TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle

[ReeReeR]

New thread 🐧🐧🐧

I have accidentally created a thread 33 as well but will delete that!

@dogmama Sorry I have no experience in the issues you're referring to in your post, but just wanted to give you some reassurance that the NHS equivalents abroad REALLY aren't bad, and in fact, speaking from experience having lived in several other countries, in all of them they were better. I think it's such a British thing to think that the NHS is superior, but this isn't necessarily the case, so please don't worry too much as you're likely to be absolutely fine.

@ReeRi I'm sorry lovely, I know the feeling all too well. I just keep telling myself that someone else's good luck does not take away from my own prospects. It's a separate pregnancy, and it is indifferent to your life. It's a fact of life that people get pregnant. I know when I got pg there were women around me struggling with fertility issues who probably felt jealous or upset about this. Now the roles are reversed. It will happen to you, you got to go your own way and not add more worries about other people's lives to your already heavy backpack. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. Xxx

@ReeRi - such a horrible feeling when it feels everyone around us is getting pg so easily! But I guess I've just decided that it s more of a long term goal, like a marathon as @MrsMGE said.
I know I'll be grand abroad @MrsMGE, you're right, just so sick of being broke as my DH is an artist and crap at holding a job but we've started couple counselling and he's starting to behave like an adult recently, so hopefully I can let go of being a control freak and trust that all will be well! xx

Hello lovely ladies, I'm still here and follow the thread.

I'm flying to the clinic tomorrow and have transfer on Saturday. Gone through DE process and have 12 top quality blasts in the freezer. Will be transferring only 1. Can't believe the time has finally come. It's been a journey and a half! Failed IUIs, IVFs with my own eggs, trisomy in 18. 3 MCs. All in the space of 18 months. Big sigh 😔
Hopefully it will be my last trip home/clinic for fertility purposes. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Hi Ladies,

I hope I can join you on this thread for some support and positivity for when we TTC again...

I'm just going through my second MC, this one diagnosed at just before 11 weeks after a long up and down from 7 weeks onwards and continuous spotting and bleeding. My first MC which I had an ERPC for was earlier this year in February. Was booked in for medical management but thankfully I started miscarrying naturally on Monday.

Have seen your names on a few posts and I am sorry to read of your losses too, I know it is very hard!

I'm going to see what private tests we can get done as we don't qualify for any NHS investigations as 'only' had two MCs so far. I've read on here about a few suggested places such as the Zita West clinic, Dr. Shehata, the Lister and ARGC. Anyone have experience with any of these personally?

@Mumlili8 I saw you post your concerns about Ashermans. It's sadly more common than we get told, I didn't know of the risks until I was researching a bit about ERPC as a procedure and was quite alarmed by it and annoyed it doesn't get talked more of. There's a good thread on here about it:

go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.ashermans.org

It seems definitely treatable once diagnosed as long as you're in the hands of someone capable in that field.

Xx

Hi @LASandOtto. So sorry to hear your story. I hope this very friendly and welcoming group gives you some of the support you need at this really awful time.

The concept of 'only' two MCs is so frustrating!!!! I completely understand the principal in terms of statistics but whilst I could kind of come to terms with MC number 1 being bad, the second, very similar one has definitely make me feel like there must be something 'wrong' with me. Like you I haven't managed to get a RMC referral but I am fortunate / unfortunate enough to have a history of clotting that means I've been tested for (and receive testament for) clotting conditions, and I have had / am waiting for some of the other tests as a result of having been referred to the fertility clinic prior to my losses. I kind of expected them to send me packing but my medical history, irregular periods and age (35, for a couple more weeks) led them to agree to keep me on. My experiences so far are all NHS so can't advise on private treatments I'm afraid but hopefully someone here will be to help....

@Russkispy I am so excited for you! I hope the transfer goes well and that in roughly two weeks time you're sharing the BFP that turns into your child..... 

@ReeRi I completely get how you feel about pregnancies at work. My workplace seems to have more heavily pregnant ladies than a maternity ward, and it feels as if every week there is either an announcement, a new bump suddenly popping out, or a newborn being proudly paraded around. I'm trying to really throw myself into work at the moment and feel like I'm doing a great job but that in itself is frustrating as it feels that although I get plenty of recognition for my efforts in terms of 'thank you s', the prospect of any kind of promotion seems pretty much zero as I can't see any of the more senior leaders moving on. I want a baby more than anything in the world but a payrise would also be nice... 
@MrsMGE you speak very wise words! I guess it's only human to compare yourself to others but I need to remind myself as you say to try not to burden myself with worrying about their lives. I hope are right and that one day we will all triumphantly cross the finish line of that marathon!

@MrsMGE @dogmama Yes of course others being pregnant doesn’t affect me but it’s still sad. It’s not even just the fertility thing that I want to be pregnant but it all reminds me of when I was pregnant and when I was just letting people know at work and it’s not easy to forget that I’m back from mat leave early because my baby died.

