TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle

[ReeReeR]

New thread 🐧🐧🐧

I have accidentally created a thread 33 as well but will delete that!

Thanks @ReeRi I've sent a nice message back to say I do appreciate her thinking of me but explained that I'm struggling a lot with day to day activities so planning too far ahead is too overwhelming. Nothing back so far. I'm sorry that your friends have been unsupportive ❤️ When's af due? Fingers crossed for you 🤞

@Twittlebee I'm pleased you're getting some media coverage, it's very brave of you to go onto TV to share your experience. It must have been very draining ❤️
Yesterday was ok, both dh and I found it quite tough to see her, they don't live locally so last saw them at my nan's funeral in June and she's changed so much. I left feeling really sad 😔 when will it be our turn?

How are you today @MrsMGE? I had one reflexology session just before this bfp but I didn't rate the practitioner (as a few on here know!). I did have accupuncture last year and would be interested to try it again but possibly with a different person, mine was a traditional Chinese doctor and never explained anything!

Sorry you're still getting faint positives @Marmite83 but glad the bleeding has stopped.

@Mumlili8 I'm sorry, we're here if you need to talk ❤️

First day back was a bit of a wash out, couldn't log in for ages and I got a bit stressed out. A colleague popped into say she was pleased I was back so that made me cry 😢 decided to come home and start again tomorrow. I'm going for a swim in a bit, feeling a bit tired.

I've no idea what's going on but I've got some cramps (not period like) and my boobs are tender, like pregnancy. I know it's just my head as we've been using condoms but there's a little niggle. Just putting it here out of my head... Ugh, we're not even ttc and I can't stop thinking about it.

Anyway, hope everyone is OK today xx

Hi everyone, sorry I've been a bit rubbish on this thread. I've hardly been at work which has been great but feel like I haven't stopped either looking after DS or doing chores while he's at nursery. We're just watching jungle book for what feels like the 800th time so I've had an epic catch up and I promise to check in more often!

Not much to report here, in the TWW, managed to DTD a fair bit but had a row with DH towards the end of FW when I was exhausted and said can we make it quick and he said I made it sound like a chore so we missed the end of the window.

Interested to hear about the acupuncture experiences. I think I'll try it of not pregnant by next year. I was desperate to be pregnant before my due date (late Dec / early Jan) but was thinking about timing and if I had a September / Oct baby I would be able to justify a full years mat leave as if I went back to work in the summer we would pay double childcare over the holidays so I'm a way it would be better as I'd only take 9-10 months off otherwise.

However I don't want to not try anything months so I've decided we'll keep going and if I'm not pregnant by Xmas we'll step things up with acupuncture etc. Also feel like this month is the last month I would get pregnant and past 12 weeks before Xmas, this is a big deal for Me as both our birthdays are in December and I just am so scared about another tmfr or a miscarriage and I know from when we were waiting for our results from the 12 week scan CVS with DS just before Xmas it was horrible. Thankfully he was fine but I also thought that if he wasn't I'd then be trying to book a termination around Xmas / new year when everyone has time off and it would be delayed. But the thought of not trying for a few months when I'm about be 39 just seems stupid. @Avocuddles totally know what you mean about the crystal ball!

Also just wanted to say @TwittleBee that's awful about the counselling. Good on you for complaining.

@VenusStarr Swimming is said to be the “best” exercise as it tones your whole body but is low impact. I just don’t like it for some reason (and not very good)

@MrsMGE I think we have probably all had friends let us down when we’re low unfortunately. I’ve had a few recently but you’re right to focus on the good ones.

Hope everyone else is ok

I still have PMT. Did a FRER this morning at 10DPO and was negative.

Hi all, May I join?

I had a late miscarriage at 16 weeks at the end of August and am currently waiting for results from testing to come back. Bleeding has taken 4 weeks to stop and I've been using OPK's since week 2 after a getting a negative pregnancy test. How long did it take you to ovulate afterwards? The negative OPK is killing me.

I am really hoping the "spike in fertility" after a miscarriage is true as both of my pregnancies have taken a year to conceive. I ended up using OPK's last time and found that didn't ovulate until day 23 of a 29 days cycle. Hoping my body might sort itself out and praying I ovulate on a more normal cd.

Eek we're officially in the game now. Started dtd from tonight cd8. I'm so scared... scared of another miscarriage and scared of another tfmr.
Im not even bothering to try the relaxed approach this time. Got my thermometer and opks ready for the morning.
Its approaching a year since we lost our little boy. In December. I can't believe it.

