bit anxious not to do anything that might affect things even though I’ve heard that it makes no difference until the placenta is formed.

Morning all!

@PurplePansy05 I’m so sorry, that consultant sounds awful! Would you be able to put a complaint in and find someone else? That’s absolutely no way to treat somebody who is grieving and going through such a difficult time. Big hugs.

@workingmama1 Agreed that I had no idea how devastating miscarriages were before I had one - I knew they were really sad but I never thought past that to realise that it is a full grief and tears your heart out, plus the physical side of it all.
Hope work was ok yesterday! I’m mainly just counting down until the weekend - not loving work at the mo, just struggling to get motivated.

@sabtom congrats on the BFN, it’s a strange feeling to be happy about one, isn’t it? But now you can start to move forward ☺️ Good luck with your journey!

@ew1990 Eeek! Have you had a negative since the MC?

@JoJo58995 I could have written your post - no idea of usual cycle as was on the pill for so long then got pregnant almost right away and was kept waiting for ages for my MVA (via failed medical management) and feel a bit resentful that it’s delayed me. It’s crap, isn’t it?!

@workingmama1 sorry about the BFNs 😔 you’re not out though until AF arrives! 🤞🏼

All of my so called symptoms seem to have disappeared today so I’m not feeling very positive for this month but we’ll see! I just want to know either way now, I’m so impatient!

@Poppy10121 I’m just carrying on as normal in the TWW, just won’t drink to excess (not that I would anyway - I’m not exactly going out clubbing). You’re right, until the placenta has formed, it doesn’t affect anything. I’m beginning to realise that my mindset is that I was overly cautious last time and it still failed so I may as well carry on as normal (within reason) - this will obviously change if I get a BFP but even then, there are things I stopped last time due to nerves, like exercise and sex, that I may just continue (carefully). Exercise especially can only be good for me both physically and mentally.

@jojo and @skyblue20 yeah ive had a negative test a week and half after miscarriage. Took another this morning and it's still really faint so I'm gonna leave it a week or so.

Morning everyone. Gosh, so much to catch up on, you wander off for a day or two and it all happens!
So excited by all the symptom spotting and nausea going on, fx for a load of bfps soon.

@Workingmama1 and @skyblue20 I also had no idea how just awful a miscarriage was until I had mine. It was such a shock.

@ew1990 eek, exciting. Everything crossed!

@PurplePansy05 that consultant sounds awful, though as you say maybe he just has a sucky phone manner, I hate the phone and find things much easier face to face as you get so much from body language and expressions. If you're not confident in him, then it might be better to find someone else.

@workingmama1 not out until af shows!

@Chatbash72 sorry af arrived for you.

General big hugs all round, I think we all need them.

I am CD23 and 3dpo today, but no symptom spotting for me as we didn't try this month. Just gathering data for next month, so I'm impatient for af to arrive so we can start next cycle. Though at the same time hoping my luteal ohase isn't too short. I've been reading that Vitamin C can help raise progesterone levels so I might try that. Not that I know what my progesterone levels are.

I had a flashing smiley for 4 days on my cb advanced, then got my static later on on the 4th day - I was also using cheapie opks.

I'm feeling relatively good today in that I did ovulate, so that's good to know, and I'm finally below 9stone!
Fascinating tracking weight alongside everything else, as I can clearly see my weight plateau or go up just before ovulation, then start to drop again afterwards, and the same around af.

I typed up a proper reply 3 times and accidentally deleted it before posting 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Poppy10121 I too was on a pill for a while, 5-6 yrs and had no idea about my cycles as I had no periods then. Only last year I started learning about my cycle. Some people told me that "all these MCs are a result of the pill" 🤦🏼‍♀️ This is total BS (my consultant's own words 😂) so one less thing to worry about, ladies. One of the people who said that was my own mum who had 4 MCs and was never on hormonal contraception! As if MCs were a new phenomenon!

@Threnody @SkyBlue20 You're right, I'll explore other local consultants and either have a full range of tests done privately or top up what's done on the NHS. Depends on how impatient I am and whether I get pregnant before my NHS RMC appointment. Part of me wants to wait with another pregnancy till I have the results, but it's already taken so long that because of it, time isn't on my side anymore and waiting for months for results isn't ideal. I think I will go with "what will be, will be" attitude, just keep TTC and see what happens. It may be my fourth time lucky, randomly 🍀 It may be that I get pregnant, all my NHS tests will have to be postponed and then I'll have another MC. That is a risk, but then I think I'd have it all done privately instead of waiting for another NHS appointment. I am fortunate to have saved up a bit and it would pay for private tests. instead of paying for my car

Anyway, I think if you go privately then it's reasonable to expect someone to be thorough and trustworthy. I can hold my own hand, but I would like to feel confident my doctor knows what s/he's doing and listens. this should be the NHS standard too

I feel less deflated about it all today. At the end of the day, if I need to fight for my own baby, then so be it, even if some people along the way are unhelpful and the road is long. That's what mothers do and we have to keep going. Bring it on.

@SkyBlue20 I think your attitude to live a normal life in TWW and early pregnancy is very sensible and healthy. I was trying to do the same, but felt too poorly to do exercise as usual and too scared sex would make me bleed and freak out (in early pregnancy). So then I resigned myself to "take each day as it comes", no pressure. I think if you can live a normal life, it's the best thing to do. Generally, it makes the post-loss pregnancy less scary and recalibrates you to a healthier focus, i.e. you don't think about it 24/7 because you have a life. As long as you stay gentle with yourself

@Workingmama1 How are you feeling? Do you feel like AF is coming? I think sometimes it's easier to build yourself up for AF if it's a BFN close to it - it's gentler when it arrives or a big happy surprise if it doesn't. That was my last one, BFN at 12 dpo and a clear BFP at 14 dpo. By the time I found out, feeling low about AF has turned into accepting it and tbh I would have been OK either way. That's what I'll be doing now as well. Fingers tightly crossed for your good news, now or very soon 🤞

@Threnody I might be repeating myself on this thread, but Vitamin B Complex is helpful with extending luteal phase. Your GP could also refer you for a Day 21 progesterone test if you're concerned and then Cyclogest is probably the way to go if needed. Do you temp? Does your BBT increase in the luteal phase and by how much?