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TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle

975 replies

ReeReeR · 04/09/2019 08:28

New thread 🐧🐧🐧

I have accidentally created a thread 33 as well but will delete that!

OP posts:
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35
LASandOtto · 25/10/2019 12:18

@Avocuddles I absolutely believe that the odd glass of wine or Prosecco (or whatever it may be) contribute to us staying balanced and sane in this journey!

I've never been a heavy drinker (in my early and mid twenties at uni and my first few years in London, yes), I gave up smoking 7 years ago. I've always been a sport lover and exercise probably 5 times a week, I love food and the science behind nutrition so do really take care of myself in that department too. What I'm saying is, all of that hasn't stopped two MCs from happening so I think, it's more than ok to have a drink, a piece of cake, or whatever it may be, when we want to have it!

Like we said before, balance is so important. Munching on celery sticks and hummus and drinking water needs to be counteracted with the odd glass of wine and Galaxy bar. Hell, life is too short - it doesn't seem that way sometimes when you're waiting for BFP and our happy ending but, it truly is!

I really learnt that this year and I don't want TTC to take over my life. I was one of these people who always said ...'IF I can have kids....' because I always thought, its not something to take for granted that it will happen. Some of my girlfriends always thought that was weird of me. Anyway, I'm still in flashing smiley land for I think day 2/3 now (already forgot) so let's see what the weekend brings!

Xxx

ReeRi · 25/10/2019 16:41

@LASandOtto Thank you.

I am v interested in the buddhist stuff. I’m based around Leeds and there used to be a centre in the city centre not far from my work, which is where I thought I’d go (they used to do lunchtime sessions and after work so would have been ideal) but it has moved a bit further out so I’d need to see if there is one I can get to easily. How long have you been going?

The one I listen to is Ajahn Brahmavamso of the buddhist society of Western Australia.

Avocuddles · 25/10/2019 18:23

@ReeRi I've just looked up the Buddhist centre and assuming the one I've found is correct it's about 2 minutes walk from my office! I'm not interested from a religious sense but meditation and yoga do appeal to me, I've found some yoga sessions close to my home but haven't been yet, need to give myself a kick and give it a try.

The weather is hideous tonight! I've booked for DH and I to go for a Thai (easily seduced by an email offering free Prosecco as my birthday is within the next month....), the prospect of a date night is nice but a large part of me just wants to curl up in my pjs. I hope you are all well and safe and warm wherever you are!

LASandOtto · 25/10/2019 18:59

@ReeRi since September of last year. In the summer this year I just meditated daily after yoga in the park. I also have the Calm app for when I'm on the go.

There's scientific research showing that (even after a short amount of practising) the brain is markedly impacted and the areas dealing with stress are strengthened. It's not what I started it of course, I just needed something to help me deal with emotions and stress better. This was all before TTC started.

My centre is just a 8 mins walk from my house, I'm in London. I'm really lucky. They also have lunch time drop ins and also do yoga and many other courses, retreats, etc.

Buddhism really interests me and I am planning to learn more about it, at the centre, probably not till next year.

Hope your work trip went well!

tmc14 · 26/10/2019 09:48

Enjoying the meditation chat... I used to do some meditation over a decade ago when I suffered really bad anxiety. I’ll definitely look into what there is local to me as sounds really beneficial.

Today, 2.5 weeks after miscarrying, I’ve stopped bleeding and got a negative pregnancy test. Didn’t think I’d ever be pleased to see one of those! I’ll start doing OPKs now, as they really helped get pregnant the previous two times (we don’t dtd enough not to check!). I can’t temp as our toddler doesn’t sleep that well so don’t think it would work. Not sure if I want to try straight away, but feeling kind of positive that it seems my body is moving on.

Happy weekends to you all, hope you’ve all got some nice things planned x

Mystie · 26/10/2019 10:44

@tmc14 glad you are feeling more positive, I miscarried around the same time as you and am also feeling like things are getting back to normal again. We have been actively trying this week but won't be disappointed not to fall this month as the more the days go by the more I'm coming round to the idea of having a break of at least a month. I think when it first happened I was just desperately trying to cling on to what I had lost and getting pregnant seemed like the only way to do it. Anyway sending love, glad you're got your negative test finally, have a lovely weekend xx

tmc14 · 26/10/2019 10:54

@Mystie ah I feel the same! Just wanted to be pregnant again for the first 10 days or so, and now thinking a short rest would be good for me. Also been feeling more tired than normal and had a few dizzy spells, so waiting for a Dr appointment as thinking might need an iron top up, even though I’m still taking pregnancy vits.

