TTC after loss penguins get fit & healthy in 2020

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

This is the thread for those of us in the TTC after loss penguin huddle who want to try to eat a more healthy diet, exercise more, lose weight or just feel better physically this year
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@MrsMGE @Avocuddles @MissSparkles81 @SunshineCrocodile @Mumlili8 @VenusStarr @SunStruck

If I’ve missed anyone please tag them

How about we start by saying what our goals are whether that he the number on the scale, doing more exercise or just feeling better about ourselves?

I’m BunnytheBlueWhale (NC recently - see TTC thread). I’m 35 and probably weigh about a stone more than I’d like since I had my stillborn daughter in February. I don’t need to lose weight massively but having post-baby weight and no baby is a bit rubbish!

I’d like to lose a bit of a weight all over and also target my belly with brushing, moisturising and maybe microneedling at home...

I eat a lot of sugary snacks so want to massively reduce those and also try to take a healthy lunch to work to stop me spending so much money on food!

@Seahawk80 I hate those ruined pregnancy threads. I once got caught up in one where someone was losing it over the sonography accidentally revealing the sex of the baby and how it had ruined the scan for her..... uh NO I'll tell you how a scan gets ruined! To be truthful I would have felt like her in times gone by but now I have a different perspective.

@Seahawk80 I know. I’ve read threads like that and I find them tough to deal with too.

Replied before I saw the last page!

@footprintsintheslow What sort of workouts are they? Half an hour sounds good.

I might try doing different things. I used to love body attach and body combat so I wonder if I could find those online and then find somewhere to do them. I’d do them in the garden but wonder if the neighbours would see. And then some bits to tone me up too.

I don’t want to make myself run or walk and then come to hate it. Night isn’t a bad idea but it depends where I go as it’s quite rural out here and I don’t know all the areas. A sheet local run might be ok at night and it seems like more people tend to be out walking in the evening here.

So I was just having a look on YouTube for workouts. My favourite gym class is body combat and there are some full workouts on Les Mills and other channels like Pop Sugar Fitness (new to me). I’m quite excited at the prospect of being able to do these workouts at home and have some variety so I don’t feel like I have to run several times a week.

Would it be weird for me to do this in the garden if neighbours can see me? It’s not incredibly densely populated here but the next door neighbours would probably be able to see me depending how on whereabouts I am and our garden backs onto a park where people walk their dogs.

But I’d just be exercising, like I would in a gym, so it’s not that weird is it?? I feel like DH will think it’s weird.

@BunnytheBee no not weird at all! If I saw a neighbour doing it I'd think good for them! Even not in lockdown I'd just think oh that's a good idea and better than sclepping to the gym.

I’m going to give it a go today!

I feel like, watching a video (rather than being in a class), I might get bored half way through and turn it off but we’ll see!

I’ll keep you posted...

Hello, I hope you don't mind me joining. I had a tfmr at 19 weeks in December after finding out that my baby girl was very unwell. I've been trying to get fit and healthy in the three months we were told to wait before ttc again. I have lost a stone and only have 5lb to make it to my pre baby weight, so I'm getting there!

I've seen a lot of negativity on the conception boards re ttc at the moment, but I imagine a lot of those women don't really know how deeply losing a baby hurts. I've found this and all the "ruined pregnancy" posts really upsetting too. Anyway you ladies seem so supportive so this is a better place to be.

Wishing us all the best luck 🌈

Hi @1stbabs Im so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. I lost my daughter in February last year at 40 weeks and a year on it’s still tough but I suppose early days! Well done on losing a stone - thats fantastic! I’m losing weight but slowly.

A few of us have found the ruined pregnancy posts upsetting. This is absolutely a better place for you. The women on this thread are so wonderful, strong and supportive 💕

@BunnytheBee thanks so much for the warm welcome. I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter ❤️ ...It's so hard to be motivated to stay on track with losing weight isn't it! Slow and steady wins the race .. we will get there eventually ☺️

@BunnytheBee these work outs are great it's 30 seconds of an exercise like stretching or jogging or the plank then 30 seconds rest. I feel like I can manage any thing for 30 seconds. It's live at 9am weekdays and he has about 750,000 people tuning in at the same time so it feels like you are part of something bigger. Plus he's hot. Not my cup of tea but I can appreciate that he's hot.

