TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle

[ReeReeR]

New thread 🐧🐧🐧

I have accidentally created a thread 33 as well but will delete that!

You seem to be quite expert on the bbt @Mumlili8 so maybe you can advise me??? Last cycle showed biphasic pattern on temps with OV CD 11 but my clearblue never got past flashing smileys. We were away on holiday and drinking wine every night with dinner, could this mess with the testing? Thanks xx

@Alarica hello I'm assuming that you test with fmu with clear blue. I also use clearblue fertility monitor with fmu. Sometimes the LH is so fast it can come and go between morning test. The LH surge starts but can take several hours to get high enough to test positive in urine. I use clearblue in the morning and easy@home strips in the afternoon just so I don't miss it. Alcohol can effect bbt a bit as it rises the blood temperature. But if your worried have a blood test done at what you think is 7dpo an ideal number would be about 30 but 20 and above would indicate ovulation occurred. If you have a luteal phase shorter than 12 days that could indicate low progesterone but that easily fixed by progesterone pessaries from your gp. If you like you could post your chart here, a few of us bbt temp so maybe the other ladies could also offer advice xx

@Marmite83 Phew, glad I’m not the only one!

@Zoey36 welcome, sorry about your loss. Everyone here is really friendly

So, day 5 of flashy for me. Don’t think it’s going to happen this month I was really hoping my cycle would go back to normal straight away and I’d fall again this cycle. You hear so much about being more fertile after a miscarriage, and I thought falling again so soon would help me get over the miscarriage. Now it looks like I’ve got a long wait for af and next fertile time, rubbish!

@TwinkleStars15 sorry your feeling down hun. Maybe it's just later this cycle. Also keep dtd this happened to me one cycle and I got pregnant so it could just be a very short surge. Do you bbt that helps to confirm ovulation

Hi everyone and thanks for asking after me @VenusStarr

I haven’t quite caught up but I’m trying to read through now while on the train as I’m going to be at a stand in Leeds station today promoting Baby Loss Awareness Week. I don’t really feel up to it but wanted to do something.

I’m feeling a bit down. I am stressed with work, feeling down generally, tired, not seeing eye to eye with DH it seems (and I stress about it more as I’m coming into my fertile period and feel like I’m going to miss another chance), everyone else seems to be pregnant including someone I met through Sands (we lost our babies around the same time) and she laughed yesterday when I’d told her I’d had a miscarriage a couple of months ago and then went on to tell me she’s pregnant. I found it a bit hard to take her suddenly telling me and then discussing every fear and thought she’s having when I’m feeling a bit down anyway and feeling like it won’t happen for us. Sorry for the negative post. I’m exhausted so maybe that’s making me feel worse.

Hello to the newbies. This is a really supportive thread and I hope you find some comfort in this safe place.

@TwinkleStars15 Yes to BLAW amplifying things. I’m volunteering today so it’s on my mind and my office are doing something on Tuesday. I follow BLAW on Facebook and had to mute it as all the pictures were too much for me this week.

@Avocuddles I shall look for that article. Well done for sharing it.

@Sunflower1608 I’m sorry your family are not supportive. My family are ok but I don’t really talk openly to them about things. I have really felt let down by some friends. Sometimes I think I expect too much but I don’t think I do.

Sorry you’re feeling that way @VenusStarr Not sure I can say anything to help. I am that way myself but I do find the lowest lows dont last too long usually when we are here for you. You can always PM me if you want to.

Hope you’re ok @Mumlili8 @TwittleBee and anyone I’ve missed

@turquoisebaby Yes I think it’s the Clearblue digital where you just get a static smiley and then the Clearblue advanced you get flashing smiley when your progesterone rises(?) and then a static smiley when you get the LH surge. I used the Clearblue connect which is like the advanced but connects to an app on your phone and records everything. I find they are all a good price on amazon as compared to Boots. I’m glad your return to work was positive.

She laughed when you told her you'd miscarried?! @ReeRi oh my god that's horrible. I'm so sorry. She sounds awful. I'd cut contact to be honest.
You're amazing doing something to promote baby loss awareness week. Look after yourself today. It's great to raise awareness but try to protect yourself also. (hope that cow isn't on the stand with you) ❤️

I'll be back to catch up properly soon. Hope you're all OK. Sorry some new people have joined, but it really is the best place for support xx

Hi girls, sorry I haven't been active recently. I had a major trigger with my best friend announcing she's pg. She had issues with her cycle for many years and only last month started the first round of tablets. Was meant to be a long journey ahead and I've been supporting her throughout. Bang, she's pg first month of ttc. It proved too much for me, I actually had to seek help. Tommy's midwives think I have PTSD and advised me to see help, which I have done and I'm waiting for some therapy/counselling to start. That's not amazing because I actually thought I was doing good, but clearly it is not over yet. I'm due to start TTC again next week and debating if it's even worth it considering my stress levels. It seems like I can't win, no matter what I do.

