TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle

[ReeReeR]

New thread 🐧🐧🐧

I have accidentally created a thread 33 as well but will delete that!

@MrsMGE I've had 2 MMCs but have been trying for nearly 2 years so am also under a fertility clinic (first appointment was a month after first mc). My fertility consultant referred us on after our second mc. Looking at the miscarriage association, I think if you're older (I'm 36) and had trouble conceiving or it took a long time, you are eligible for referrals after 2 miscarriages. My GP wouldn't have referred me though, nor the epu. I think we're lucky that we're under the fertility clinic. It's also part of the same hospital gynecology service so think that also helped.
I spoke to someone on Instagram and she paid privately and it was around £500.

We think about things in the same way, if one appointment can help or give me some hope or understanding then its worth it. Don't worry about asking questions, I'm happy to share xxx

Hi @MrsMGE. My situation is very similar to @VenusStarr as I am also just about to turn 36 and have had 2 MCs during 18mths of trying, both at 7-8 weeks. In my area I have been told that there's no chance of a referral to the RMC until you've had two losses. I was however in the process of being referred to the fertility clinic before I conceived for the first time which meant that my GP had carried out a number of blood tests such as thyroid function which in my area have to be performed as part of the referral process. I had a blood clot ten years ago so as soon as I conceive I am under the consultant due to my high risk and they carried out screening for the various clotting disorders which are the same tests that the RMC would perform. Thankfully due to my age and history (and a very well worded email from gp) the fertility clinic have still been willing to see us. I suspect that like @VenusStarr they may have pointed me in the direction of the RMC for some of the tests if it wasn't for the fact that I've had the majority already. As my periods have been very irregular they're happy to see what can be done to fix that and I'm hoping that now I'm in the system I will be able to get access to more support if I do manage to get pregnant again even if I'm not technically a RMC patient if that makes sense....

Thank you both @Venusstarr @Avocuddles. I'm 33 and neither DH nor I have any known issues. I've had one MMC in June this year and currently TTC again, to no avail so far. I feel sometimes that because on paper it doesn't look "too bad" I'm completely on my own and will be with the next pregnancy, no one will offer me any extra support or checks. I'm very worried about this and not sure what to do once I (hopefully) get pg again. Xxx

@MrsMGE the only real advice I can give re the next pregnancy is to make sure that as soon as you get that BFP that you get to your GP and share with them any concerns / tell them clearly any extra support you need. My area refused to give me an early scan at the EPU as they don't offer them without bleeding though if I am lucky enough to fall pregnant for a third time I will be begging my GP to put in a word for me. I instead booked a private scan at 7 weeks which revealed my pregnancy to have a heartbeat, but over a week behind on dates, which made me instantly suspect things were going the same way as my first pregnancy. Although the EPU refuse to consider the results of private scans I got very upset at my GP surgery and they called the the EPU for me and managed to get me an appointment there. Unfortunately by the time I went in the pregnancy has already ended and I miscarried soon after, but I was glad I received the official bad news in a medical environment. There is never any harm in asking, and if you don't receive the answer you hoped for don't be afraid to ask again, especially if you feel your mental and physical health are suffering.
I know it's hard to accept sometimes (especially when you've found yourself on a board where lots of us have had multiple losses), but the odds really are in your favour that your next pregnancy will work out. Make sure until then that you focus on looking after yourself and relaxing as that's the best thing you (and your DH) can do at this stressful time. Hopefully your rainbow will be along soon xx

@MrsMGE I got told by the EPU this week that as I’d seen them for this miscarriage, I should contact them when/if I get pregnant next time and I’ll automatically be allowed a scan at 7 weeks. So perhaps depends where you are? Always worth asking.

Thanks for the supplement/book recommendations. I’ve downloaded the book, which will hopefully give me some good info. I got pregnant using preseed twice so the video doesn’t bother me. My BMI is 29, that and my age are probably the worst things I have going for me so will try and lose a bit. Can’t do much about being almost 40 though!

