TTC after baby loss / stillbirth

[ReeRi]

I’m mid-thirties. My first child was stillborn at full term early this year. My second pregnancy, around 6 months later, ended in early miscarriage.

I’m now on CD21 and about 5DPO.

Anyone else?

I find some of the TTC boards hard to relate to as they’re either those who have never suffered a loss or those who have had early losses / RMC or general fertility issues. I am not trying to compare losses. Any loss is difficult but I know for me my miscarriage at 5 weeks did not even register compared to losing a baby at full term. It was disappointing but more so because I wanted to be pregnant and wasn’t any more.

@lunamoon1 it’s not until August but I know that’s what I want to do.
@BunnytheBlueWhale well my rainbow isn’t happening this month, come on today, a whole week early, never been a week early in my life, my body has failed me once again, haven’t got a clue about future cycles now. Don’t know how much longer I can do this tbh

I’m sorry to hear that @sh84 My cycles are less regular since I had my DD but hopefully it will calm down and hopefully won’t make TTC more difficult

@BunnytheBlueWhale mine have been spot on since September, so frustrating that yet another spanner has been thrown in the works. I thought I was in with a chance this month as DTD twice on predicted ovulation day which I now know was a week too late

@sh84 my son's birthday is August too, I'll be getting a balloon too I think, love the idea! I'm sorry AF got you, it's so disheartening that on top of everything I guess being postpartum does mess with our bodies/cycles! I wish there was a way to make you feel less down about it, it's horrible not having faith in your body, you will trust again though. Be gentle on yourself💐

@BunnytheBlueWhale you're right, it is, I do try so hard to be positive every day though, even just in small ways

I get it @sh84 It feels like it should be our time for something to be easy and go right! I

Me too @lunamoon1 I started another thread actually, a gratitude thread, to pick some ring every day that I’m grateful for and that’s quite nice as other people have commented too and it’s a bit of an alternative to a gratitude journal

I always fall asleep listing what I’m grateful for. Really starting to lose hope in ever being pregnant again though. I don’t know how much longer I can do this every month, scheduling sex, stressing that I’ve missed it, feeling hopeful that it may have happened, then af arrives & all hope is gone again & repeat. Sometimes I think I should just be satisfied with what I’ve got & start taking the pill to stop me feeling like this

@sh84 My way of dealing with this is to keep trying but not track etc so I’m not obsessing. All I’m doing is trying to have sex in the middle of my cycle and otherwise focussing on work, food and fitness and trying to make time to do things I enjoy. How do you think you’d feel if you don’t go on the pill but don’t put any energy into TTC. Just see what happens? I know it’s difficult, month after month xx

Hi all, I really really like the idea of buying balloons for our babies birthdays. I can't remember who said it but I agree that I want 10th November to be Isla's birthday, not the anniversary of her death. Whatever happens I think we should just all do whatever we want, celebrating our babies in OUR way.

Sorry you're having a rough time @sh84. Listing what we are grateful for is a good idea. Although to be completely honest I am struggling right now to think of many things to be grateful for.

I am now on CD 7 and am wondering whether to track ovulation or not. We're not officially trying this month but I was thinking of tracking to get an idea of when I am ovulating for when we to start TTCing. But then I worry if I track this month I'll get worked up about it and I won't be relaxed about DTD. I want to give my body another month to recover and I want to keep on with the healthy eating and exercise so I catching this month is not really what I want although if it did happen of course i'd be happy. I am really torn about what to do.

@BunnytheBlueWhale that's a lovely idea, where is the thread? I have seriously overtracked this cycle and it's lead to lots of frustration, I really wish I hadn't bothered. Next month I'm going to take a much more relaxed approach (if we don't succeed this cycle)

@Shefliesonherownwings I think it's good to have an idea of when you're ovulating, even just keeping track of your CM can give you a good indication as to when you're about to ov, so maybe you could just do that? It's so difficult trying to find the right balance!

@Shefliesonherownwings I want to focus on our DD’s birthday rather than the day she died but that whole period is so filled with emotion. I think re tracking I felt the same but i think you might find you want to keep tracking. It’s really up to you. To start with I tracked with One Step OPKs and CB Connect (the one with the app) and I wanted to know when I ovulate but actually it’s usually quite easy to work that out if you just want an idea. It’s usually 14 says from the end of your cycle. Also I found that I became more aware of my cervical mucus (sorry for the tmi) without thinking about it so would have a general idea of when I ov. I’m not tracking atm but I might go back to it if I’m still TTC in a few months.

