Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

[Smilingdonkey]

Hi,
Just ovulated for the first time after my missed miscarriage at 13 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 6-7) and wondered if anyone wanted to keep me company while we go through the ups and downs of ttc all over again! ! Xx

Hey @Starfish762 I had 8 days of flashing this month but I started testing early. Got my static on CD14.

@Starfish762 I think for me between 2 to 3 days

I am looking into this proposed thing about “super fertile” women - they have lots of miscarriages because they get pregnant really easily because their wombs aren’t so good at rejecting the lower quality eggs that other women’s wombs wouldn’t allow to implant

(Obviously am aware that I haven’t actually miscarried yet but humour me as this is distraction therapy at its finest 🙄)

I have been pregnant three times - the first was kind of planned but not really and ended in a termination. That was a few years ago and I had unprotected sex once not aware of ovulation etc and got pregnant. Then roll forward a few years and am with husband and we agree to try - I got pregnant I think the third month when I did opks. Then miscarriage then waited one period tried again missed optimum time for conception but fell pregnant anyway

So just wondering if there is anything in this. Of course (i) am technically still pregnant and (ii) if I end up trying again it will probably never happen or take me months. But in the interests of distracting myself today, I am finding this very interesting

I also like this generally as the whole approach is less “my body couldn’t stay pregnant” and more “my body is so keen to get pregnant it keeps going notwithstanding very challenging circumstances”

@Starfish762 that's horrible to read!

I like that you guys are having all these exciting symptoms! I've never felt nauseous unless pregnant. As they say in pregnancy threads - baby dust to you all!

So AF is nearly 1 week late and previously this is when I would have tested so wait as long as you need to @SkyBlue20

I agree @Ranoutofgoodnames what will be will be is definitely the way to think to make it through these matters that we can't control, especially TTC and MC/pregnancy.

@Ranoutofgoodnames This theory was based on a very small study. It is impossible to say whether it applies to you if you only had one miscarriage and if the products of your conception weren't genetically tested. It might be the case if the genetic testing shows the embryos were not viable in the first place. There certainly should be more elaborate research on this, but the problem is, genetic testing isn't offered after one or even two consecutive losses on the NHS. So as long as this approach continues, many women will never know whether they might be suffering from super-fertility and we won't have the cure.

I must say, I find your comment about the body not being able to stay pregnant a bit upsetting. I might be that woman whose body wasn't able to stay pregnant so far, I'll know that later this year. I don't like the fact there is an implication of guilt and negativity towards our own body in your statement. I didn't choose my body to have issues with the continuation of any of my pregnancies and do not consider myself to be at fault. If you read up on causes of recurrent miscarriage, none of them depend on the woman, they are entirely out of our control. So there is nothing wrong with saying "my body couldn't stay pregnant", indeed for most women this is the case and all we can do is to help our bodies to stay pregnant by getting tested and taking the right medication.

I think all of these issues lead to high risk of miscarriage and I personally would be very cautious in categorising them.

@PurplePansy05 I did have the testing. I am sorry I upset you with my musings - as I said I am trying to distract myself with reading about stuff and have previously used this space as a place to get my thoughts out there. I don’t feel and don’t believe I expressed a value judgement of any sort - I am simply sat here going through my second miscarriage wondering if there is anything that can be done to help me. I had absolutely no wish to upset anyone. I feel this should be a safe space for everyone and I will keep to myself now as I don’t want to risk my approach accidentally upsetting people. Take care all xx

@Ranoutofgoodnames You're making out as if I was a bad guy or a thought police. In reality, what you said was inconsiderate, it's as if you were saying that you're in a better position because your body is so keen [whereas others' bodies aren't]. This is not OK. Please do not make out this isn't a safe forum, as this simply isn't true. Indeed, because of the fact it is a safe forum, we're all allowed to say how we feel - so do not grant that right to yourself, but take it away from me, please.

I am upset over what you said because it was insensitive. Ranking people's difficulties always is. Apology accepted and I hope you'll come to realise that what I said in response was in no way against you personally. It is, however, against insensitive comments, and I will absolutely stand by it.

@purplepansy05 I really think that all she was doing was stating a theory she has been reading up on. You have done this many times too. She clearly did not mean to upset you and she apologised. You obviously have some very up to date knowledge on this which is great, but you could have shared that in a much kinder way than you did. Everyone on here has been through hell. Ranoutofgoodnames is in a particularly difficult place. Let's all be kind. X

Wow, @Smilingdonkey, just wow.

Do I have no right to be upset over other poster's words? In no way was it rude what I said. I only stated what the issue is and how I feel about it.

It's not the theory I took an issue with. It's her final comment. The fact you take no issue with it does not mean I have to feel the same way.

But since it's your thread and you feel entitled to tell me off for being upset, fine - I'll remove myself not to cause further issues. I'll deal with my issues on my own. Thank you for your support to date.

