TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[Mumlili8]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to get and give support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy and baby. Pregnancy and child loss is the most awful thing anyone can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

@ReeRi Nomination ones definitely aren't tacky (Italian, so by definition), although I agree with @Avocuddles, the overall look depends on the actual charms. I personally don't like Pandora, but it's mostly because I don't like silver jewellery at all.

I am back to work tomorrow following 2 weeks off the medical miscarriage and then the erpc/ emotional recovery. Bit aprehensive as i know people will ask what's wrong. For those who had 1st trimester/early 2nd trimester MCs, did you guys tell colleagues what happened or just say you werent well?

@MrsMGE sorry that you didnt have a great experience - can you feedback to them? I guess the midwife team werent very sympathetic when i phoned to cancel my 16 week appointment. A simple "sorry to hear your news" or something instead of a cheerily "thanks for letting us know". But other than that, I cant fault the care. Musy send a thank you card to the EPU actually!

@Avocuddles awwh must be tough approaching the first due date :( would definitley get something planned in to celebrate that day

@ReeRi like everyone said, charm bracelets are what you make of them and you can make them classy :)

@MrsMGE oh yes nomination bracelets are a good shout!

@Anny27 Yes, my work knew before I returned, I didn't want anyone asking random questions such as "Have you been on holiday, did you have a nice time?" etc. They've been brilliant and compassionate, I returned after 2.5 weeks.

Re complaining, I did think about it, however at the time going through the complaints process simply wasn't my priority. I thought I might do this later, but it's a vicious circle, the way I was treated has contributed to my poor mental health for months after now. I am convinced the fact the hospital was dismissive and didn't tell me what to expect has exacerbated my feelings of shock and trauma. I told my story several times before on MN and I don't want to go back to this now. I don't want to relive this nightmare again by describing everything in detail in my complaint either. I've just developed thick skin and won't be allowing any nonsense going forward. Maybe I should have complained for the sake of others, but frankly, I need to prioritise my mental health since no one else does, and it's not the right thing for me. Plus I'm done with constant fighting, I fight for my clients in courts every single day in my job and it takes it out of me, I'm not going to fight over my miscarriage. Xxx

@Avocuddles I am also approaching my due date in January. Took time off and DH and I are going away. Xxx

@Anny27 both of my miscarriages were at 7-8 weeks so a little earlier than yours. First time round I only told a couple of colleagues, but after the second loss I told a few more people and found it a lot easier. I also shared an article via social media re the stigma around miscarriage during baby loss awareness week. This triggered responses from several acquaintances around their own pregnancy loss experiences and I openly replied to them regarding my own - it's not something I shout from the rooftops but also not something I hide either. At a recent work night out a former colleague who has left for a rival company was trying to persuade me to join them then said to me 'I don't know why anyone would stay (at my current employer) unless they were planning on getting pregnant soon'! I shot her down by telling her about my experiences and she looked absolutely mortified, but I couldn't let that one go!!!

@MrsMGE you are doing an amazing job keeping going after a very traumatic experience. I 100% agree that focusing on your mental health should be your priority now, but if and when you feel the need to rage at the world then we'll be here.

@Avocuddles Oh yes I’m sure he has some particularly tacky bracelet that he’s seen in mind! The pandora ones are ok. A lot of people I know have them so that puts me off slightly but you can get gold @MrsMGE not just silver. I just looked at the Nomination ones. They are different, haven’t seen them before.

I actually liked the Links of London ones like this but I saw some in jewellery shop window and it didn’t look as nice.

www.linksoflondon.com/gb-en/sweetie-xs-sterling-silver-mini-charm-bracelet/5010-1067.html?cgid=women-bracelets-silver-bracelets#start=16

@avocuddles The 2-3 days is good to know! It’s another of those things where some say do it as much as possible and other says the swimmers need time 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Anny27 I hope your return to work goes ok. You could tell someone to let people know, if you don’t mind them knowing but don’t want to be asked, or have a standard stock response... It depends on what kind of work environment you’re in as to what you can get away with I had already gone on mat leave when I lost my baby so there was no hiding it but I actually wished everyone had been told as a couple of people asked me how the baby is! I later had a miscarriage just before I went back to work and didn’t tell anyone that but I was already off work still on mat leave so I didn’t have any explaining to do!

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday. We are having a decorating day as we currently have two bedrooms that are not painted and no carpets upstairs!

