TTC for the Over 40s

[birthdaycake]

The first thread I've ever started.

Me age 41 and TTC since mmc in June. Anyone else out there.

Herb, you really ahve had a rough few years

My mum had 16 miscarriages at 12 weeks in 13 years , but that was in the 50's, I think that if it had happend now something might have been able to help her and I wouldn't be with her.

Then again with the changes in abortion laws since I was born I probaably wouldn't even be here - not being judgmental - jsut stating facts.

Yes, ttc this cycle, been weeing on sticks and checking Cm, no line on the sticks but had some ewcm. It was one morning when I got up to go to the loo, went back to bed and jumped on dh - he thought all his birthdays had coem at once !!

Herb, i thought this website might be of interest and help to you. tofullterm.com/

did your doc do any investigation as to why you mc?

Thanks Heron.

I've had all the investigations, though I had to go privately, and there's nothing the matter. The last two MCs were chromosonal problems, which are more likely with age, though the two I had are both pretty unlikely. I keep thinking that if I keep going, surely my luck will change. But... maybe not.

Herb, i am so sorry to hear that. it is a hard decision to make.

Herb Sorry to hear your story. It must be really disheartening. I think trying for 6 more mths sounds like a good compromise on not giving up, but moving forward IYSWIM. Anyway good luck with it.

As for me I should be having AF now. But it's not turned up. As this is only my second AF I'm not surprised. Don't think for an instance that I'm pg. Only BD'd on Day 5 and day 23.

Herb - sorry that you've had a bad time. My 1st mc turned into a mp - which required treatment (final one on edd which was v. difficult). We made the decision that if I had a 2nd mp (much more likely once you've had it once), we would give up and go down the adoption route. 2 mc post ds, the first of which took a long time to get back to normal, making me petrified that mc coming back. We've not spoken about adoption since ds - I don't know whether we'd consider it for the 2nd.

Thank you for that Lilibet! It is good to know you have had such a great childhood. I would love to give a child a great childhood like that.
From what I have found so far, the agencies prefer to give a family a child at least 2 years younger than the youngest child. So if you had a four year old you would not get a child any older than 2 years old. Eventually we will draw a line under TTC if we don't have any success, but will almost certainly go for adoption at that point.
Even if we wait another year to decide then wait a further year or two so to find a child to adopt, the chances are the child will have to be a maximum of four years old because our DS will be about six. In a kind of weird way it would work out, because even if get pregnant this time, I would have a baby next January by the time DS is six, the baby would be three, so I would end up with a three/four year old either way. Does that make sense?
I probably sound nuts, but I am concerned about being too old to provide the support my child/teenager/young adult needs as I grow older. That's why I don't want to go on and on. Obviously a young mother could be infirm or become seriously ill, but I think there is a higher risk for an older mum, which is why I want to stop when I feel comfortable and look at other options.
Phew that was a long winded post.
This is a great thread though, I am really enjoying having you all to talk to.

Oh it's day six for us, I've stopped the Agnus Castus and feel much more normal now.
I think this is blocked tube month, so not holding out much hope this time. Have a go anyway though.

Hi everybody, I was thinking about you heron23 yesterday sorry about af. Although we are only on 3 cycle the disappointment is horrible, so big hugs.
I think about posting more often but then I find that I obsess about bfp every day. I am a bit confused about the pre-seed mentioned here, where else would they go ? have we been bd'ing the wrong way

I think I have missed the boat this month although not entirely sure when af due. Came on 24 Dec, 17 jan, 20 Feb always lasts no more then 3 days, still waiting this month, no symptoms as yet, bd 3 times between 8-14 March.I used clear blue ov sticks but got nothing from them and decided not to buy any more as I was obsessing.

But I was in Boots tonight and they have their own brand preg tests at half price, seemed a shame not to buy them, but now to scared to test. I will sleep on it any test in the morning, maybe!
Did anyone see Donald Sutherland on telly tonight with he sperm joke?, very funny.

Hi Giggly! You never know, fingers crossed for you.

Hi Giggly, I saw Donald Sutherland on the telly. I love it when JR's guests take over a bit - he can be a bit overpowering.

Rowingboat - KWYM about being an older mum and wanting to be around to provide. It does concern me too.

