Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

[Smilingdonkey]

Hi,
Just ovulated for the first time after my missed miscarriage at 13 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 6-7) and wondered if anyone wanted to keep me company while we go through the ups and downs of ttc all over again! ! Xx

Thank you @Workingmama1.

@itssquidstella It's not unusual to have longer cycles after miscarriage. That's why the best thing to do is to have regular sex over a longer window if you're not tracking, otherwise you might be missing your opportunity. It's tricky because your cycles might be coming back to normal gradually, so each cycle might for example be a day or two shorter, but you can't predict that. This can easily take up to 6 months or so.

@PurplePansy05 Glad you're doing well and sounds like you're being super productive, too!

So sorry for your loss, @QBecky 💕 You have to wait a couple of weeks after miscarriage before having sex (and until the bleeding has fully stopped, though I know that's difficult for you to know), as there's a risk of infection, but after that, it's up to you when you try again. I'd maybe ring the EPU, explain and ask for a scan to make sure you have no retained products and the miscarriage is definitely all over and then they might be able to advise on whether you're ok to start again? I personally waited for my period for dating purposes for any new pregnancy as I couldn't handle any uncertainty around the dates, but know others went straight for it - it's completely up to how you feel.

@Workingmama1 I'm glad your husband is doing ok, hope the effects of the GA have worn off now and he's a bit more himself. Must be nice to be out of total isolation now?

Started using my Ovia app again yesterday, it's madness how happy I was to be able to do so! It's saying my fertile week will be the end of next week/early the one after but I know it's almost certainly wrong as it has absolutely no idea about my cycle lengths - and nor do I at the moment really! So I think we'll just go for the every 2/3 days method as seems the most failsafe, I don't want to start temping etc just yet, it's only really our second month ever of TTC. Think husband is thrilled that's the plan 😂 Period is much heavier than usual but not too bad as I usually have really light periods anyway. Hoping it won't last too long but either way, am just glad it's here!

How is everyone today? xx

@Workingmama1 I’ve never been so happy to see blood haha x

@skyblue20 Yeah that’s exactly it, it just seems so unfair. I obviously wouldn’t want anyone to go through a MC but it seems cruel that it happens to us who “follow all the rules”.
So happy for you getting your period too! I feel like it’s taken a weight off me and I can start thinking about TTC now x

@qbecky Sorry for your loss 💞 Personally I’ve been waiting for my first period (which has just arrived) as I’m a bit of a control freak and like to know dates and things. I think it would make me anxious not having a date to go on. It’s totally up to you though! Like someone else has said, you should wait a few weeks to lower risk of infection. I know you’ve said your periods aren’t regular so maybe ask for some advice from EPU as to when is best for you to try again? Or if you feel happy to then just go for it! Best of luck x

@SkyBlue20 @WildflowerPetals Wahey! Finally eh!? I think most of us have had our periods now. Yeah I also only use an app which isn't going to be very reliable atm. Never done any of the other tracking stuff so no idea of my exact ovulation day usually, so it might be a bit hit and miss for the next few months until my cycle regulates. I think mine generally seem to regulate quickly after having a baby and stopping contraceptives, and now after MC too. If 2nd AF doesn't come on time, it's going to be confusing and annoying.

I suppose we will all have to see what happens next and can compare notes lol. Good luck everyone! Let's see those BFPs!

Arghhh, one of my friends gave birth, they know our story. Her husband just sent us a photo of the baby. I mean, wtaf. How insensitive. I wasn't upset, now I am. People are stupid.

@purplepansy05 It’s so hard isn’t it :( I’m sure your friends weren’t thinking in that exact moment but doesn’t make it any easier! I stopped using social media to avoid these things but couldn’t avoid my own family so I’ve also had a lot of happy baby photos in the last month and even people who are very close to me (eg my mum) didn’t fully understand how upset that could make me at the time. I think all the people on this thread understand though as we are all in the same boat.

