TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle

[ReeReeR]

New thread 🐧🐧🐧

I have accidentally created a thread 33 as well but will delete that!

Aw, hello @ReeReeR, good to see another familiar face on here 😊 xxx

Glad you've joined us @MrsMGE 👋 :)

Sounds like your spa weekend was perfectly timed @Avocuddles ❤️ it sounds difficult having 2 close friends having their babies xx

I'm sorry for your loss @MindyStClaire but welcome with my first mmc I had faint positives for around 2.5 weeks after and think I did ovulate with low levels of hcg in my system but like @ReeReeR said its probably better to wait for a negative test. I've not tested this time as we're not ttc yet so I don't need to see, I do think af will arrive soon though. Definitely speak to someone either your GP or epu next week if you're concerned.

@TwinkleStars15 it's bittersweet getting a negative isn't it but hope your cycle returns to normal 🤞

Hi @Sunflower1608, another short cycler here :)

@Pandora71 ❤️

How are you @Mumlili8 @ReeReeR? Hope everyone is OK.

Been quite teary today. I don't know why but I find it really upsetting when people ask me how I am (when they know what's happened). I know they probably don't know what to say and it's nice they're thinking of me, but my initial response is 'how do you think I'm feeling?!' this morning a close friend text and it just made me reflect on everything and it set the tone for the day 😢 I think I'm very much in the angry grief phase. I didn't have much anger the first time but that's my main emotion this time. Fully recognise that I am being unreasonable but it's how I feel.
I've just booked a spa weekend for our first due date (2 November), hoping we can reconnect, I think dh is struggling more this time round :( xx

@Venusstarr I totally get where you're coming from. It's pretty obvious you're not feeling good, and won't be for a while. You're not being unreasonable. You're also right, people mean well, just don't always know what to say. You're totally allowed to feel this way.

A spa weekend sounds glorious, I did a similar thing with my bestie about 6 wks after the MMC. DH and I have also booked short trips away and various events to have stuff to look forward to. You need every little "pick me up" now. Have you tried anything new? I started jogging. I'm shit at it, and I never liked running before, but I do now! I've also rediscovered my old hobbies, I do a lot of painting now, just for me. It's very therapeutic. Xxx

@VenusStarr (I have NC but similar name so hopefully you can work it out!) I’m ok thanks for asking. I’m CD25 so in the 2WW but feeling v “hormonal”. I’m also I the angry phase (the PMT isn’t helping that) and feeling annoyed and let down with unsupportive friends. I don’t think it’s unreasonable but I would say don’t be too hard on friends asking how you are. For weeks even my mum texted me daily asking “how are you?” They don’t know what to say and I’ve had less than that from some of people - either I don’t hear from them or I do and there is no acknowledgement that our DD died. It seems some of them just don’t think of us at all. Friend who had baby weeks after our DD was born texted yesterday saying sorry she hasn’t been in touch but she’s having a shit time. I felt like shouting “I’m having a shit time too!” but instead said I’m sorry and to remember she can call, text or come over anytime. I feel like I’ve been chasing another friend for a month to try to make plans for a show and ended up telling her actually I’m having a tough time and just wanted to plan something fun but I’ll just go with someone else If it’s too much effort. She replied saying she wants to go but had been busy -
no acknowledgment that I just said I’m having a tough time since going back to work (I don’t open up about my feelings and haven’t spoken to her about our loss other than telling her initially so that should have had some impact). But, hey, it’s been 7 months so I must be over it 🙄 (most people don’t know I’ve had a MC since then too) xx

I find exercise helps my mood a lot @MrsMGE I love running but haven’t done it recently. I do cardio classes in the gym and yoga is great 🧘🏻‍♀️

Thank you @MrsMGE I'm glad I'm not the only one and that you get it.

I've been swimming a lot these last couple of weeks, at first it didn't make me feel any better but do think it's had a good effect on my mood this week. I'm going again tomorrow after work and looking forward to it. It makes me feel strong, despite not being a great technical swimmer. I'd like to find / discover new hobbies or interests but not tried much so far. I do like yoga and was doing a lot after the first mc but only been once this time, but that helps me ground myself. Xx

@Venusstarr @ReeReeR I've mentioned this on other threads before, but acupuncture and conception reflexology are also wonderful, worked very well for me so far in terms of rebuilding my emotional strength and dealing with grief.