Well I think AF is on it's way. Only a hunch, but just have a feeling.

Have a lovely Saturday one and all. x

Thanks Giggly for the hugs. i am kind of moving on now, looking forward to the 2nd cycle. on dy3 today. my periods are always short, 2-3 days only, so it was not too bad.

i do think about #2 we are ttc, i am 42 and with luck i will be still 42 when DC is born. i will be 58 when DC2 turns 16! that sounds very old...

i do wish that we started our family earlier, but we just were not ready at the time. we were having too much fun travelling, work and just being selfish! emotionally i just was not ready to give up my time. that is the honest truth.

Heron, I KWYM, I wish I'd got together with my DH 5 years earlier and done all the stuff we did later, but who knows - maybe we wouldn't have worked out if we'd met earlier. It's just the way it works out some times.

Ideally I'd like DC2 before I turn 42 next June, but if it takes longer to get pg again as long as I have a healthy baby at the end of it I don't really mind - it's just the risks that worry me.

I do worry about being 60 when my kids are still under 20, but I think I'm going to try not to dwell on it and cross that bridge when we get to it. My DH will be 60 when DS is 15!!
I think I'll just remain in denial and concentrate on getting pg again

i agree, i do not dwell about the future too much. i am just focused now on getting pg.

are you going to have amnio or CVS test done ?

i am going for CVS at fetal medical centre harley st. i want to have the test done where they do lots of it, so they are well practiced in the technique and hopefully make less mistakes.

but that seems so far away for now, have to get preg first

Last time I had a nuchal(sp?) + bloods (is that the triple test?) and I think I'd do that again. I'm in Tower Hamlets so I had it done at the Royal. I came out about 1500 or so last time which was good enough for me. Don't know if I'd have the amnio if the result was worse, but you're right - it seems a long way off at the moment!

Right, off to Sainsburys (joy )

See you later x

hope it is not too hectic out there.

i had the nuchal done as well last time. but i want to be sure this time, so i will have the cvs after the nuchal.

Still waiting for my selective HSG [SAD]

blessed2, what is selective hsg?

Being 60 with a 15 year old is something that I tend to push to the back of my mind,dh is younger than me anyway.

My mum was (is) quite an old mum, when i was 15 she was 51 and I admit that I did feel it, especially as my best mate's mum was only in her teens when she had her and was very young, trendy and glam but I think that back then people were older for their years - my mum was a 'shampoo and set' woman from her twenties!

when I was a child, no woman in her 30's or 40's would wear jeans, or shop in the sme shops as a tenager/someone in her early 20's, but i think clothes have become more universal (thank you primark!) and age is just not treated the same.

For anyone having doubts about a baby when they are older, whether thru birth or adoption, read triplets fantastic post here and have a look at her profile.

The woman is a wonder!!

I think the thing about these babies that we are planning and waiting for and dreaming about is that they will all be wanted, loved and cared for regardless of our ages and there are so many children around the world of whom that cannot be said. There are children who would give anything for some of you as a mum and really not give a stuff if you are 40, 50 or 60 as long as you love them.

A selective HSG (so I am told) is when they try to actually unblock your tube(?) I know - I'm going to let the hospital perform a procedure that I'm not 100% sure about . Thick or what

Heron/ohjoy I've been lurking for the past few day and have been reading your posts!!

hi blessed2, good luck with your procedure. has the hospital given u a date?

lilibet is right, although we are "old", our children are much wanted and cherished. and really that is all kids want, to have parents who truly love and want them

very wise words lilibet.

i do post on other threads but i feel especially close to this one, as we are about the same age.

blessed2, please let us know how you get on.

I will. I'm going to phone the hospital on Monday to find out (again) why it's taking soooo long. I'm clutching at straws. I hope that once my tube is unblocked I'll get a BFP

I'm dead curious. Please someone tell me - Birthdaycake started this thread Aug 07. What has happened to her? Did she get a BFP? Come on someone MUST know.

not sure...

Thank you Heron - with great age comes great wisdom !!

It's raining so hard here, and our pc is in the conservatory, I can hardly hear myself think!!

I was reading the thread through and there aren't many who are still here from 6 months ago unless we have had name changes. I popped into the October Ante Natal thread and told hedgepig to come and say hello to us.

Right - off to study!!