Anyway, hope you're all doing better xxx

Sorry if this has been asked before (I have started reading through the threads but wow it's so long!) From what I've read, you're not at an increased risk of another mc if you conceive before your first period. But is that conditional on having a negative pregnancy test first? Or do the ladies that try again straight away not actually get a negative? Or would your body not ovulate until your hcg levels were down again?
I just assumed that I'd ovulate about 2 weeks after, but I'm nearly 2 weeks after and I'm still getting very strong positives. I feel like I need a biology degree!

@Zoey36 I might be wrong, but my understanding is that if you are still getting positive pregnancy tests after 2-3 weeks then you need to go back for a check up? I guess because of possible retained products. Your body won’t ovulate if you still have hcg in your system. Saying that, I’m 2 weeks post miscarriage and expecting ovulation but still not getting positives on clear blue advanced so might be taking a bit longer to get back to normal?

Thanks @Mumlili8 I will post last cycle and this cycle to date to see if anyone can offer any insights. I only started using Ava during the cycle before so I'm new to this temping business 😊 I use Clearblue in the morning with fmu until flashing smileys start then test in the evening only. Thanks again xx

Any insight into these charts would be great please xx

@VenusStarr Yes she laughed! It might have been a nervous kind of laugh but we both lost babies this year so she shouldn’t be someone who doesn’t know how to respond at all. Or she could have said sorry didn’t mean to laugh. She then said “so you’re TTC then?” I said yes and then asked about her to reciprocate (I hadn’t asked before as they’d been waiting for results I thought and so didn’t like to ask) and she just grinned at me so I guessed and then she told me and proceeded to talk about it for ages. Then at some point she was like “have I upset you?” and I said no but thought yes of course you have! You just laughed when I told you I’d had a mc within six months of losing my first baby and then took that ad the green light to tell me you’d had a mc!

@Zoey36 I think you need that negative test to make sure the positive isn’t from anything retained from the mc. Could you speak to your gp about it?

Oh and not sure if I mentioned the other day the friend who I was trying to make plans with but who didn’t acknowledge me saying I was having a hard time... well I saw her by the stand and said hi. I could see she was in a rush but she didn’t say hi in a friendly but busy way. She was obviously mortified to see me at the Sands stand and just said something like I’ve got to go! I’m really annoyed by it actually but she obviously can’t handle real life...

Hi and welcome to all the new members here, I'm so sorry you've found yourselves on this board but hope you will find it a welcoming and supportive place.

@ReeRi I can't believe the insensitivity of people sometimes. I appreciate that your friend / acquaintance has also experienced the very worst kind of grief but you would have hoped that she would have come out of that with a least some level of empathy and compassion for how others would feel. I feel proud of you for manning the stand today. I haven't been into the city centre today but it's great that you and Sands are raising awareness there. I've been wearing my baby loss awareness ribbon pin on my lanyard at work but no one has yet as much as asked what it represents, I'm hoping there might be some acknowledgment of BLAW at work this week as we're usually fairly food at supporting different causes.

I went out for a work leaving do last night and had to bat off the full round of insensitive comments from a couple of colleagues who had learned about my loss as a result of the miscarriage article I shared online last week. I'm happy to talk and appreciate people who express sympathy and support but some of the things they say are insensitive to say the least! They included the cracking 'well you've got ages yet you're still young' (I'm 36 in a few weeks so know that although time is far from 'up' the odds are ever decreasing....) along with 'well you can always adopt if it comes to it'. I've become very skilled at smiling through gritted teeth at these kind of comments now but it never gets any easier emotionally....

Coming up to five weeks post MC now and no sign of ovulation or AF. I have an appointment at the fertility clinic on Monday, they are thankfully happy to still have an initial consultation in spite of my two pregnancies so hoping that they can support me in some way. I'll let you all know how I get on....

@TwinkleStars15 @Zoey36 my period took 7 weeks to come back after my first miscarriage but I went on to get a BFP 5 weeks after so try as much as you can to be patient and trust that your body will return to 'usual' when it's ready. It took me 3 weeks to get a negative the first time round, and 2 weeks this time. In both instances I did pass a small amount of tissue several weeks after the bulk of the bleeding had ended, so it could potentially be that you have a little more to pass before your levels drop to zero?

@MrsMGE I'm sorry that your friend's news hit you so hard. Its great that you're going to go for counselling, I have found it very helpful, at the end of the day pregnancy / baby loss is a very traumatic thing and it's natural to need some support to get through that.

