TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[Mumlili8]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to get and give support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy and baby. Pregnancy and child loss is the most awful thing anyone can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

@SunshineCrocodile oh hun I'm so sorry this happened to you again. I wish I could say something that will help, but I've been there and I know there's not. Please know your welcome here and please don't apologise for ranting you've earned the right to rant as much as you like.

@SunshineCrocodile I'm not new hun I've been here forever. My user name stays the same but the number changes to reflect the number miscarriages DH and I have been through.

@SunshineCrocodile so sorry to see you back here, it's an awful situation and I (and so many others here) know the pain of reading all those statistics around things being ok once you've seen a heartbeat where we know from first hand experience that that isn't necessarily the case. As you've had three losses is there any possibility of further investigations for you? If you want another child I wouldn't let thinking about age gaps put you off. Some of the closest siblings I know have substantial age gaps, a bigger gap might make some things harder but for each of those I'm sure there are also benefits....
I hope things progress soon, there's nothing worse than waiting

I remember you @Mumlili8, so sorry to see you still here. @Avocuddles, @ReeRi and @VenusStarr too (I'm sure there are more but I recognised you scrolling through). ReeRi I truly appreciated the offer of support when I posted the scan update news in the grads thread, went into MN exile to lick my wounds in the end but it meant a lot.

Onwards and upwards eh? I can't think about what TTC path we're going to take (if any) until this MC is fully dealt with and I've had a chance to properly acknowledge the loss - and I can't do that while I'm still physically carrying my baby - so I just need to get through the next couple of weeks first. Going back next week if no progress to see if medical/surgical management will be required so that's the first step I suppose.

Just sat in the waiting room at the clinic, have had to sign like 5 lots of forms and DH is now off to do a semen sample test bless him.

Suddenly feel really nervous and on edge! Just so weird and so unnatural to be sat here and not sure how the consultation will go!

Sorry ladies just having an anxious vent as suddenly feel quite weird after having looked forward to 'taking actions' for weeks before this date today.

Will read through thread later and check in with you all properly! X

@SunshineCrocodile sorry for posting without acknowledging your situation, which is really tough and I'm sorry. Sending my love! X

So AF has just arrived. Feeling pretty gutted as I now won't be pregnant before my due date but I'm focusing on the positives like the timing will be better from next month, like I'll hopefully be on mat leave when DS starts school so I can be around to settle him and do the drop offs etc. Also I can really enjoy Xmas and my birthday now, and not just the drinking thing, just no stress about will everything be ok this time. Work have just launched a cycle to work scheme and my bike is so old and knackered, think I'm going to treat myself to a shiny new one of nothing happens next month so that's something to look forward to!

@SunshineCrocodile so sorry you are back here. Such a horrible time, of course you can't think about anything while still physically caring your baby. My experience was different as I had a TMFR but that time between finding out and having the termination was so hard. We decided we would try one more time but I soon felt that was too much of a "deadline" to me so we just decided we will try again, and if we have another loss we will see how we feel. I've also tried to make some plans in case we don't end up having another child like DH and I had a good chat and decided I'd take a months parental leave when DS starts school and that I will stay on 4 days a week at work so that I'm around for him at least 1 weekday.

@LASandOtto Breathe, sista ❤️ It's overwhelming when it's all going on, but everyone is there to help you get closer to your rainbow baby, remember ❤️ It's all on the right track and if they find anything that can be worked on to improve your chances, they will. It's all positive, lovely. I'm with you xxx

@Seahawk80 A relaxed birthday and Xmas sounds like a good thing, I certainly enjoyed my birthday and have been enjoying our holiday too without TTC on my mind. Shiny new bike sounds like a great idea too, I know several friends who've used the cycle to work scheme and it's certainly worth it from a financial perspective.

@LASandOtto how did the consultation go and what are the next steps? Each time I walk into the fertility clinic I'm not sure what scares me more, the thought of them finding an issue or the thought of them not finding something which renders me just 'unlucky'.....

Up to CD36 now so looks like the long and irregular cycles are back after the deceptive short one last month, grrrrr!

Hi ladies!