Good luck to everyone having tests/investigations. Hopefully it feels that at least something is happening that might give answers. x

Thank you @tmc14. Sadly, my EPAU's policy is the same as the one described by @Avocuddles. I have an elusive community midwife that never picks up the phone and is, frankly, useless and might as well not be there at all, and she also told me that ai would not get any extra care or scans. I will be raising this with my GP though, I had spotting in my first pregnancy that was dismissed by the midwife, but actually I would like to have it checked over if it happens again and also possibly try progesterone pessaries and baby Aspirin. If they are not going to help me at all, I might go private, at least I'll feel I'm doing everything possible (but I know this won't guarantee a good outcome) xxx

Thank you @Avocuddles for your lovely message, I'm also keeping my fingers crossed for the rainbows, for you & for me 🤞xxx

Hi everyone, sorry I've been on nights so a bit absent. Just had a loooong catch up. Still in limbo here after a bfn on a cheap test the day AF was due. No sign of AF and I don't feel pregnant. I bought some tests to do tomorrow after my long sleep. At least if they are negative I know it's just an annoying long cycle, which is rubbish when TTC

I've probably missed lots but just wanted to say welcome to everyone new

@TwittleBee congratulations 💖

@ReeReeR sorry you've been having such a tough time, it's no wonder you've been feeling low

@Avocuddles glad you seem to be getting somewhere with the tests etc even if it feels slow. Made me laugh when you said your DH's sperm was amazing, I remember my DH thinking he was such a stud when he got decent results 😂

Hi to everyone else, I'll be more active next week, this is my last night for 2 months...6 hours to go!

Morning girls. I'm in need of help from an OPK expert! I've not been using them this cycle, and I don't know why, something has made me use one this morning as I've got some left. Does this look dark to you for FMU?

I am puzzled, cause I'm temping and there's no drop in BBT this morning. I checked my temp at the usual time. (It's the first month if temping for me, so not a pro by any measure, however!) Also puzzled because last cycle I had a similar result on OPKs the day my LH peaked, but it was a week later (CD25 not CD18, where I am now). I have had a shortish luteal phase (9-11) and a longish cycle (35-37) after the MC.

Question: is this looking quite dark for FMU and should I be trying to pee in my spare mug from one of my clients in my work toilet, hoping no one notices I'm carrying it in my handbag to the ladies, in about 4 hrs?! (I can POS, don't judge!) Typically, no time to dtd this morning, will have to wait till this eve. Xxx

@Seahawk80 I think I was more impressed with DHs results than he was! I guess it's some kind of relief to know that the issues are with me rather than both of us...! I'm just hoping that the HyCoSy appointment comes through sooner rather than later. She said to expect to wait at least 6 weeks which feels like a very long to not be TTC! Mind you today is day 35 and there's still no sign of AF or ovulation, so I guess I should take comfort in the fact that we've managed to make it into the fertility support system.
I'm sorry that this cycle doesn't appear to have been the one for you, but there's still time to go yet....let us know how you get on with your test tomorrow, fingers are crossed for you!

@MrsMGE that opk looks about as dark as I've ever achieved! I tried temping for a couple of months and didn't really get on with it - my temps didn't clearly indicate that ovulation had definitely occurred (although I did have a positive CB opk and a strip one very similar to yours), but I still turned out to be pregnant that cycle. I may give it another go in the future but guess that the best approach once we get 'back on the horse' would just be to keep DTD every other day and hope for the best... I would wait and pee as soon as you get home from work personally, but if you do decide to give it a go at work let us know how it goes!

@MrsMGE I don't think those opks are supposed to be used with fmu. I think testing between 2-10pm is the best, I used to do one at 11am though and do a couple each day. I tend to have a short surge. My most recent cycle I got my positive on ovulated on the a same day (confirmed by temps).
Keep going with temping but I'd recommend only doing it to confirm ovulation - I became obsessed with comparing my chart to see if it meant anything.

Another one who's dh's SA is impressive 😂

@Venusstarr Yes, I know they are not meant to be used with FMU, but once you're in a surge it is likely they'll be getting gradually darker - it doesn't happen for some women, but it does for me, and this morning the line is darker than yesterday late afternoon. If there's enough LH in the morning for the line to be quite dark then it's likely going to get darker based on my previous experience and everything I read, so I'm taking this as a good sign.

