Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

[Smilingdonkey]

Hi,
Just ovulated for the first time after my missed miscarriage at 13 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 6-7) and wondered if anyone wanted to keep me company while we go through the ups and downs of ttc all over again! ! Xx

[quote Smilingdonkey]@skyblue20 I did exactly the same thing with frequent urination (which is my tell tale sign!) It's so easy to over analyse but I don't see how one can avoid it? If anyone knows please tell me!!

I got an obvious (but still light) line on and IC for the first time this morning (i.e. not a squinter!) So I'm just praying this one doesn't become a chemical 🤞

I have a plan to help me with this pregnancy which might seem mad but I think feigning some sort of control
will stop obsession and minmise anxiety - if that makes sense:

• tomorrow 11/12DPO FRER to check progression
• Sunday IC for progression
• Monday AF Due IC for progression
• Tuesday CB digital and if positive 1-2 weeks tell DP
• finish of ICs by taking one daily (let's be honest I'm gonna keep going until the pack is empty!)
• Next Tuesday CB digital to check progression to 2-3 weeks
• Tuesday after CB digital to check for 3+ weeks
• book early scan for 7-8 weeks
• book second early scan 10 weeks if I need it (I'll see how I feel)

-12 week scan

[/quote]
Exactly! So hard to make yourself stop doing it - it’s your body so you’re bound to notice these things!

I have a good feeling about your pregnancy, fingers so tightly crossed for you. Your plan sounds good - do anything you need to to feel secure and better, it’s so anxiety-inducing going through pregnancy as it is, never mind after a loss 💕

And @Smilingdonkey please do stick around! I’d love a ‘pregnant after MMC’ thread eventually - hopefully we’ll all get there very soon 🤞🏼

@mrsAndeke Let’s go through this TWW together! I have no idea how many DPO I am or when AF is due or anything but by my estimations, if there’s no AF in two weeks or so, I’ll test (depending on symptoms - may not bother if I don’t have any!) - I’m a late tester rather than an early one.

@Ranoutofgoodnames Thinking of you 💕

Everyone looking forward to the weekend? Xx

Hello!! Scan results were inconclusive - gestational sac but too small to see anything else. But there is blood in the womb and sac measuring small so the doctor said I am most likely having a miscarriage but if I have not bled before ten days time I will have another scan.

I don’t know how I feel - this doctor really has this way of putting it that makes me feel like everything is ok even if it is a miscarriage - again it will be a pregnancy that is never going to result in a baby so need to get it over and done with and then move on so I can get to my baby!

Ten days feels like a long time to wait but I think maybe I will be able to crack on and just wait and see a bit more than I have been able to this week.

I don’t want to cause worry and concern for you ladies who have had positives!! I am turning 41 very soon so a miscarriage for me is almost at the point where it is more likely to happen than not.

Doctor was initially like “right I wasn’t expecting to see you again so soon” 😂😂 which is basically her saying “so you must have been at it like rabbits as soon as possible after miscarriage 🤨”

She said if it is a miscarriage then we shouldn’t try again straight away (which actually makes me feel a bit relieved) and she will do the blood clotting/immunity cell and genetic testing to make sure it is not something other than bad luck with my older eggs. I think if there is nothing else going on then it is still positive for me because I seem to get pregnant quickly notwithstanding my age so I just need to steel myself for disappointment but can keep going and hope i get lucky

For now I will just hope that this little bean is just a little bit small and the bleeding is not a bad thing. But I actually feel ok - if it is bad news then I will be ok - just need to think positively about the future

@ranoutofgoodnames sorry the scan couldn't give you an clear answer, I had everything crossed for you. You seem to be taking a really pragmatic approach which is good. From memory you are less than 6 weeks in which case every day counts in terms of what you can see on the scan.

@Smilingdonkey your testing plan sounds sensible and useful if it will help you feel in control. Does your partner suspect anything yet? Getting your first BFP on a IC is a good sign as hormones must be getting stronger.