@Poppy10121 It is very hard. I had three losses in a year, the last one on Friday and really the last thing I want to see today is their baby just born today. Indeed, I quit social media months ago, but they get you through WhatsApp anyway. I wish I could put up the status "I really don't care, leave me alone". 🙄

I’ve woken up to my second AF since the miscarriage, my cycle is clearly a bit messed up (usually 25 days but this is only day 18) and I’m a bit disappointed because we were TTC this cycle. I’d been feeling quite positive but now I just can’t believe I have yet more days of bleeding and waiting to try again, I must be keeping Bodyform in business at the moment

@PurplePansy05 I'm so sorry, things can be so tough. Sending love.

@Poppy10121 So sorry your period is here, hopefully after this one it'll settle and you'll know where you're up to. I've said it before (in fact I said it to the midwife during my MVA 🙈) and I'll likely say it again but miscarriage is a b*tch! It's not just the obvious hard bits of it but then everything after it, too - the waiting, the uncertainty, the sheer amount of time it takes. Everything.

How's everyone doing today? After weeks of longing for my period, I'm now sick of it and want it to go 😂 It's really heavy, which I'm not used to, and a normal period for me is usually tailing off by now - this is showing absolutely no signs of that. I just really want to get going TTC again, too. I'm so impatient 🙄

@Poppy10121 Is it definitely another AF or mid-cycle spotting?

@SkyBlue20 Thanks. Feeling a bit better today although still disappointed in how inconsiderate they are. I won't be speaking to them for a while. There won't be anything to talk about anyway, they're in a baby bubble and I'm thinking about my dead daughter who would have been 6 months old this week. Or about the fact I should be happily sailing through my second trimester and showing off scan pictures to family and friends, like they did. So no, I won't be sharing their happiness at a cost to myself. Enough is enough.

Your AF will probably tail off soon, maybe it's heavier first few days and then it'll go away? That's how mine has always been, 3 awful days and then barely any bleeding or pain for 2 days.

I now have a private referral for NK Cells tests, first appointment in the end of this month. Relieved that things are moving, even though I can't TTC just yet. At least hopefully we'll have some news.

I'm still feeling sore and not physically ready to DTD. I'll test in about 2 weeks' time and take it from there.

@PurplePansy05 I think it's definitely AF, I had some hope at first because I had implantation bleeding when I got pregnant before but this is pretty heavy and I've got awful cramps. I'm being careful and not taking any painkillers just in case but I'm pretty sure this is a period :(
I'm glad you are going to get some tests done, that must be a big relief. Did you have to choose private referral, or did you have any NHS referral as well?

@SkyBlue20 I totally understand your impatience! I was also desperate for my cycle to come back after miscarriage but I am so sick of the endless amount of bleeding the last couple of months. I used to always use tampons but obviously we can't/aren't supposed to at the moment and all this faffing with pads is just awful. At least we are at home so I am never far from the bathroom cupboard.

@Poppy10121 I had three consecutive losses, so I am on the NHS recurrent miscarriage referral path, but NK Cells tests are not done on the NHS, so I've arranged for that privately in addition.

@Poppy10121 I think we can use tampons again now but with mine being heavier than usual, I don't have any tampons that are absorbent enough for it, so am having to use the pads I got for post-medical management, as I don't have any normal pads in either. Considering I moaned about wanting this period for ages, I was absolutely not prepared for it and just haven't had a chance to get to the shop - you can't just 'pop' to a shop anymore, it's a full debacle 🙈 So yeah, fully with you on being sick of pads, they're not fun!

Sorry @purplepansy it must be so hard. Glad you've got an appointment date.

Sorry AF arrived @Poppy10121.

@SkyBlue20 I know what you mean about being impatient!

My AF turned up today, only 10dpo so I'm worried that's a bit short. I've always had irregular cycles and luteal lengths though.

I actually got out of the house today as I had to go to work to collect my new laptop, first time driving since lockdown!

@SkyBlue20 I was told not to use tampons for the first period (not sure why!) and then this morning I had a brief moment of hoping it was implantation bleeding so wanted to be careful. Even though I know it's not, I guess I want to keep an eye on things a bit more than usual to see if my cycle is being normal or not. Sigh.

@Threnody I am only 9 days past ovulation and got AF today too, so maybe its just going to take a while to have normal cycle lengths? It was so unexpected for me.

I had a hard day today with lots of cramps and burst into tears this afternoon for no obvious reason. I suppose my hormones are all over the place still.