Thanks @Avocuddles ❤️ I'm having a bit of a downer cause my friend who is due on the same day as I was is due to arrive shortly for lunch. I'm glad she's coming but dreading the pregnancy talk tbh, I kind want to crawl under the blanket and hide.

@ReeRi I know they do gold, but it's nasty yellow shade, doesn't go with any of my gold jewellery sadly - I've tried. Xxx

@MrsMGE I’m not telling you to get a Pandora bracelet, it just sounded like you thought they only did silver bracelets 😬 I hope your lunch with your friend goes well. It’s good if you to see her if you have mixed feelings about it. It’s a bit shit you had the same due dates in the circumstances. I may have mentioned I have a friend who had her baby girl a few weeks after I had my baby and I actually love seeing the baby so you never know how you might feel.

@MrsMGE hope your lunch went ok. It's so hard to have reminders of our own losses. I assume your friend knows about your experience?

I've just met for lunch with one of my friends and her 9 week old son. She's having a tough time of things as her DH is drinking heavily and not being as supportive as she would like at the moment, it was nice being able to offer her some emotional support and to also have some baby cuddles. It's always bittersweet when I spend time with all my friends little ones but I wouldn't change it for the world. It's going to be hard come January when one of DH's best friends and his partner have the baby which is due the week ours would have been born, but I imagine when it comes to it the reality won't be as bad as the expectation. I was dreading meeting up with them after my second loss, but actually it was ok and they offered more sympathy and support than anyone else.

@ReeRi I didn't take it that way. I considered buying one before but the shade didn't go with the rest of my jewellery, so I decided not to.

@Avocuddles It went better than I thought, thanks. Yes, she knows, we had a laugh and a cry and a good old chat about babies and a hundred of other things, as you do. It was nice to see her and I'm pleased I've braved it. Now onto prepping for my interview. Hope you're having a nice, chilled out weekend back, I bet you must be feeling the winter chill now! Xxx

Hi Ladies, what a great support thread. It really is such a lonely 😔 journey and I feel everyone’s pain and so sorry for what you have/are going through.
My story;
31 DH 28
MMC June - conceived on 1st cycle
Medical management- did not pass all 1st time and had to go through miss carrying twice

Due date would have been dec 1st 🥺
Currently on my 5th cycle ttc

The last few weeks have been especially hard with the due date approaching and both my sister and bf announcing pregnancies.

Sorry you find yourself here @Babykent2019 and that you’re having to deal with pregnancy announcements at such a tough time. This is a really supportive thread so I hope you find it helpful

Thank you x

@Babykent2019 so sorry to hear your story, and I know how hard it must be with your due date approaching. As you say this a fantastic supportive thread, if you ever have any questions or just need a big rant at the world there are plenty of incredible, strong and empathetic women here to help. Hope you aren't here long and are off to the 'Graduates' thread soon!

Hello, hoping it's okay for me to join... After losing our daughter at 23 weeks last summer, finally feeling strong enough to TTC again... However, body is obviously playing serious tricks on me as CD 41 and BFN (cycles vary between 29 and 36 max) didn't chart ov this month as trying not to put too much pressure on myself but just feeling really fed up and a bit alone, and a bit worried I'm not even ovulating now :(

@MrsMGE my manager and a few colleagues know but i dont want to broadcast to everyone so will just go with sharing as little as i can - they know i was in hospital so hopefully noone will pry haha! So sorry to hear of your bad experience. Such a shame its contributed to poor mental health :( and i definitley agree that being prepared and receiving great care has contributed to my recovery.

@Avocuddles i have definitley told more people about the miscarriage than i thought i would tbh. I think its because i sought great comfort from 3 of my friends who have experieced loss and so i hope that if i share my story, people who go through the same will feel they can come to me for support. Its a lonely time and my friends who have experienced loss have been amazing to me.

@ReeRi oh goodness, people definitley should have been told about your baby! One women lost twins quite late on in work and we were all told, so we could be supportive and also not put our foot in it!

@Babykent2019 welcome to the thread and sorry for your loss, mustbe in your mind approaching your due date xxx

@midgetjen so sorry forthe loss of your daughter ❤ cycles after losses seem to be so varied, some women are bacj tonormal whereas others are all over the place :(

For people who have had an ERPC, how long did you bleed afterwards? I had mine last friday night so 8/9 days ago and still experiencing light bleeding like the last 1 or 2 days of my period.

