Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

[Smilingdonkey]

Hi,
Just ovulated for the first time after my missed miscarriage at 13 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 6-7) and wondered if anyone wanted to keep me company while we go through the ups and downs of ttc all over again! ! Xx

Thanks @Threnody.
It sounds like you had an intense 5-6 years on the baby front, I can imagine if it was relatively easy till now, having a loss is like visiting the other side of the moon. It's been my home for a long time, but I never wanted to be here either. Hope to be able to see the bright side of it one day. I don't think I care about the age anymore. I was supposed to get pregnant and have my daughter at 32. I got pregnant nearly straight away and then bam, things didn't work out. Thought it was a one-off, but clearly it wasn't. I think I'm probably a bit cynical about things now, I don't believe in success of new pregnancies until the baby is actually here. I also think about each subsequent loss as a "loss" now because if I've personified each one, it might become too much to deal with and I couldn't bear to try again. If I end up with a healthy baby at 35 or 38 or even 40, who cares. As long as my body is ok to keep trying, I don't care about the numbers anymore because I recognised that I was adding one more thing to my pile of worries, which isn't small. A healthy pregnancy can work out regardless.

It's important not to get obsessed and stressed out now, I'm convinced piling up the pressure delayed me getting pregnant again after my first loss by a few months. It is best avoided when you're pregnant already as well - I'm currently reading about this in the context of my upcoming NK Cells tests and there's emerging evidence of a vicious circle - scientists suspect a body's stress response might be linked to NK Cells levels being up & ready to attack the "enemy" whereas in reality there's no enemy, it's a new pregnancy. It's not clear how and if the two are related yet and if so, which is the cause and which is the symptom, but it's best not to get overly stressed out. I'll be working hard on this front going forward.

On that note, I was going to test today and go for a run because I felt great and no cramps bleeding for days... got up and had a major gush of dark blood and bits and now I feel 100% as if AF has arrived. This surely can't be AF 8 days after my MVA?

@smilingdonkey are you absolutely sure it's not a new pregnancy or that you have no retained products? Have you been scanned after the miscarriage? It's unusual to have positive tests 7-8 weeks after and you say it's positive after the negatives, right?

Happy Saturday, everyone. @ranoutofgoodnames congratulations! As someone else has said, positive news is so nice to hear.
I almost gave up on the Clearblue digital ovulation monitor this cycle. Glad I didn't as finally on day 11 I got a static smiley! Rather typically, though, DH is working away and not back until Monday morning. He's in a hotel 3 hours away where he had to show ID so I don't think they'd let me in. I have asked him to ask, though. Short of him coming home tonight and leaving early tomorrow for a 12 hour shift, I think we will be too late this cycle. It's gutting.

Omg congrats @Ranoutofgoodnames nice to hear from you! Most of us from the other thread have had our first periods now.

@ew1990 I detached myself from the baby and remained realistic. For me, it worked. It’s just the whole ‘missed’ part of the MMC that messed things up. I didn’t find out until I went to my scan at nearly 13 weeks, so getting to the 12 week mark meant nothing in this instance. I luckily stopped DH from giving my stomach attention and told him to stop telling DS to say hi to the baby. He thought I was being weird but I had just found out about MMCs even being a thing.

@Starfish762 @ew1990 Looks like we will all have big age gaps! I had to google the positives to make myself feel better and it worked. The reason I didn’t have another earlier was because DS is such a handful, but due to time I had to get cracking and I was hoping he would get easier by the time the new baby arrived....this obviously isn’t an issue any longer as he will be over 4 if I successfully have another!

@PurplePansy05 That looks so good. I’ll have to make it when I can get ingredients as I’m still avoiding supermarkets. I love cake and biscuits for breakfast! I don’t think it’s possible for AF to return that quickly. May be more old lining coming out? They say to expect bleeding for 2 weeks after MC. Has it settled down now?

I’m 33 and DH is turning 34 next month. I really hope to get this done and dusted by 35. I already have high risk pregnancies, so don’t want to add even more risks plus the leaving 5 years between kids thing.

@Sakura54 hello!

I just did my second test of the day. This has not got any easier...

@sakura i think 3 - 4 is a good age gap for me. I know others like them closer together.

@ranoutofgoodnames what did the test say?

@smilingdonkey are you sure it's not a new pregnancy? For you to test negative after miscarriage and now positive?

@ew1990 - positive but I am scared the lines aren’t getting much darker...

