TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle

[ReeReeR]

New thread 🐧🐧🐧

I have accidentally created a thread 33 as well but will delete that!

Good morning all, bit dreary now isnt it. How is it now November?

What are your plans in London with them @Avocuddles ? Btw, cheapie OPKs never get me a decent line!

@Mumlili8 - blurgh I hate it when that happens, leaves you unsure if it is ovulation or a temp from being ill! Get well soon

@LASandOtto great timing with DTD, love it when it feels natural like that too - makes a change when TTC. Hope the cold is brief and not that bad!

Thank you all for the info about alternative stuff, shall look into it for sure - might ask my step mum as she is really into it and trained in reflexology.

I'm booking in for a private scan Monday - it is "free" as the place I went to last Monday for a private scan offers a "free" 2nd scan a week later if things didnt look great. So although he was rude and not very sympathetic at least it will be free and might help get me some idea before the 11th Nov when my next NHS scan is. At least if things are bad I will be booked in for ERPC on the 12th or 13th Nov.

@twittlebee that's good to know re the cheapie opks. I'll start using the clearblues again once we resume TTC but saving the pennies for now!

Plans for London involve food and probably a few cocktails (might as well whilst have the chance - hopefully in a few weeks time AF will arrive again and then I'll be back to a picture of clean living when we resume the TTC journey....), then we're going to see the show Waitress in the evening. I used to live in London but enjoy being a bit touristy when I'm visiting friends

I hope your scan on Monday gives you a clearer idea of what is going on. Both of my miscarriages happened naturally but before both happened I experienced that awful limbo of a bad but not 100% conclusive scan. I hope you're looking after yourself, do you have any plans for the weekend? x

Sounds like a lovely time planned @Avocuddles love seeing a show! Off to see Matilda with Mum next weekend!

Yeah the limbo is horrible, I didnt start the process naturally last time (even with a month of waiting until ERPC!) so just desperate to get it all sorted asap tbh. I dont think it can be good news, I took back the maternity stuff I got in the sale. Party tomorrow night at Mum's, dreading it tbh because pregnant step sister that i despise might be there.

@twittlebee Matilda is great, I've seen it twice and it's always a fun show (though be warned the second time was during our TTC journey and I recall a line from Miss Honey regarding not having children of her own brought a lump to my throat....).

I guess I count myself 'fortunate' that my losses both happened naturally and I was only waiting around a week with both between finding out that things didn't look good and miscarrying. I can't imagine how tough it must be having had to wait a full month. I hope that you don't have to cross paths with pregnant step sister tomorrow - I have similar emotions at the moment towards my brother in law's wife and it's hard when their very presence can ruin your day! I hope you manage to enjoy yourself nonetheless x

@LASandOtto Yay to a DTD session! I'm on CD4 feels like AF is winding down and I'm gradually feeling better. I downloaded this app called Deep Meditate and I did one of their sleep meditations last night. I LOVED it! I feel significantly more aware of myself, how I feel, what I do, it is definitely having a positive effect. I also slept like a baby, brilliant 😂 Off to have my haircut & colour tomorrow, I am torn between old Hollywood gold blonde and Scandinavian icy blonde, decisions, decisions. One thing for sure, I feel the need to change my hair, which is something I normally do when a big change is coming. What about you, any plans?

@Avocuddles Enjoy London & the show! Have a fab time!

@Mumlili8 So annoying when a cold gets you! I find it's difficult to temp when it gets cold, firstly because we can get ill and secondly (my case), I am cold in the night and love my snuggly pj's and a hot water bottle during AF too. So of course my temps seem way higher than they should be too! I hope you feel better soon, sounds like it's Lemsip o'clock and a warm blanket for you tonight xxx

@MrsMGE with the colder weather coming up now, I'd go golden blond. Just more friendly than icy blond I find. I'm also a bottle blond  my natural hair colour is really not something anyone ever needs to see. Don't think my DH has ever seen me not blond, he'd be in for a shock!!!

I cannot tell you how happy it makes me to hear you're finding the mediation useful for you, I will have a look into the app you've downloaded! I second that it also really aids much more sound sleep! Keep going with it and you'll discover it is transformative! The simple things are the best!!! Doesn't even require signing up to a studio or leaving the comfort of the house!

My plans are no plans at the moment, tomorrow got to hit some shops for some clothes as not prepared for autumn, and Sunday was thinking of going to this farmers market and a nice long walk. At the moment I'm being a bit of a hermit on the weekend in terms of socialising but I am totally fine with that as I've got lots of weekends coming up with friends over from New York and so I'll be out a lot! Just enjoying some quiet down time!

