TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

Cautious congratulations, @footprintsintheslow. I hope this is it for you.

@FloDaffodil Congratulations to you. In the best way, I hope you do not find yourself back here.

I’m also hoping for another round of positives for us all is to come as it’s tended to happen that way.

Oh fingers crossed, @BeetheQueenBee. That would be lovely.

I have a good feeling about this cycle. My new doctor has made me feel really hopeful.

I just found out that I have one of the MTHFR mutations. The one blood test that was missed out when I had all my testing done, and when I finally do the test it comes back positive. What are the chances? I'm not sure it makes any difference since I supplement with methylfolate anyway and my homocysteine levels are normal, but still, it's annoying.

Just had a baby announcement 😩

Messaged someone at work about work, asked how she is and got “a little bit of news...” There is always someone pregnant in our team. 3 on mat leave at the moment. Now this is the latest I’m aware of 🙈

I’m having a bad day so just about managed to muster a congratulations...

@footprintsintheslow congratulations hun xx

@BeetheQueenBee sorry your having a bad day. Pregnancy bombs really are a shock to the system. Hope your able to do something nice for your self today ☓

@peperethecat what does this mutation do?

Thanks @Mumlili9

Hope you’re ok x

Gentle congratulations @footprintsintheslow

Sorry to hear about the pregnancy baby bomb @BeetheQueenBee

Good to hear from you @Mumlili9. I also had a 23 day cycle - since Christmas my cycles have been off. I had a lot of hope for this cycle, which is silly because we clearly have subfertility, so no idea why I thought it would happen straight away :(

Congratulations @footprintsintheslow

@peperethecat I haven't tried ivf yet but that's our next step. We ttc for nearly 18 months without a pregnancy but I've had 3 natural conceptions in the last 12 months but not sure why. But I've lost them all and no answers yet as to why. I'm waiting for the recurrent miscarriage clinic to reopen to do the second nk cells biopsy then we'll progress with our ivf referral. I'm sick of waiting.

@BeetheQueenBee I'm sorry about the pregnancy announcement ❤️ I really struggle with them. I just feel completely stuck and like it won't ever happen. Stuck in this groundhog day of ttc and maybe getting pregnant but then having another loss. Ugh. Sorry, really struggling to see the positives today.

@Mumlili9 The MTHFR mutation is a genetic mutation which can interfere with the body's ability to break down folic acid. It is believed to be linked to recurrent miscarriage so it's one of the things they will test for in recurrent miscarriage testing. There are two strains of it and you need to be tested for both of them. I was only tested for one originally, and when I went to see a new gynaecologist a few weeks ago he noticed that I'd only been tested for one strain and ordered a blood test for the other strain. (He also ordered blood tests for my husband for both strains. I don't know why, it's on my list of things to ask him.) Anyway, it turns out I have the strain I wasn't tested for back in October.

In terms of what it means for me, I would guess not much. The mutation I have is believed to be less likely to cause complications than the mutation I don't have. And it is also believed that lots of people have one or the other of the two mutations but they aren't tested for it because they never present with any health problems that could be linked to it.

Having the mutation increases the risk of raised homocysteine levels in the body, which can lead to miscarriage. The way you treat it is by supplementing with high dose methylfolate instead of folic acid, because methylfolate is more bioavailable. (It's already in the form that your body converts it to during the metabolic process.) I have already been taking methylfolate for about six months and I've had my homocysteine levels checked and they are low, so I don't think this will change anything at all in my case, but it's good to know, and something I will discuss with my gynaecologist when I see him tomorrow.

In a way, if you take methylfolate rather than folic acid, you don't need to know whether you have the mutation or not, because you'll already be taking the treatment for it, and it will do you no harm. I'm currently taking Jarrow Formulas 1000mcg methylfolate, and I've previously taken Solgar folate as metafolin. Both are good brands.

Sorry @BeetheQueenBee, it's really hard when someone springs an announcement on you out of the blue like that. It's not their fauly (unless they do it in a really insensitive way, I guess), but it still hurts.