The in-laws are on their way so not a relaxing weekend sadly! 😂

MrsMGE · 26/10/2019 12:03

@LASandOtto You've inspired me, I'm going to give meditation a go. What a great shout. Xxx

LASandOtto · 26/10/2019 13:13

@tmc14 I got my BFN last week about 2 weeks after my MC started. Felt like it was quite quick. I was also sort of relieved to see it, the thought of prolonged ongoing issues with retained products is always daunting / scary. Hope you're ok and you have a good weekend even with the in-laws!

We DTD the first time today as well since... well months, seeing as I had spotting from week 7 to 10/11 of the pregnancy and then the MC. Just going to keep it relaxed this month I think and then Christmas is around the corner. Got my mum and sister coming over from Spain where they live, and then going to a cottage with them and my DH's parents. I'm looking forward to family time (and time off work)!

@MrsMGE let me know how you get on with mediation and what you think. There's different types and varieties but it's great if you start off at a centre or place where they guide you through it to start with. I really found it gave me a lot of positives!

@Mystie @Avocuddles @ReeRi and everyone else, hope you're all good!

Avocuddles · 26/10/2019 17:28

I'm good thanks @LASandOtto, finally sitting down after an afternoon of cleaning and tidying as DHs friend and his wife are coming round this evening for takeaway and board games. I hate cleaning (I really don't get the whole Mrs Hinch thing!) but needed doing, tag team effort between the two of us.... Congrats on DTD! Definitely a good idea to have some relaxed couple time and enjoy making love without it feeling like a chore. TTC can be so stressful it's important to remember that it can be enjoyable and fun without fixating on the end goal!

@tmc14 glad you got your BFN, I found it a relief after both of my MCs. First time round took a full three weeks and second just over two. With both I passed some random clots for a good few weeks after the miscarriage and my first AF was also a bit weird (stopping and starting for a while), but I'm hopeful that my body is moving on now and after this cycle this over we'll give the SMEP a go. Now that we're not actively TTC time seems to be flying by which is good - looking forward to a busy and eventful few weeks (we also have a family cottage trip in a fortnight @LASandOtto!) and then focusing on TTC from next month onwards. I've been told that I can probably start clomid in the new year if my cycles continue to be long and irregular so that's a positive too. CD10 now and OPKs are completely blank but based on my cycle I wouldn't expect a positive until at least CD20. Fingers crossed it's not a crazy long one though.....

@Mystie @MrsMGE @ReeRi @VenusStarr and everyone else, I hope you're having a good weekend and enjoy the extra hour's sleep tonight! xx

Mumlili8 · 26/10/2019 21:21

So this happened on Thursday was delighted as I though Wednesday's dtd would still be in with a chance. No temp rise Friday and not temp rise today, so looks like I didn't ovulate, still doing opks to see if my body tries again. I'm totally broken this cycle, it's the anniversary of the day we lost one of our babies, and I discover I didn't even ovulate this cycle. And to top off the feel bad vibes I'm feeling. My referral appointment came on Thursday saying 4 th November, Friday morning I got a cancellation letter saying my appointment will be move to may 2020. I'm at the end of my ability to cope. I think if I'm not pregnant by January I'm quitting. I just can't take this crap anymore. Sorry to always be moaning ladies, but this is the only safe place I have to vent.

TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle
ReeRi · 26/10/2019 22:10

@Avocuddles The Jamyang Center used to be near park square in Leeds and I live near there but I don’t think it’s on the centre now. I know there was another one in Leeds also outside the city centre but where I live now is actually outside Leeds and I haven’t looked around here so I should do that!

I missed your earlier comment about the Prosecco too. Sorry. I actually drank quite a bit one night before I realised I was pregnant with my first so I think it happens to a lot of us but I have been that crappy statistic before and think the worst.

I have bad skin and feel like I have PMT now anyway so we’ll see... If I’m right then I’m glad I had the drink!🥂

I recommend the Buddhist Society of Western Australia videos on YouTube / podcast. Also I may have mentioned I watch some ASMR videos on YouTube and they help me relax / sleep. And yoga, of course.

Gosh, I should be so much more relaxed! 😂

@LASandOtto You are so right about now putting your life on hold until you’re pregnant or whatever as we don’t know what the future holds. Hopefully it will happen for us and if it takes time then I want to try to enjoy my life in the meantime.

@Mumlili8 Don’t apologise for saying how you feel. Vent here as much as you like. Hopefully you will have some good news by January but if not then see how you feel and take a break if you like.

