Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

[Smilingdonkey]

Hi,
Just ovulated for the first time after my missed miscarriage at 13 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 6-7) and wondered if anyone wanted to keep me company while we go through the ups and downs of ttc all over again! ! Xx

@Sakura54 My cycles were messed up by up to 11 days. Bit of a nightmare. I had acupuncture which helped with regulating them (and generally made me feel better) - although not sure if it's offered anywhere now. It's also rather expensive, but at the time I felt so rubbish that I really would try anything - and I'm quite a fan of it now.

Hi @Sakura54 I got my first AF 4.5 weeks after the main bleeding of miscarriage, I got a positive ovulation test on day 8 of that cycle but then my second AF on day 18 - about a week earlier than I was expecting it.
I’m bummed about it because we definitely tried at the right times and before I got pregnant within 1 month of trying so I guess I thought it’d be that easy again but cycles are clearly a bit whacky and I suppose will take a while to settle.

@SkyBlue20 I'm better today, thank you. I made a lovely peanut butter and chocolate loaf this morning and had a slice for breakfast It may have helped!

I'm trying to eat better, although it's a process. I had carbs on carbs when pregnant so I need to re-adjust to my usual better diet. Also only doing walks this week, I need to take it easy after how I felt last night.

I understand what you mean re lockdown. I think we can only focus on the positives and that is that we can go through it more comfortably, we don't have to face crowds of people or multiple pregnant women daily. That's a real blessing, these things can be extremely anxiety inducing when you're grieving. Don't hesitate to treat yourself and DH, order some nice food, drive for a nice walk, book a holiday for next year - with free cancellation, just in case. I did just that and it has helped a bit 😘 xx

@PurplePansy05 that sounds amazing!! Is the recipe online?
I feel you on the carbs on carbs, it's tough to re-transition when you are feeling low and also with the extra challenges of lockdown and not being able to shop for fresh food so frequently. Your ideas for treats sound great, especially the holiday!!

@Poppy10121 Thanks lovely, it's actually from Mumsnet 🙈 Here it is, copyright belongs to the author, I can vouch the loaf is beautiful and even better with a bit of strawberry jam! It takes 15 mins to make, if that, and then mine took 65 mins in the oven before it was ready. I didn't have any chocolate chips so I chopped a bar of dark chocolate into small pieces, it worked really well. My husband had 3 slices today 😂

Regarding holidays, we missed out on two this year because of covid, it just felt right to book something we can look forward to in the future. I think 2020 in many ways is a write off, but we can do our best to become stronger and healthier and hopefully next year will bring us more blessings.

Also if anyone is feeling low and likes reading or might benefit from support on social media, give me a shout, I've got some books and Instagram accounts that have helped me in the past year, happy to share xx

I've also had a short period, normally its 5-6 days, but finished abruptly after 4 days. I'm not complaining, I was expecting it to be worse than normal! So I guess I'm into cycle 2 now, husband is still feeling awful after his operation so we won't be dtd for a bit...

I think until now I've appreciated this happening over lockdown, I just wanted to hide away and think seeing pregnant women or newborns would have been really hard when everything was so raw. But now I'd quite like to get out of this bubble and we can't. I feel like it's all been like a bad dream, went into lockdown worried about the virus and pregnancy, it took 5 weeks from my first bleed to the actual miscarriage, getting physically over the miscarriage then counting down to my husbands operation. We've not had a "normal" lockdown.

I was speaking to a friend the other day when I was feeling a bit sorry for myself and said it's not like anyone has died, thinking about people who have lost parents, siblings and friends, but she reminded me that just because I hadn't met it, my baby had died and that was important, along with my dreams for our families future. She was trying to be kind and validate my feelings but it really hit me to think about it like that.

@Workingmama1 But someone died. Your baby. You're always be his/her mum and your grief is perfectly valid. You're grieving the loss of your baby, the loss of your pregnancy and the loss of what would have been. In terms of its enormity, a mother losing a child is the greatest loss of all. The fact you couldn't touch your baby or have no photo album of him or her growing up doesn't matter. Your grief is real. In fact, the grieving process after someone who has been alive and with whom you spent time in your life, who passed away in adulthood is often easier because it feels like a natural turn of events. People get older and they die. We have an inherent expectation of it happening. What has happened to us is not natural, it's a shock to the system. We can read about all the statistics in the world, about being 1 in 4 or like in my case, 1% of all, but it doesn't matter. Losing a child isn't natural, it is an extremely difficult experience and it's important to acknowledge it. The healing process only starts when we're ready to face and understand what's happened. Sending you lots of love ❤️

Thank you for those words @purplepansy05, so true x

So I caved and tested this morning at 15dpo, as I wiped I had a tiny mark of spotting on the tissue. So pissed off. Suppose just waiting for AF to fully arrive now. Did a test anyway and is of course negative.