Sorry I think I’m really tired and that’s making me even more negative(!) plus I really am under pressure at work. Well I just have too much to do.

@Avocuddles I actually got a promotion last month which I am grateful for but unfortunately it didn’t come with a pay rise which is annoying as it wasn’t exactly handed to me! It’s complicated... I am finding having work to focus on is a good thing but I am speaking to HR tomorrow as I have 30 days holiday and don’t feel I have time to take them as I’m so busy!

@LASandOtto sorry you find yourself here but it’s a lovely group

In other news I got my static smiley yesterday and managed to dtd yesterday morning and this morning as well as a couple of days ago so maybe we are in with a chance this month although it was very much baby making sex and we wouldn’t have bothered otherwise 😬 DH thinks babies are made with passion rather than scheduling...

@LASandOtto sorry for your losses, but you’re in the right place, everyone here is really lovely (and knowledgeable)

@Avocuddles I also have a clotting issue (Factor V Leiden) which means I also have to take Clexane throughout pregnancy. Do you mind me asking what dose you need to take? I was on a high dose initially as it was also treating a clot, however I’m told that I only need 0.4 (40mg) on subsequent pregnancies, but those pregnancies have both ended in miscarriage. I’m starting to think it can’t be a coincidence.. I think if I’m lucky enough to fall pregnant again I’m going to go rogue and double dose!

@Russkispy wow, you have been through an awful lot in a short space of time I wish you all the best for this treatment and will be thinking of you. I will be keeping everything crossed for you and sending a little prayer up for you too! Good luck!

@ReeRi we managed to dtd on the day of static too! I’m about 2/3 dpo so we may end up testing around the same time. Are you an early tester or do you have more patience than me?!

Thank you ladies!

@Avocuddles oh yeah, when I went to see the GP this week to get signed off for the rest of the week and I put my hopeful face on and asked about any possibility to get any testing done after two MC's, the GP looked borderline bewildered as statistics still mean we might be lucky next time.

The mention of any sort of statistics when people try and make me feel better really gives me the hives! 

I'll keep you ladies posted on how I get on with any private tests. Might try the ARGC as they said they could see me early November which sounds great, I feel doing something proactively keeps me sane.

I've found managing the second MC easier in terms of 'what to expect' and in some respects feel relief to be out of the weeks and weeks of limbo and anxiety!

@TwinkleStars15 @ReeRi thank you for welcoming me to the group as well!

Best of luck for all those DTD on static smiley day! Wow those smileys really feel like winning the lottery don't they! X

@Avocuddles ❤️ I sometimes need to hear wise words too, and grateful for your wisdom then ❤️

Hi @dogmama I had high prolactin levels three to four years ago but it is very easily treated with medication and managed to get pregnant as soon as levels were ok. Fingers crossed it's the same for you 🤞

@TwinkleStars15 in both pregnancies I've injected 40mg of enoxaprin a day, and in the second one I also took 75mg of aspirin. I had a major blood clot ten years ago. I'd be careful about amending the dose as that could do more harm than good, but make sure you speak to your consultant and they'll hopefully be able to put your mind at ease.

Looks like my first AF after the MC is arriving - didn't ovulate this month but as we weren't trying I'm ok with that. Need to hold off trying for a few more weeks until after the HyCoSy and then hopefully it'll be go go go, but the days seem to pass so slowly at the moment.....

@Avocuddles @TwinkleStars15 thank you for your good wishes! Can't believe it's time tomorrow! By the time you wale up tomorrow morning I'll be officially PUPO
Will keep you posted 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

@Russkispy 🤞 🤞 🤞 (toes and ears are crossed too!)

@LASandOtto I understand what you mean about the 2nd one being easier in some respects. My miscarriages both passed naturally between 7 and 8 weeks so were very similar physically. Be kind to yourself though as I found that the mental blow a little afterwards was pretty bad, I'd say I'm feeling quite level and stoical about things at moment but there are definitely good and bad days, the worst ones often coming out of nowhere and triggered by the smallest of things.

@ReeRi that's a lot of holiday to take, wish you could donate some to me! I have a week off in November but after that have pretty much no days left until April which is a shame as could really do with a rest every now and again. DH works for the city council and has way more holidays than me as well as flexitime which makes me jealous, but on the plus side I can always rely on him to be around for home deliveries, tradesmen and the like! In all seriousness though I hope that your HR team are sensitive to your circumstances and can perhaps give you the opportunity to convert some of your holiday into pay....