@purplepansy05 I was in no way trying to push you off this thread. You have as much right to be here as any of us. I just felt you were a bit harsh. I know this is such an emotive topic and I felt you could have been kinder that's all. Please don't go because of a disagreement over tone x

I’ve found this thread as a whole so supportive and a real lifeline for me at this difficult time. I genuinely think that everyone is trying their best to be kind and supportive but we are each going through a different journey, we all stopped at the same station en route but the rest of our circumstances mean we’re all going to see things from a different perspective. The comment about looking at your body in a more positive light resonated with me because I have felt a lot of hate towards my body these past few months. That’s all I took from it personally. But I understand all of our sensitivities are different. It would be such a shame if this helpful thread doesn’t continue.

I actually came on to say that I’ve joined symptom spotting brigade having said I’d be casual this month... 4 DPO and I’m convinced I have sensitive nipples, probably imagining it though...

@Smilingdonkey I feel you failed to recognise that a woman putting another woman down is not OK.

I would never ever come on here and post along the lines of "I'm likely to suffer from X, I'm now being tested, I'll have the meds, it gives me comfort because I know where I stand [unlike you]". This tone is unkind. Not calling someone out on this type of behaviour, like I did. I will not accept someone posting whatever they feel like to make themselves feel better if it is being done at someone else's expense. You wouldn't do this in RL. Why allow it here.

We're all in different positions and posting something in the tone I took offence with really isn't ok.

If you can't see it and you're still telling me I was out of order then I really think we will have to disagree on this one.

@purolepansy05 I was just saying I don't think that was what she was doing and she explained that/apologised. I was merely saying be kind. She didn't mean to upset you. Let's agree to disagree xx

@poppy10121 exciting! Are you going to test early or do you have more will power?! Xx

@Smilingdonkey I am not going to continue and derail this thread but please stop with this Caroline Flack "be kind". You're patronising. Unkind words were said which I've called out. You can't see it this way, I find that surprising. I also find surprising you don't apply the same understanding to me and to how upset it made me feel. It clearly only works one way.

That's ok. You keep this thread open to those who you consider "kind".

Changing topic here but my god I'm so constipated I'm sorry tmi I've been having bad cramps as well only 9dpo but feel like af is on her way!

@Smilingdonkey I’m not totally sure what cycle I’m expecting - pre-pregnancy and MMC it was 25 days, the first one after MMC was only 18. Either way I’m expecting AF sometime this week so will only test if it doesn’t come... fingers crossed! When I had the MMC pregnancy I got a negative test until 21 DPO so... I don’t want to start wasting sticks yet!

@mrsAndeke how weird that is always my sign that AF is coming too! But also was a pregnancy symptom! So many of them can be either... you could be having implantation cramps, I had them last time and mistook it for period pain!

@purolepansy05 as you said let's agree to disagree. It was not my intention to be patronising and if that's how you felt I apologose. This is not my thread I just happened to start it and I said how I felt as you did. If you do leave (I really hope you don't) I wish you all the best.

@mrsAndeke constipation is an excellent sign!! (Never thought I'd utter those words!)

@poppy10121 I'm in awe! I have everything crossed for you 🤞

@Poppy10121 @Smilingdonkey I do hope so but I'm being pretty
Chill about it it took us three years to concieve which ended in an MMC so I'm just trying not to overthink/stress/get my hopes up, but I don't normally suffer with cramps
Before my period so I guess we will wait and see!

Was my first day Back at work (I'm a nanny) and it was so lovely and amazing to be back with my kids again, it was like I never left! Holding the one year old and getting snuggles was very bittersweet though, definitely haven't missed the poopy nappies or attending toddler whilst peeing 😂

@Poppy10121 I'm due on Sunday so probably around the same time as you and I'm already dipping sticks in the morning!

@PurplePansy05 so sorry you have felt so upset by my musings - we do see it differently I think and we can agree to disagree on my meaning - it’s impact on you has been difficult regardless of how I meant it for which I apologise as you know. This is such a nice thread for people going through a difficult time I hope we can put it to one side and move on.

Exciting to hear about the possible symptoms ladies! I seem to have no symptoms at all before about week five other than a sense of just knowing if that makes sense! Would now give absolutely anything for a pregnancy symptom and am basically bashing my boobs every five minutes to see if they hurt 😳

@mrsAndeke I’ll be thinking of you and hoping AF stays away for both of us! I don’t know why I’ve changed my mind about this month because I’m still 95% sure we missed the actual ovulation day after SMEP exhaustion!?

@Poppy10121 me and oh did it everyday and sometimes twice over the 'fertile' period and by the end of it we were exhausted and didn't touch each other for 5 days lol. If we don't get pregnant this month I'm seriously going to calm it down next cycle, felt broken after that week 😂