Having a lazy evening watching i'm a celev but just had a peak at the emails on my work phone and there are HUNDREDS haha! Tomorrow will be busy

@anny I think from memory anything up to two weeks bleeding after ERPC is considered normal but happy to be corrected as isn't something recent for me. We actually lost my daughter in summer 2018 and cycles were back on track within a few months which is what makes things being off now even odder

And just want to say it's lovely to find people who also get it, but sorry that we all find ourselves here too if that makes any sense at all

@midgetjen Sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. It may be that your cycles are just not regular yet as it can take time but see your GP if you’re worried something isn’t right. I’m sure everything is fine and your body is just getting back to normal and it’s easy to think the worst once the worst has happened... my cycle is a bit strange this month too!

@Anny27 Yes they should have been told. It wasn’t handled as well as it cooled have been unfortunately but mostly being back at work has been really good for me to have something else to focus on.

Hi!
Hope I can join.
Nearly 37, one DC (4), TTC for two years, had a MC in June

We are now going to make an appointment for fertility treatments. What can I expect at first appointment?
We are going private as don’t think we qualify under NHS. Thanks

To add, I am really struggling with baby announcements atm and so many friends and relatives who had their second (and third!!) or are expecting. Also dreading Christmas when i will see two relatives who are TTC and I suspect at least one of them will make a big pregnancy announcement. I am happy for them but so sad for the baby I lost.
The MC has really affected my mental health and I have been very depressed.

Hi ladies, sorry to see new faces on here!

Sorry I've been a bit absent, I've got my period yesterday and am just a bit gutted. I'm copy pasting the below from another thread I'm active in (sorry - I'm at work and very busy but would like advice). To not drip feed, I have polycystic ovaries but not the syndrome and I'm ovulating every month (confirmed by temping). Cycles are fairly long though (35-39 days). I'm 36 years old.

I'm alright (after getting AF) but just slightly worried something is seriously wrong and I'm just bobbing along if you know what I mean. I don't know whether I should go to the Dr again for hormone shots to try to ovulate more eggs than one for the best chance (so similar to what the ladies doing IVF are doing without the insertion, and to track ovulation with scans to not miss we're having sex just then). I did this one cycle before if you remember.

I just can't be arsed going to the Dr and sitting in that chair tbh, it's stressing me out. And we have caught twice on second cycle this year, so part of me just want to wait to let it happen naturally. I'm not getting any younger though and if we want 2 I really need to get pregnant early next year. I know I sound like a broken record I'm sorry!!!

What would you do in my shoes? Private healthcare out here is good (don't live in the UK) so I can get this straight away if I wanted to. Not overly expensive either.

@MrsMGE @Avocuddles @AdriannaP sorry you guys have to meet with pregnant ladies or ladies with small babies! I'm lucky in the sense no one out here that I know of are pregnant, but my sister in law is and due early next year. I've bought a super cute little romper for the baby and it was sad to choose style as I obviously wish this would be for myself! At this point it just does not feel I will ever get there! In Feb next year we have TTC for a year and only 2 miscarries to show for it 🙄 mmc due date would have been December 18th which is just around the corner.

@Babykent2019 I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I had the same, my mmc in May, had d&c but still had retained products so had to go back for a second d&c end of July. It completely messed up my cycles (which are long anyway). Hoping you will catch soon x

@MrsMGE good luck with the interview prep, when is it?!

@SunStruck I'm up to 19 months now and 2 miscarriages and am under the fertility clinic due to a very similar situation to you in terms of long and irregular cycles - today is CD40, grrrr!

The fact you have managed to get pregnant twice in less than a year is very encouraging, as is the fact that you think you are ovulating each month - my issue is that I don't appear to be, having only had three definite positive opks in the 19 months.
At 36 I'm definitely aware of my age though trying to take comfort in the number of older ladies here who have successful pregnancies, plus my sister in law is expecting number 2 at 41! If I were you I would maybe give it until you hit the one year mark in February and then seek some help - fingers crossed you will have your rainbow in your arms by the end of next year.

@AdriannaP I'm under the NHS but imagine the process would be pretty similar privately. The initial step involves going through your medical / TTC history, accompanied by a whole barrage of tests including bloods, internal ultrasounds, sperm analysis and possibly a HyCoSy or other fallopian scan, although this might not be deemed necessary given you already have a DC. Then a follow up appointment to discuss results, then other tests deemed appropriate and another follow up (this is the stage I'm at) before action is taken. In my case it will probably be clomid to regulate ovulation in the first instance if I don't fall pregnant again naturally within the next cycle or two. Good luck!!!!!