Age: 32
TTC: DC1
TTC: since April 2019
MMC: 1 August 2019

I found this post as I have been feel so desperately sad, and lonely, since the miscarriage. My partner has been wonderful. But every period that goes by, I just seem to get sadder and sadder. My coil came out end of April, and took two proper months to fall pregnant. I felt so incredibly lucky. However the MC was awful although I thought I coped well with it at the time. Very much focusing on trying again. My period returned to normal pretty much immediately. Waited until after the first period to start trying. I’ve had two attempts since then. Nothing.

I feel utterly ridiculous moaning given what everyone else on this post has dealt with. I honestly don’t know how I’d cope if I had multiple MCs, or if it takes months and months to conceive again. I’m a little scared I am sinking in to depression. Having a DC is what I have wanted more than anything in this world.

There is a lady who sit nexts to me in work who had been three weeks behind me in terms of due dates. She has been incredibly insensitive throughout. Daily, she thrusts her phone under my nose so I can see the videos she has of hearing the baby’s heartbeat, scan photos. We have daily ‘dump watch’. And her biggest life drama right now is whether to find out the sex of the baby in November. I am genuinely pleased her baby is growing away. But seeing her doing all the things I desperately wish I were doing is slowly killing me. I’ve tried raising it, albeit delicately as I don’t want to ruin her pregnancy for her, but I am struggling, and have another four months to go.

I have got it in my head that it’s never going to happen for me. Which I know seems so very premature given how early on in my journey I am compared to most. It’s a feeling I’ve always had. Which is why I had been so happy with the BFP in June.

I just needed to get this off my chest as I feel like a terrible person for the way I feel anyway, but somehow it helps to share. X

Hey @CJEB and welcome to the thread. I just joined it recently too after watching for a while. I am really sorry for your loss!

Having a MC or MMC is a terribly sad experience, and I think we can all echo your sentiments of feeling lonely, down and finding TTC a stressful experience. Once you've been pregnant, but didn't sadly attain the future you'd start to hope for, you just want to be pregnant again. I get how you feel!

It took me 5 months to conceive again after my first MC, sadly this one was also a MC but I remain hopeful. My best friend just announced she's 13 weeks after a one night stand with a stranger. Yes it's not easy to hear these announcements and your situation at work is even harder to handle, but ways can be found to process it.

You have to think that hopefully one day we will be lucky to be pregnant and other women around us and in this world will be going through miscarriages at that time, and no doubt they will feel how we feel today. Your feelings are always valid, no matter the number of miscarriages, it doesn't get any easier, it just sadly becomes a more recognisable situation to deal with when it becomes a recurrent problem.

Once you experience a miscarriage you are mich more sensitive to how others may feel and indeed, you probably have a different outlook on many life topics all of a sudden.

I hope that we can all support each other throughout the ongoing TTC journey!

I'm off to the countryside today, first day in about 5 weeks I haven't had to wear a full blown pad and gran knickers, and that alone has made me feel amazingly happy!

Xx

@CJEB sorry that you've found yourself here. There is no need at all to feel ridiculous or apologetic for sharing your sad experience and how you are feeling. Miscarriage is a horrible, sad and lonely experience and everyone here can empathise with the awful wave of emotions you ride after you've been through it, be it one miscarriage or multiple. Getting things off your chest is always a very good idea and this group is great for giving you an honest and non judgemental forum for doing that. I hope you also have a friend or family member you can lean on / rely on for support when you're feeling low.

I know it can be hard to accept when you're overwhelmed with negative thoughts but please try to think positively about the prospect of a future pregnancy. Assuming you have no known medical conditions the odds are in your favour that the second pregnancy will work out and you'll have your rainbow baby within the next year or so. I'm one of the unfortunate ones having had two miscarriages now over an 18 month period TTC, but there are also many ladies who've been on this board for a couple of months after their first / only MC and gone on to 'graduate' to a healthy pregnancy, and hopefully you will be one of those too. One of the wise posters on here said only the other day to remember that it's a marathon, not a sprint. If it takes a bit more time to conceive again than you'd hoped that will no doubt feel disappointing / worrying, but as long as you get there in the end it will be worth the wait. Try to plan some nice things for yourself and your partner and make sure you are both focusing on self care. I don't think it's unusual to feel depressed after a pregnancy loss, but if it's affecting your ability to enjoy the rest of your life then please make sure you talk to your GP or consider some counselling. I had a couple of counselling sessions (along with my DH) after our second loss and found it very helpful. Although I still barely go a couple of hours without thinking about it, I'm now feeling quite calm and even able to talk about the losses without bursting into tears which I think is good progress!

Anyhow, any time you need a good rant, reassurance or questions answered this is the perfect place for it. I wish you lots of luck that you're not here for long, for all the right reasons....