I've realised I have no idea when AF is due... a 28 day cycle would put it at next Friday, but i think I ovulated Wednesday or Thursday last week so guessing it won't be more than 14 days after ovulation? I've never had a cycle less than 28 days though, pre baby they were 29 or 30, then the cycle before miscarrage were 31. Took an OPK today to check if the LH level had gone down from last weekend and it had so guessing I ovulated before the weekend? Also chucked HPT in the wee for good measure, obviously a BFN at 7-9 days DPO on the femometer tests that are only 20ml, but good to know what a negative looks like on one of them, stark bloody white!

Also for the symptom spotting brigade my only two symptoms of anything has been being super irrationally grumpy. I'm suspecting PMS for this one.

Then secondly a really bloated tummy, I'm suspecting eating all the cheese and cake for that one 🤣

@Ranoutofgoodnames Sorry you didn’t get any conclusive answers but there’s still a fighting chance and I’ll be crossing my fingers for you. Agree with @workingmama1 that you seem to be very pragmatic about it, which is great, and that even day counts at this stage. Hope the 10days fly by for you and we’re here should you want to talk. Great also that you do conceive quickly and that if the worst happens they’ll do the tests for you right away. Wishing you the best of luck with everything 💕

@workingmama1 I too have a super bloated tummy - I’m blaming the wine, the biscuits, the curry I’ve just inhaled and the fact I keep eating things I know I’m intolerant to but ignoring that fact 😂🙈 Not too much longer to wait now and hopefully we’ll get some answers... 🤞🏼

@Ranoutofgoodnames sorry your scan was inconclusive. You’re right 10 days is a very long time to be in limbo like that. Everything crossed for you that things improve xxx

@Smilingdonkey your plan sounds great, do stick around, love a bit of positivity, and would love a pregnant after mmc thread to hopefully join one day.

@Ranoutofgoodnames sorry your scan was inconclusive, you are handling it all so well. I hope the next 10 days go by quickly for you and end in good news. I will be 41 soon as well, I hadn't realised the risk of miscarriage was so high just by age. I spent last pregnancy obsessing over the miscarriage odds reassurer site, watching my odds go down every day, obviously meant nothing since I had a mmc.

@Workingmama1 you can have a luteal phase longer than 14 days, according to my research it can be 11-17 days. (Mine varies and is between 7-11 days, which fertility friend keeps telling me is unusual!).

The MC odds reassurer site should be banned, it's misleading and does more harm than good.

In reality, the odds of MC only decrease if the embryo is attached correctly which can be detected from 6 weeks and when hb can be detected at an appropriate rate during the scan, which is best to check around 8 weeks because at 6 it might not always be caught and waiting another 2 weeks allows for a very significant drop in the likelihood of miscarriage. It is then around 2%, whereas by 13 weeks it drops gradually further below 1%. This is the case for all age groups, but the older we get, there are more non-viable pregnancies from the start because of poorer quality of eggs and/or higher likelihood of chromosomal issues.

Some of the stats online are ridiculous especially in the context of MMC. It happens a lot more frequently in real life because most women do not have early scans and therefore discover weeks after the event that the pregnancy won't progress.

@purplepansy05 Even those stats feel meaningless to me now - both me and another person in this thread (think maybe it was SkyBlue but apologies if not!) had an early scan with heartbeat at 8 weeks which is supposed to make the risk of MC super low and yet here we are, the 2 in 100 people that it didn’t work out for!

If I am lucky enough to get pregnant again I think I’ll try and avoid reading too much this time!

@Ranoutofgoodnames I’m sorry you’ve not got any answers just yet, I do love the sound of your doctor though, she sounds like a reassuring person to have around! Fingers crossed you have lots of lovely distractions for the next 10 days and come back to good news.

@Poppy10121 Well I'm in the 1% of women who went through it three times in the row, so here's my take on the statistics too. For each and every single one of us there's a 50/50 chance, we'll either be in the lucky group or in the unlucky group. Personally, acknowledging this has helped me to stay grounded about things. Statistics are meaningless if everything goes well and I dislike people who have never been through it quoting them, rubbing it in my face that "I'm still young" and "my chances are still good"etc. In RL, they a personal tragedy to all of us who make up the unlucky numbers.

