TTC after pregnancy loss 32 - the penguin huddle

[ReeReeR]

New thread 🐧🐧🐧

I have accidentally created a thread 33 as well but will delete that!

Hope you're feeling a bit better @TwittleBee and that your counselling session goes ok. I agree that it's ridiculous they are located in the maternity ward! I hated that I had to be in a waiting room with women at all stages of pregnancy when I knew I was miscarrying yesterday. And I'm sorry your cousin put up her photos at the same time, that must have really hurt

Yes I was like that with the EPU, hated being going to and from there during my MMC @lavenderlove - it's so tough isn't it?

I haven't gone to the counselling session. They can't offer it anywhere but the maternity ward so I can't attend, I can't take myself there

@TwittleBee just wanted to say I'm sorry you are having such bad day. It's awful that the appointment can't be done elsewhere, seems very inappropriate.

@TwittleBee, that sucks, you'd think they'd be able to offer it somewhere else! I had to walk past the labour ward when leaving the hospital after my erpc and it really upset me knowing there were loads of newborn just through the doors.

I've been feeling really low today. Typed 'miscarriage f*ing sucks' in to Google just to see what came up, unsurprisingly it didn't help. Just feel like I'm in a limbo waiting for my body to realise I'm not pregnant anymore. I barely bled after my erpc so no idea if there's more bleeding to come. Sorry, just fed up!

I can't believe they couldn't offer it anywhere else for you @TwittleBee did they point you towards any one else who could?

Can any one give me advice on when to expect my bleeding to stop? It's been ongoing for around 16 days now

@TwittleBee sorry you haven't been able to have the counselling, it seems ridiculous and insanely insensitive that they insist on holding it at the maternity unit.... Is private counselling an option for you? I have found a therapist in my local area who specialises in pregnancy loss / miscarriage / infertility so DH and I have booked an appointment next week. I think it will benefit us both as at the moment the thought of a potential third pregnancy (and potential third miscarriage) is terrifying....

@Avocuddles Hope your first week back has been ok?

@SunshineCrocodile sorry if this was another CP for you. You have been through so much even if you have another child

@TwittleBee Yes I do not simply trust the doctors. I took the drug about five days ago and I think I’m ovulating today so I’ll just try to avoid it now. Hopefully won’t get another migraine and won’t need to! I have taken it now anyway... I hope you found some comfort from scattering your sons ashes. We never thought we’d be burying our daughter obviously but I really did get some comfort from the day, from having our family and friends there (which was something that was important to me but everyone is different) and now having somewhere to visit her. And counselling rooms in the maternity ward is ridiculous. When we went to the hospital for PM results it was in the maternity ward... I hope you managed to get something sorted the counselling. I found it helped. Have you been to Sands meetings or anything of that nature? I find those helpful too even just as having a space to go to where I know I can talk about my baby and people kind of understand. It has also become quite comfortable like a group of friends even though it is not always all of the same people. Sorry if I’ve asked you about Sands before, memory isn’t great today!

Sorry I haven’t been on much this week. I don’t know if it’s just from my midnight walk and then having a bad migraine but I have felt exhausted all week! I am on CD16 and got a static smiley on CB yesterday so think I’m ovulating about now. Have DTD lots so in with a chance this month.

Welcome to the newbies and sorry if I’ve missed anyone.

@TwittleBee I'm sorry that your day was so hard. I completely agree about the counselling sessions. Our bereavement counselling sessions were right next to the ultrasound room, and when we arrived for the first counselling session we were asked if we were there for an ultrasound appointment. I just don't have the words for how crappy it is that the only place the counselling is available to you is in the maternity ward.

@Avocuddles that is odd about the acupuncture! I tend to think with complementary therapies that the process of being taken care of by someone can be relaxing and helpful in itself. Best wishes for your appointment.

I tend to pop into this thread sporadically as I am finding TTC incredibly hard and feel that it's better to limit my time online in relation to it. Last weekend I got a BFP on a pregnancy test. DH and I are very happy about that obviously, but I am also incredibly anxious which I'm sure you all understand. I'm not quite ready to move to the graduates thread yet and will carry on reading along to see how you are all doing as this is such a lovely supportive thread and I am sending you all my best wishes for a gentle week.

