TTC after miscarriage - April 2020

[TerribleImagination]

Starting this thread for anyone TTC after a miscarriage. My MC was in December and I’ve had no joy since, but these threads have been wonderful for being amongst lovely people going through the same thing.

As always, sorry to anyone who finds themselves here and fingers crossed we all get our rainbows soon 🌈

@lyham231287 sorry to hear you find yourself here. Thank you for sharing your story. I had similar- just an empty sac at nine weeks. Was hoping I just got the dates wrong but I’m afraid not. I waited two weeks for a negative test. It was a very depressing thing to do, but when you get your negative you get closure.
Not everyone wants to try again straight away. Give yourself time to think carefully about what you want. It’s great your hubby is so supportive! X

Thanks Mommybear. Where are you in the journey of TTC again?

Hi everyone xx
Sorry to those who have joined for your losses and what you have been through. It is good to find other women to talk to on here who know exactly how you are feeling and hopefully it helps in some way. xx

@witchysticks Hi xx sorry to hear you have felt rubbish, so your period has arrived now but you were feeling ill between ovulation and the period arriving? or your period hasn't come yet ? It could be your hormone levels still levelling out and making you feel ill maybe. What do you use to track your ovulation ?

I don't think OPKs etc are a waste in my opinion. Without knowing exactly when my peak was I would not have got pregnant before my MC as I peaked when visiting the in laws over the Christmas period … we wouldn't necessarily have DTD when staying at their house but as we knew it was peak we did.. then I got pregnant. Without the OPKs we probably would have missed that chance that month.
We are trying the sperm meets egg method this cycle. I am on CD9 today.. how did you find it ? sounds like it didn't work for you this cycle but would you try it again or feel it felt too planned for you ?
I think OPKs and planning is good but I am also conscious not to stress over it all too much , im doing the tests and recording results etc but trying not to be obsessive. Take each day as it comes and not focusing too much on the end result I want but just focusing on what I need to do today . so for example right I know we need to DTD today so think about ways of making it fun etc.

@Hayleylou89 how are you today ? had your peak smiley yet? xx

xxx

@Renna still flashing 🙈😂 think its actually laughing at me im cd 22 now .. going to do a cheap opk this afternoon but later on as iv just had a cup of tea so need to wait a few hours and i only have 3 cheapies left so need to spread them out until my delivery arrives hopefully by the end of the week as least with them u can see them getting stronger or not x

Hi @ Lyham231287 sorry for your loss and what you've been through xxx I did a pregnancy test like 4 days after ERPC and got a very dark positive line. Did another one about a week after the ERPC and it was fainter but still deffo a positive. I did another one about 10 days after and it was almost negative but still a very very light faint line. Then did one just after 2 weeks and got a negative. So I would say it took me over 2 weeks to get a negative test after the surgery. Is shitty doing a pregnancy test wanting to see it be negative so I would say wait as long as you feel you can if it will upset you as I do think the hormone can stay for a couple of weeks. and why EPU said to me to do a test 3 weeks after surgery as the HCG should be gone by then. xxxx

@Renna so this cycle I've felt ill and in pain from when I ovulated until now (2 days into period). Although I'm feeling a bit better today. I think it must be hormonal but it just seems weird that it's happened on the third cycle. I worry that the stress is affecting me or that I should be doing more lifestyle wise. Anyway, I think that's just unhelpful guilt tbh. I found the sperm meets egg plan good as it gave me hope and something to focus on. We only did it this month. My OH did not feel the same way. He felt pressured and that having sex on schedule was distantly un-sexy. While he's right I would continue to do it. I think we might try and alternate months.... seems fair although I haven't mentioned it to him yet. I was very sad coupled with all the pain and illness from this BFN so I think he wants to chill a bit. I seem to have tunnel vision. I think that's a side effect from the loss.

@renna I even resorted to a cheapy pg test this morning just incase but just got an evap i took if before my bath and read it about 20 mins later after the bath dont really know why i just thought maybe i could have ovulated and missed the surge days ago when my opks were quite strong think i just enjoy peeing on a stick far too much 😏 x

Thanks Renna, where are you in your TTC journey?