@Mumlili8 @VenusStarr hope you're both ok and looking after yourselves this weekend.

@ReeRi She sounds like a piece of work. Regardless of the loss she suffered, it clearly didn't teach her anything. Astonishing. Unless she was high on meds there's no excuse for this. Sorry you've had to go through this. You know we're a nicer crowd on here ❤️

Thank you @Avocuddles. How funny, I am also wearing my pin on my lanyard in work! It's nice to know I have a buddy 😊 I'm actually running a BLAW initiative in work across five of our offices, we're fundraising and having a bake sale and a couple of other initiatives. The response has been fantastic, so many people needed it and wanted to participate. It can be a double edge sword, yes, but I think I am trying to approach this thinking positively, being grateful that my baby was with me, even if for a short time, and not focusing on the sadness. I also think it's extremely important to make everyone talk about it, people need to recognise we are suffering, we are not "moving on" and if they are not there to listen, things may get worse for us, so let's be there for each other, like we are when it comes to so many other important issues xxx

@Avocuddles I really can’t believe the insensitivity of some people! “You could always adopt” I guess people who haven’t been through this will naturally find it hard to engage in conversation about it, but jeez that’s just a mad thing to say to someone. I’m a social worker and work with adopters often, I see the journeys they have been through to get to where they are. I’m sorry you and @ReeReeR have had to go through those experiences with your colleagues/friends

@TwinkleStars15 If it helps, my last cycle (3rd after the MC, and first proper TTC), I had 15 (!!!) days of flashing smileys and then a static! You can imagine sex was the LAST thing we ever wanted after last month. I didn't conceive, but just so you know, do hang in there, as your ovulation may come later. I also used CB Advanced Digital which first recognises the rise in estrogen and then LH surge. I'd also say, use some cheap LH stripes alongside if you haven't yet, might be helpful. I am not using OPKs this month as it stressed me out, and it's too much hassle and expense for me. I'm sort of temping and will just dtd whenever I want to xxx

I’m on day 5 of flashy faces and have been doing cheapies in the evenings to keep the cost down! I’m useless at them though. Does this look like a near positive?

@MrsMGE crossed posts! Thank you for telling me that! I will keep going. I just assumed after 6-7 it was pointless continuing but I bought a box of 20 so I’ll keep going I do have lots of ewcm but it’s just not turning static.

@TwinkleStars15 I think it's pretty dark, I'd dtd tonight just in case and deffo test tomorrow every few hours (every 4 and try to hold it in for a few hrs before testing if you can), I reckon it's likely to be peak within the next 1-2 days xxx

Thanks @Avocuddles Yes friend who laughed at mc was weird... I texted the other friend probably a harsh text saying I was disappointed she hadn’t acknowledged I’ve said I’m down and acted like she wished she hadn’t seen me at the Sands stand and I was really pleasantly surprised that she messaged me and said sorry that she hasn’t been there and hasn’t replied much but she is there for me as a friend and to talk and she’ll look into date for a show or something for us to do. So I thought that was nice and then felt bad about sending a harsh text but maybe it was needed... I need to stop being so upfront though maybe 😬 Well done for dealing with those shitty comments

Thanks @MrsMGE and @TwinkleStars15

My office is doing something for BLAW in support of me which is nice

@ReeRi there is nothing wrong with being upfront, I've found life in considerably less stressful when I am. I'm glad you feel a little better now you've heard back from your friend, make sure you do follow through with sorting something together, it's always good to have things in the diary to look forward to. I bought tickets yesterday to see the Lion King when it comes to Bradford - it's isn't until May next year but as that is now less than nine months away I figured I'd get it booked!

@Avocuddles I was thinking about that one too. I saw it advertised on a bus yesterday! Yes I posted about another friend who I felt hasn’t been there for me at all and I felt much better after told her how I felt. I will see what happens with the friend I saw yesterday. I was surprised that she even replied to my message but maybe I had got her all wrong. I am now wondering whether I misjudged or was being oversensitive but the fact was I did feel like I was chasing her for a month to make a plan for the theatre (after she’d said she wanted to go), she didn’t respond to me telling her twice that I’m feeling really down and when she saw me yesterday at the station she didn’t seem happy to see me even if she were in a rush. If that was me I’d have texted from the train at least. She’s normally very smiley and she wasn’t smiley yesterday! So not sure I’d got it wrong or texting her has maybe made her realise she wasn’t being great.

I hope it goes well at the fertility clinic tomorrow

@turquoisebaby It’s estrogen that rises when you get the flashing smiley. I only know as I just got mine and it says it 😬