One fucking year

[FthisS]

That's how long it's been now. I would happily never have sex again but I know by the middle of next week I will be singing the welsh national anthem in my head.

@FedUpofTTC so sorry to read about your losses my heart goes out to you & I cannot imagine how tough it would be. That's a lot to deal with and all in one year.

Try to hold onto the fact that you have been able to get pregnant quickly if it gives any comfort at all xx wishing you good luck

So hard, sorry to hear of the heart ache of ttc. I'm sure you're all over the tests etc needs but I thought I'd throw my 2 pence in. Agnus castus- if not heard of it have a google this is what I completely put both my kids down too. Hopefully 2020 will be your year x

@Piixxiiee thanks for the advice; I'm taking so many vitamins I worry they are all too much though , what does Angus cactus do? Was you trying for long before deciding to take it? Xxxx

I’m in the same boat, we fell pregnant 5 years ago (within 3 months of being together) and aborted late, I’m worried that this has affected me. Did anyone else feel they would struggle from the start?

I told myself to prepare for struggling but didn’t really think it would happen. I had an EMC after cycle 1 and I think that threw me completely.

This time last year I pictured today with either me being pregnant or having a baby. I never once imagined it would be like this, I want to stay inside in my own little bubble. I'm looking at people and judging them on what is on the outside....The mother whose got 5 kids to 5 men that I see at the school. The mother whose children just play on the street in the summer and never go anywhere. The children who don't have a decent coat and shoes in the cold but whose mother has just had another baby. I'm deeming myself more worthy of having a baby than any of them. I know nothing else of their situation and it's wrong of me to judge but here I am seething. This is the sort of person I never wanted to become but it's made me very bitter. Not enough is spoken about the heartache that comes from wanting a baby and the torture of waiting every month for the inevitable.

@FthisS this post! So utterly heartbreaking it sucks - I had a fully loaded meltdown to my mum last night have been trying to keep it quite as I am longing for that big announcement to everyone when we get pregnant but I couldn't hold it in any longer. So fed up of living in the dark thinking I'll have a baby soon - iv backed away from job opportunities and holiday opportunities assuming I would have a baby 😭 what a shitty year

I can't believe I've found a thread with other people who are in the same situation as me! I thought it was just me! So 13 months now ttc. Had results back and my husbands morphology (normal and healthy sperm) is only 1.7%, which is probably the reason why we've not achieved pregnancy yet. Mine have all come back OK.
I literally have read through your messages and feel the exact same.
Has anyone gone through tests etc? Xx

This entire thread is so me right now. This is month 14 for us and not even a glimmer of a BFP at any point. We've been referred and our next appointment is 21st January where we have the results of all our tests etc. Secretly hoping that this might be the month, thinking I'm being completely unrealistic tho!

Can I sadly join you ladies? Cd3 today of month 16. 3 chemical pregnancies so far this year. Totally fed up and pissed off and also sick of feeling like my body has let me down again.

Everyone else seems to be getting pregnant so easily.

Also a woman at work fell pregnant accidentally and her baby is due the same day mine would be if I'd not lost the baby in May.

It's the bloody pits that we are all here feeling the same, but in a sick fucking way I'm glad I have people at last to complain about it all to. I have all my baby things up the attic in the new year I'm taking them all to charity surely that will make me pregnant? Well that's what my warped mind is telling me.
@Yogahorseygirl did it help a little getting it out?
@Hhdxx I'm so sorry you find yourself here, but this is the thread you can say anything you want and nobody will judge.

@BewilderedBee I am exactly the same not even a glimmer of a line on any test no matter what light I hold it up to.

@Whyhaveidonethis come on in and join us bitter fuckers, I'm sorry you find yourself here but it helps that we all are feeling you right now.

Hey,

Can I join please?

I am so sorry for your losses, it’s heartbreaking!

We are coming up to a year.... I know people try for much longer but I am feeling deflated by the process.
AF is currently late but I know it’s my body playing tricks on me and she will arrive shortly. The same thing happened in the summer and I got my hopes up... naively!

Baby dust to all ☺️

@Annie20019 that was me this month, I was knicker checking constantly, my period is never late and I was convinced. But no the wicked swine showed up. I just know it won't happen for me it's like a gut feeling and it's so painful.

I feel so angry all the time. Its changed me as a person and me and my husband argue a lot more, he thinks I'm obsessed. It's so sad.
The only thing every asked me is when I'm having a baby. Only my family know what we're going through so everyone else has no idea. All I seem to do is go to baby showers. I'm thinking of coming off fb because of all the baby posts. I get so upset some days 😭

It doesn't help that our doctors are absolutely rubbish

@FthisS
I can totally sympathise with you!
I was gutted in the summer and I know AF will be arriving shortly!
I waste so much money on tests, I refuse to let my hope build this month.

I hope we get our miracle soon, but I can relate to how you are feeling 😞

@Hhdxx
I want to go to the drs but my DH doesn’t want us to stress about it all.
How can I not?! I am the same, everyone around me either has children or are expecting!