@Lyham231287 I’m in the two week wait but not sure if I actually ovulated so won’t get my hopes up. Cd 25, if you count mc as cd1. Not waiting so actively ttc straight away.
Luckily for me I didn’t need any medical management. I can’t imagine what that was like must have been tough for you. Still I’m hoping it won’t be long before you get your rainbow. Had you been ttc for long?? X

@Mommybear05 ahh that all sounds much more complex with breast feeding than I knew (apologies again as I said I'm a complete novice).

Yeah it's always easy for us to know we should count our blessings, I'm safe, have a roof over my head, having a loving partner and all my friends and family are healthy *touch wood. But in those dark moments it's hard to see the wood for the trees. I'm only 31 so I know in my logical mind that it was probably just bad luck and we weren't TTC before so it's not like it's been years of trying but in the weeks after the MC it's hard to stay positive. This group really helps me though so I'm grateful for that xx

@SmileyT I feel the same. Every day I'm trying to be as great full as I can for all the great things I have. I definitely still carry the weight of the mc. I hope it will get easier but but every BFN is a stab to the heart.

@witchysticks Its really interesting that the Dr said that to you, everything I've read has said that having regular unprotected sex will lead to pregnancy but I guess if you only have sex a couple times a month you're really reducing your chances if you don't time them. Having said that if it becomes an obsession then it's definitely worse for your mental health which will affect your physical health aswell. Glad you found this group and hopefully some more support for you x

@Lyham231287 I did a test a week after surgery and it was positive and another 13 days afterwards that was nearly negative. I kinda don't want to see a completely negative test so don't think I'll do another one unless I get to two weeks late on my period and think I may have caught again. I'm currently nearly 3 weeks post surgery and think I've just ovulated so only a few weeks to wait 😩

@witchysticks It does sound hormonal and obvs if you hadn't had a period youd probably see them as signs of pregnancy so I can imagine how you were feeling before your period arrived... Try not to over think everything. As long as you are relatively healthy for yourself too don't put pressure on yourself. I know some people can go like T Total with alcohol etc when TTC but I am still having a few glasses mainly on weekends, and I still have some caffeine compared to when I found out I was pregnant I completely cut all that out and was T Total with everything. feel like I need normality like having a drink etc which I enjoy usually or it does end up feeling like my whole life is revolved around TTC and then its on my mind constantly if I try and stop myself enjoying those little things. Its all about balance I think. Obviously doing anything in excess isn't going to help anyones health in general and stress is a massive factor. So more things that bring enjoyment and de stress in life is a positive in balance :) especially during these weird times !

I actually started meditation after I went through the MMC .. never really tried it before , and I went to acupuncture.. before lockdown.. I actually meditated before I started work this morning.. Feel like its helping me be less stressed and being positive.

I mentioned the sperm meets egg method to my husband but he doesn't have a clue what CD I am on so I just instigate DTD on the days we need to ...so he doesn't even really know when its scheduled in for kinda thing.. he probs knows in back of his head why I am trying it on haha.. but we don't really address it and just have fun. so hoping this method wont feel too regimented that way.

@Hayleylou89 that actually made me laugh about loving peeing on sticks... it is kinda funny when you think about it all this peeing on sticks … months ago before I started TTC I wouldn't have imagined I would pee on so many sticks and why on earth would I be doing it.. deffo good to have the cheapies ! hopefully give you a stronger line today and you know peak is here :) I do think CB can be bit hit and miss the first month of using it. xx

@Lyham231287 I am in my first proper cycle since MMC , had ERPC 2nd March . had my first AF 30th March . I am CD9 now and likely to ovulate around the weekend CD14-16 so I am trying the sperm meets egg method this week. Prior to getting pregnant in December we had been TTC our first for about 3-4 months. xx

@Renna I know - next month ill just do them right before predicted ovulation if i have any sticks left that is.. the hubby can buy the next batch this pg game is expensive but that BFP is going to be worth it all! 🙏 will let u know this afternoon xx

