TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

Thank you @VenusStarr and so sorry to hear of your losses.

I just never contemplated that after the 20 week scan that anything could really go wrong and feel so naive now. I just can’t get my head around how he could be so seemingly perfect and a good weight and just die? It’s just incomprehensible

Anyway, after a few days of ewcm I had some pink spotting yesterday and a small amount of red blood this morning. But it’s not started into anything I’d call a proper period. I’m so confused. It’s 4 weeks since I gave birth. The afterbirth bleeding stopped completely about 10 days ago. Is this a period already?! I have no other usual period signs (cramps etc) and I was advised it would usually be 5-6 weeks til a period. And I thought I was ovulating 🤔 unless this is the lochia starting up again?! Urgh so confused. My body is probably just all over the place wondering what’s going on as all my homones were preparing for a baby to be here next month 😔

Hope everyone else is having an ok Sunday x

@marmitecheesetoast sorry to see you here. I lost a baby at 20 weeks in October and another miscarriage at 7 weeks in Feb. Everyone understands you here. Share as much or as little as you want. X

After my 20 week lost I just shut myself away like a lockdown. Are you able to get out for walks at all and busy your daughter? Do you have a supportive partner or family?

@footprintsintheslow thanks for your kind words. Yes because of the point in pregnancy it happened I’m on maternity leave and my husband is also on parental bereavement leave so we’ve been trying to get out for a walk the 3 of us each day... it’s not the most peaceful or enjoyable of walks with a just turned 3 year old sometimes though! I think I need to try and get out myself a bit more. It’s just impossibly hard not having the head space to grieve and process what’s happened while constantly parenting in lockdown. My in laws are close by but shielding and my family are 5 hours away so it’s pretty tough. I’m really hoping nursery opens again soon.

I’ve just got such a strong desperate desire to be pregnant again even though it seems so soon. I guess it’s a biological response to what’s happened.

Just need to figure out where my cycle is up to and what my body is doing!

@marmitecheesetoast I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. I lost my DD at 40 weeks last year. She was completely healthy but died due to a cord accident. She was my first baby. My period came back within 4 weeks but was irregular for about a year. We started trying after about 2 months and I did fall pregnant on the 4th cycle but had a MC.

I understand that need to have another baby. I feel like a mother without a child. Really. But try to be patient with yourself and your body.

I also made it my aim to be pregnant by my daughters due date which we did do but alas another miscarriage. I don't think there is a 'too soon'. Everyone is different.

I can't remember who recommended this book but it's fab. I love it thank you...

Welcome @marmitecheesetoast and so very sorry for your loss. I have only had 1st trimester losses and one ectopic but I couldn't imagine and later loss. Please feel free to share what ever you need to even if it's not ttc related. I'm the stinky old cheese around here so I'm up for a bit of chat on all topics. Stay safe x

Right my update now. 11 dpo bfn (whitest test I've ever seen). On to next cycle, I'm giving red raspberry leaf tea a shot to try and help repair the damage to my poor uterus and fallopian stump. At this point I'll try anything that might work even if it sounds like BS. How are you all ladies? What's keeping you busy during lock down. I've been gardening and crocheting like a mad woman 😂

Good to keep busy @Mumlili9 CD1 here

I am well over a week late and I have a bouquet of bfn's sitting my my trash can.

I'm usually very regular. I just don't know what to do, my LH seems to be low, so that should mean af is on her way, right? My boobs hurt like a mf right now.

Welcome to the new members, I am so sorry to find you here.

I’m not sure @clitterratti I’ve been late before and it’s just been a late period but I am a bit irregular since I had my daughter. Will you test again if a few days if AF doesn’t come? I think that’s all you can fo

do not fo

Thanks @BunnytheBee I’m sure you’re right. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, 28 weeks was bad enough so I can only imagine going through this at 40 weeks with a perfectly healthy baby.
Life is so cruel sometimes.