@Avocuddles enjoy the show and London, you'll be in my neck of the woods, must be nice to come back to London when you don't live there and just enjoy the best bits of it! Hope you get to avoid the step sister and just see the people you want to see without any added stress of having to be nice to someone you don't want to be nice to at all!!

@TwittleBee I wish I could make your limbo easier. I've been there and I don't think there's anything worse than just having to 'wait and see'. It's so sad having to return items bought with happy anticipation. I really hope there's still a chance, we are here for you, and tomorrow at the party just stay clear of your step sister so that you don't have to be confronted by her or her pregnancy! Thinking of you!

@Mumlili8 I hope you feel better! I'm under the weather too now, guess it's that time of the year although I'm usually seldom sick, touch wood, but I guess with the MC and stress it's gotten the better of me!

Big hugs to all your strong ladies x

@LASandOtto I think I will! I'm talking Blake Lively kind of blonde, it's a mix of warm gold "chai" with a hint of strawberry perhaps. Tried explaining this to my DH, epic fail! It's funny, I thought you had dark brown hair, I don't know why, just imagined you in my head as a tall girl with dark, long brown hair! Blondes have more fun 😉😁
Blissful weekend, chill out and enjoy yourself. I'll be cooking lots of nice healthy food too and finally finishing "The Secret Barrister", I've started it ages ago but reading about pregnancy and MC took over for a while. Deffo try this app, let me know what you think, I'm no expert in meditation, maybe they aren't actually that good. I'll be interested to know your opinion and also how it compares with Calm. If the latter is much better, I might invest in it xxx

@mrsmge@lasandotto you've just inspired me to get my hair colour booked in! I'm a (bottle) red head but the grey roots are creeping through. Always love fresh hair dye day!

Thank you my lovely @MrsMGE! Hahahah well you're are totally right because I am tall (171cm, sorry, 10 years in the UK and still don't have a handle on feet and inch), and I do have long hair and it is usually a crappy brown colour - very far away from a desirable shiny shade of chestnut. More dull earthy mud colour. Like just a no basically! I have thick hair (lucky me) and my DH is baffled that it can take me up to 6 hours in the hairdresser for a full head.

Your weekend sounds lovely too! I am the same, really enjoy healthy cooking and I've been ordering from this organic farm (yes, so London of me I know, LOL), they've also for recipe boxes and I'm trying one this evening with a butternut squash soup with miso and ginger. Let's see!!!! How is the book you're reading?? I'm a book worm, I also however had not had the relaxed mind to focus on reading so will also pick it back up!

I'm a bit fuming but maybe I am being sensitive, but my cousins wife just text me earlier saying she had been chatting with my mum (who had been here to help me through MC 2) and that my mum had mentioned she had been here because I had been unwell. So she wanted to see if I am ok? And also to let me know her daughter is also now in the UK as an au pair, and having a great time with her host family. So I text back and said that yes, all fine and that we had basically sadly had 2 MCs and my mum had been over to just support us and keep us some company, and that I was happy to hear her daughter was good and that I'd meet up with her in London sometime soon. Her response was 'oh sorry sweety about the MCs all will be well' and then continued on about her daughter. I just found that a bit like she just wanted to know what was going on, and now she knows, and that was it, not even asking 'what are you doing to do, planning to do any tests?'. Nada!

Anyway, probs me just being sensitive!!!

Xxx

Please excuse my numerous typos!!! I always type too fast and press send before reading - bad habit! I do actually have a better command of my second language English than it may seem! xx

@LASandOtto sounds like you are my physical opposite as I'm only 154cm tall with annoying fine hair!
I get your frustrations re how your cousin's wife responded, I've experienced the equivalent numerous times recently where I've mentioned what I've been going through and it gets completed glossed over or ignored. My dad hasn't even said so much as 'I'm sorry' after either loss, and my mum isn't much better. I don't know if it's that people are scared to put their foot in it, or that they genuinely think a 1st trimester loss is a trivial thing - I suspect it's a bit of both and imagine your cousin's wife is probably in the second camp based on her reaction....
I'm a bookworm too (actually studied English lit at uni half a lifetime ago) and looking forward to some reading time on the train journey this weekend. I have spent way too much time reading about TTC, pregnancy and miscarriage so need some fiction to spirit me away for a few hours.....

Hey @DarceyCat!

I'm really sorry for your loss!!

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I've had two miscarriages this year, one at 8 and one at 11 weeks recently. My dad died of cancer 2 weeks after my ERPC for my first miscarriage.

Now during my second my two best friends have both announced their pregnancies whilst mine ended.

It's not easy!!!

First of all you're allowed to feel how you feel. You feeling sad and disappointed about your situation doesn't mean you're not happy for your colleague, you just wish you were also still looking forward to the future you had just started to get your head around. We all start secretly planning for the future with our baby and then suddenly it's all over.