As for working out in your garden, I like to hula hoop in the garden. My neighbours laugh but in a nice way.

@1stbabs I'm so sorry you are here but welcome anyway. We all understand each other well here. You can share as much or as little as you want. X

I've not had a great day today. I'm so tired of feeling so sad. We went to visit the grave (on my once a day allowed walk) and I just felt so angry at everything. I think I'm going to take it on the posters 'who's pregnancy is ruined' 🙄😉

@footprintsintheslow thank you and sorry for your loss. I'm sorry you're having a hard day. Visiting my daughters grave often makes me really angry too. Have you found this last week particularly difficult? I'm finding it hard to pull myself out of the bouts of sadness without any distractions. x

Is anybody finding it hard to stay healthy now we're on lockdown? So hard to find the motivation now that it's only my husband that sees me 😂

@1stbabs yes I'm finding it hard the last couple of weeks. How are you filling your time, beside mumsnet of course?!

I'm normally really busy and walk a lot. I rely on this to distract myself from my own sadness. My husband working from home is doing my head in and we are bickering which is exhausting.

It would have been my due date on the 13th and my best friend is due next week and she sent me a message on my due date that has upset me.

I hope she was trying to just be honest and not being awful on purpose but either way I've not got over it and there's been a number of messages and incidents that mean I've phased her out. I actually feel she phased me out first. You know how people cross the road to avoid people who are grieving. It's been a big version of that.

I'll copy and paste the message here to see what people think. It's hard to know if I'm being over sensitive...

I forgot to say I sent 'DH' round with flowers and as guilty as I feel for still being pregnant with a baby I never really wanted, I’m still marking off all of your dates 3 weeks and 1 day before I give birth to my own

@1stbabs Yes exactly I’m trying to be patient with myself to get where I want to be - fitted and healthier. I actually feel I’ve been a bit healthier since I’ve been at home and I like the idea that I’m using my time productively but we’ll see how long it lasts because I’ve had days when I have done next to nothing!

I don’t have loads of weight to lose but I do have some and I still have some separation in my abs so decided today I’m going to focus on that for 30 days and see what happens. I’ll still go for walks and run too but I think I haven’t been mindful that certain exercises can make the separation worse.

@footprintsintheslow I’m going to try those workouts. I’m sorry you’re feeling low. I cry every time I go to my daughter’s grave and the dates are so hard. My daughter died on 13 Feb and the funeral was 13 March so 13th is a bit of a sensitive date for me too. I also find my husband and I argue more at those times partly because he doesn’t really know how to deal with me when I’m feeling down (and maybe he’s feeling something too?) but also just being around each other all the time can be frustrating! I think a lot of people have that problem tbh but they don’t talk about it or post about it on the perfect Insta feeds.

I can understand why your friend’s text upset you. I think maybe she meant well and she remembered your due date but she didn’t need to mention her “unwanted pregnancy” or even her giving birth did she? She could have just said she’s thinking of you... How has she been otherwise?

I had a few issues with friends.

1 - Friend had her Dad weeks after I had mine. Her baby was fine but her DH left her around the time she was born. I made a real effort to show friend I was there for her and that she shouldn’t stay away with her baby. She was just a bit of a shit friend to me though. She’d text me and say “hi how are you? Are are you free to meet up next week?” Then after I replied I wouldn’t hear from her for weeks or months. She’d then message me and say sorry she hadn’t been in touch but she’s having a hard time. I knew she was but I was too and was trying to be there for her.

2 - She just didn’t contact me after the funeral (she came to the funeral) and when I texted her, months later, her reply was basically she thinks of me but didn’t want to intrude and she didn’t want to upset me but she’s pregnant. I was thinking why mention it then in your first text back? Why not ask how I am? But I told her it’s not a reason to stay away and she wouldn’t be intruding by texting me occasionally. 3 months later she still hadn’t been in touch again and so I texted her saying I was disappointed and didn’t see how our friendship could recover from he basically ignoring me when I needed my friends the most.

3 - Another I thought was just being her usual slightly flaky self in being difficult to make plans with but then she avoided me when I ran into to her while I was doing some charity work for Sands. She couldn’t get away fast enough! I texted her telling her what I thought and actually she stepped up and made more effort.

And of course friends generally just don’t message or ask how I am months later.