I am happy for them though, so I try and focus on that!

@Annie20019 you are a better person than me...I couldn't be happy for anyone right now. I feel like charlie when he wanted the golden ticket and said he wanted it more than anyone.
One thing I haven't done is buy any pregnancy tests so when my period was late I genuinely was convinced.

@bluevelvet1 I definitely do not think it will have affected you, if anything id take it as a positive that you can actually get pregnant. It's clearly just taking its time this time!

@BeingATwatItsABingThing I actually had a gut feeling that I'd struggle but deep down thought that was just irrational and it wouldn't actually happen. Here I am though 16 months on....

@FthisS I can 100% relate I'm now on for my second Xmas where I thought I'd have a baby or be pregnant! But nope still nothing!

@Yogahorseygirl it will help telling your mum, my mum is the only one that knows and it really helps me talking to her about it. Although she got pregnant twice very quickly so she is as shocked as me that it's taking so long. What did your mum say? Is she supportive.

@Hhdxx welcome! I am in virtually the same situation as you. I'm 16months Ttc (not 16 cycles as I've had some long ones) , got DH sperm results back and everything came back high except morphology which was 1% however my doctor told us that it didn't matter given the other measures were all high. What did your doctor say? I'm wondering if this is an issue.

@BewilderedBee I'm on month 16. I'm going to go the doctors this month to get referred. It's so frustrating having to take time off work to go the doctors let alone any other appointments we might potentially need.

@Annie20019 you need to definitely have a serious talk with your oh and explain how the tests are just to rule everything out. If anything it will lower stress if it comes back no problems. One think you can't do in this process is waste time. It really is deflating every month when af arrives 😫

@Maisy24 we're in the same boat then! My husband has had to have another test done and we're waiting on results. He was borderline for motility and for sperm count too so it could be a problem which is why they're doing another test to see if he needs to be referred. At the moment, he is eating healthier and drinking less and taking wellman vitamins. Have you had any tests done? Thanks for getting back.

Good luck to everyone. Really hoping 2020 is the year but then I thought 2019 was my year 😂 can't belive it was 2018 when we started trying wtf xxxx

I feel for you, it was two years each for my two children (36 and 39 conception in the end) - I'll never forget the pain I felt - sad and frustration mixed with hate for new parents

Agnus castus worked for me with my first and high concentration evening primrose oil helped me get pregnant a few times albeit I was susceptible to miscarriage so lost a few

Good luck 🍀

I just had to have an MMR vaccine for work and they told me that I shouldn't get pregnant for a month. I've spent ages googling it and it seems the advice is precautionary and there is no known case of a baby being affected by the vaccine but as it's a live virus it's a potential risk. I could bloody scream. I'm 41. I don't have time for waiting another month.

Hi all, I’m 35, TTC over 1 year but in that time I got pregnant on cycle 11 but I just had a MC at nearly 8 weeks 😭 It feels so cruel to have it taken away after trying for a while, but I just had a feeling it wouldn’t be that easy for us! It just felt too good to be true.

@Maisy24 and @Hhdxx my husband had a semen analysis which showed 0% morphology but all other results fine. I got pregnant around a week after he got his results. I don’t know whether the pregnancy was a complete fluke though! He has been really good with his diet, supplements and has changed to loose boxers these last few weeks, so we don’t know what to do know in terms of further tests or whether we keep trying for a few months and see what happens...

I feel the same as all you ladies, I’m just so sad about it all. It’s changed me as a person and I feel like I’ve wasted a year of my life being worried and anxious. The MC was heartbreaking and the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. 2019 has been total crap 😭 I hope next year brings good news for us all xxx

@FthisS I so want that golden ticket!!
There is such a for and against in relation to pregnancy tests, but I have made a personal decision to hold off them for
A while!

@Maisy24 thank you, I know you’re right!

@Hhdxx glad you are having another test, hopefully it will have improved. Since the results my DH is on lycopene, zinc and coq10 I've heard all these are fantastic for sperm. Could be something your oh could try? Also he has stopped hot baths and tried to cut down on alcohol. I also read that tomatoes are really good for sperm, so up the spag bols, tomato soups and chilli!

Yes I've had the day 5 and day 21 bloods, they said they were perfect: I've also had a pelvic internal scan which came back normal 😫 I kind of wish we had a clear reason it isn't happening!

@custardbear thanks for replying , glad you got your two miracles ❤️ May I ask what the Agnus cactus does? I'm worried about taking even more vitamins.

@Whyhaveidonethis it will be precautionary I'd definitely carry on trying!

@Laurab329 I'm so sorry for your loss, that must have been horrendous. Try and take a small amount of comfort that you know you can actually conceive! Thanks for the feedback regarding the morphology, it gives us reassurance it can still happen.

Maybe keep trying for another month or so and then go back to get referred? At least then you are on the list?

Did you do anything different the month you conceived? Xxxxx