Hope everyone else is ok x

Avocuddles · 26/10/2019 22:48

@Mumlili8 that is an incredibly strong test line, I've never personally seen one so dark so please try to take that as a positive! I can't comment on the temps as I've never really got on with it, but please try not to be too disheartened. If you have the opportunity then keep DTD as there may be another surge to come. I really hope you get your rainbow baby soon, however rather than contemplating quitting, don't be afraid to take a break from TTC for a month or two if you think it might do you good. I knew my mental health wasn't great after my second miscarriage and I'm confident that the decision to take a couple of months 'off' was the right one as I'm getting stronger each day. I can't believe the wait for your appointment is that long, it's ridiculous! I would call them repeatedly in the hope of securing a cancellation.... Would you consider travelling to another area to be seen? I'm not sure where you're based but I understand that the Tommy's centre in Coventry accept referrals from all over the country if you have had three or more losses, though I have no idea how long their waiting lists would be.

@ReeRi not sure if it's the same one but there's a Buddhist centre by the Adelphi pub / Tetley brewery which is about ten mins walk from Park Square. There are definitely both yoga and mediation sessions near me in horsforth, and I think there are some in Harrogate too so hopefully there's something around which will suit you.
Please stop trying to think the worst - nothing you have done at any point will have influenced the awful experiences you have been through. Get some more Prosecco on ice for if AF arrives, though of course I hope that she doesn't. My skin is awful at the moment due to working in an office full of feeders and an inability to resist Cadbury's heroes and haribo. I could do with losing at least half a stone but finding it difficult to be motivated right now. Post holiday though it's going to be operation healthy.....(I hope)

Avocuddles · 26/10/2019 22:50

Ps I've no idea why my phone keeps changing meditation to mediation - just want you to know that I can spell, it's just the stupid autocorrect!

tmc14 · 26/10/2019 22:59

@Mumlili8 a delay until May seems crazy! Can you call and ask what’s going on? Sorry if that’s a stupid suggestion... that does look like a strong test line, like @Avocuddles I can’t help with the temping, but it seems so tricky to get right, I’d maybe assume you did ovulate? I would be so much more ranty if I were you so don’t apologise. And if you need some time off from ttc, maybe that’s ok? Sending hugs to you.

As for me, I’ve had loads of ewcm (loads more than I usually get) this evening but a very faint OPK so I’m guessing my body isn’t fully back to normal. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s quite weird to feel so distant from your own body.

tmc14 · 26/10/2019 23:02

Also @LASandOtto I’m impressed you’re up to dtd... after them rummaging around down there in epu on the day I miscarried, I just don’t want anyone down there just yet!! Feel like my poor bits need a break!

ReeRi · 26/10/2019 23:08

@Avocuddles I was just looking online and think I know the one it will be. I’ll look into it as I would like to go. I also recently discovered sweaty Betty in Leeds (and others) do free yoga and other classes at lunchtime and after work I think. I really need to eat less chocolate too but annoyingly I do it to myself and buy loads of crap that I eat at my desk. I need to do a food shop tomorrow so might buy some healthier snacks...

Avocuddles · 26/10/2019 23:30

@ReeRi some of my colleagues have spoken highly about the Sweaty Betty classes. There are actually Yoga classes in my workplace which I should get involved with, I've just always felt a bit nervous about getting my gym kit on in front of people I might know when I'm a bit overweight and certainly not flexible! I will never be a health freak, my willpower is appalling, but I can certainly make small steps to be better. I was doing the online version of weight watchers earlier in the year and getting on well with it but I got them to put my subscription on hold when I fell pregnant and don't want to go back with my tail between my legs....

Off to meet another newborn baby tomorrow, the third in three weeks! It's always a bit hard but I'm looking forward to some cuddles 💕

ReeRi · 26/10/2019 23:38

@Avocuddles I might try the sweaty Betty ones. Yeah I don’t think I’d like to do yoga at work. DH has just started it at his new workplace and finds it ok. I think we can only try to take small steps to change things.
For me I think the sugar is what I need to address. I’m not overweight as such but I am heavier than I was before I got pregnant by about a stone and I’m up about a dress size.

I hope you enjoy the baby cuddles tomorrow

Mumlili8 · 27/10/2019 00:31

Thanks ladies but I've never had an opk that strong that was followed by a good temp rise, so I'm assuming it's anovulation. My cm does not say ovulation either it's more stick like before ewcm starts, I usually get creamy cm after ovulation. I'm off to Durham in the morning I'm hoping the next 3 days will level my head and my emotions out abit.
As for yoga I've been doing fertility yoga for a while but only at home, there's no way I'm getting my wobbly bits in lycra in front of other people. I have gone from size 10 to size 16 in the last 2 years so I really need to sort my diet out. I also purchased a treadmill last month so I can do some exercise. The idea was if I can get my body healthy my head might follow. I can but try

LASandOtto · 27/10/2019 08:28

Good morning ladies!