@footprintsintheslow I usually keep myself really busy and do lots of walking too. This last week or so I've just been mooching around the house watching Netflix. I think I need to get out the house walking every day, seeing as that's the only thing we can really do now. It's something at least!

I think your friend was trying to be thoughtful, but I really can't see why she would have mentioned that her baby was unwanted? That seems very tactless and I would have been very upset to receive that message. Especially on your due date.

My due date is early May so fast approaching, and I think that's another reason why I've been feeling on edge recently. I've tried so hard along the way to not think of how many weeks I'd be by now, but the closer the date gets the more impossible it seems.

I've also put a ridiculous amount of pressure on myself to fall pregnant before this date, which I know is silly because it's not something I have any control over. I'm starting to feel like Ttc has become an obsession.

@BunnytheBee you're doing really well to keep on track whilst stuck indoors! I think I need to take a leaf out of your book and take one thing to focus on over a month. Before I was pregnant I really enjoyed yoga and was quite flexible (I can barely touch my toes now), so I might try and find somebody to watch on YouTube and get back into it.

I could do with toning up my belly as well, are you doing any particular workout for your abs?

@1stbabs Try not to put pressure on yourself about falling pregnant again but I know it’s easily done. I feel like its weird a year has gone by and I’m not pregnant as other women I know, who lost their baby when u did, are pregnant or have had their babies now. I suppose I did get pregnant but was one of the unlucky ones again to MC.

Now the world has changed so who knows what will happen. I’m in with a chance this month but not a big one as we didn’t dtd much.

I am mostly keeping on track. I actually feel I’ve been better at home but not sure why. I am finding that if I feed myself properly with meals then I don’t feel like snacking. It sounds obvious but it’s easier to do that at home.

I was doing some exercises last year with a physio I started seeing a couple of months after I had my DD. I was discharged as she said the separation had reduced a lot and was considered “functional” so I was doing normal exercise and was wanting to work on my abs more now but only in the last couple of days I realise that gap is there and maybe there are things I should be doing / not doing before I work my abs too hard. I found some exercises on you tube and the ones my physio gave me and I’m going to see if that helps. Apparently planks and twisting can make it worse so I may have been preventing it from healing.

Do you have a gap @1stbabs? The way to tell is to lie on your back with bent knees then lift your head and feel down the middle to see if there is a gap. If there is then you should go easy in case you make it worse. It’s called Dias gas is recti if you’re looking up exercises or anything.

@BunnytheBee I'm in my two week wait too so fingers crossed for us both .. but Yes I definitely need to find away to stop obsessing about falling pregnant again. I’m so sorry that you had a mc when you fell again. Life is so cruel. I know that even when it does happen for me I’ll be so scared of something going wrong again, but at least this time I’ll be prepared. I naively didn’t give any thought to getting bad news last time, it was all such a shock.

Having proper meals must be the key as I’m always snacking which is my downfall. I had absolutely no idea about separated abs but I’ve just checked and there is definitely a gap, so thank you! I’ll have a look for some more tailored exercises.

Just read your other post, it’s hard with pregnant friends isn’t it? Have you since heard much from your friend whos husband left her? I think they find it awkward and don’t really know how to treat us. Also I think with friends in general, they kind of forget as time moves on. I think because I mostly put on a brave fave these days, people have stopped asking how I am. Whereas I still feel stuck in some ways back to the day my daughter was born.

@1stbabs I think a lot of women get the ab separation. I only knew as the midwife told me after I’d given birth and said to see the physio as it was quite a big gap. They measure it on fingers so it was about four or something to start with and now it’s more like 2. But otherwise I wouldn’t have known.

You’ve basically got to avoid anything that puts pressure on your abs form the inside or causes them to bulge like crunches, twists, a plank, sitting straight up... You’re supposed to do really basic exercises. I’ve done some today and they are aching a bit so hopefully I’ve done some good.

Just realised typo above - it’s called diastasis recti

The one with the baby, well she still does the same thing. We have a group of us, 3 friends including me and her, and she even did that earlier this month. She texted and asked when we’re free for lunch as we’re back at work soon. Other friend replied and said “great what days are you working?” She didn’t reply. I messaged them both the other day to say hope you’re ok (given what’s going on) but she makes v little effort. She shouldn’t feel awkward as I saw her about 2-3 weeks after I’d had my daughter and she was about 39 weeks pregnant. I gave her advice about her labour, gave her the nappies I had (I asked her first if she’d want them), I went shopping for her for baby clothes and I barely talked about our baby when I was with her. She brought her baby to our house in the very early days. I was “normal” so she shouldn’t have felt uncomfortable. I think she has just been a bit selfish tbh.