Hope it's okay for me to join. I found out at 12 weeks at the end on March that I had a blighted ovum and sadly no pregnancy. I miscarried naturally a few days later. I had my first AF 3rd May, almost normal, but quite light and over 3 days. We started TTC. Then on 31st, realised I was late, took a few tests, all came back positive. Was so excited, then on 4th June, I had a light bleed that lasted for 25 hours, but was too heavy to be IB. Now I'm getting a wide mixture of negatives and positives. And GP and EPU have both told me they won't see me until I'm at least 7 weeks as they won't be able to see anything.

So now, I'm going to sit here and go insane for another 2 weeks, spending all my money on pregnancy tests. Help!

@SkyBlue20 I found the driving ok, there were a few dodgy people about, but mostly it was clear, it took me 15 minutes to get to work, instead of the usual 45!

@Sakura54 I'm on AF #3, and it's all still a bit messed up, though I've always been irregular, I'm having late ovulation and very short luteal phases at the moment.
@PurplePansy05 @Workingmama1 I had a sudden realisation last night that I should be into my third trimester by now, and instead I'm on my period, and back to temping and it just felt so hard all of a sudden. It's definitely a process of ups and downs.

@AlisonLew15 sorry to hear that, is it definitely af, or could it just be spotting?

@RosieJess91, welcome, I'm sorry for your loss, and for what you are going through now, it must be so difficult having to just wait.

Morning all! How're we all doing?

@AlisonLew15 Sorry about the negative 💕 You're not out until AF arrives though so fingers crossed she stays away.

@RosieJess91I'm so sorry for your loss and for everything now, too - very frustrating that they won't see you for a couple of weeks yet, the waiting is awful. Sending you lots of strength and hoping for the best 💕

No updates here, period is all but gone (still have a teeny tiny bit of brown when wiping) so now waiting until it's completely gone then we can start trying. This is only my second ever month of trying so not knowing my cycles anyway plus MMC is making it all very confusing. I don't want to do ovulation tests and temping and stuff just yet so I guess I'm best just to DTD every other day or so from as soon as poss and see what happens? I've read about people having really early ovulation after a MC so wouldn't want to delay and miss it, I suppose?

@SkyBlue20 @Threnody thank you. I had similar thing last month, tiniest bit on tissue when wiping then bled for a full day after and then back to almost nothing. I'm 15dpo today so would have got a definite line surely? Not even a squinter!

@Workingmama1 Much love to you ❤️ We all get it.

@Threnody Dates are constant reminders of what would have been. I look at the calendar and it's depressing to see I'm at the beginning of the journey again, for the fourth time. I try not to do that. I keep telling myself that it won't matter when you have a baby. As long as everything goes ok, who cares about your age, the time it took etc. Your baby will be there. Looking back at the hardships never helps anyone. In my job, it took 12 years to qualify and be where I am now. Would I do it again now looking at the time it took and all the effort? I'm not sure. But I am happy and comfortable where I am, so it was worth it. Equally, you'd take anything else, recovering from an illness, saving up, losing weight, school and exams, learning a new manual skill. They all take time and it's not an easy process. Not many of us would want to go through it all again, but it feels good to achieve these things and be where we are now. Now, grieving and TTC are incomparably harder for obvious reasons. They are also largely outside of our control and that's a big difference. But I guess the point I'm making to myself is that all things that are meaningful in life don't come easy and take time. You are on the right journey and you'll get there. It never helps to focus on how long it's taking or on the fact that some people were lucky in life and had it all easy, served on the plate. We have to take things the way they are and keep going. You might think you're not closer to your happy ending, but you really are. You've also learnt a lot through this experience and I strongly believe it makes you a better person, stronger, more confident and compassionate. Chin up. There will be a happy end. Xx

@Threnody Re your short luteal phases, has anyone told you to try taking Vit B complex? Lloyds Pharmacy sell a good one, with 100% recommended daily intake. It might extend your LP. You should also have your progesterone levels checked, if they're too low, progesterone pessaries might extend it to allow for implantation. I'd get it done privately if you don't qualify on the NHS yet xx

Thanks, just annoying really as I desperately want another child, and just want to get on with it and start doing all the normal pregnancy things. But I can't, and then I can't even have a glass of wine to calm me down just in case!