@VenusStarr Has your doctor said why they believe IVF is the next step? Hopefully you can get the NK testing done first so you don't go through IVF for nothing if it turns out to be an autoimmune issue. We are starting to think about IVF but I want to rule out other causes as much as possible first, which is why I went to a different doctor for a second opinion.

Our fertility consultant is not great @peperethecat, he diagnosed unexplained infertility in January (after 2 natural pregnancies / losses in a year) and I concieved that month but had the chemical. I don't have any faith in him at all. But its the nhs and we're on the fertility pathway, so probably not entirely his fault, it's the system. He's exhausted his investigations, we're not eligible to try clomid as I ovulate on my own and they don't offer iui. So ivf is the next step.. I have spoken to 2 clinics privately and they've said ivf could help as they'd get a better look at my eggs and his sperm and see how the embryos develop which might give some insight? But, if its an autoimmune thing then it won't help. But my first biopsy was normal.

Feeling really lost today.

My regular gynaecologist suggested we do IVF the last time I saw her. To be fair she said I should go and see the auto-immune specialist, but then said if we hadn't had any luck by September we'd try IVF because this is obviously a hard thing to go through. I think she was trying to be empathetic but I think IVF would also be a hard thing to go through, and especially a miscarriage after IVF. That's why I went to see someone else because I wanted to try harder to get to the bottom of why this is happening before we think about IVF.

Is going private an option? I know it costs a fortune. I feel really glad to be in France right now and not the UK so I can just go and see any doctor I want.

This one really bothered me. I have to say. Not sure why. I think it’s particularly tough when the younger ones who have just got married and probably just started trying are pregnant and I’m over a year on from losing my baby and it’s not managed a MC since then. And obviously I’m a couple of years on from when we decided to have a baby and started trying.

And my zoom calls always seem to come back to babies and children! Children are hard work... I’ll just sit here with my toddler on my lap... I’ll hold my baby up to you so you have to talk about her... let’s all send in pictures of our babies and children as a fun game?!

That's really insensitive of your colleagues @BeetheQueenBee :(

@peperethecat I'm hanging on for the consultation with the nk cells clinic. The clinic is open and on the hefa approved list, as I'm cd1 today I need to know whether they'll be open to carry out biopsies in a few weeks when I'll be on my tww / early June. If they are we'll hold off ttc.

I've not stopped crying this afternoon, feeling hopeless. My head is not in a good place 😢

@VenusStarr It was today that one of them suggested showing pics of our children. I’ve got a pic of my baby but she’s dead. Do you think they want to see that?

Sometimes I can’t decide whether I am being oversensitive or my colleagues are completely insensitive. They know I lost a baby. It was last year but that’s not a million years ago.

Someone even forgot the other day and asked how the baby is and then quickly asked another question when she realised what she’d said!

I’m sorry you’re feeling down too. I know I get like this from time to time and usually I usually pick up. We’ll never get back the babies we have lost but we still have hope for the families we want one day 💕

@BeetheQueenBee Yeah I think your colleagues are being really insensitive and awful. It wouldn't take much emotional intelligence to figure out that that sort of thing could be upsetting for you and is just totally unnecessary anyway.

@VenusStarr We were originally going to wait for the NK testing because my husband didn't want to risk me having another miscarriage and then having to wait until everything was back to normal before having the biopsy. But then then internal medicine doctor said the lab that analyses the biopsies wouldn't be up and running much before September so we might as well try a few other things first. And then I went to the gynaecologist on Monday and while I was there he called the internal medicine doctor who said that actually he'd just heard that the lab was likely to reopen sooner rather than later, but by then we'd pretty much agreed to do a cycle. And I've got my gynaecologist sitting in front of me telling me everything's looking great for this cycle and I have a nice looking dominant follicle and an OK lining, and him on the phone with the other doctor saying let's do Ovitrelle and intralipids, and I don't know... The risk of getting pregnant and having another miscarriage is obviously still there but their enthusiasm is infectious and I feel good about this cycle so I think we'll just try and hope for the best. If I don't get pregnant we'll sit the next cycle out and wait for the biopsy. If I do then hopefully it will work out this time, but if it doesn't maybe it will give us more clues as to why this keeps happening.