It's great to have support and good friends, but coming on here to speak to others going through the same is a completely different thing and I think you'll find it helpful whenever you need to share your thoughts, vent, cry or even just have a laugh.

I'm on a thread with several ladies who've also had various miscarriages and a lot of unhappy things going on, it feels good to support one another, feel free to join any of those threads.

I'm sorry the management of your miscarriage was managed so badly. That didn't thankfully happen to me but I also had weeks of scans and drawn out waiting times which just compounds feeling like sh*t anyway!!

Sending you a hug and you're not alone in this x

Oops you can tell I'm still new to MN and posted this on our group rather than responding to the lady I was responding to on her thread 🙄

Sorry girls!

Have a good weekend x

Yes @Avocuddles! Go for it! I thought you were blonde by the way, I don't know where these ideas came from 😂 I love red hair, wish I could pull it off, but alas with my skin shade I ought to stick to various shades of blonde.

I've been reading the Secret Barrister for a while, but like I said, I focussed on MC research in recent months and just didn't make time for much else. Perhaps I needed a break from my own profession too, I'm a lawyer and sometimes it's good not to read anything legal in your spare time. In fact, I find I have to read so much as part of my job that it has sadly killed off my joy of reading for pleasure. It needs to return, so any good recommendations will be very welcome!

@LASandOtto I didn't realise you weren't British! I'm not either, actually, well, I was born and brought up outside the UK and now I'm a dual citizen. But I hear you, I sometimes come up with odd language structures because I speak several languages and get them mixed up, and I definitely CANNOT imagine how big inches and feet are, not to mention yards! DH (who is born & bred British) always shuts his eyes on approach to a roundabout when I'm driving and the sign Sat's "100 yards away", I still have no idea how far that is! 😂😂😂 Xxx

@MrsMGE I think there are a few lawyers on here.... in retrospect I think it would have been a good career path for me, I somehow stumbled from English degree to chartered accountancy which isn't the most natural progression! I haven't actually practiced finance for 8 years now though, I segued into buying / merchandising which is far more enjoyable.

The book I'm reading at the moment is The Tattooist of Auschwitz which is a fictionalised account of a true story. In spite of the heavy subject matter it's a relatively easy read. I recently read The Testaments, the booker prize winning follow up to The Handmaids Tale. If you've read the initial book, or watched the tv series, then I would highly recommend it, i wolfed it down over a couple of days. I read a lot (well, try to) so if there's any particular type of book you'd like recommending I'm your girl!

@Avocuddles I thought you might be a lawyer too! I wasn't far! Re "The Tattooist...", an interesting recommendation, although I've heard it isn't factually correct and I've avoided it so far, because I'm a history geek, particularly when it comes to WW2 and Auschwitz-Birkenau. How are you finding it? Have you been to AB at all? One of those places that will never leave me, you just cannot put this into words. Xxx

@LASandOtto Re your cousin's wife, it seems to me like a classic story of someone asking you about something sad that has happened out of politeness/courtesy first (tick), but not being really interested in or wanting to hear your answers (tick) and swiftly moving on to what they really want to talk about, i.e. their own stuff (tick). I wouldn't take it as dismissive of your experience, clearly the person asking has no idea about what you've been through and is self-centred (at least on this occasion). I don't think it's aimed at you particularly though, try not to worry about her too much. Enjoy your weekend ❤️ xxx

@MrsMGE my DH has visited AB back before we met but I haven't. It sounds wrong to say I would 'like' to visit there, but do intend to one day. It certain impacted on DH deeply.
I think the book is fine if you read it as a work of fiction inspired by true events rather than taking it as gospel. I read an article a week or so ago (between buying the book and starting it) which as you say stated that that some significant artistic license has been taken by the author in both 'Tattooist' and her second book. I guess if the novels bring the atrocities of WW2 to attention of an audience who wouldn't usually pick up a non fiction book then that can't be a bad thing, and hopefully it may inspire those people to read further around the subject....

I hope you all have good weekends! I'm on the train heading back down south now and it's absolutely rammed! Looking forward to a good catch up with school friends, it's been a while. It will be a very welcome distraction from thinking about TTC for a few hours, though I suspect I'll still be sneaking a look on here to find out how everyone is doing

@Avocuddles I completely agree. I read the Guardian's review and I'm always conscious that they aren't always that reliable when it comes to books or films. I might give this book a go 😊 Don't look on MN, enjoy your friends and make the most of your catch up ❤️ xxx

@MrsMGE you're not bad at guessing! It's always funny what you imagine someone to look like / do professionally and either be spot on or really far off! I'm quite good at guessing ages and nationalities by first looks but obviously getting the age wrong does down like a lead balloon when I do get it wrong.

