TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

@Ripple2020 so sorry to hear about your loss. It’s devastating so no wonder your heart’s in pieces.

Big hugs also to @Amberrosejones94. Definitely go back to the EPU as that doesn’t sound right that the line is getting darker.

@Amberrosejones94 I'm really sorry you're having a crappy time

Hi @Debingirlies sorry you're here xx your loss sounds devastating xxx I am ttc for no 1 and have been trying 2 years with only 1 pregnancy which was MMC at 11 weeks (embryo 6 weeks). It really is devastating. I just started ttc straight away as I didn't feel I had any time to lose. I'm on month 6 now. As for feeling ashamed - I don't really feel ashamed but I did feel ashamed at the time in September when I found out the embryo was dead. I felt ashamed that I'd told people and ashamed that I'd believed it was a "real" pregnancy - it's almost like my instinct was to try and erase the fact it ever happened. Unfortunately that didn't work and I've become sadder over time. It's a huge grief, but this group has shown me that we actually all go through very similar feelings over this. It's a huge deal for all of us, and we shouldn't be ashamed. I don't know what the answers are but you are definitely not alone xxx

@MOGMOGMOG85 thank you. The emotions are definitely running my life at the moment. I feel abit ashamed asin. Will people who new i was pregnant think rong of me if we try again. Myself and partner have been trying for 3yrs so when we saw thos red lines we were over the moon. I just feel like i already miss my baby. And im finding myself sitting ther thinking well i should be doing this now. And so on. Also i dont know whats right to do with our scan pictures from 6wks and 8. I carnt forget about my baby but i no i carnt keep getting upset when seeing them xx iv also got 2 girls. I have to try and be strong for. But inside its realy hard 💔😢

@Debingirlies I had the very same experience as you for my 2nd mmc. Perfect scans at 6+2 and 8+2 and baby died at 9+3. Its truly heart breaking. I have a memory box just for my angel babies. I keep scans gifts and evidence of there existence in there. It's not in my face every minute of the day but it's there if I need to look. I have tiny teddies, existence certificates (abit like birth certificates provided by the epu) and other things that remind me of each of our 9 angels. It really helps me.

Do you ladies take a conception vitamin and which ones do you take. Also anything else you do / take to help.

@Mumlili9 thank you, I know ye understand better than anyone. I’ve read your story and my heart goes out to you, are you trying for your first baby since 18? Trying to find the right words to phrase this-but a few weeks ago I Listened to a woman who similar to me had lost her son but,like you, had a long journey to get pregnant in the first place. My blood went cold hearing it. I feel like I was oblivious to this world until it came to my door. I didn’t struggle to get pregnant initially, and I honestly cannot fathom what you must be going through. You’re extremely strong and so deserve a beautiful, happy ending. Where do you stand physically after your recent loss may I ask?

@MOGMOGMOG85 hoping it was just bad luck. They’ve given me prescribed aspirin to begin taking as soon as I get a BFP, I think it thins the blood to prevent clotting. I used CB digital last month and caught an LH surge so I had sex that day and the following day but no joy so I’m gonna go mad this month and buy the CB and the boots brand!:) The CB can only be used once a day and I’d like to see the line get darker so i know I catch it. Just trying to have sex every 2nd day, and maybe once a day during fertile window. Worked last time for me but I have a lot of spotting still and feeling like my body is not the same anymore!Have you spoken to your GP or had any tests to find out why it’s taking 2 years? Must be so tough.

@Debingirlies I wouldn’t worry about what anyone else thinks. The people who love you will be rooting for you to be happy.

