Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

[Smilingdonkey]

Hi,
Just ovulated for the first time after my missed miscarriage at 13 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 6-7) and wondered if anyone wanted to keep me company while we go through the ups and downs of ttc all over again! ! Xx

I have suddenly fallen into the depths of despair ... Surely the line should be clearly stronger than yesterday 😫 It is a bit possibly but don't know if I'm imagining it. Didn't use FMU as went to the loo twice in the night - it's so hot and I drank loads of water so maybe that? I took a FRER two days ago and got a vvvvfl so I'm going to buy some more later and test on them again - try to stick to the same brand! Keep telling myself I'm only 9/10dpo 😫

Feeling unlucky. Surely can't still be HCG from MMC 10 weeks later? Maybe a chemical? Period like cramps have come back this morning - I'm due on Monday 🤞😩

@skyblue20 - Google holes are the worst. Every month I tell myself the same thing and every month I end up at 2am reading the same threads from 2012 🤣😫

@Sakura54 Congratulations! You’re giving us all the feels & all the hope

I know it’s normal for our periods to be all over the place post MC, but I’m just spotting randomly here & there so quite confused. If you look at my app calendar, the 2 red blocks on 12/13 June is when my period came (4 weeks after MVA on 15th May). I spotted randomly before the period, then for a long time after. The past 4 days nothing, and ovulation is due soon, but today bright red blood when I had a #2 (not in my underwear, so obviously right inside). Just a bit disheartening & confusing, wondering if anyone else had the same.

@sakura54 it's totally understandable to be scared. You've just found out so give yourself a few days to process it all 😊 xxxxx

@Smilingdonkey

I have suddenly fallen into the depths of despair ... Surely the line should be clearly stronger than yesterday 😫 It is a bit possibly but don't know if I'm imagining it. Didn't use FMU as went to the loo twice in the night - it's so hot and I drank loads of water so maybe that? I took a FRER two days ago and got a vvvvfl so I'm going to buy some more later and test on them again - try to stick to the same brand! Keep telling myself I'm only 9/10dpo 😫

Feeling unlucky. Surely can't still be HCG from MMC 10 weeks later? Maybe a chemical? Period like cramps have come back this morning - I'm due on Monday 🤞😩

I believe HCG rises every 24-48hrs so it’s quite feasible the line won’t be darker than yesterday - I think you’re meant to track the progression every two or three days as that shows more clearly. Also, could definitely just be diluted urine - know it must be impossible to not drink for four hours in this heat so I’d test again tomorrow or the day after if I were you and see how you’re getting on. Easier said than done, I know. And yes, you’re still only 9/10DPO, it’s early. Sending love, a hand hold and lots of positivity - it could be and on the balance of things probably is absolutely fine xxx

[quote Smilingdonkey]@skyblue20 - Google holes are the worst. Every month I tell myself the same thing and every month I end up at 2am reading the same threads from 2012 🤣😫[/quote]
😂 I had that exact moment - I was reading something and it suddenly dawned on my I’d definitely read it before! It was at that point I put the phone down and went to sleep 😂

Wow @Sakura54 that's a clear BFP, congrats! Fingers crossed all goes well this time.

@Starfish762 I've not had spotting for so long, just to check, have you taken any pregnancy tests after your MVA and were they negative? Spotting might be hormone-related, but if you haven't tested at all, you might want to check, just in case. Do you have any pains?

Thanks @SkyBlue20 I don't really know if I am better. Today I feel really desperate to be pregnant again and it's something I've managed to push away for over a month since I've known my last pregnancy wouldn't succeed. I really didn't want to be in this place again and I am scared it will take a while. It took me 2 cycles with my first one, 5 cycles with my second and no cycles in between to conceive my 3rd, so theoretically no need to be concerned. But the 5 months were dragging endlessly tbh and it wasn't a good time and in any event, there really is no hard and fast rule with TTC at all. You can score a golden goal and then struggle for years, it's such a minefield. Oh well. I better get to work to try and keep my mind occupied 😣

@Smilingdonkey It wouldn't progress today, that's why I said try and test tomorrow. Don't beat yourself up now. Try not to drink too much before going to bed, hydrate during the day and test with FMU tomorrow. You usually need at least a 4 hr hold for most urine tests to be reliable.

@PurplePansy05 yes I took a pregnancy test 3 weeks after the MVA & it was negative. My bleeding after the MVA was so light & short, barely any cramps & none since (I’m lucky I don’t suffer with cramps at my time of the month anyway). So I’m just really confused as it’s so sporadic. Quite disheartening that it may take my body longer than I thought to get back to normal, and therefore conceive.

I totally understand why you’ve been feeling so low, it’s the not knowing. And after going through it 3 times I think all of us would struggle to say positive. Hopefully now we’re coming out of lockdown you can keep yourself busy a bit more, and time won’t drag so much. Definitely promising it didn’t take you too long to fall the other times though, everything crossed for you xx

@Starfish762 Thanks. I'm in Cardiff, the Welsh lockdown is still in place, although you are right, it is getting noticeably more normal around us which is a good thing.