@Threnody How did you find driving? I drove the other day for the first time since March and was alarmed at how many awful drivers there were on the motorway - can’t decide if the quieter roads has brought them out or if they’ve always been there and I just got used to them!

@Poppy10121 Ohh were you? I wasn’t told anything - I just read online not to have sex/a bath/use tampons until the bleeding had stopped and that’s it really. Bad how little info is actually given after a MC.
Sorry to hear you’ve not had a good day, I definitely think hormones are probably still all over the show, it’ll take a bit for them to settle after everything - they can be bad enough at times when it’s TOTM let alone after everything else. I was in a huge funk on Saturday, really, really low all day, which I too can only put down to my hormones. Tough being female, isn’t it?! Men don’t know how lucky they are sometimes!

@SkyBlue20 I was told the same as @Poppy10121 re tampons, lovely.

Something's hit me tonight, I went for a walk and I'm feeling really poorly, dizzy and weak. Off to bed, snuggled up with my dog. Xx

@PurplePansy05 feel better soon! I hope it‘a not the virus

@Poppy10121 Thanks lovely It crossed my mind, but no other symptoms, so fingers crossed! Maybe hormones going wild! Xx

I’m the same with the crazy hormones & emotions! Almost 4 weeks since the MVA and the last week I’ve been SO moody & burst into tears a few times. Going through this at any time must be awful but during lockdown, we’ll be hard as nails after all this ladies!

I wasn’t told not to use tampons for my first period, but then I didn’t specifically ask....

Sorry to hear you’re struggling emotionally too @Starfish762 - I like the positivity of coming out of this hard as nails though! I’ll think of that next time I’m struggling with the day :-)

Morning everyone, I hope you're all ok? I'm on day 7 of a flashing smiley on the Clearblue ovulation monitor. So frustrating. I don't know if I'm actually close to ovulation or my oestrogen levels are just high after MC. I'm so hoping for a static smiley, and soon. DH is working away this weekend, so if I miss my peak I'll be very unhappy about it!

Ladies, I feel for those going through their first loss in lockdown. I thought about it the other day. I remember withdrawing myself for a few weeks directly after my first miscarriage, but then I felt I needed to get out, have spa days, cinema, eat out with my husband etc. Eventually, I needed to be with other people and simply have a hug off my friends. Although not being able to do this now is still hard for me, in a way, I'm perhaps used to the feeling of loss, as bad as it sounds. I think experiencing this for the first time in lockdown is pretty awful and I do agree that it will build up your resilience big time. Hang in there. The reality is things are unlikely to be worse going forward, and you'll be stronger to face them. Xxx

Afternoon all!

How odd about the tampons advice - surely these things should be communicated?! Wasn't mentioned to me at all. I only used one tampon anyway as flow was too heavy, thankfully.

@PurplePansy05 Hope you're feeling better today?
I found lockdown a blessing and a curse whilst going through all of this - I wanted to just hide away with my husband so it was nice to just be able to, I know our mums would have been straight over if it weren't for that. On the flip side, there were times I would have loved a hug from my mum, or just to go out for a drink with friends to take my mind off it, etc, and we obviously couldn't do that.

@Starfish762 Sorry you've been struggling also, sending love.

@Snausage Hope the timings work out for you. Fingers crossed!

I think my period is over! I was still bleeding quite heavily yesterday morning then come the afternoon, boom, there was nothing on the pad. Seemed very quick - wouldn't be surprised if it comes back a bit and is just having a break as to go from such a heavy flow to nothing seems odd. My periods were only about three or four days before MC though so the length is about right. We shall see, I guess!

I don't use tampons but I think we aren't supposed to use them incase of infection? It should be ok to use now though.

I know I keep mentioning 2nd AF, but I'm expecting and hoping it will arrive in about 2 weeks. Since last night, though, I’ve had a heavy feeling down below that I usually get when AF is about to come...interesting as my first just finished last week or it could be ovulation!? I'd rather AF came early than late though, so that there is no confusion about pregnancy as I certainly haven’t been preventing it lol!

I’ve read that it can take 2 months even if the 1st one came on time. Did any of you have very messed up cycles after MC? I didn’t even care about when my 1st AF would come but 2nd one is a little different due to using a new eczema cream for a month, that shouldn’t be used when pregnant.