Soooooo laughed at your comment about approaching the roundabouts and not knowing what 100 yards is distance wise, that is me!!!!  I really don't get it, also struggle converting into pounds and ounces.

Thank you about your perspective on the comments made by my cousins wife, you're spot on of course. I'm really distancing myself from people who are just focused on what's on their plate with no real regard for others and their issues and problems. When I think how much I used to invest into some people who were very self absorbed, I'm glad I've taken a step back from such relationships and just keep it to friendly minimum chats.

Is your hair appointment today? What's on the healthy cooking plan??

@Avocuddles I hope you have the loveliest day today, I know the weather isn't so great for walking around but I hope you and your friends enjoy catching up, and the show this evening! Don't think of TTC and us and all the worries connected to that, just enjoy your day!!!

Thank you also for your comments and views and you're of course also totally correct!

Ladies we could open a book club to keep us busy and afloat whilst we TTC! 😂
A couple of my favourite reads from the year have included The Shantaram (finally managed to get through it and loved it), all the Sally Rooney books, The Silk Roads and I started Prisoners of Geography but couldn't finish that yet. I sometimes need a bit of a side read with a main book as I do enjoy a bit of fiction next to something factual.

Cold is fully appeared now so just going for a walk done my local high street now and then I think a cozy afternoon in awaits!

Lots of love to you and everyone else too! X

Hi ladies,

Am i able to join the thread? Its our first pregnancy I am currently 9+6 but found out last week that baby stopped growing at 6 weeks so we are having a missed miscarriage:(

Still havent miscarried but have an a third appointment at EPU next week to discuss options.

Feeling really crappy that our first, very wanted pregnancy has ended in miscarriage but feeling hopeful for the future. We probably wont be actually ttc again untill mid December after my first period but thought it would be nice to join in anticipation around women who have been through similar losses :)

Sorry you've all found yourself in this boat too!

@Anny27 sorry for your loss You will find the ladies here very helpful and kind.

I loved the convo about our little fluffy friends, here’s ours that joined our family yesterday! Little Bertie. It’s nice to have something else to concentrate on, he certainly takes up a lot of time!

My dreadful first period after miscarriage has finally ended. I really hope they are not all going to be like that, it was so much heavier than usual. I think it was doubly hard as I’d got it into my head that we’d fall pregnant straight away - all this “you’re most fertile after a miscarriage” malarkey got my hopes up But I’m coming up to fertile time soon so trying to stay optimistic. Does anyone else find that they only really dtd in their fertile window? I’m trying really hard not to as I don’t want DH to feel that’s all he’s here for (I don’t tell him when fertile window is) but it’s hard to summon up the motivation at other times

Forgot to attach photo!

@twinklestars15 thank you for the welcome! :) i think we were on the due in June board together

Awwh Bertie is so cute!!

@LASandOtto I did have my hair appointment, I went all Blake Lively and omg, I LOVE it!!! Possibly the best hair colour I've ever had! My hairdresser truly is a living legend, I hope she never ever leaves this salon. It's amazing how a good hair day can improve your mood, isn't it!

Soooo we've just cooked a stew and cauliflower cheese (that's the heartiest meal for tonight & tomorrow), veggie casserole with various beans and butternut squash, carrot & courgette patties to go with salad for lunches, chickpea, red lentil & tomato soup and finally, raspberry, oats & peanut butter Deliciously Ella balls for snacking. I'm done now! Just sat down with a cup of tea ready to watch some "Stranger Things" 👌 How are you doing? How has your Saturday been?

I'm game for creating a book club! It's nice to talk about something else than the obvious, I think we should do more of this. It does help with moving forward. I got to the point now where I want to focus on the next chapter and on the positive stuff, there has been too much negativity and I just don't want it anymore. So - my top favs are Julio Cortazar, Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Mikhail Bulhakov. I also like Vargas Llosa. Netflix is due to make a series based on "One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Marquez and I cannot tell you how excited I am about this!!! I read this book overnight, I just couldn't stop. I hope the series is good, it will be challenging to direct. My favourite book ever is, however, "Master and Margarita" by Bulhakov, to me it's just a masterpiece of writing. I also love "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera, I have a notepad full of quotes from these two books. My feminist bible is "The Second Sex" by Simone de Beauvoir and one of my ex partners recommended Ayn Rand. I have her book "The Fountainhead", but haven't started it yet. She might be a controversial one, I guess I'll need to see if I can relate to her philosophy. Also on the list is this year's Nobel Prize winner, Olga Tokarczuk. I think we'll be busy reading for the next few months! 😊 Xxx