I think it's just a tough week, first one back TTC again and it's got me depressed I've got to do it all again.

What you're describing is most likely your hormones trying to self-regulate. You're right that this might affect your cycle, but it's not impossible to get pregnant because of that, I just think it makes it more random so you'd need to cover most of your cycle just in case (I know this can be hard!). It is theoretically possible you might have an anovulatory cycle, as I've discovered this is perfectly normal and happens to every single one of us randomly, whether during TTC or not. I had one after my first MC, think it was also because my hormones weren't at the right level. But it is rare, and you probably will ovulate, just might not be able to track it accurately. I'd ditch OPKs this cycle if you're using them as it's likely they won't work correctly with your hormones still settling down xx

@purplepansy05 I'm sorry you are still feeling crap. You have had a bloody rough ride. Did you manage to talk to DH at all?
You are right re.testing I know ... I am a glutton for punishment. There is definitely something on the ICs (just did my 3rd one to confirm it wasn't an evap - stopping now!) So I'm seeing that as a good thing and now going to try and distract myself! Xxx

@Smilingdonkey I know the POAS obsession very well, I had to have stern words with myself last year, two things that worked for me was telling myself that the HPT industry is preying on women like us big time and we shouldn't feed them our money, and secondly so many plastic sticks are not good for the environment.

Not to mention they're not good for our MH but that argument somehow didn't convince me enough to stop POAS.

It's hard, but try not to make it worse for yourself. I'd get the same test that you've already used and test tomorrow, you'll genuinely have a clearer idea which is what you need now.

White flag between DH and I, it was too hot to argue tbh. We had a BBQ and went to bed. How does anyone manage to DTD in this heat? I couldn't be bothered last night.

I tried talking to him seriously in the past but he just doesn't say much in response and in any event, he has the same attitude with everything else in life, he sort of waits for problems to resolve themselves in time instead of acting, whereas I'm definitely a problem-solver. He doesn't get why I get stressed/upset/worried because he avoids all that. He's not going to change now and I knew what he was like before I married him, so I guess I should just go back in my box as this was my choice.

@PurplePansy05 oops my bad for just assuming you were in England. Scotland & Wales seems to follow suit soon after England, so hopefully yours will relax even more soon. I still find time is dragging, but I need to make more effort to make plans. Lots of them involve drinking though which is what I find difficult when TTC.

Thank you for the insight, I just googled it as hadn’t heard of that. I’ve been doing the clear blue digital ovulation since CD8, today is CD12 & not had a smiley yet, so you could be right. As expensive as it is I am just going to carry on for the next few days so I know for sure. This time round I want to make sure we’re DTD every day around ovulation. The last 2 times I conceieved I didn’t track so had no idea when I ovulated, and I want to try & be sure this time. If I don’t get a smiley within the next week you’re probably right about the anovulatory cycle, in which case I can relax knowing this cycle isn’t the one.

I was also meant to ask if you spoke to your husband? Timing is everything with these things I know, have to pick the right moment with these intricate creatures so they don’t think it’s an attack

@PurplePansy05 ignore, just seen your response above. My husband is exactly the same! If we have a serious chat he does it & says ‘yes I do understand where you’re coming from, I’ll try harder’ etc, but deep down I know he doesn’t understand. They’re such simple yet such complex creatures, I don’t think even Attenborough could work them out!

@Starfish762 I understand that you want to finish tracking this cycle if you've already started. I would say, don't give up even if you don't get a confirmed surge next week. I remember my first full cycle after the first MC, I ended up ovulating around CD25, at that point I spent a fortune on CB digitals and I was convinced I wouldn't ovulate. Turns out it was a very long cycle (because of hormones being all over the place)...and the next one was anovulatory instead 😂🤦🏼‍♀️. So don't give up, you probably will ovulate, but it might be quite random, and just DTD regularly anyway to cover all bases in case OPKs don't pick it up as they should. Hard work, eh!

@PurplePansy05 wow CD25! Thanks for the advice, will order some more CB digitals

Wow just catching up on everyone’s news - congratulations @Sakura54!!

@PurplePansy05 I hope you’re feeling a bit better today, I really identified with a lot of what you posted and I know how hard it is to be seen as usually a strong/determined person, I think sometimes people just don’t know how to react when you’re the one who needs propping up for once! And also no one who’s not been through a loss would quite understand, I realise now that I never fully understood the impact when other people told me about miscarriages in the past. You have such a great group on here to rant to and share worries and concerns.

I’m not convinced we’ve timed things right this month, we were DTD every day for a few days before I got the LH surge and then the actual day I thought I ovulated we were exhausted and so over it!! I feel calmer and happier knowing that I ovulated this cycle though, and maybe next month I’ll be more chill about it all. Have been enjoying a few beers in the garden, it’s much easier (for me) to feel positive when the sun is shining!