Thank you both @LASandOtto and @Avocuddles. what lovely people you are. I needed your messages today. Most who know me think I’ve coped remarkably well as I seldom express my true feeling. I have never written on a forum before and am grateful to you both for your kind words. It’s scary sharing how you’re really feeling and truly thought I’d be scorned for complaining about my situation which, on the face of it, is so much better than others. I am so sorry to hear of your situations. I hope and pray that you get your happy ending. My issue is I am a control freak! But this is something I simply have no control over. Usually, I think if I work hard enough, or do all the things I know I need to do to achieve an outcome, I’ll do it. With bells on. But conception just doesn’t work like that. And there are moments where I feel calm and ok about everything, and other times when I don’t. I hope you both have a wonderful weekend and enjoy whatever you are doing today. I going to attempt some gardening if the rain holds off long enough. I’m thinking a pretty front garden at the end of the day will certainly make me feel a little happier! Thank you again as I genuinely feel in a much better mood than I did just half hour ago. Xxxx

Here i am, lovely ladies. All went well! Lining was 9.28. Blast thawed out without any issues. Planted in a perfect place, my doc held my hand and said a little prayer, then had IV drip and acupuncture. Loaded with drugs and on my way to the airport. Again. Haha was told to do HCG on 28 and 30 October but dad is coming next week and it will be tricky for me to go to London. So will do FRER and HCG after he leaves. Let’s just hope it’s all good news at the end!

That was a little angel above my bed at the clinic, translating - I’m your guardian angel 👼

It felt a little weird during transfer. I know it’s not 100% my blast but it had my name on it when the embryologist dished it out and inserted into a catheter. But it’s my baby! All being positive, will carry and nurture it for 9 months! There’s no fear or worry but just want it to be BFP and consequently a healthy baby. Or two. Hmmm

@CJEB we could be related! I am so like you! A control freak and someone who always thought I can influence most outcomes.

I started mediation earlier this year after my first loss as I somehow felt guilty and responsible, and it's really helped me accept and be kinder to myself. It's made such a difference to how I see and feel experiences now.

Enjoy gardening and you will find small things will bring smiles and like @Avocuddles has said, you find that you can manage to still enjoy life.

Always here for chats and good and bad days! These forums are such a help especially on dark days!

A positive mindset will not change our situations but will change how we handle them and how we treat others too! X

@TwinkleStars15 I have usually waited to test because I worry about chemical pregnancies and that’s what happened with my miscarriage in August. Most of the time I would assume I’m not pregnant anyway. BUT if I think I feel pregnant or want a drink or something then might test. How about you?

I usually feel like I’m in with a better chance if I dtd before the static smiley but who knows...

@Avocuddles Well I came back to work with about 36 days. My plan had been to add em to my mate leave but of course I came back after six months because my baby had died and I wasn’t thinking about holiday. I spoke to HR yesterday (the person I spoke to is new I think) and she said the answer to being paid for holiday is usually no except in “extreme circumstances”. I asked whats “extreme” then so she laughed and said she knows what I mean 🙄 I have so much to do though largely because I’ve been dumped on by someone who has just gone on mat leave. So it feels v shit. I only handed her a few things when I went on mat leave and discussed everything with her. She just went, didn’t speak to me and everything is a mess. So anyway if they won’t pay me for my holiday I will say they need to take some of her crap back from me.

In other news I went n Instagram today for the first time in months and the friend who had ignored me since our baby’s funeral had a pic of her baby with a “2 weeks today” card so that upset me a bit but we’re not friends any more so I’m thinking “who cares?”

I haven’t been the the gym or anything for two weeks as I’m so busy and stressed with work but it came to yoga today and feel a bit better

Hope everyone else is ok

Hi all thought I would check in, hope everyone is as well as can be.

I'm almost 3 weeks post ERPC, bleeding stopped completely last Saturday and I have had flashing smiley on CB for about 9 days so may just stop testing.

Just want my cycle to return to normal, I am so impatient xx

Evening ladies,
Can I talk bleeding? So Miscarriage was end of August, I bled for just over 4 weeks. 1 week later my period began which lasted 8 days, 6 days later (today) I've started bleeding again. Is it a period? If not why am I bleeding again? I've not ovulated at all since my MMC. I feel a bit broken as I should be coming into my fertile period and I just feel like my body is letting me down. Sorry for all the doom and gloom.

@ceebee21 Have you had a negative test since your MC? I think the CB instructions say to stop testing after something like 9 or 10 flashing smileys but I have known CB to miss my peak and caught it with One Strip in the evening so don’t assume you haven’t ovulated just because you haven’t had a static smiley. I try to see the tests as an indication of things...

@turquoisebaby Don’t apologise. Sorry you are feeling this way. I don’t know what to suggest. Sometimes it takes our bodies time to get back to normal but some of the other ladies on here might have some experience of what you’re dealing with xx

@ReeRi Yes had my negative...think I may just continue with the internet cheapies for now as cb is so expensive to keep up for so long. My internet cheapies are getting darker, we will wait and see I guess xx