[quote Poppy10121]@purplepansy05 Even those stats feel meaningless to me now - both me and another person in this thread (think maybe it was SkyBlue but apologies if not!) had an early scan with heartbeat at 8 weeks which is supposed to make the risk of MC super low and yet here we are, the 2 in 100 people that it didn’t work out for!

If I am lucky enough to get pregnant again I think I’ll try and avoid reading too much this time![/quote]
Yep, it was me.

I was OBSESSED with the miscarriage calculator (I was SO worried I was going to have a MC - turns out sometimes you just know) and it turned out to just be false reassurance as, like you say, here we are - the 1%.

@skyblue20 I'm hopeful (quietly) tests now pretty strong so 🤞 it's not a chemical.

I'm all excited for your TWWs ladies ... keep us updated with symptoms

@ranoutofgoodbames I'm so sorry results were confusing. You are amazing. I'm in awe of your strength. I'm keeping everything crossed that it will be ok. 10 days is such a long time. Seems really unfair to make you wait that long 😔

@workingmama1 he seems oblivious - he wants nothing to do with my menstral cycle (🙄 makes him sound awful but he's not I promise - just oversentimental and likes pregnancies to feel like a miracle 🙄- I figure whatever take pressure off him will help me in the long run!) so he doesn't even know when my period is due 👌 I'll tell him when I have clear blue digital BFP on tuesday! That will be 1 day after AF due so still early to know! When are you going to test?

@threnody - I feel positive we will all get there eventually and hopefully stay in contact to support eachother. I'll stick around here but open another thread too when it's time 😊 Xxx.

A proper BFP on FRER today and IC - going to start to process it as a reality now I think 🤞

@Threnody lovely to have someone who gets my various age related worries here with me (apologies if others are around my age and I have momentarily forgotten). I feel like it just takes more luck for us to get a good egg!! I seem to have lots of them so have decided to strap myself in for the long haul and have accepted this may mean lots of sadness along the way. But overall so worth it.

I too saw a heart beat last time - twice in fact the last one at just over nine weeks. I am happy though that I had a couple of “happy” scans before the bad news though if that makes sense?? They are some good memories.

Am convinced now that if I move I will provoke the bleeding and dislodge the baby. So have sent my husband to make me tea and toast. It’s the least he can do. To date his contribution has been to have an orgasm...

@ranoutofgoodnames I think he owes you some 3 course meals!
I am 37 - 38 in September (so no spring chicken!) Xxx

@Smilingdonkey That’s fab news! Glad all seems to be ok, hoping for a healthy and sticky little one for you 🤞🏼

Got annoyed at DH last night as we went to bed late but really should have DTD as it had been two days without doing so and I don’t want to go any more than three, but he was ‘too full’ and ‘too tired’. I know I can’t be annoyed and it’s his right to and I also know I’m probably past ovulation now anyway but I just need to feel like I’m doing something as right now, I really don’t think I’m pregnant. He was just like ‘it’s fine, we’ve already got a winner’ because I told him about my nipples the other day so now he’s convinced that I’m PG because that was the sign last time but I’ve not really noticed them for a day or so, so I don’t think I am. I don’t know, I know I’m being ridiculous but I think we all go there during this process, don’t we?! 🙈

@skyblue20 ... That would annoy me too! If it's any consolation we hadn't had sex for two days before I ovulated and I think the app was wrong so we didn't for two days before or on the day - just the day after and 🤷 So it obviously stuck around in there!

Also - I had symptoms around and just after implantation which disappeared for a few days before BFP in all 3 pregnancies 👍🤞!

Thanks @Smilingdonkey - making me feel much better! I think it’s just annoying how we take the mental load of all of this, all the planning and organising, tablets, symptom checking, etc. Know some of it can’t be helped but it’s still annoying! Need to just try and chill out and wait and see...but I’m very impatient 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

What’s everyone got planned this weekend? I had lots of lovely outdoor plans today but it’s just started throwing it down so my plans go to absolutely zero - might just clean the house, do some exercise and watch some Glastonbury on TV!

@SkyBlue20 I'm writing a post-pandemic business plan and watching Glasto too. Might make another loaf, found a nice idea on BBC, a Jaffa Chocolate Orange loaf 😊

Ok full disclosure I am still in bed and that is my only plan.

We are also in the middle of trying to buy a house so stress levels need to be managed!