I've got all the normal symptoms, sickness, sore boobs, those weird bumps on the nips, bloated. But if I was 5 weeks, surely all tests would show pregnant, and not just the odd one? Some are very clearly positive, some are very clearly negative and then there's the odd ones that are super faint.

Slowly going absolutely insane!

Sorry about all your losses too, it's really hard, you get so hopeful and then feel completely let down by yourself. They really should teach you how difficult it is when you're at school, always got told it was easy and could happen like that...

@PurplePansy05 thanks, you're right, good things take time, I wanted children for so long, and I was 35 when I had my first. I know I am lucky to have 3 beautiful children, and I do feel guilty for wanting more, knowing that it's so much worse for other people. This MMC has been the worst thing I've had to deal with, and I know I'm lucky on that score too.
Re the supplements, thanks, I'll have a look. I've not had trouble conceiving before, but I have read that short luteal times can cause miscarriage.

@Threnody You've just given me hope too. I'm 33 and felt the time is running out, certainly to have two that I always wanted. Who knows, though. Anything is possible.

Short LP in itself does not cause miscarriages. It may lead to a failure to implant as simply there isn't enough time for the fertilised egg to implant, or it's a symptom/result of low progesterone - which might indeed cause miscarriages since the lining isn't thick enough to support the new pregnancy. Xx

I have my first AF since my MMC, and it is so light, barely filling a pad/but the blood is always there when I wipe. I normally have quite heavy periods so I'm just really confused, I do have some cramps and bloating, and it's bright red so I know it's not IB (a long with BFN) just so bizarre and hoping it won't hinder me in TTC! Just all over the place today 🙃

@PurplePansy05 That sounds yummy and doesn’t require eggs which isn’t always easy to find these days. Not that I have enough ingredients. If anyone makes it, show us a pic lol!

I try not to think about what’s happened tbh, as of course it hurts. I could sit and dwell on sooo many reasons why this is so unfair, the way I felt when I found out and the stress of arranging my MVA, but there’s just no point. All we can do now is move on, look to the future and believe that we will get our rainbows eventually. We have all been unlucky to have a supposedly rare thing happen to us, but can only get stronger from this.

@Threnody No need to feel guilty. Your heart wants what it wants. My situation is different in the sense that I have 1 DC and although it somewhat lightens the blow of MC, at the same time it’s caused me hurt. I’ve said this a few times before but I had to accept the fact that there’s going to be a big age gap now and you are more at risk if it’s been 5 years since your last child so I’m running out of time. I’m also scared I won’t be able to give him a sibling! I was even thinking of getting sterilised at the same time as my ELCS, but now have to start from scratch!

That’s true @skyblue20 Even if AF comes on time, can’t really rely on our apps to predict our FW for now. I do like the fact that sperm can last up to 5 days though lol. I find it reassuring.

Can I join? MMC on the 23rd of May. Medical management on the 28th and just had a negative test this morning.

Ive never used OPKs before but just ordered some ready for after my first AF.

So sorry you ladies are also going or have been through this

AF in full flow now. CD1 we meet again. Anyone trying anything different this cycle?

@RosieJess91 Sounds like all of the symptoms are there! Is it different types of tests showing different results?

@PurplePansy05 I’m 33, too - turned 33 during the whole miscarriage saga - and although I know we still have plenty of time, I too want more than one child and ideally I want a good few years between them so I also feel the pressures of time. Before all this I was like ‘Pah, the 35 thing is a load of rubbish, most people are fine after that’ and now I’m worrying about it because if this can happen at 32 and my odds are higher after 35... I need to just not think about it.

@mrsAndeke I’ve heard of people saying their periods have been lighter after MC and other saying heavier, I think almost everything is normal at this point!

@Sakura54 I find it reassuring, too! Good old sperm, just hanging around, waiting!

@ew1990 welcome and I’m so sorry for your loss - it really upsets me just how many women go through this, it’s awful! Glad everything got sorted quickly for you and you got your negative. Are you planning on trying again right away? Do you have any children?

@AlisonLew15 Sorry to hear AF is here. Nothing different here except maybe not focusing on my so called fertile week as much and just DTD consistently as a bit unsure as to when I’ll ovulate. How about you?

@skyblue20 at first I wasn't sure if I wanted too. Didn't want it to seem like I was replacing this baby but as time goes by.

Yes I have 1 DD she will be 3 in November. Took us just over 2 years to fall pregnant with her. Didn't track ovulation though. Shes made this easier and I realise just how lucky I am to have her