Hope this is your month @ReeReeR

@JuniperAndRose that wasn't at Colchester Hospital too? That just sounds too spot on with what happened with us! Exactly same situation with it in the ultrasound area! Also, really bloomin hope that pregnancy test remains positive for you! FX and lots of baby glue to you

Thank you everyone for your kind words. It's nice having support here.

I am lucky we have the East Anglian Children's Hospice giving us some support where they can with memorial days. They really helped with support during Roy's short life and the initial few days after he died too.

I made a further complaint via Pals about the counselling and through my MP too. It's meant that Ipswich hospital have stepped in to give us support and their bereavement midwife is coming to see us Wednesday.

I've also contacted News outlets, just thought there may be a story there for them? Just hope it raises awareness of how a) babies die of Sepsis due to missed infection and b) the support for bereaved parents really is awful.

Oh @TwittleBee I'm so sorry you had such a crappy time last week. Is that a shot from your photoshoot? It's absolutely lovely. I completely agree that the location for your counselling is insane and gives no consideration to the people it's supposed to help. I hope you manage to make enough noise that they take notice, but I'm really sorry that you're having to fight for this.

@Marmite83 the immediate weeks after mc waiting for the negative are a crappy limbo and I really feel for you. I hope the bleeding is over, I think it's usually minimal after an erpc compared to a natural miscarriage.

@lavenderlove I'm sorry, I've missed your full story - how many weeks were you? I miscarried at 11 weeks this time (MMC from 8/9 weeks) and bled for around a week before passing the sac etc and afterwards for about 3 weeks. Most was light bleeding/spotting though apart from the immediate aftermath. It varies from person to person. If it's still heavy or big clots or if it smells bad though you need to get checked over. Hope it finishes soon x

@Avocuddles how was the rest of your working week? Counselling sounds a good idea. I would have really valued someone to talk to after my first mc when I went to a really dark place for quite a long time.

@JuniperAndRose Gentle congratulations, I'm so pleased for you. Sending you my best hopes for a sticky little bean.

@ReeReeR I hope you can have a nice lazy weekend! I'm going to yoga nidra and gong bath tomorrow evening, I'm so looking forward to some total relaxation! Fingers crossed you've timed things perfectly this month.

@thelittlepeanut Hope AF has left the building. Did you get your blood results back yet? Nice timing for your DH's appt!

@Bartsmum1980 I'm sorry for your losses. I hope you have your sticky bfp soon.

Still absolutely nothing to declare here. No AF still. I'm debating going and buying a cheap test just to shut up the voice in my head telling me there's still a chance until the fat lady sings.

@TwittleBee we’re in London. It seems to be quite a widespread thing. For what it’s worth, I think you are an absolute superhero for taking this to your MP and local news. I fervently wish that none of us were in this situation at all, but I am in awe of your bravery x

@SunshineCrocodile I just googled yoga nidra. I’d never heard of it but it sounds really good. Hope you enjoy.

This is a bit random but I find ASMR videos on YouTube help me relax. I think it comes across as a bit strange to anyone who hasn’t heard of it or doesn’t “get” it but I’d say it worth a go. I find it helps me sleep. I’d recommend gentlewhispering on YouTube if you’re giving it a try

Thanks @Alarica Trying to be positive. Last month we didn’t try at all you see so at least this month there is a possibility...

The weather is fantastic today ☀️

@SunshineCrocodile so sorry for your loss, it must have been much more difficult being so far along. I was only around 4-5 weeks so very early. I didn't actually know I was pregnant despite ttc for around 18 months, as the bleeding started 2 days after af was due and I hadn't tested. It was only when the bleeding was still continuing after 11 or so days that I went to a walk in centre who performed a preg test and found it to be positive! Since then I've had 2 hcg readings which showed a significant drop and confirmed a miscarriage. On Wednesday my hcg was at 36 (compared to 135 on monday) so I would have expected it to be at 0 now, but the bleeding is getting worse not better. no clots or odour though so I will wait it out for a few more days. I actually have a doctors appointment booked for Tuesday, which was meant to be to discuss infertility but I think I might keep the appointment to discuss the bleeding if it's still ongoing.