@SmileyT Yes it does make it harder when breastfeeding. This is my choice to make my ttc journey harder I suppose but then I haven’t found giving up easy. I know I’m still lucky to have that choice.
ha see 31 isn’t the age we should worry about stuff like that. But I want three children so now at nearly 30 For my second child I’ll be at least 30 then breastfeeding again and then I’ll be in the same boat in a few years time only older! So I get carried away thinking of my life plans. And I just want to get on with it having all my children here safe and sound as I know there are no guarantees. My husband and I want more children so badly. We’re both from very small families so we want to expand and have more people. We never used any protection right since the birth of our son so surprised it hasn’t happened for us, and then the mc, it just dashed our hopes and put us in a bad place. When we talk about the future we always say ‘the kids’ even though we have one. We just want him to have siblings. We really shouldn’t count our chickens but we can’t help it sometimes.
I’m sure When we think of our fertility we are just over thinking things and that it’s just been bad luck for us. But yes sometimes it’s hard to stay positive especially in the current times we live in. But I know it’s strange I’ve kind of found comfort being away from friends as I deal with my mc, especially the pregnant ones! I feel terrible for saying that but it’s true! Hopefully I will feel more healed when I eventually see them again. Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes all happy and pregnant again. One can dream.
@witchysticks it really is upsetting when you get a bfn isn’t it? I really hope we get our positives soon

@Hayleylou89 tell me about it with the cb ovulation strips. I will still invest in them next cycle though! But my cheapies haven’t even shown a peak so I’m wishing I wasn’t so tight and just forked out for them in the first place! Love u are getting your hubby to get them! I’ll try that one too haha.

@Renna so exciting you are coming up to your fertile time. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you. Hopefully you guys can get some quality time together this weekend.

@Hayleylou89 I'm definitely with you on this TTC thing being expensive, I definitely order everything on DPs amazon account - I'm doing the research so he can take the cost 😂

@Mommybear05 I've always thought I'd have 3 children don't know but I've also spent some time reflecting on how far I've come. The day of the scan when they said there was no heartbeat I didn't know how I'd continue with that pain and with every passing day it does become a bit easier P.S I love that phrase 'like a phoenix rising from the ashes all happy and pregnant again' I really wish that for us all. 🌈

@SmileyT I think that’s the case for so many of us we do the research they can pay lol. So strange how we all have different stories but we all have such common goals. It’s so nice to share in the experiences of others though.
I’m so hopeful we will all have our rainbow babies! The end prize will so be worth all of this grief and stress!

We conceived within about 6 weeks of trying, think that’s why OH is a bit concerned in case it happens so soon and we’re not ready. I think it’ll take a while.

I was an emotional reck before the ERPC as the MC had been pretty ongoing for 4 weeks however feel level headed now and ready to jump on the TTC train again.

Due to Covid OH couldn’t wait with me before or after so all alone :(

Hoping we all get a nice BFP soon!

@Lyham231287 god that must have been awful to do it by yourself and with all the covid stuff going on.

@Mommybear05 I think the heartbreak gets worse every month. I've turned into a test addict. OH is going to hide them until the day of my period next time as the emotional roller coaster is too much. This time I tested from 6dpo up until 11 and AF came (of course I thought it was IB before it got heavier). Genuinely am quite a stable human being in other areas of my life.

@Renna you are right of course, I'm going to try and take a more chill approach this month. Of course I said that last month but it did not pan out. I meditate when I'm not feeling sick as of recent. It seems that my body and brain need a little break judging by how I'm feeling. Happy to have found this group. I don't feel like anyone else really understands.

@witchysticks ‘genuinely I am quite a stable human being in other areas of my life’ love this haha. Yes the ttc journey can send you crazy. I got some tests today. Now have five in the cupboard and keep eyeing up the calendar but I won’t be testing for a while yet. That’s the worst when u are hoping it’s an ib

@Lyham231287 oh that’s awful to be alone :( that’s another thing I’m grateful for- my mc happened just before the lockdown so my husband could attend the appointments. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to be without him. You are so strong.

It was horrible! I had to walk straight in to the operating theatre and see all of the equipment and people too as the room where they usually administer the anaesthetic was in use for Covid.

I can see how each month the tests would get more addictive and the pressure you put on yourself higher. Once you’ve decided you are ready for a baby you just want it to happen.