Right now read a bit more properly and more less caught up!

@MrsMGE sister, thank you for your supportive words - just before walking into the appointment, I read it and it made me feel a lot calmer somehow! 🤞🏻😊 you're so right one step closer to rainbow baby hopefully!

It was really informative. DH had to give a sperm sample and then we were led upstairs to the consultation room with the consultant. Oh, sorry forgot - had to complete a ton of paperwork as mentioned. The consultant went through our medical history in depth, the miscarriages and what happened, asked about medications, etc etc. Very detailed! He then reviewed DH's sperm sample with us (yep, I was sooooo impressed they had already analysed the sample whilst we had been speaking upstairs, they've got a lab downstairs) and it all looked quite good aside from one measurement which however he said can be treated but again, overall all seems fine with DH. Relief number one. He did say nonetheless he will refer DH for a sperm DNA fragmentation also because of his age (41).

For me, he interestingly said the fact I already have one autoimmune disease (psoriasis; genetic) I may possibly have an issue with NK cells. He said there's a correlation there possibly and said he would advise me to have the Chicago test done. As a first step now though we will do one cycle monitoring, I'll have to call on CD1 and go in for a scan and bloods, then again on CD 14-16 approx and then again I think - they will email us the details from today's discussion.

With regards to TTC he said we could keep going if we wanted to (our choice) and if it so happened that I'd get PG next cycle, to call them immediately as they'll monitor and prescribe medication.

The ARGC has a reputation for last resort IVF and boot camp style IVF I've read but my experience today was nothing less than great. Very nice and very caring people!

So I feel ok, anxious now to see if they find something during cycle monitoring that's negative but at least then we can do something about it, I sincerely hope!

After all that stress was over we went to John Lewis and laid on every mattress they've got in their bed department 😂 we do need to buy one, but oh my I felt shattered after that nervousness wore off 😆😆 so was great to have a little lie down!

How are you doing my love @MrsMGE?

@Mumlili8 my friend is a master reiki teacher and she had told me lot about Reiki. I haven't tried it myself but my DH's mum is really versed in it too and a firm believer of the crystal and chakras. Your bracelets look gorgeous!!

@Seahawk80 hope you're ok and sorry AF has arrived. Someone is telling us all to enjoy Christmas and keep our energy for 2020!

@Avocuddles how are you doing? 😊 still busy I guess as you had a busy agenda prior to Xmas?

@VenusStarr sending you all my love! You're so strong for seeking support and I'm really proud of you! I've seen you on other threads and you've always been so helpful and kind to other women on here. I hope the sessions will help you. When I went years ago, I also always felt so drained. Very normal considering you're turning yourself inside out and explaining what's going on in your head. Keep going! We are here for you!

Lots of love to you all ladies xx

@LASandOtto I'm good thanks. Final night in Fuerteventura tonight (live music, cocktails....) then back to reality tomorrow evening. I'm working away next week (visiting all my suppliers down south) so it's a bit non stop but thankfully I don't have to travel with work as much as I used to.

I bought a Simba mattress not long ago and it's definitely been a game changer!

Very impressed about getting your sperm results immediately, it took months to get a full download after my DH had his on the NHS although we did get briefly told that everything looked good after a few days. What medication would they prescribe if you do get your BFP this cycle? I really hope your rainbow baby will be on their way very soon.....

@mumlili8 totally - if i didnt temp it would give me more stress haha! We arent ttc untill first periof comes so i am enjoying the temp free life at the moment :p

@avocuddles i think temping is quite accurate for me but i always wake up earlier than i need to be "excited to temp" and then it wakes the cat up and he wants cuddles then so i never get back to sleep 😂 i might try only temping up untill confirmed ovulation next time

@MrsMGE when i go abroad my cycles are longer, even small changes in your circadian rhythm can interrupt cycle length!

We just ordered a small christmas ornament to remember our baby which seems like a nice way given that the miscarriage was in the Christmas season (nearly..:p)

@Anny27 I have a little angel to go on our Christmas tree too 😊

@LASandOtto Glad to hear I could help. It sounds really good, very professional - it's what you need now. It sounds like it's been useful already! Fingers crossed for you and DH. How are you today?