@Mumlili8 I think @Avocuddles is right in saying, keep calling to see if a cancellation might happen. I think that's also how @VenusStarr managed to get an appointment earlier than originally planned. They have cancellations all the time but probably won't proactively call patients to fit them in before their scheduled date, so I'd just try! I think Coventry accepts referrals from 2 miscarriages onwards when I checked online, but you have to be in their catchment area, I believe. Maybe take a look, obviously I don't know if that's your area or not.

I know it's incredibly hard to keep trying and staying in a state of mind that resembles some sort of positivity that there can be a good outcome. You can always come on here and tell us the truth about how you feel!! Our journeys to our Happy End could be long, short, we don't know... best never to know what lies ahead in the future.

When I look beyond what's going on in my life and seeing what happens in other peoples lives on here, on the infertility threads there's ladies who've been through everything one can imagine form a fertility perspective, and then beyond that, I think of all the people who are battling long term diseases and illnesses. It helps me regain perspective but that's how I am, I always need to put my situation in the scales of balance. And the truth is there's much worse situations I could be in, some better too yes, but I'm still grateful for where I am.

Regarding healthy eating, I'm glad I've always been really interested in the science of food and I have exercised to some degree since I was young, I used to have a eating disorder and my therapy lead me to a much better relationship with food.

There's a really good (not free) yoga app called Calm I use, and I think plucking the courage to exercise with others is great, because you go get that team spirit in the classes and it's not that every other women there is perfect. You never know what battles people are fighting.

As with everything, it's one small step at a time. Difficult to tackle everything, for me, I find when I'm exercising regularly, I'm less likely to make any 'naughty' food choices, and that is a cycle that continues and can keep you on track. I've put on a few kg's this year but it doesn't bother me, it was part of this year's journey.

@tmc14 I was only up for DTD as things seemed to have returned to normal for me, which is a relief! The weeks and weeks of sanitary towels and constant fear of going to the loo had really taken a toll on my mental state. Now the bleeding has finally subsided after what was about 4-5 weeks of spotting and bleeding, I feel elated!!!

VenusStarr · 27/10/2019 09:11

Yes, that is how I got an earlier appointment @LASandOtto, just kept calling and got lucky.
@Mumlili8 it's really disheartening to keep getting setbacks ❤️ are you waiting for an rmc appointment or is this for fertility investigations? (I know you've already seen the rmc before?) I think like @Avocuddles says, taking a break for a month or two can help. Don't get me wrong, I am still thinking about it but not tracking or actively trying is definitely helping my mindset. Hope you have a lovely few days away xx

Not much to report here, less than 5 weeks to my operation. Hope everyone is OK x

Mumlili8 · 27/10/2019 15:00

@VenusStarr the room it is quite nice really so hopefully the next couple of days will take my mind of everything.

TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle
Avocuddles · 27/10/2019 18:52

@Mumlili8 it looks lovely. I hope you manage to relax and enjoy yourself over the next few days, you really deserve it.

@VenusStarr I'm sure that five weeks will fly by. Hope you've had a good weekend!

@LASandOtto you articulate how I feel very well - we've had some tough times and challenges but try to always maintain a sense of perspective and we are certainly grateful for the life we have and our relative health. Both DH and I have experienced life threatening medical issues and although the pain of fertility issues and miscarriages has been and continues to be devastating, I try to not lose sight of the fact that being there for each other is the most important thing of all. Life is definitely a journey and it doesn't always follow the path you expect, but I hope that all of us here reach our desired destination one way or another (and sooner rather than later!)

MrsMGE · 27/10/2019 18:58

Hi ladies! So my phone decided to stop sending me notifications from this thread, no idea what's going on! I managed to catch up on the late 10-ish posts or do and just wanted to say, 1. Beautiful place @Mumlili8, switch off and breathe out - perfect surroundings and you deserve a break 😘 2. Interesting discussion re healthy lifestyle/body image. I struggled with body image issues all my life, no matter how slim I was. I was never skinny, but I did sport at a semi-pro level when I was younger and it very much kept me in shape. I then fell off the bandwagon spectacularly when I qualified and started my job (office based, long hours at times). I put some weight on and felt even worse about myself. Wasn't as slim as I wanted to be before holidays, on my wedding day, when I fell pg. Just didn't quite meet my target and considered myself weak because of that. But actually, now, I don't worry about it so much. I think all the other worries have taken over tbh, and they are more urgent. I'm doing best I can to improve my MH, and secondly, to treat my body kindly by eating well, walking a lot, lots of fresh air. I need to get back to the gym, but I'm trying not to beat myself up over not going as regularly as I used to before the MMC. I have wobbly bits too and I could do with dropping 1-2 sizes realistically, but then, our bodies have been through a lot and I don't care so much about this now. It will come in time. I think we deserve some self-love, especially now ❤️ xxx