@Ripple2020 hello hun physically I am OK healing (though not nearly as quickly as I'd like) I have 4 incisions, 2 on the left of my tummy, 1 above my pubic line, and one straight threw my belly button. Doc tells me my ovaries look good, and remaining right tube looks healthy. I'm waiting for a hysteroscopy to check for Asherman's syndrome (scar tissue in my uterus caused by erpc's in other mc's). I've had every test through blood they can do. My tube baby is being tested for abnormalities, so waiting for results from that. All my bloods came back normal except my AMH is low. The doc doesn't see any thing that obviously causes miscarriage. I'm considering getting NK cell tests done also but it's expensive. My husband is Catholic and will not consider Ivf because its against his beliefs. I've been trying since 2017 but didn't join this group until 2018 after my 2nd mc. Up until my first mc I didn't know about this world either I was ignorant of the hell some go through. As to opk I use easy@home along side cbfm. The easy@home tests can be used alongside an app that records then and reads them for you (pictured) you can get them from amazon.

@Ripple2020 sorry to see you here. I'm here in very similar circumstances. Lost our daughter at the 20 week scan on in October. I don't know if you feel the same but I'm enough weeks down the line that people around me have mostly moved on and I haven't. I'm not the same person and I just can't connect with people in the same way anymore.

@FloDaffodil it's the not knowing that is so frustrating isn't it. None, some or all of your losses could be connected. Why don't they have the answers? Next time will you have further tests and scans now they know the results?

@Debingirlies I don't think we do get over anything really but definitely time has helped me. I cry less now it 4 months on. I just wanted to try again ASAP to get back on track and put things right but now we are having a break as it's taken it's toll on me. I have two daughters too so I feel that's a strong positive to cling onto. Not just because I'm extremely grateful but because I know my body can do it. You have to grab on to the glimmers of hope.

As for the shame I felt it too as of course I wondered what I'd done and how could I not have known the baby had died whilst I walked round for two weeks. But the shame left after a couple of months and now I'm very open about it all. I don't want to add to the stigma of it.

@Mumlili9 reading that my first thought is, it doesn’t get tougher than that - I’d imagine you thought the same though and have been proven wrong. How the hell have they not been able to find something! How many MCs in total? Hate to ask Qs if you’ve prev provided the info but have they checked the shape of your uterus etc? I would have thought ectopic was one of those bad luck events -not necessarily associated with fertility issues. It must be so frustrating that you can get pregnant but this keeps happening. It’s awful, when your body is screaming at you to protect your baby. We have no control over any of the process. I do naively thought I’d have a baby when I’m ready and labouring will be the difficult part, it’s actually gettin there is the difficult part. I have a friend due the day after my due date and another due 3 days after and I feel like I can’t even go to the shops for fear of bumping into them!

@avocadoincident I’m so sorry for your little girl. Did you find a reason why it might have happened? 100%, my mind is still totally consumed with it all and I feel like everybody else’s lives have went back to normal!OH is very good for talking though. How are you physically? I still have some spotting before AF which makes me uneasy, I guess we will always think the worst of everything now. Where do ye stand with TTC again?

@Ripple2020 hi hun yeah the ectopic is unrelated in so much that the baby was actually alive. I've had 8 uterine mc's and one ectopic with a second pregnancy inter uterine blighted ovum. My uterus is normal shape and as far as tests go I'm as normal as it gets. Everything about me is plain old average I'm a tad overweight at size 16 and older at 38 though. I have regular 26 - 28 day cycles with out fail although extremely light, I had a scan to measure my lining but it was 9mm so again average (i do wonder where the blood goes each month though) Text book nothing wrong. It's unexplained. I just have to hope that one day we get lucky.

Hi ladies
@Debingirlies i'm so sorry for your loss. I completely agree with @avocadoincident and @Ripples2020. there isn't really a getting over it, there is just gathering up all your courage with both hands, and trying to be as kind to yourself as you can. The people who really count won't judge you. You and your partner can focus on looking after yourselves, your girls and your beautiful angel baby. Nobody else's opinion really matters.

@VenusStarr and @avocadoincident I'm glad to hear of your positive appointments.

waves @BunnytheBee no need to apologise for taking time out! I hope that you are having a gentle weekend and being well looked after.

I am currently having a very long cycle, with no sign of ovulation. I am wondering if it is just my body taking some time to get back to normal.