I'm good, just off to do some Christmas shopping. We're buying gifts for disadvantaged children through a charity, if anyone needs ideas, I recommend The Works - they have a fab sale of arts & crafts on atm. We're having friends over tomorrow and then I need to prep for my interview next week, so a busy weekend ahead!

@Avocuddles Have a good journey home! Welcome back to the rainy and cold UK! Xxx

It's so sad to hear everyone's stories, but there is so much hope on this thread. I read someone who said they didn't want hope (over infertility) as they just kept getting let down, but I just think if we don't keep hoping what do we do?

I have ewcm today which is way earlier than expected but if I count the first day of bleeding as cd1 this is roughly in line with my regular cycle so we've agreed to DTD later. Ironically not with much hope, just to get back on the horse if you see what I mean 🤣

@Mumlili8 hi, I know this was last week but I saw you mentioned this:

I just hope I actually ovulate with in 36 hours this cycle as it took 4 days from peak to ovulation last cycle, by which time we had stopped dtding because I thought it was an anovulation cycle.

I had a peak (EWCM) on Tuesday and Wednesday this week, but my BBT hasn't risen yet.. did this happen to you? I didn't measure today to be fair but the past few days my temp has been in the high 35s, so nowhere near high.

Trying to get some answers/experiences as this is very strange for me as usually the temp rises the day after EWCM. I should mention that we are trying for #1 after a miscarriage in October (we haven't waited for my period to arrive) so this could possibly be anovulation...any ideas? Thanks for reading :)

@Anny27 i always wake up earlier than i need to be "excited to temp" we sound exactly the same - I wake up multiple times in the night and temp, only to realise it's 1.30am, 3am, 5.20am, 6am... then my temps are all skew-iff! What are we like!?

@daniellasummer its sad really isnt it haha! Sound in a similar position, wr are ttc#1 and had a miscarriage this month but we are waiting a month as i am on antibiotics and iron tablets so want to feel a bit healthier :)

I usually temp at 6am but it just gets earlier and earlier i may as well take it just before sleep 😂😂

I can get EWCM a few days before ovulation, sometimes just day before.

@MrsMGE i saw something at mt mahy hospital visits of buying presents for the patients who will be in on christmas day so i might do that!

@anny27 I hope you feel better soon and fingers crossed for when you start TTC next month x

We are so desperate for accurate readings we will do anything!

Thank you for your experience with EWCM - mine dried up on Wednesday so not holding out much hope.. still DTD as much as poss just in case!

news.sky.com/story/paramedic-struck-off-after-suggesting-dead-baby-put-in-tupperware-box-11868123

Just going to leave this here... can't cope with unimaginable idiocy of that paramedic. Sadly illustrates the NHS's attitude to miscarriage, no appropriate training, no compassion and basically "just get on with things, it's so common". Disgraceful.

Hi all,

I hope it's ok to join?

Didslysquiddlydoo
Age 34
No children
TTC for 18 months
1 MMC - found out at 12 week scan. Heartbeat stopped at 8 weeks.

Currently experiencing chemical pregnancy - had positive pregnancy test second cycle after MMC on day of missed period - three days later all tests now negative. I'm nearly a week late now and still no AF and repeated negative tests - wish it would hurry up and happen 😔

Lovely to meet you all but so sorry to read so many heartbreaking experiences - wishing us all some better times to come xx

@MrsMGE ahh thats an awful experience bless her! So not professional

I have to say that all the NHS staff in my EPU were incredible and the nurse who explained all the options to us after our scan was incredible and i will forever remember her kindness ❤❤

Welcome @didslysquiddlydoo sorry to see you on the board and sorry you are experiencing your 2nd loss.

I am only 1 week past erpc (2 weeks past start of miscarriage) but still feeling nauseous. Might be caused my the antibiotics or the remaining pregnancy hormones but i am wishing it would stop haha

You were very lucky @Anny27, I definitely wouldn't say the same about my EPAU or community midwives.

