TTC after baby loss / stillbirth

[ReeRi]

I’m mid-thirties. My first child was stillborn at full term early this year. My second pregnancy, around 6 months later, ended in early miscarriage.

I’m now on CD21 and about 5DPO.

Anyone else?

I find some of the TTC boards hard to relate to as they’re either those who have never suffered a loss or those who have had early losses / RMC or general fertility issues. I am not trying to compare losses. Any loss is difficult but I know for me my miscarriage at 5 weeks did not even register compared to losing a baby at full term. It was disappointing but more so because I wanted to be pregnant and wasn’t any more.

Hi ladies. I've been lurking here but not posting. I found out I'm pregnant on Friday. I know it's what I wanted, what my partner and I were trying to achieve. All those months all I wanted was a positive pregnancy test. Now I've got it I'm absolutely terrified. I think I'm gonna miscarry or that the babys heart won't be healthy like Teddy's.
We've already made a decision on what we'd do if that's the case but it was not easy, and I'm so so scared we'd actually have to go through with that decision should the time come.
Urgh, so sorry. I know everyone on this thread wants to be in this situation and I sound so so ungrateful.
Hope everyone is ok xx

Hi everyone,
Hoping I can join too. I lost my beautiful baby daughter due to medical negligence during labour when she was one week overdue in Feb 2017, hard to believe it is coming up to her 3rd birthday / anniversary.

I'm a little further down the road than some people here and conceived her brother 4 months later - he's 22 months now. His whole pregnancy was wrecked with anxiety and worry but he is so worth it.

We have decided to try again for baby number 3 and you'd think having had another baby since the loss of my little girl I would be feeling a bit more confident but I'm not at all. I think once you know things can go wrong that pregnancy innocence is lost forever.

I'm CD 9 at the minute and am going to be using OPKs to track my cycles, I used the clear blue last time but I've bought some internet cheapies to see how they are. Xx

@lunamoon1 DM me any time you want x

This is the fit and healthy 2020 thread for anyone who is interested

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3781794-TTC-after-loss-penguins-get-fit-healthy-in-2020?msgid=93803976#93803976

@sh84 Thank you. I hope you’re ok. I think I know what you mean about being lonely. Sometimes I feel like no one really understands how feel and I don’t fit in with my friends with kids as I don’t have a living child but I also have different things going on to my friends who haven’t had children. It’s strange.

Today has been sad obviously. DH and I just went for a walk which I think was good for us.

@booandbumpp Congratulations! You don’t sound ungrateful. Of course you’re worked. I’m hoping for a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby for you. The TTC thread I go on has a pregnancy after loss thread that’s a really lovely group if you want me to find a link for it (not that I’m saying you’re not welcome to hang out here as long as you want)

I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter @somewhereovertherainbow18 and hope you conceive number 3 soon 🌈

💕 love and baby dust to everyone

@booandbumpp I meant of course you’re worried, not worked 🙄

@BunnytheElephant I hope you are doing as well as you can today, such a difficult day, sending lots of love💐x

@sh84 hi again, sorry to have said that I thought everyone had gone lol. I completely agree, feel like that every month and it really does get you down. I really do hope it's your month🤞🏼 it does, it's crazy how quickly life goes back to 'normal' for everyone else & we're stuck trying to accept that this is the way life is now x

@booandbumpp congratulations! It's totally normal to feel the way you do, so please don't apologise. It's getting from one hurdle to the next, it's not easy. Wishing you a very uneventful pregnancy though and I hope you can enjoy it as much as possible. That's good you have talked about all eventualities, you will need each other a lot through this pregnancy x

@somewhereovertherainbow18 welcome, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, I'm glad you managed to have your son not long after & that you have him at home with you. We will be here for you during your journey of TTC again. I used the advanced CB OPK but not really keen on them and the IC's seem to work just as well for me so I'm going to be sticking to them too x

I’m on thanks @lunamoon1 How are you? xx

Good morning. Room for another sad and unfortunate experience?

I am late 20s, I had a had two miscarriages. The first was a chemical at 6 weeks in 2018, second was a mmc at 9 weeks in August 2019. After the mmc, I wanted to try again straight away. I waited until after my first period (beginning of October) as advised and got pregnant. Everything was going well until around 15 weeks, when I started bleeding and passing clots due to a low placenta. Bleeding and clots continued on and off until I became hospitalised for gushing blood at 17 weeks. I was discharged two days after and took it very easy. Later that week I had another clot but this time it was more mucousy with bits of blood (I now realised that was the start of the labour) I then leaked a little amniotic fluid and my contractions started at 4pm. I called the maternity assessment unit at 7:30pm and they told me to come in. I was admitted and the contractions wore off the next day around lunchtime. Great I thought.