Thanks @Mumlili9 for your kind words and I’m so sorry for your losses. I’ve tried to learn on and off to crochet it’s never gone well! I am so terrible at crafts. But I want to do a cross stitch for my DS with his name, weight, time of birth etc.., which should keep my busy/stressed probably! Just need to figure out where to start

Hope you get some clarity soon @clitterratti

I’m still on with the light bleeding so thinking it’s most likely a weird very light period despite signs of Ov a few days prior

@marmitecheesetoast for the cross
Stitch you could get some squared paper and draw the words out. Each square would correspond to one cross. You could do a border too and look on Pinterest for inspiration.

My GP thinks I might have shingles :( I'm halfway through my tww but with this in the mix I'm not hopeful at all. I'm on antibiotics and an antibiotic cream. I was really unwell on Friday. You know when you just feel you can't catch a break??

How is everyone else getting on @BunnytheBee @Mumlili9 @marmitecheesetoast @footprintsintheslow @clitterratti x

@VenusStarr where are your shingles? I get Shingles Recurrence so mine comes back about twice or three times a year when I'm run down. Normally after a pregnancy or miscarriage too.

Are you able to rest?

Thanks for your message @footprintsintheslow it's sadly on my face 😔 from the side of my nose down my check and by my mouth. Its really getting me down. I'm working from home and it's very busy at the moment. It strange, when it kicked off last week I was feeling very stressed about work. I guess that on top of everything else this last tear, my body has just said stop. My last mc was a chemical in February but had 2 MMCs in April and September last year.

Sorry to hear that @VenusStarr that sounds horrible. Hope you start to feel better ASAP. It definitely sounds like you could do with a break, as and when that’s possible?

I’m struggling today. Just can’t comprehend the unfairness and senseless of what happened. Stillbirth just wasn’t even on my radar before, miscarriages yes but not stillbirth, and I feel so naive now. And scared about what could go wrong in any future pregnancy if I’m lucky enough to get pregnant again.

I’ve still got this weird light bleeding but with none of my usual period symptoms so still trying to decide if it’s a weird first period or the lochia possibly starting up again - after over a week of no bleeding though so I’m not sure.

Hope everyone else is ok x

@VenusStarr can you go sick. Shingles really does require test and working from home is not restful.

@marmitecheesetoast these days are inevitable and they come and go. We all understand what you are saying and we all experience the same. You will still be in shock and you are grieving. Can you access online counselling through Sands? Also please keep posting as you aren't alone. Can you have some rest too. Can your partner take your three year old so you can just cry and sleep? X

@VenusStarr and EVERYONE on bbc 5 live radio they've just said that they are doing a feature on living with grief during lockdown. It's on the drive time show 4-7.

Just going to leave this here.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/may/05/my-four-miscarriages-why-is-losing-a-pregnancy-so-shrouded-in-mystery

Thanks for sharing this @peperethecat I know Jennie via Instagram and she interviewed me last year as part of her mum's voice series (yet to be published). I think it's such a brilliant article. The thing that stood out for me was why isn't miscea public health issue? Madness.

Thank you for sharing that @footprintsintheslow I missed it yesterday, will see if its on catch up. Just had a good chat with my boss and offloaded some of my anxieties, so feeling a bit lighter.

Hope everyone is OK xx

Hello my lovely lady friends,

I've been testing every morning; I do three different types of tests because I have quite a lot.

I do:

1. Ovulation test (Lh)
2. Pregnancy test
3. Ketosis test

From next week I will add:
Progesterone tests and other fertility tests.

I'm bored and I have the pee and all of this makes me feel like I'm in control of something. I don't know what, but something. I find no joy anywhere except in food and imaginary shopping.

I hope you are all well and finding days getting easier.

I like peeing on things too.

Stay strong x

Peeing on things makes you feel like you’re doing something.

Thanks @footprintsintheslow SANDS didn’t have any counsellors available at the moment but I had my first session with a private counsellor via Zoom a few days ago. It’s a bit odd though, face to face would definitely be better but not an option for now. Apparently My local SANDS group are going to start setting up online support meetings soon so I’ll maybe give them a go too. Definitely very much in shock, but a few more ugly crying sobbing days the last few days which the counsellor said was probably a good thing as means I’ve started to move out of the shock phase.

Feeling a bit stuck and not sure what my body is up to at the moment. Still light bleeding 🤔