Hi all and welcome @didslysquiddlydoo and @danielasummer. Hope you are both ok this evening.... @didslysquiddlydoo I hope you're not waiting too long for things to move along.

@MrsMGE that article is appalling - you really couldn't make it up. Like @Anny27 my experience of the NHS has generally been ok bar the standard administrative incompetence which results in receiving scan appointment letters through weeks after a miscarriage.... I do get the impression that early pregnancy is an area which is woefully underfunded and like you say there does tend to be a tone which focuses on 'don't worry about it it'll be alright next time' without much support for the emotional fallout.

@Anny27 I like the idea of having a special Christmas ornament to commemorate our losses. I'll try to find something special to represent the two babies that should have been growing big and strong inside me by now. My first due date is in early January so think the sense of loss is likely to become more acute over the coming weeks....

Well I've just got home after a lovely week in the sun. It was great spending some quality time with my parents and DH and I had plenty of close time together too. The flight back was horrendously turbulent so my nerves are shot to pieces but calming down now with a herbal tea in front of the TV! Although we weren't TTC this cycle I'm now getting fed up with AF having not yet arrived. Today is CD38, I thought (apparently incorrectly) that I had a positive opk 20 days ago and we resumed having unprotected sex 12 days ago when I thought I was well past my fertile window. First thing I did when I got through the door was to take both an ovulation test and a pregnancy test just in case and both were as negative as can be so looks like another long and frustrating anovulatory cycle, though I guess if AF doesn't turn up I'll test again in a few days time. My next fertility clinic appointment is on December 12th so at least this cycle will serve as strong evidence as to why I could do with some medical support to help regulate things.....

Hope everyone is ok

Welcome to the newbies, although I’m sorry any of us have a need for such a thread, it is a very supportive group of strong and lovely ladies

@Avocuddles Well we’ve dtd every 2-3 days for the past week or so, so not as much as we could, but I suppose it only takes one time. I honestly have no idea whether I’m about 7DPO now (which is usual for me around now) or if I just ovulated 🤷🏻‍♀️ As well as the spotting when I usually ovulate and then CM a week later I’ve had bad skin too... What makes you think this is an anovulatory cycle for you? Thanks for the book recommendation too, it sounds like something I’d read.

@Mumlili8 Your bracelets sound great. Where do you sell them?

Hope you’re ok @VenusStarr and that the sessions help

Thanks @tmc14 Sorry you’re dealing with lots of pregnancy announcements! It’s tough. I’m having to remind myself to count my blessings but it’s easier said than done sometimes

I am interested in the keepsake for our lost babies. As most of you know I lost a baby at full term so I do have photos and a memory box but I’d like a piece of jewellery or something I can have with me all the time. My mum bought me a bracelet for my birthday (less than a month after we lost the baby) and it has my initial on it which is also the same initial as our baby so that’s something I haven’t taken off. It’s a fairly flimsy / stretch bracelet from Next, though, so I’m not sure how long it will last! I’ve thought about certain things I associate with her or even a charm bracelet that I could add to every year... DH thinks charm bracelets are tacky 🙄

@SunshineCrocodile I really am so sorry for your losses. I think it’s entirely sensible to take some time to see how you feel. The statistics are cruel. The risk of stillbirth is something like 1 in 225. Well that means nothing when you are the one... The offer to message me any time always stands.

@LASandOtto Hope you get some answers too

Hi @ReeRi think I just answered your question below as you were writing it! Looks like we might be on track for another 40+ day cycle which was how things were during my first year TTC. I'd thought things were better after I finally conceived but maybe I just got lucky then....

Every 2-3 days is optimal - the fertility clinic are very insistent about this point as the swimmers need some time to recharge!!!!

I got a silver beaded bracelet with angel wings on after my first loss, however the clasp broke not long ago so I need to fix it. I have a second bracelet with a tiny acorn on it that I bought when I fell pregnant the second time, I'm not religious about wearing it but do most days as I like the symbolism. Charm bracelets are as tasteful as you make them!!!! I imagine your DH is picturing those tacky ones from ten or so years ago. My ex mother in law bought me an awful one from Elizabeth duke at Argos - something nice from Pandora is definitely different! 😂