@Poppy10121 Thanks, I'm glad to know we're not alone. MC is a very isolating experience, many women don't talk about it at all or they have had them but it's been some time and they can't always relate to what we're going through here and now. Lockdown is also isolating. I'm personally feeling isolated because what's happened to me is rare, it's what none of us want to go through and in some ways it's inconvenient to know that it happens to some women. I actually only know of one of my friends who had multiple MCs, but she's 15 years older than me and has had two children since. So my sense of belonging right now is really low, actually, I'm a bit of an outcast. Having said that, I recognise my own feelings from the past year or now in most of the posts on this thread. I just have an extra layer of worry now after this repeated drama, but apart from that, it's all very familiar.

Re alcohol, it has no bearing on TTC or TWW, in fact every single time I conceived was the time I relaxed a bit and enjoyed my gin or rum (and all MCs were non-related to alcohol). I can't see how we can get through 30C heat, pandemic and MC without a cheeky drink here and there, tbh!

I totally agree, I fell pregnant both times when I relaxed & let loose a bit. But this time I had a zoom party where I drank A LOT then found out 2 days later I was pregnant, so I don’t think I’ll ever shift the feeling that it could’ve contributed to the loss. My friends have plans to go out on 4th July (small group, exclusive venue hire with an outdoor space), and I really want to go but I’ll struggle to stick to ‘a few’. I’m due on my period around 13th July (although obviously cycle is all over atm with constant spotting so it could be before/after 13th), so the 4th July drinks just feels like the wrong timing. I’m sure I’ll come on my period & regret not having let loose with my friends & had some well deserved freedom & fun, but I have a heavy cloud over me saying what if you get drunk & you are pregnant, again. Such a head f*#k

@Starfish762 But honestly, it's impossible for it to have a negative effect even if you conceive. It won't affect the quality of your egg either, you'd have to be going out drinking regularly for a long period of time, certainly in the 3 months before TTC, for it to affect your eggs. And I mean, you'd have to drink a lot in that time. A one-off every fortnight or a few drinks on the weekend really won't change anything. Give yourself a well-deserved break.

Also I tend to drink spritzes these days, both wine, aperol etc. and reduced to single gins. You can still have as many drinks as your girlfriends, but half the alcohol and no hungover 👌

Too many ladies to tag in my comment.. trying to catch up, but yes hubbies 😱😱😱 what is it about their comments.. we had a very delayed honeymoon, a few days in Paris we had lost our little one in the jan and it was June... I should have been waddling about and he seemed to think that it was my fault we weren't preg yet... seems to think that because we don't dtd for the whole month, that's why we haven't gotten pregnant. I tend to not want to the week before af is due but couldn't get preg then anyway.. when I did catch last cycle he freaked out but calmed down and now says that it's selfish of me to want to keep trying. He can be very selfish with his time I tend to do 99% of everything so it would t impact him anyway.. I am ignoring him because he still wants to dtd... why are they so ahhhh 😱😱😱
Sending love to all you lovely ladies... currently in later stages of tww xxx

The trip to Paris was NOT this year... was about 5 years ago.. congratulations on the bfps ladies 💕💕

@Sakura54 congratulations, that's a great line!

@Starfish762 I was rubbish at taking my prenatal vitamins and was very overweight, and worry that was what caused the miscarriage. And of course, we'll never know. It's so difficult not to feel guilty about what we have/haven't done. Even though it was just one of those things.

Had a video meeting with my manager, and we were talking about the pubs opening and my children's nursery opening, and she said my oh and I could go out for lunch, then made a comment about getting some news from me in a few months and saying, ah it was that boozy lunch. Which was just really awkward, and I didn't really know how to respond.

Ahhhhh @Sakura54 that's undeniably positive!

@Smilingdonkey try not to stress too much about line progression, when I rang the epu the other week worrying about a cp she said sometimes if you catch it early the doubling every two days has such a low starting point that you don't get obvious progression straight away. Makes sense, 5 to 10 isn't a big leap but 150 to 300 is.

We've just spent a lovely morning at the zoo, I was so excited for my daughter to see lions at she literally didn't give two shits about them! But she loved the giraffe and the sea lions. We back onto a farm so she sees cows and horses every day so think an animal must need to be unusual for her to care 🤷‍♀️

Those of you in the FW good luck, no way I could summon the energy to dtd in this heat!

Thanks all! Didn’t even expect to ovulate straightaway let alone this. DH isn’t scared at all not surprisingly, just the usual positivity lol. I want to continue being my usual calm self but gosh the MMC only just happened the other day! I already have a lot of pregnancy issues so this is just another thing to add to the list. If only I could forget it ever happened.

@PurplePansy05 For you to be able to keep going shows how strong and resilient you are. It’s great that it doesn’t take long for you to catch. For me it somewhat softened the blow so I wasn’t ever worried about TTC.

@Smilingdonkey About 17 DPO hence the darkness of the line. Usually I wait until past 20 lol!

I saw from my last pregnancy thread that women keep testing when they’re deffo pregnant. Do you guys think I should test again next week or is it pointless?

Going to find a pregnancy thread to tentatively join (probably going to unintentionally scare first timers with my realistic views lol), but like I said the other day, I’m going to hang around here and hope you guys will join me soon. I know you will.