They started up again at 6pm and continued to get worse until I couldn’t take it anymore and called my midwife. It all happened so fast after that, I was wheeled into the labour room and even then the drs/midwives didn’t understand why it was happening. Cervix was closed, baby was strong and healthy and amniotic fluid was fine. They told me it could go either way and within an hour my water broke and my little baby boy made his appearance. He lay on my chest while his heart beat and passed away. His entire life was spent on my chest. My body failed him.

He was 17 weeks and 6 days. That was the 1st February so not long ago and my husband and I are struggling so so much. We are still in shock.

I found this chat and read through all of your experiences yesterday evening, so please don’t worry about repeating your experiences as they’re etched in my mind forever. I’m so so sorry to all of you for having to go through what you did.

@booandbumpp, you mentioned about going into
Hiding . I have done exactly that and will be doing so the next few months. Or at least until after my baby’s due date - July. Two of my friends and two of my cousins are pregnant. One friend is due in April the other was due two weeks before me. I can’t face them and they understand, everyone has been so so understanding and supportive which I appreciate but I just want to isolate myself.

@BunnytheElephant, I know you are not getting the support you need/deserve so I am very sorry about that. I know what a difference it can make.

@sh84- your experience seems the most similar to mine, although I have yet to receive the test results. We suspect it was a placental failure. The membranes ruptured from all the bleeding and clots which made my body go into labour. How depressing I have no control over my body when I thought I did. I can walk when I want to, pick up an item when need to but my body won’t listen to me when I need to save my babies life.

I am in no way ready to start trying again but find it helpful reading your experiences/sharing mine and would like to continue this journey with the support of you strong women and provide support/good advice when needed.

Also a gentle congratulations to the women who are pregnant.

@BrokenNost I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby boy and that you’ve been through so much. It would have been my DD first birthday today so I’m feeling a little sad... This is a lovely group so I hope you find some support here xx

I am so sorry for your loss, happy birthday to your little girl.

Are you doing anything today? I understand your sad and may not be able reply. X

@somewhereovertherainbow18 and @BrokenNlost you're very welcome although I am so sorry you've been through those losses. Hopefully you can find comfort and support here, I certainly have.

@BunnytheElephant I'm thinking of you and your DD lots today. Please be kind to yourselves and do whatever feels right for you.

Not much to report from me. It's 13 and a half weeks since we lost our DD are full term. Some days I feel a bit better and others I feel worse. Rollercoaster is the only way to describe it. But one day at a time is my mantra and seems to be working. Sending everyone love. X

@BrokenNlost I am so sorry you find yourself here. It’s very fresh & raw for you at the moment, I hope you have good support around you. If your hospital offers counselling for baby loss please consider it, I’m still having counselling & it does help. I know exactly how you feel about feeling your body failed your baby as that’s exactly how I feel. I’m now in a position where I don’t think it’s my fault anymore but I still blame myself that I didn’t do more. My boy spent all of his life on my chest too & I wouldn’t change that for the world. If someone says something that you don’t like- tell them, just say please don’t say that. You may find that some people are a bit distant & usually it’s because they don’t know what to say. Be gentle with yourself & don’t worry too much about others. It’s fine not to want to be around pregnant women & babies, I still feel my chest go whenever I see someone with a lovely big bump, hear a baby cry when I am out, see yet another pregnancy/birth announcement etc. You can always come on here & write a post even if it’s just to empty your head, there’s no “normal” about this so whatever you do is normal for you, you have to do whatever you feel is right for you regardless or what others tell you. Don’t rush yourself to feel better, I’m 6 months down the line & still feel shit, there’s no set rules on how you should be feeling/what you should be doing. You’ll get sick of the time is a healer & it gets easier comments, as time goes on you just learn to live with the pain, it’s not that it’s easier, it’s not time has healed you, you just live with it because you have to. Look after yourself xx

@BunnytheElephant happy birthday to your beautiful baby girl, I hope today is kind to you xx

@BunnytheElephant having a down day today, we had our 12 week scan a year ago tomorrow & it's hard to believe how naive we were to everything and how we genuinely thought we were going to be bringing a baby home... it's a crazy thought now. How are you? Did you do something to mark your DD's birthday? It's so hard to know what to do, you just need to do what is right x

@BrokenNlost I'm so sorry for your loss, it is such early days for you and although you may not see/feel like it now, things will get a little 'lighter' as time goes on, it's really 1 step forward and 3 steps back, but then the next day can be totally different, that's been my grief journey anyway... everyone's is so different you will work out what's right for you. Everyone on this thread is here for you x

@sh84 & @Shefliesonherownwings how are you both doing this week?x

@BrokenNlost @sh84 Thank you. We are planning to get flowed or a plant and go to the cemetery and DH just suggested we make a cake which I think is a good idea 🎂

@Shefliesonherownwings 💕

@lunamoon1 I’m sorry you’re feeling down. I don’t remember the day of my 12 week (probably no bad thing) but I remember when I found out I was pregnant, when she died, when she was born and the funeral day (13 March) so I feel like there are just a load of dates throughout the year tinged with sadness. Haven’t done anything yet, been a bit lazy, but going to go to the garden centre and then the cemetery soon x

@lunamoon1 thank you for asking, this week has been pretty tough actually, nothings happened to trigger anything. In the 2WW so probably hormone related. Sorry you’re feeling down, I remember dates as well & never did it cross my mind I wouldn’t be bringing my baby home, ah to be that ignorant again.