I'm so sorry @turquoisebaby
Keeping everything crossed for you

Sorry you find yourself here @turquoisebaby

@Treaclepie19 Pregnancy is scary after a loss but try to take it one step at a time and maybe it would help not to think too far ahead. Milestones are always difficult.

Thank you, yeah I overthink everything.
I found it so hard trying for our DS1 after miscarrying and now the thought of ttc after having a tfmr is really nervewracking. Still, we have the support of the hospital and consultants at least.

Sorry you find yourself here @turquoisebaby but welcome!

@Treaclepie19 I know what you mean about TTC after a TMFR, obviously I'd be happy with a BFP but I feel like it's then 3 months of worry and I'm terrified of getting bad news again. I'm in the TWW now and not sure how I feel. Hope you manage a productive FW!!

@Seahawk80 yeah definitely. I don't even want to think about all the decisions. They've said we can have any of the tests we want. I was thinking of just having an amnio to make sure but now I'm thinking maybe wait and see how things go.

This crazy journey is complicated further by OCD that I thought was under control but starting using my OPK this morning has suggested otherwise 😴

@Treaclepie19 Have you considered Harmony or NIFTY? Apologies if you have, I don't know your full story, but just a thought xxx

@turquoisebaby I don't want to sound negative, but there was no spike in fertility after the MC for me whatsoever. In fact, I would really, really recommend that you completely ignore this sort of information and just keep going, not expecting anything. This is because you won't have any mental burden then, or pressure, neither of which help with TTC (speaking from experience as this is exactly where I am). I'm sorry for your loss and welcome to this thread (I think you may have posted in my thread that I've started without realising there's this one here already? 😊) xxx

@Treaclepie19 Yes you would have much closer care this time I imagine. I would too as my baby was stillborn at full term. It is sad that these things had to happen for us to be closely monitored but it would help my anxiety next time.

My baby died at 40 weeks so I don’t think I would relax until my baby is here and even then I think I would be an anxious mum as babies die unfortunately. I’m just so anxious. Still constantly assuming DH has died if he doesn’t answer the phone or I can’t hear him breathing / snoring.

Sorry don’t mean to sound so negative!

Happy Tuesday, people 😬

Well it seems that after the very early positive opk, painful ovulation pains and the quick let's dtd. It was a false alarm and now an anovulation cycle. Great coz I needed that. No temp rise at all. I'm so cross with my body right now. The 31st of this month marks 12 months since I lost my oldest baby of 12 weeks and I really wanted to be pregnant again by then. Its totally ruined our anniversary too as it the same day as my baby came out. Needless to say I'm very down.

ReeRi oh lovely, that's not surprising after everything you've been through. Don't worry about negativity, we cant be positive all the time. It's no lie that losing your little one was just unfair and shit.
A friend of mines baby was stillborn and she did have very close care.

@MrsMGE Thanks lovely. We had the NIPT with the little boy we lost and it came back clear because his chromosomal problem was very rare and hard to detect.
We knew something might be wrong because of the nuchal measurement but all the scans looked fine apart from that until a possible heart problem was shown. Then we had the amnio and before we knew it we were in for a termination at 22+4.
I'd like to just have the minimum testing but I know I'll worry that only the amnio is enough.

@ReeRi totally understand that, it is bloody terrifying isnt it, that we really can lose our baby anytime, even after they have been born. Have you spoken with your consultant regarding future care, apologies I cannot remember if you have said already? I've been informed I shall be having fortnightly scans and tests as well as weekly midwife visits for all future pregnancies.

I am still waiting to ovulate here, looked like I had ovulated early with 2 high temps but they dropped back down and have stayed low. I should be ovulating today / tomorrow but had a very stark negative OPK this morning, but then again I usually see positives in the evening so shall see tonight.

@Treaclepie19 know how you feel, I try not to stress and then am looking at Ovia at 3am!! Could you have a CVS next time rather than wait for an amnio? I'll have the harmony test at 10 weeks so that we have those results before the nhs scan but to be honest I'd be tempted to have a cvs just to get more peace of mind. Hate having to think about this when I'm not even pregnant 😩

@Mumlili8 sorry to hear it's ruined your anniversary, it's such a hard time. I was desperate to be pregnant by my due date but now thinking that I might not be and trying to focus on positives like having a nice boozy Xmas and that the timing would be better just to prepare myself. I don't know if there are any positives you can cling to but I'm hoping it helps over the hard times.

@MrsMGE agree about the lack of fertility spike -after loss (although clinging onto the fact it could happen this month!)