I also managed to give myself a very stressful week this week. I saw a job advertised that was an incredibly interesting role, that doesn't really come up very often. I applied thinking that I should go for it as the role was so interesting, but didn't really think it would get anywhere. I went to the interview and got offered the job! Today I have declined the role as I think I just won't be able to cope with it. I know that you shouldn't put your life on hold when TTC, but really it's difficult not to. I also went back to work three months after DD1 was stillborn and looking back it was a mistake to push myself to do that. So, pushing myself to take a new job, no matter how interesting the role sounds, is probably the wrong decision at this point.

I hope everyone has gentle weekends xx

@Mumlili9 it’s cruel. Do you become pregnant easily? The unknown must be torture, I’m racking my brain trying to think of why this could be happening to you, I can only imagine the places you’ve visited in your mind while on this journey. You sound like you are keeping a positive mindset though, in terms of remaining hopeful and I think there’s a lot to be said for that. Once you have hope you have a fight in you and as awful as this must be I think you must not give up, you will have your baby someday, hopefully soon, but by the looks of things there are a lot of people rooting for you and I hope you keep this strength x

@JuniperAndRose so sorry for your little girl, I share in your pain. Again I’m new to this so sorry if I ask you to repeat shared information but can I ask how you’re healing physically? I know the heartache is endless. Have you thought about or started TTC again? x

@JuniperAndRose
Well done for going for the job AND getting it. But also well done for not being scared to turn it down. It's not now or never. Xxx

@Debingirlies I’m sorry, I’ve been thinking about my words in my post above and I think they have come across as harsher than I meant them to. I don’t mean that there is no moving forward or no good days to come, just that maybe getting over isn’t a helpful way of thinking about our losses x

@Ripple2020 @avocadoincident thank you x

What do you ladies take / do for egg quality? My age is really starting to worry me now, I haven't got long left.

Hope you are doing ok @mumlili9
Since my MC I have been taking ridiculously expensive zita west vitamins, and her dha. I've also made my husband take her vitamins! No idea if it's doing any good as only had my MC a month ago but it makes me feel like I'm doing something. Also doing acupuncture but that is more for my general health

Hi all - we recently lost our baby girl at 22 wks at the start of the month and decided to ttc as soon as possible as its what we want more than anything in the world and its a time when ur most fertile, i know its possible to conceive again before ur first period arrives which is due in the next week or 2 (as i dnt know how my cycles will actually return to normal) but do these top two cheap pg test show a v v faint second line to any of you? Dont know what to make of them as i dont know if iv ovulated etc although iv had the ovulation pains etc im thinking this could just be my body getting back to normal after our loss x 😒

@Whiffle77i know what you mean about wanting to do something.

This waiting to heal thing is driving me mad. Hpt is practically negative now so I thought I would do an opk and got a line but I can't work out if the opk is picking up hcg or lh. I hate this limbo. Doctor said we should wait 3 months to ttc and midwife said one full cycle so I don't know what to believe.
I'm far to sore for dtd but I really miss the closeness. He keeps saying he doesn't want to hurt me but I feel so lonely if that makes sense.

How are you ladies getting along?

@Hayleylou89 it could left over hcg. I would say wait 48 and test again hun. I so sorry for your loss. Welcome to this group of lovely ladies.

@Mumlili9

Yeah thats what im thinking it could be too.

that top test iv only just done this afternoon so ill do one with fmu and see what happens iv had a few mild symptoms but its hard to know if there pregnancy loss symptoms and everything going back to normal or new pregnancy symptoms. Thanks for replying 😘 x

@Hayleylou89 that's OK hun. I had an ectopic pregnancy with surgery on the 18th and I'm still getting pregnancy symptoms. I was only 7 weeks so I imagine that at 22 weeks your hcg was much higher. It's so cruel that we still have to feel pregnant for weeks after our loss. Be gentle with your self xx

@Mumlili9

Ah really, ur still suffering, see im amazon how iv
Kind of returned to normal in the sense of not
Bleeding and feeling like iv ovulated or im getting those sort of symptoms this past week or so. And then im wondering why the tests earlier on in the week are clearly Negative but sure i can see a faint line on the more recent ones ... suppose test in a day or so and see if it gets any darker x