@BunnytheElephant you, your husband, your DD & cake sounds lovely

AF turned up today, yet another month that I’m not pregnant. Seriously starting to think that I’m infertile

@lunamoon1 I'm ok. Similarly to @sh24 nothing much has happened this week but I've felt pretty rubbish. I just keep thinking I should have a three month old now, going to some baby classes, maybe swimming and instead I'm sat at home not doing much. Maybe I need to take up a hobby but I'm struggling with motivation and energy.

DH is very stressed with work, he just started a new role and because it's a promotion but in the same company he seems to be expected to know everything straight away but it's a brand new area of work he needs to learn. As a result we've not had much chance to DTD but hopefully we can pick it up as I'm on CD10 today. I don't want to pressure him though.

I'm sorry you're feeling down too @lunamoon1. All these milestones are so hard. Those times that we were all so happy and excited but now they're just bittersweet reminders that things didnt work out how we hoped. Sending hugs. X

Thanks @Shefliesonherownwings I hope you’re ok. Maybe offer your DH some stress relief rather than putting on pressure?! 😉

@sh84 I’m sure you’re not infertile but it’s so easy to think the worst. Good luck for this cycle

Hope you’re ok @lunamoon1

I’m exhausted and irritable and talk of pregnancy or babies making me want to scream at people to shut up 🙄

I don’t know why I’m so tired but I went to the doctors as I’ve been feeling like this a while and I’m having blood tests this week but I could just bee a bit down

@BunnytheBee, great minds! We managed to DTD at the weekend and I've had some EWCM today so suspect ovulation is imminent. I've told DH and he was keen to make the most of it. I think he's looking forward to a bit of action tonight to destress him!

I think it's normal to feel exhausted with grief. You've been building up to your DDs birthday and last week will have been very difficult. It may be that all that is catching up to you and the anxiety about last week wiped you out both before and after. Good thing to go get a blood test though, just to rule things out.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. X

Oh good @Shefliesonherownwings 🤞

@Shefliesonherownwings hope you are feeling a bit better & your DH managed to chill out, not easy sometimes I know! Thank you so much It's so difficult isn't it, I try not to let my mind wander that far to imagine what I'd be doing right now if my son was here, it hurts too much x

@BunnytheBee thank you, how are you? you were in my thoughts around your DD's birthday, she was too although I don't know her personally. I'm glad the doctors have been proactive and doing bloods, hopefully it is just one of these things which passes in time x

I ov'ed on CD15 this cycle for the first time ever, I'm usually CD18-23 so that was a nice surprise... now the TWW begins. Sending everyone lots of baby dust and keeping my fingers crossed for us all x

@lunamoon1 I’m ok thanks. Last week was though but I feel a bit better this week and DH and I have been much more together so maybe we were both just emotionally fraught. I’m exhausted still though. Think I’m in my fertile week now. How are you? Fingers crossed for you for the 2WW🤞

Hope everyone else is ok xx

@lunamoon1 fingers crossed for you over the TWW and CD 15 is great. Hope you can find something to distract yourself over the next few days?

@BunnytheBee I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. I never knew grief could be so exhausting. Too much in one day and I am totally wiped out mo wonder you've been emotionally tired after last week. Hope you're taking it easy.

After deciding not to do OPKs this month I caved this morning as I'm CD15 and just had a feeling today was ovulation day. Lo and behold static smiley came up. Told DH and he said 'does that mean it's Go day?' He's going out to a gig tonight which is bad timing but is home this afternoon so we'll try to go for some afternoon BDing. I think we'll go again on friday too to cover all bases.

Next week we are away which will be a nice distraction. Fingers crossed for all. X

I find it particularly difficult when my secretary is talking to the pregnant lady who sits near them. I find it hard hearing them talk to her and at the things she said to me. It also bothered me just now when talking about being induced and how it’s more painful etc when my experience of being indicted, knowing my baby had already died, is surely much worse. I feel angry at them for being insensitive but then I know they’re just being normal and I’m being sensitive.

I’m other news I think I’m approaching OV.

@Shefliesonherownwings Sounds like it is go time 😂 I use clear blue connect (the one with the app) and it asks me to start texting on CD8 or something. Are the ones you use like that?