@ranoutifgoodnames - the way I see it g in order to keep sane you have two options! a) stop testing until Monday morning and new blood tests or b) embrace the POAS obsession and just say to yourself you will let yourself do it whenever you want but not worry about line darkness as you know how many factors can influence the concentration of Hcg in the urine and you know that it takes two days to double! I would definitely try and do b)!

It's soooooooo hard! Try to remember if you hadn't had a MMC you would just assume it was all ok - and and chances are it is xxxxx

Help! So first period after MMC/CP started last Friday and finished on Monday. Tested negative on Sunday from CP. Then this evening I've started bleeding again? More than when wiping, it's coming through to a pad! I have never had bleeding mid cycle, it's really thrown me.

@Smilingdonkey your tests sound a bit crazy! That would mess with my head a bit but sounds like you are taking it in your stride.

@rosiejess91 fingers crossed its a progressing pregnancy. I tested negative a few days after the bleeding started with my CP, so I think you're right, if it is a CP I don't think you'd be having positives after bleeding.

Husband has gone down hill today, it's actually quite scary. Had his covid test this morning so hoping we get the results soon. He's now self isolating from us just in case which is tough with a toddler. We were meant to have the week after next off work so we could spend some time together as a family and reset and look forwards, as the last few months have been rough, my MMC then his health issues which led to his op last week, just hoping he is feeling better by then and we are not in isolation!

Evening all!

@RosieJess91 Completely agree that men don’t seem to know how all encompassing it can be when it’s happening to you - during the two months my MMC lasted for, I had to just tell my husband how it was on my mind 24/7 and was affecting me 24/7. When it’s you and your body and you’re constantly aware of every little thing and I think that’s hard for them to understand.

@Workingmama1 Sorry to hear your husband isn’t well still. How did his Covid test go? When should the results be back? Do you now have to isolate again just in case?

@Smilingdonkey Good luck with ovulation week! Get enticing hubby 😉😂

@Ranoutofgoodnames I’m so sorry that everything is so difficult. I really hope you get some answers soon and that the little bean is sticky xx

@Snausage That’s so frustrating! Did the hotel say ok? Bloody Coronavirus!!

@ew1990 I think we’d also want a 3-4 year age gap, mainly as I work for myself so wouldn’t want to take a lot of time off then have a year in then more time off. Know you can’t always plan around work though!

I’m still getting a bit of brown when I wipe - very slight but it’s now day seven! I’m scared of missing my ovulation in case it comes early as know cycles can be all over the place after a MC. What’s the earliest you think it would come?! I’m confused, I wish it were easy!! I’m a weird way I’m almost feeling pressure (from myself!) too as we conceived first time last time and I just think that if we didn’t this time, I’d find it really hard, even though I KNOW it may not happen. Urgh, can’t the stork just come and deliver?! 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Workingmama1 So sorry, posted before I saw your updates! Afraid I can’t help with the mid-cycle bleeding, I could only assume that maybe our bodies are still a bit unpredictable and all over the place. Perhaps call your GP if you’re not sure?
So sorry to hear your husband really isn’t well - does it seem to be Coronavirus type symptoms? Must be so hard to have to isolate from you both - our neighbour had to from his wife and tiny baby and his wife said it was so difficult so I’m sending you lots of strength and love. I hope he perks up soon and that his test comes back negative xxx

@skyblue20. I haven't got a clue about ovulation. I'm gonna start tracking after first AF and in the meantime just DTD as often as possible and hope for the best.

@Workingmama1 I hope your DH starts to feel better soon! That sounds scary.

@Skyblue20 no, the hotel have said I can't stay. DH is coming home tomorrow evening after work, though, so I just hope we aren't too late. And I was feeling the same about my cycle... I MC on May 28th and read somewhere that you should take the date of MC as the first day of your period. I started testing for ovulation really early on June 2 as I was desperate not to miss it. Have tested every day and today I got my peak. I thought it would never come! It was only a couple of days after my tracking app said I would ovulate, so maybe you can use that as a guide?

@snausage how annoying! I'd be tempted to drive up there and make him do it in the car!
@workingmama1 I had mid cycle bleeding after a Cp before my daughter was conceived.... Could it be that? Sorry it's still all haywire. I hope your husband gets cleared of C19 so you can at least spend some time together. You guys sound like you've had rough ride recently xxxxx

@skyblue20 I think it can be random and might be impossible to second guess. Mine was weirdly 4 weeks to the day that I started the MMC bleeding... Don't know if that's a coincidence or not. Sorry not much help! Is it worth just having loads if sex? Are you temping? I feel it makes me feel more in control if nothing else (even if I'm not!) xxxxx

@smilingdonkey No, not temping - I think I’d just get too obsessed and I’m bad enough as it is! Maybe if it takes us a while, I’ll start, but for now we want to try and be a teeny bit casual about it. Easier said than done as I’m anything but casual 😂🙈

@ew1990 Yeah, I think that’s my plan - just start DTD as soon as possible.