FWIW, I've also had friends who went silent, friends and acquaintances who said completely wrong things, and a close friend of mine who never wanted kids is due on the same date as me (I had my absolute lowest day ever when she told me, and I'm not ashamed of it! It's natural to feel this way when we're grieving). One of the worst ones was a supposed friend of mine who tried to explain to me how her other friend who miscarried naturally and without complications must have felt at least as bad as me (I've had an MMC, had to wait over 2 wks for medical management and it wasn't what I wanted - I wanted ERPC but it wasn't available for another 2 weeks. I then had an awful reaction to misoprostol and was sick for 7 hrs, had early labour with no painkillers). This is coming from a person who was never even pregnant! Now, I'm not one to score points on mine or anyone else's tragedy, but the amount of times I felt that I would have rather MC naturally then carrying my dead baby inside me for weeks.. I cannot even count them. This, together with the bad physical experience and rubbish EPAU experience has traumatised me. So it's a bit rich coming from someone who has never even been pg and is now trying to patronise me as to how bad my experience was. Absolute idiot to be shaming a grieving mum. But alas, the world is full of them.

Luckily, most people have been great. I have really narrowed down my tribe to those who have been there for me and DH, it's a real test xxx

Hi guys do you mind if I join!

I had an early miscarriage at the beginning of August. Currently TTC again.

Currently experiencing some mid-cycle bleeding on top of everything else I think I just had a positive OPK this afternoon, which is baffling me! Any similar experiences ? X

@MrsMGE medical management traumatised me too. I had no idea how painful it would be and all the vomiting, diarrhoea etc that I had to deal with whilst having contractions. I threw up my painkillers and was told I couldn't take more. This time I had erpc (I was lucky I only had to wait a few days) and although it wasn't enjoyable, it definitely didn't scar me emotionally as much as the medical management. I think people just don't understand unless they've been through it.

Evening all,

Thank you to those asking after me - appreciate that! It has been pretty hard going this past week. We were on the BBC news discussing Roy (completely draining) and went to see his NICU consultant too which gave us further questions we have to ensure we ask the hospital that originally had our care - that meeting is meant to be happening Tuesday but I am awaiting confirmation still...

Anyway, we are mid fertile week atm so really hoping for some luck but not feeling hopeful as we are all suffering with strep throat atm!

Can see that the thread sure has moved quite a bit since I was last on here!

@MindyStClaire it really is a tricky one, I know I did ovulate with a slight positive test as I never saw a "true negative" and conceived before AF showed up after my MMC.

@Avocuddles glad you had a well-deserved and well-needed spa break. Really is a horribly tough time for you right now.

@Mumlili8 how long are your cycles usually again? Can still take a couple days for you to ovulate after your cbfm says "High" so might not be that crazy early?

@June1987 thank you, hope it does too. AF can really take its time coming back after a MC, just depends on your body feeling ready to ovulate or not I suppose. Hope it comes back soon so you know what is happening. Also, it really is so painful when our children say those things isnt it, it is cute and lovely but also really hard. DS keeps asking me when he can have another baby.

Hope seeing your Uncle's 4 month old was okay @VenusStarr as can be? Glad your mood is somewhat easing up too.

@TwinkleStars15 I would recommend you get every MC recorded just so the hospital has a record of it all? If I done that, rather than not bothering with my 2nd MC, then my 3rd MC would have triggered testing and cant help but wonder if that might have helped keep Roy here with us now.

@MrsMGE welcome to our little club that none of us wish to be in but are very grateful that we are all here together at least. Sorry to hear about your trauma with the medical management, must have been really horrid in an already hard time.

@Bananaloaf88 welcome to you too! Can you go get your mid-cycle bleeding checked out please - mine turned out to be an infection which if left untreated could have caused infertility! (sorry to scare you on your welcome!!)

Thank you for the warm welcome, and I'm so sorry some of you have had such terrible losses.

I definitely want to wait until I've had a negative test before trying again. I can't quite put it into words but I think a negative test will help with drawing a line under the miscarriage if that makes any sense. I've started using OPKs today so at least that'll give me an idea of what's going on, even if we do miss this month.

Be careful with your OPKs @MindyStClaire as you can't use them until you have had a negative pregnancy test. Can totally understand that wanting to wait x

@twittleBee I will get this checked out asap!