But then, like you say, I put on a brave face and I’m very “business as usual” at work so people think we’re fine. Tbh I don’t often want to talk about what’s happened with people but there are ways they can acknowledge it or just be around.

I have had other friends who have surprised me pleasantly though. Some at work bought me flowers, card and gift as they remembered the anniversary. Another friend didn’t mention it but just asked if I’m free for lunch that weekend and booked somewhere nice and new for us so that was nice and I try not to see only the bad.

How have your friends been?

Snacking is my issue too. This afternoon I just felt like snacking so I made myself some pasta with a homemade sauce. I know some people avoid carbs but I don’t. I just try not to eat too many sugary foods as they’re my weakness.

I had quite a healthy dinner too. We had some minced beef and DH didn’t want bolognese, chilli or cottage pie so I made this:

www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/beef-recipes/asian-crispy-beef/

Just checking in with you all. My baby's birth anniversary is this week, so struggling on - I am very grateful indeed that I have a job that I can do at home as DH is a key worker and I'm on my own all day, being able to work has helped me take my mind off things a bit. (Throwing myself into work does mean that days/nights/weekends have all blurred into one in my little home office, although that makes it sounds a lot posher than it is, it's the room with the boiler cupboard in and I've got a £20 IKEA table and the chair they've let me borrow from work!) I've been thinking of you all.

A warm welcome to you @1stbabs - I had a TFMR in my second trimester as well and my heart goes out to you, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your little girl.

@BunnytheBee @footprintsintheslow I am sorry to hear that you have had to deal with such insensitive comments whilst you have been so brave and kind in supporting your pregnant friends. Like Bunny I have found a couple of friends/colleagues who are truly rare and wonderful gems who have demonstrated huge kindness and been able to provide some form of comfort to me, but could probably write a book on the daft ways that most people have behaved or the things they've come out with! At least on here everyone understands - I've had to take a step back from some of the more smug / serial offenders in real life.

I have seen those 'ruined pregnancies' threads too and 'hidden' them all on the App. In Mumsnet speak, I would very much like to give all of those posters with healthy pregnancies and babies but who are currently complaining a collective head-wobble!

If anyone has any indoor hobbies they'd like to tell me about please share. I'm looking for inspiration - I've done a little cross-stitch and some knitting, but a 1000 piece puzzle is firmly back in its box after a very frustrating evening! I can't hula hoop for toffee, sadly :(

Welcome @1stbabs . I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. This is a lovely supportive thread. Just wanted to say I felt like you about being desperate to be pregnant before my due date but it did ease up the nearer I got (full disclosure - I did actually get a BFP a few days before in the end which made the actual date easier but it ended up with another TMFR so now I just don't feel like a positive test would make me feel any better).

Hi to everyone else. I don't know how long I'll have to post - currently have 2 mins while DS is engrossed in "Dino Songs" on Amazon! I did my first couch 2 5 k and off again for one today when DH finishes work. I've found living with my mum and step dad good for snacking...when you are in some one else's house you feel like a bit of a pig if you scoff a big bag of crisps! Also drinking g less too. Also they eat smaller portions than us. Think we will go wild when we get back home though!

I've hidden all the "ruined pregnancy" posts as I don't trust myself. I feel like it's less
Than a month since my TMFR and no one has even asked how I am as corona has just taken over. There are bigger things to worry about and I know that but it just feels like I'm expected to just get over it. I sent in my complaint to the hospital after thinking long and hard about it and what a surprise I was called by a counsellor today to arrange an appointment but it wasn't the pregnancy specialist that they told me it would be. It took me by surprise a bit and I didn't say anything but now it's just making me feel even more like I've just been "fobbed off" by hospital

@tortiecat hope you are doing ok over the anniversary. I'm glad you can throw yourself into work. It is a hard time to be grieving as distraction is much harder to come by x

@BunnytheBee Thank you! Obviously I’ve not been to the gym recently, but when I did go back in January I was throwing myself in at the deep end, doing abs classes and all sorts. At least now I know to go a bit easy on myself.