@ReeRi I can't imagine how hard it must be to deal with anxiety after stillbirth . My friend is about to have her 3rd child at 45, her first son was stillborn and I know that she's found it very hard with both subsequent pregnancies but has had extra care and early c sections. I hope that you get all the help you need x

Has any one else noticed that all adverts on this thread are for stretch marks or nappies or baby food. I'd just like to get past 14 weeks first. Ads would be much better if it was ttc stuff like opks lol

@Seahawk80 it's definitely an option. I know the cvs misses some conditions though so I'd probably still worry. Not that you can ever be 100% sure all is okay.

I'm only on cd9 and already wondering when I can test 😂🙈

Ridiculous isn't it @Mumlili8. My Facebook feed is full of ads for IVF clinics, baby products, maternity clothes, scan clinics etc. Wish there was an 'I've just lost a baby' setting you could select so they would all go away.

@Marmite83 it's rubbish isn't it. It does start to change after a while. Scary how your phone listens in etc, I texted my friend saying I can't really afford to do x and next thing I know my Facebook is full of ads for debt management!!

@Treaclepie19 I'm the same dreading testing but also counting down the days. I think the one good thing about being scared is I'll be less sad about a bfn in a way as at least it's not the start of months of stress.

The ads change to suit your personal and preferences etc @Mumlili8 - unfortunately the algorithms don't understand baby loss and pregnancy loss does not equate to wanting to see baby stuff. Mine was full of newborn baby products after I gave birth to Roy and they continued well after his death, was heart wrenching. I did change the ad preference settings on Facebook but it made 0 difference.

@Mumlili8 I’m so sorry you’re having such a rough time with it. The anniversary’s don’t help. I can’t really say anything to help but we are all here for you

@TwittleBee @Treaclepie19 @Seahawk80 yes I have spoken to the consultant and they proposed a scan and baby aspirin from 8 weeks, scans every two weeks from about 20 weeks and whenever I wanted them, consultant careful obviously. That’s all if I get pregnant again.

Oh the ads @Mumlili8 they should be banned!

Oh, wow. I didn't realise NIPTs don't pick up on certain conditions, but now you've said that, it does make sense, completely. I'm so sorry it's happened to you @Treaclepie19, that's so terribly unlucky in an already unlucky situation!

@Seahawk80 I think there really should be a ban on writing misinformed articles etc such as those re fertility spikes. I am yet to see a woman with increased fertility after the MC, all I see is some women catching fairly quickly, and other taking longer, which is completely ordinary. Everyone I know who tracked with OPKs or temping did not have any extra fertile days to normal. And a lot of women actually had multiple anovulatory cycles after the MC. I call bullshit on this whole spike matter. We just dtd more and pay attention to our bodies as we get desperate to get pg again, so of course there will be a slightly higher conception rate in our group as we're more conscious of what we're doing and focused than women who haven't been through the same.

Also re adverts and online content ladies, I'm sure there is an app you can download that blocks most baby-related content, I think it was created specifically for women like us, but for the life of me, I can't remember the name of it, anyone? Xxx

@MrsMGE I know, it's crazy isn't it?
We got the NIPT results and were so happy. I cried. Little did we know.
Our little boys condition was so rare though. We were a tiny percentage to have had a baby with the missing chromosome... and a mosaic version too.
Basically if it hadn't been mosaic, he wouldn't have even made it past the initial part of developing cells.

I'm thankful it's not something me or my husband carry. I just still worry about some of the less likely scenarios like that either some of my husband's sperm or some of my eggs have this "faulty" design.
The geneticist was very reassuring though.

Sorry, just rambling now!

@ReeRi I'm glad they've been as helpful as they can be

@Treaclepie19 Crikey, that's so, so rare and unexpected. I think it's difficult once something like this happens, you naturally think it might happen again because we tend to tune in to all the potential issues once we experience the loss, or multiple losses. But in reality, unless there is a particular underlying problem, it's so unlikely anything like this would happen again. Wish we could explain this to our brains though, that's a completely different pair of boots! Xxx

Interested in that app @MrsMGE! I would like to think we are fertile after mc but who knows? There are a few who have graduated from this thread to the pregnancy after loss thread who had mc and then pregnant again the next month I think. They say you are more fertile after birth too but it’s all so hard to test and quantify.

@Treaclepie19 That’s so tragic but it is a good thing that there is nothing going on that is likely to affect future babies hopefully. There are no guarantees with anything and unfortunately all of us on his thread know that