I'm sorry you're having a rough day. This whole process is so emotionally gruelling.

Thanks @peperethecat I feel like I’ve had a lot of these little digs this week and I’m not handling it well!

Hope you’re ok.

People forget what you've been through really quickly, don't they @BeetheQueenBee? They move on with their lives but it's still the biggest thing in yours.

I'm feeling good at the moment, so much better than three weeks ago. It sounds stupid but this new gynaecologist is like, you'll have a baby, definitely, I'm not worried. But he's not just sending me away to try again and hope for the best next time, he's acknowledging that there's a problem and we don't know what it is yet, but he's got lots of ideas of different things we can try and he seems very sure that we will get there.

@Mumlili9 @VenusStarr @BeetheQueenBee @peperethecat - Sounds like everyone’s having a bit of a horrible week I hope next week is better. Fingers crossed for some sunshine this weekend at least!

@BeetheQueenBee sorry it’s so rubbish when that happens and people forget to be sensitive because just don’t understand what it’s like. I’ve been trying for nearly 3 and a half years now and I hate that my contemporaries are finishing their families, my younger sister’s baby is already two and younger colleagues are announcing pregnancies left right and centre. I’ve told some friends and colleagues about a few of my miscarriages but I don’t tell people I’ve lost six babies because it sounds implausible and they wouldn’t know what to say.

@VenusStarr @peperethecat - very interested to hear that they’re offering intralipids in France at the moment. Are they also prescribing steroids? Do they think it’s safe? I.e. if you got COVID-19 when taking them are you at higher risk or not given that it’s designed to suppress your immune system? The clinic I was going to (CRP clinic with Mr Shehata) stopped all their immune treatment and made their currently pregnant patients wean off. The other clinics I go to in London (Guy’s for IVF and St Mary’s for recurrent miscarriage) aren’t open yet. Good to hear that some clinics are starting to re-open. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

Sorry your doctor’s a bit rubbish @VenusStarr. I’ve definitely found you have to do a lot of your own research and push things forward at every stage because the NHS treats you in terms of statistics rather than as an individual.

They are still offering steroids but they prescribe a much lower dose anyway - usually 4 or 10 mg except for my last gynaecologist who prescribed me 20mg three times a day for three months and the other two I saw both think it was a mistake

I'm not going to be taking prednisone this cycle because if this cycle doesn't work then I will have the endometrial biopsy and I don't want to compromise the results, so I'm trying my luck with the ovitrelle and intralipids and crossing my fingers that I either get pregnant and carry to term or that I don't get pregnant at all.

@peperethecat @FloDaffodil They don’t know I’ve been trying “again” for over a year now since I lost my daughter, they don’t know I had a MC, they don’t know I worry I’ll never have another baby. But they do know I went on maternity leave and came back after 6 months as my baby had died. When you’re on a call with about 20 people you’d think those people might have some regard to what one of you has been through only last year. It baffles me. But then, as I’ve said, I wonder if I’m being unreasonable expecting people to do things or not do things based on me. Suggesting we all submit our children’s pictures though is obviously unnecessary. I was pleased with how I dealt with it.

@peperethecat It is positive that the medics are positive and no news is good news in a sense but I understand that this isn’t enough. I won’t believe I’ll have another baby until I have a living, breathing baby in my arms.

But you’re right that people don’t know what to say @FloDaffodil

I’ve mentioned before I get severe PMT. I’m now noticing my hormones make me feel a bit crap around mid-cycle which means DH gets annoyed with me and is not conducive to baby making! So on top of everything else DH and I aren’t getting along again. It’s not just my hormones, however, it is also him being a 💩

Hope everyone is ok 💕