You’re right, your friend does just sound selfish. Especially seeing as you had seen her only two weeks after losing your daughter, and bravely went to so much effort to help her. That must have been so painful for you… I still find it hard seeing newborn babies now and its almost 4 months after my loss. That’s really sweet that your other friends remembered and got you a gift. My friends have been great really, although recently I’d started to feel more alone again because I wasn’t really talking about it anymore. So I was pleasantly surprised on Mother’s Day when I received loads of messages from them all, which meant a lot. I struggle a lot with guilt, so it was nice to hear that other women think of me as a mum.

I’m absolutely with you on the carb front, I cannot and will not live without them! Making a proper meal sounds like a good idea. When you think of how many calories you waste on sugary rubbish, it must be better to have a small portion of something healthy and filling instead. PS that beef looks lovely! I’ve got so many cook books gathering dust.. now is the time to crack them out I think!

@tortiecat Thank you so much, I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. It is very comforting to be able to talk to other people who know how you are feeling, so I’m grateful to have found this group. I am sorry to hear you’re struggling this week with your baby’s anniversary coming up…glad you’ve got work to focus on to get through. I haven't got any indoor hobbies to recommend, but I am searching for some too, so I’ll let you know if I find anything interesting :)

@Seahawk80 Thank you for the warm welcome, everybody on here has been so kind. I am so, so sorry for the loss of both of your babies. And from your post it seems you were treated badly by your hospital as well. I can’t imagine how painful it must have been for you to have to go through that twice. I think that my positivity will be short lived even if I do get a BFP because as we unfortunately know, it doesn’t guarantee anything. It is “nice” to see that this desperate need to be pregnant seems to be normal though at least? I was starting to think I’d gone mad but as you and others have said the same thing, maybe its only natural.

@tortiecat I hope you’re doing ok. The anniversaries are really tough. I felt crap for about a month if I’m being honest. Your home office sounds more hi tech than mine. I currently have an empty room with no carpet as my carpets and desk were supposed to arrive last week after they announced the lockdown. So we’re working on the dining room table which is ok and it’s nice to have company.

@1stbabs I find it hard seeing newborns and pregnant women even now sometimes bit as she was my friend I didn’t see it that way. I just wanted to be there for her but unfortunately she didn’t care as much. We haven’t fallen out but I won’t be going out of my way. Even for Mother’s Day I had no acknowledgement but as Seakhawk says I think a lot of people have other things on their minds.

I feel I’ve been a bit lazy since the weekend. I have tried to do a tiny bit of toning on arms, legs and abs the past few days so I suppose that’s something but barely been for a walk. Apparently I’ve done 4,400 steps today which is not much at all. Since I stopped work at 5:30 o’clock I’ve pretty much just watched Tv apart from a short walk I took to the shop with DH.

I feel better today because I did some exercise. DH and I went for a walk this morning (not a massive one, maybe 2 miles or so) and then this evening I did some body combat on YouTube and really enjoyed it.

Hi @BunnytheBee glad you're feeling better today, I am too. Exercise definitely helps! I've just been on an evening walk with DH as well. I don't know if you already know about this, but I signed up to a free 2 week trial with Les Mills today. They've got loads and loads of workouts on there including body combat, in case you run out of good ones on YouTube! I'm going to try and do one a day, starting with body balance tomorrow.

@tortiecat if you are still looking for some indoor hobbies, I've discovered an app called duolingo that you can learn languages on. It's actually really fun and keeps your mind occupied for a while. I hope your week is going ok x

@1stbabs Oh thanks. I’ll look at that as there are about 10 of the ones I want on YouTube (all combat, I think the series is called Invincible) but I like his other classes too like body attack and I even liked barre and would try that on video.

Funny you mention languages as I was thinking about that tonight and whether to go back to learning a language I spent time on years ago.

@tortiecat I’m quite creative so have over the years spent time knitting, crocheting (I tried when pregnant but didn’t master it), drawing and painting. I’m also a bit of a geek so a language like 1stbabs said. DH and I were saying we might try to learn how to do the cryptic crossword as we just can’t do it. Ive previously thought about doing a massage course or a make up course, which you could do online. I spent time learning Tarot. Typing course online. I love learning but tbh I also love watching TV 😬