@Snausage How frustrating! Hopefully tomorrow will do the trick 🤞🏼 it only takes one go! Thanks for letting me know about your ovulation, I think I’ll just start DTD as much as poss and hope for the best 🤞🏼

@smilingdonkey I did say that but DH was horrified... "But what if people SEE us??" I'm not fussed about that, but I don't think he'd enjoy it and I need him on top form!

@Skyblue20 good luck! I've become too much of a control freak about my cycles, and I Need To Know what's happening.

Morning all - Hope everyone’s okay. Can I ask what everyone’s first period after MC was like? I started spotting on Thursday, proper bleeding Fri but very light & tailed off in evening, then Sat & today nothing on a pad just a lot of red watery blood going into the toilet & when wiping. My periods are always light, but not as light as this! I thought they were meant to be heavier, so I’m curious to others experience. I had an MVA 4 weeks ago.

@starfish762 my first one was lighter and shorter than normal, but it seems like anything goes and some peoples are heavier and longer!

Husbands covid test came back negative so we are all cuddles up in bed with Pepper Pig as he's no longer quarantined! Waiting for the consultant to ring back now. He still feels rough though.

The bleeding has now stopped so I guess it was just a random thing, its reassuring to hear you had that before your daughter was conceived @smilingdonkey

Good luck tonight @Snausage, hopefully you will catch it just in time!

@starfish762 mine was spotting, very heavy for one day, and then spotting again. I usually have 5- day periods with a 2-3 days of heavy bleeding so it was really weird. I think it's normal for it to be different

Thank you ladies that’s reassured me. I was worrying it isn’t my period after all, but it must be coz it’s bright red, fingers crossed! Starting clear blue digital ovulation testing next week for the first time so will see how I get on.

@Workingmama1 good news about the covid test! Enjoy the cuddles & I hope he feel better soon.

@Starfish762 mine was shorter than usual and not massively heavier or lighter

Re ovulation: I tracked temperature and use the Femometer app. I also do opks. So after first period i was happily doing both and got peak fertility on the opks. Then kind of had a temperature increases and did have enough days above the cover line for the app to say I ovulated but then I kept charting my temperature (although stopped opks) and the app changed its mind and decided I had ovulated a couple of days later and noted that the opk must have reflected messed up hormones. By that point we hadn’t had sex on day of ovulation nor the day before but had done sperm meets egg so had had sex within the previous few days so may have been enough sperm still hanging around. I don’t know it was basically all fucked up and I think that must have been because of the miscarriage. Also had no discernible EWCM.

My point I guess is that everything can be a bit odd but odds are you will ovulate at some point and so every other day sex seems the safest way forwards when your body is recovering from miscarriage

Did a test this morning - still positive. Think this means I will have blood test next week to make sure my hormones are increasing at the right rate 🤞

Morning all. It's now two and a half weeks since my MVA and I think ovulation may be approaching. I don't use OPKS (I think they'd encourage me to obsess, I'm bad enough as it is) but my rhr has risen again after a big drop following the MVA and I'm starting to feel cramps in my left hand side.

I've told myself I probably won't conceive this cycle, but I've got some blood tests arranged which I can have when my period arrives, so if nothing else at least I'll feel like I might get some answers!

@Ranoutofgoodnames fingers crossed everything goes well for you!

@RosieJess91 I hope you find out what's going on soon, it must be so stressful not knowing!

@Ranoutofgoodnames I’ve got everything crossed for you! As someone else said a few posts back, if it wasn’t for the miscarriage you’d not be worrying (easier said than done I know!)

@Starfish762 I had lighter than usual first period and then a second one sooner than I was expecting which was more ‘normal’ for me in both length and flow. I’m assuming it might take some time to get back the regular cycle.

@skyblue20 after my first period I ovulated really early so if you’re not testing I’d just start DTD as soon as possible!

@Workingmama1 glad your husbands test came back negative, you must be so relieved!

My second period has just finished so I’m back to the OPKs, last time I got a surge within 2 days of period finishing but no sign yet this time. I’m hoping I’ll have a longer cycle this time because i think the luteal phase was so short last time there was no hope of success :(