Thank you all for your views, I was in disbelief that it might be happening a week earlier, but it might well be right, as my body is still adjusting after the MMC and I've gone to conception reflexology last week as well - both of which may bring I forward. Well, well! I took LH tests to work and off I go later this morning and in the afternoon! To clarify, it is my mug that I've had from one of my clients, not a guest one! Xxx

I just realised it wasn't clear from my post, I used one OPK yesterday afternoon and it wasn't particularly dark. I randomly used another one this morning and there's quite a difference between yesterday and today, sorry if I didn't make that clear xxx

Hi All

Sorry not quite caught up but will read through ok the way home. Thanks for those asking after me. I’m feeling a lot better. DH and I seem to have calmed down too and actually be on the same page! We did the baby dance last night so that was good born for us to feel more connected again and also so we are hopefully at least in with a chance this cycle (I’m on third day of flashing smiley). I also find we are both in a good mood the next day 😂 We were actually discussing last night adopting a child, not that we have given up of having another “of our own” but we both think it would be a nice thing to do and maybe take the pressure off TTC... it’s just an idea really. I think we both just have A LOT going on but hopefully will be ok. We just need to be kinder to ourselves and each other.

Congrats @TwittleBee

It is baby loss awareness day today as most of you will probably know and I will be lighting a candle for my little girl and all of our babies at 7 PM tonight 🕯

@ReeRi It's lovely to hear, I'm so happy for you 😊 Totally agree, DTD helps, we're definitely in a better mood the day after too! And we've also discussed adoption, in fact I am seriously thinking about doing it regardless of having my own biological baby. Think we need a bit more time to decide, but we're open to the idea.

I'm also lighting a candle tonight, for my little baby and for all of yours. We're in this together ❤️🙏 xxx

Thinking of all those today that have lost babies. It's quite inconceivable that so many people have, but it's a loss we carry so quietly. I will be lighting a candle to 😔

AF finally arrived. Part of me is gutted, really hoped we would catch straight away. But another part of me feels a bit more in control know I know I've got my cycle back. Hormonally Im feeling it so much worse then I ever have done before the MC. I'm covered in spots, loads of digestive symptoms and I'm really irritable. It's not helped by being on nights I suspect. But ready for a nother month of starting over.

Tested today and bfn as expected. On CD 39! Now just need to wait for AF to arrive. I actually feel ok. I'm focusing on all the positives of a bigger age gap. I'd actually be starting to panic if I was still pregnant as DS is such a handful. I've arranged to donate a double buggy that my sister ha def down to me to a local charity that helps women reffered to refuges as I def won't need it now . I'm focusing on how lucky we are to have what we have.

I'll also be lighting a candle at 7pm and will think of you all x

@MrsMGE I have thought about adoption very peripherally for years but didn’t think about it seriously. I had always liked the idea of adopting an unwanted little girl from somewhere like Asia. Unfortunately most people don’t think about it. We found there is an event nearby in a few weeks so we are going to go to find out more. It’s certainly not something any of us should make a snap decision about and I don’t know if we’d even be eligible. I just think it is heartbreaking there are so many children without loving parents.

Sorry to hear af has arrived @Sunflower1608
Hopefully this will be your cycle 🤞

@Seahawk80 Is it possible you ovulated later than you think and you are testing too early? It’s lovely of you to donate the buggy

🕯

@tmc14 I think that’s good advice. We have certainly been tested this year and sometimes I feel like running away! We have lots to be thankful for too though x

@dogmama sorry you have had a lot on and it’s so tough when other people seem to be getting pregnant so easily! I find yoga and exercise in general helps my mood, sleep and stress levels. Sometimes just making sure we have a good dinner helps. Also just planning small things to look forward to so we’re not only thinking about TTC.

@Mumlili8 You must be very healthy generally if you walk so much and don’t smoke, drink or eat sugary foods! I exercise and don’t drink much or smoke but eat a lot of chocolate 🍫 Reminds me I need to stock up on pregnacare which I take along with high dose folic acid. I hope you get everything you want

@MrsMGE I haven’t used those tests with FMU either. Can you test after work or in the evening?

Love to our beautiful babies and light to us ❤️

Thinking of the two babies I'll never hold 💕

Don’t think I’m ready to share on social media, but sharing with you. A light for my tiny bean. Sending gentle hugs to you all, you’ve helped me so much in the last few days x

Watching my candles flicker and thinking of my two little ones ❤️❤️

Sending love to everyone xx

Mine is going too but it has our sons name on so not going to share just now. Lots of love ❤

It's beautiful to see ❤️ It has made me pause and think, in silence, a precious moment when I switched off from everything else. I am not deeply religious, but I prayed. Our babies were, and will forever be, a gift, and they will be cherished forever ❤️

Sending you love, ladies ❤️ xxx