@Marmite83 I'm sorry you had a terrible experience too. I agree, people don't have a clue. In fairness, I was completely clueless before it's hit me like a tram and I was like wtf was that??? It felt like an out of body experience, I'd never wish this on anyone. I'm glad to see you on here though, we're back in the game, together ❤️🍀

@TwittleBee Thank you so much ❤️ Indeed, I never anticipated I'd forever be in the bereaved parents club, but we don't pick and choose when it comes to parenthood as it turns out. One thing that I am happy about though, is that it's a community full of lovely people. This really keeps me going.

@MindyStClaire I second TwittleBee's post, OPK can pick up on LH and give you false results, I wouldn't recommend using them now as they are unlikely to help you xxx

@TwittleBee unfortunately it seems like it is that crazy early. Got a peak on cbfm. And I'm currently dealing with quite painful ovulation pains.
This cycle has been horrible, it started with the lightest, shortest, most painful AF ever. Then this early ovulation. DH and I had decided that we would take this cycle off as fw was the same week as he's away. So just to do a number on me it came 3 days earlier than expected and end up me begging DH to try ( which we did yesterday and today) when I know full well that if we fall pregnant it will most probably end in mc because my egg won't be mature enough. Why do I do this to my self?

@MrsMGE I too had awful mmc experiences too. I've had many mc's now but the worst (I've had medical management 3 times all of them awful) was my second mmc, vomiting, diarrhea extreme blood loss the works. I was lucky enough to be able to hold my baby (12 weeks) but it all went very wrong and didn't complete and ended up with erpc. Which didn't get everything either so opted for medical again which lead to an emergency surgery because I hemorrhaged. So two medicals and two surgery's later. I couldn't explain to my family how traumatic it was. Unless you've been there you could never understand. My experience is rare but I totally understand how you feel and how ttc is the most terrifying thing now, even though you want a baby more than anything, that experience is always going to be in your mind. You are strong and I believe that you will get your little rainbow xx

@Venusstarr @ReeReeR thanks for asking after me. Truth is I'm not sure how I am, my body has thrown me a curve ball and I'm not a good catch. I hope your both OK xx

@Mumlili8 Oh, my word, I'm so sorry to hear this, lovely. That is absolutely horrendous. You're a total superhero ❤️ No one can ever tell us that "things like this happen for a reason", what a load of utter rubbish! There is absolutely no reason for this kind of trauma and I'm so sorry you had to go through so much pain. I so wish this was a matter of "fairness", but it isn't. I'm sending you so much love ❤️❤️❤️

@MindyStClaire, I just re-read my previous post and realised it should have referred to OPKs picking up on HCG and giving false results, not LH, obviously, as they're meant to do! 🤦🏼‍♀️ Sorry if I've confused you! Xxx

Thanks all. Are OPKs unreliable because they might pick up the HCG? I don't think much HCG is left, I'm only getting very very faint positives on a first response in the morning. Think if I took a digital in the evening it'd be negative.

Someone asked what the hospital said about trying again - some said we could try as soon as we're ready, some that we could try as soon as I had a negative test for dating purposes, and others to wait until after my first period for dating purposes. But no one said we needed to wait longer than that.

Used an OPK last night and it was very negative. I was thinking there wasn't enough HCG to show on the OPK and so if it goes positive soon that'll be ovulation? Is that wrong? I've never used OPKs before but thought it would be good to use them this cycle in case we did conceive and it would help with dating.

Even those small traces of HCG added to the levels of LH can create a false positive OPK though @MindyStClaire . And yes my Drs said to try as soon as we were ready as long as bleeding had stopped post ERPC, mainly had 2 days bleeding too so started again right after

That's really interesting, thanks TwittleBee

@MindyStClaire a negative pregnancy test gives more certainty that you have no retained products and the MC was complete. I'd personally wait for the bleeding to stop and for a BFN at least, obviously you need to feel emotionally ready too xxx

@MindyStClaire I also still have very very faint positive on hpt, it's been that way for about 4 days now. I've never been so desperate to see a negative test! I did an opk yesterday and it was definitely negative, not even a hint of a line. I was planning to do them to have some idea when af is due to help with planning for my FET next cycle. Dh and I have been dtd anyway as the bleeding has now finally stopped.

@MrsMGE I've tried reflexology before but not acupuncture yet. I've been thinking about it a lot recently though so might give it a go.

@TwittleBee being on BBC news must've been surreal and exhausting. I hope you're doing ok and that you get your appointment tomorrow.

@Marmite83 Acupuncture has saved me from drowning in grief, I am so much better thanks to it, it's very surprising. I recommend going to a conception acupuncturist xxx

Thanks @MrsMGE I'll start Googling