@lunamoon1 I will link the thread here. I struggled today to be honest. I feel like I’ve got PMT but I haven’t! It can only be tiredness or generally being a bit emotional about our DD but I think tiredness mainly. DH even asked if I could be pregnant as I’m so emotional and I said no, I had a period a week ago!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3794307-Gratitude-thread?msgid=93188273#93188273

@lunamoon1 I haven’t tracked last month and this month and have felt a bit better for it so see how you feel. It’s so easy to spend money on tests and then I used to get stressed in a morning if I peed before I’d texted 😂🙈

@Shefliesonherownwings lovely thank you I'll have a little read! bless you, it's so hard sometimes. Hope you're feeling a bit better today. I was struggling yesterday & Thursday more so than usual, not because of any particular dates but just because it's bloody hard sometimes! I still struggle to accept the fact I'll never see my DS again. It's such a foreign concept so grasp, someone you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with is gone forever... before you even get the chance to properly meet them... sorry that's a little deep for a Saturday morning!

Hope you both have a lovely weekend planned, god knows we deserve it!

How are you doing @lunamoon1?

Hope everyone else is ok

Hi @BunnytheBlueWhale been doing okay thank you! Just getting by really. Jan isn't the kindest month for anyone I guess. My DH & I did go away at the weekend though which was lovely. How about you, how are you doing?

@lunamoon1 I’ve been on this week, thanks. I might have mentioned I was feeling almost like I had PMT for a few days but have been better this week and been busy with work. Working from home tomorrow so that’s a bit more of a relaxed day. Trying to be better with healthy eating and exercise and I’m doing ok but not amazingly 😬 Where did you go? That’s a lovely thing to do. As you say January is a bit depressing as it is so probably a good time for a break x

@BunnytheBlueWhale sorry I have been a bit M.I.A.! we went to a place just outside Edinburgh, it was lovely & just what we needed. That's good you have the option to work and home, try to relax as much as you can. How have you been feeling? Well, January is always hard anyway but even getting into the habit of eating better is a good start! It helps so many things, the mind and the body x

@lunamoon1 Oh lovely! I’m glad you had a nice time. I’m ok actually. I didn’t sleep well last night so I’m tired but I’m feeling quite positive generally. I’m a little quick to being upset and emotional but as you say Jan is depressing at the best of times and I am getting upset thinking about my beautiful little DD. So I’m trying not to think about her too much. Is that bad? I think about her all the time but when I specifically think of holding her or her little face, hands, etc. or just dwell then I get a bit choked. I’m going to try to book something for us for February, maybe that weekend but it happens to be Valentines weekend so everywhere is busy / booked up / expensive. I have been enjoying running a bit again and I think that will get easier when it’s a bit lighter. I’m eating better than I was (less sugary food) so I feel a bit better for that. I enjoyed spending some time with my rabbits yesterday too... I hope you’re ok xxx

@BunnytheBlueWhale thank you, it was just what we needed. That's good despite the poor sleep. Not at all, I totally feel the need to not think about them sometimes as it really does make you lose all track of time & then when you crash back down to reality it just... hurts! I must have spent 20/30 mins last night just staring at a picture of my son zooming in on his hands and feet, looking at every little line.. I guess that's normal to do but emotionally you can't do it all the time, it's exhausting. Hopefully you manage to get something organised, even just a day out if you don't manage to get away. Animals are good for the soul, no matter how you're feeling they can always cheer you up xx

@lunamoon1 How are you doing? My bunnies definitely cheer me up. Do you have any animals? Im tired today as I had dinner with a friend last night so went to bed late as I have an hour journey home from the city and then need to wash my hair (priorities!) and we had an event at work tonight so I’m just on the train home now and still need to cook etc. I probably mentioned I’m doing hello fresh so hopefully one of them is a 15 min recipe or something! xxx