I may possibly get up to pee on a clear blue digital test to see if I have got to 3+ weeks.

@purplepansy05 yes you’re right, there’s not much reassurance in knowing that 99 other people didn’t go through what we have had to!
@SkyBlue20 I was the opposite last time because I didn’t find out I was pregnant immediately so then when I did find out I was obsessed with whether I could have done anything wrong (ie drinking caffeine/alcohol etc) before I knew that might lead to miscarriage. Everything I’d read said no! But I must’ve had low HCG as didn’t get a positive for weeks after ovulation so perhaps it was always doomed.

@Smilingdonkey so happy for you!

I understand everyone’s OH frustrations, I walk a fine line between wanting to share the experience I’m having and also trying not to make sex feel too mechanical/related to fertility calculations rather than desire! Find it better to keep it to myself til after the window has passed ... although I think my OH can guess!

I’m not sure what to do with myself today, once it’s raining there’s not many choices these days!!

I know I haven't posted for a while but I've still been following and keeping up with everyone's stories. Just been processing post MVA, and have found so much comfort in keeping up with how everyone is doing. It is so great to hear such positive news starting to come from quite a few of you, and fingers crossed that positive news is on the way for everyone else.
I had positive OPKs last Fri/Sat - 28 days from the last one (MVA was between them so wasnt really sure what that would do to my cycles given that I had already been getting BFNs for 2 months before the MVA...) so hopefully I have some resemblance of a cycle. Me and DH dtd every day leading up to and after ovulation, and now 7 days later I'm getting slight bouts of nausea and I'm sure I have subtle period pains, but I do have a lower back problem and it might just be that flaring up..... I tried not to test, was adamant I wasnt testing until at least 10 days post ovulation (my job means I would have to tell at least 2 people as soon as I know to be able to avoid certain things that arent safe if pregnant, and if I do get a bfp I ideally want a few days to process before I have to say anything) but hubby persuaded me to start last night, which are of course bfn because it's way too early. I'm sure my brain is making up these symptoms because it wants to be pregnant but I guess I've just got to wait and see....
Just in reference to the odds going down after healthy scans, I also had a healthy professional scan at 8w, then scanned myself (have an ultrasound machine at work not as good as the hospital ones but still good enough....VERY challenging not to constantly scan after a bfp!) and had a definite heartbeat at 10w so thought I was at much lower risk of miscarriage at that point, and then was told 1w later that baby had died and was only the size of 9w, so clearly wasn't big enough even though still alive at 10w. So the odds don't reassure me at all, I just have to think if it is meant to be then it will be.
Keeping everything crossed for you all and sending positive vibes.

@Ranoutofgoodnames I really hope the doctor is wrong. 10 days is a heck of a long time to get a final answer! No, don’t worry, it’s not making me extra worried, I am realistic and understand. In reply to what you said the other day, I stay calm by detaching myself from the baby and remembering that MCs are common and it’s out of my hands. I literally felt nothing until the day of my scan where I thought I was being silly for being so nervous. Deep down I did think I had made it past the first trimester and surely I wouldn’t have a MMC, something I had never even heard of until recently. It’s a bit different now as I really don’t want to go through it again. All of us deffo have reason to be anxious after what’s happened, it’s horrible.

Wait @Smilingdonkey so you’re definitely pregnant? Yay congrats! Yes, please do make another new thread soon. I’ll be waiting for all of you. We can all be nervous together! I went ahead and booked my booking in appt the same day I tested even though it feels too early. This feels a bit surreal/unreal seeing as I was just in this position not long ago. When are you booking yours?

I’ve been needing to go to the dentist for ages and they have agreed to see me. I hate going near people but need to get checked out badly but couldn’t because of CV. I suppose I can use my maternity exemption certificate, but hopefully they won’t ask why the dates don’t match. It’s annoying enough having to tell midwives about the MC and it being on my records forever.

I agree, the MC odds calculator is absolute bollocks. For those of us that had no bleeding, gosh imagine we didn’t have our scans, we would’ve continued being oblivious for how much longer I don’t know! I didn’t see the point of an early scan but in that instance it would’ve been beneficial for me, oh well.