@BunnytheBlueWhale I'm glad they do, it's so important to have that distraction and love, it's lovely. Yes actually we got a puppy not long after our son passed away and honestly she has saved us both during the hardest time in our lives. That sounds a lot, how was the event? I always have to time washing my hair too lol it's an effort. Oh lovely I didn't realise you were doing that, how are you finding it? I guess it takes all of the preplanning ect out of it which must be nice. Cycle wise I'm waiting on AF, pretty sure it will be here tomorrow or the next day... just to hurt me!🤦🏼‍♀️ it never gets particularly easier xx

Hey @lunamoon1 the event was ok and I’d had dinner with a friend the night before that but I’ve been soo tired this week and a bit stressed. I’m so glad it’s Friday. I found work difficult today as I was feeling that exhausted 🙈 How are you? When is your AF due? I’m in the middle of the 2WW atm. We have done Hello Fresh for 3-4 weeks and it has been really good as I like to cook from fresh but we get home after 7pm most evenings and I try to go to bed early so there isn’t a lot of time. It’s been good to have everything there and try new things. This week it went a bit off as I had those two busy evenings. I’d eaten out on the Tuesday but I did cook on Wednesday after the event. Some of the meals are 15 or 20 mins to cook so I did one of those but tonight we got fish and chips 😬 I’m just watching Love Island now and then I’ll probably go to bed! Do you have weekend plans? I’m quite happy to do nothing although I am going to yoga tomorrow. I set up a healthy eating thread for the women from the other TTC thread. If you’re interested I’ll link it xx

@BunnytheBlueWhale I hope you managed to have a nice relaxing weekend. I'm struggling today if I'm honest, baby loss is so lonely sometimes and I'm mad at the world for taking my baby boy away. Going through the phase of feeling quite useless and pointless. Sorry to sound so negative and dark, but I guess our journey is sometimes. I'm having a day so be like this and then I'm going to have a better week (I hope). AF got me on Saturday, I guess that's part of it too, I was sure we'd have conceived again by the time his 6 month anniversary came around, but that isn't the case so I just have to shift my dreams to something new. Maybe a goal I can actually achieve. I'm going to take more of an interest in my own mental health this month too, meditation and more reading. How do you find yoga? I must admit I'm into love island too lol, it's a nice escape for an hour. Sorry for the long post, just one of those days xx

I’m sorry you’re feeling that way @lunamoon1 It is lonely. Please do message me or PM me if ever you feel like it. AF won’t have helped. There is another TTC after loss thread I’m on but it’s more women who have experienced MC but there are some women with later losses on it. I mentioned the healthy eating one too. I only mention as it’s a bit more active than this one and in case you want more support xx

On Sunday is a year since we found out DD had died and next week is the anniversary of her birth. I feel weird because it’s on my mind but I don’t feel like talking about it at all and of course no one else has really mentioned it. I also thought (hoped) I’d be pregnant within a year as we’ve been trying most of that time but as far as I’m aware I’m not. I fell pregnant agter 6 months but MC and it seems like the time has gone so quickly. My AF is due on Friday so that’s not going to be good timing! I might have PMT as I’m a bit irritable and it keeps annoying me when the pregnant person is talking to the guy whose wife just has a baby and I can hear them. I’m not sure how to deal with it and it’s obviously bothering me more because of hormones and the time of year

It’s DH birthday tomorrow and I’ve bought him gifts and a card but we don’t really feel like going out. It’s my birthday in four weeks and I don’t think I’ll feel celebratory either. weirdly because it’s DH’s birthday I can remember exactly what I was doing this time last year, just gone 39 weeks pregnant and not aware what was ahead of me...

Sorry I’m being negative too. I just feel exhausted to be honest

xxx

@BunnytheBlueWhale thank you, I'll have a look over at the other thread, I hope they won't mind me joining. Is there a way I could DM you too? I know I'm feeling this thread has turned into a conversation for two lol. Hope your DH had a lovely birthday. The 'big events' are tough xx

@lunamoon1 I’m still lurking on here but haven’t got anything to report. Its shit that AF got you, doesn’t help with feeling low & it’s a massive slap round the face every month shouting YOUR NOT PREGNANT & you want to shout just fuck off to the world- I do anyway. I think I’m 10dpo, haven’t got a clue what way it’s going to go. I feel lonely ALOT too, it feels like everyone just carries on as normal & im just stuck in this new normal which is a shit normal.

@BunnytheBlueWhale thinking of you today. There are no words that anyone can say but just know that there are people that are thinking about you 💔