@ReeReeR I love ASMR! I watch it almost every night I find it so relaxing. But I know what you mean about others finding it weird haha

And I'm really hoping everything goes well with your BFP @JuniperAndRose

Hello ladies well af due yesterday, nothing happened, tested bfn. Today red spotting and very painful 16 dpo. I'm really confused by my body these days. Even my chart is all over the place.

@ReeReeR and @lavenderlove, I've googled ASMR and am a bit boggled at the thought...! But willing to give it a go, maybe tonight as DH is out. Incidentally, if you're into auditory stuff like that I really can't recommend a gong bath highly enough. You feel totally immersed and I never want it to stop!

@Mumlili8 I'm sorry this wasn't your month. I hope it's just your body resetting after the cps and that it's going to be ready to go this cycle.

I do have some news and I hope it's ok to share - AF still hadn't arrived so I tested and got a bfp. Double checked on digi and it really is. I have no idea how as was so certain I'd had a cp already this month but for now I'm just pleased that I was wrong, and trying to quash the anxiety. Sorry if this news is hard for anyone. I'll be taking a step back from posting but will be floating around for a while yet I don't want to go too far when I'm pretty sure I'll be back here sooner or later

@SunshineCrocodile omg that's amazing news hun I'm so happy for you. Please don't disappear to quickly. Xx

@JuniperAndRose @SunshineCrocodile tentative congratulations to you both. I hope these are your rainbows!

Made it through the first week back at work in one piece, it was a busy one so felt like it went quickly which is a good thing. Been to visit some friends today and went to a farm / soft play with them and their little one, feeling exhausted now after clambering up and down chasing a very energetic 22 month old around for hours on end!

Seems like bleeding is finally over now. I'm deliberately not trying at the moment as think we need a little time to 'reset', but I'm willing AF to not take too long to arrive and then we will get back to work!

@SunshineCrocodile Contratulations to you. Don’t feel you need to disappear at all. I will have to see if gong bath is available near me

@JuniperAndRose Congratulations to you too

Maybe we’ll have another wave of BFPs on here 🤞 for everyone

@lavenderlove Glad it’s not just me into the ASMR! Think it’s always been there but now there’s a name for it. I used to find I’d fall asleep watching certain videos on YouTube as they were softly spoken but that was years before I heard about ASMR

Hope your ok @Mumlili8

Gong baths sound intriguing.....

@ReeReeR I seem to recall that you're based near me. Not sure if you've already given acupuncture a try but I can't recommend www.caitlinallen.co.uk (based in west Leeds) highly enough. I've seen all three therapists at the clinic and it's certainly been effective - before I started acupuncture my cycles had always been 40+ days but after treatment it dropped right down to 32 days and I had a BFP. Sadly that one didn't last but I feel it has been hugely beneficial to me both physically and emotionally....

@Avocuddles Sorry has missed your previous post. Hope you’re ok. Glad first week back at work has been ok. I have been busy with work and stuff the last week (been back at work a month) and find I have less time to obsess about TTC etc but need to find a balance with allowing myself time to rest and relax.

Thanks for the recommendation. I have read a lot of positive things about acupuncture on here. Haven’t really thought too much about trying it myself but will give it some thought / do some research. It always helps to have someone recommended too for something like that.

@TwittleBee I think raising awareness is a really great and important thing. It’s baby loss awareness week 9-15 October so that might be a good time to get something in the news?

Thank you so much guys. Still reeling a bit, and hunkering down for the long, long first tri.

Hope you all join me ASAP xxx

Hi I'm already lucky enough to be a mum of 3 lovely little monsters. Aged 13, 6 & 4. I've been with a new partner for 2 years and after being so adamant I would never have another child we agreed to try for one together. I fell pregnant on my second cycle and it didn't even occur anything could go wrong. I had spotting when I was 5+3 which lead to bleeding over the past week. Got a negative test result yesterday morning which just confirmed what I had guessed already. I can't say how devestated I am. It's like this whole life o had planned out has just been snuffed out. I want to get trying again straight away but so scared it will happen again

Hi @Sunflower1608 Sorry you find yourself here. Unfortunately a loss does change things. Miscarriage is more common than we think (I think this disconnect is largely because people don’t openly talk about it) but we don’t think it will happen to us. I like to think these things make us more appreciative of what we do have as it’s so easy to take for granted everything until you suffer a loss. I had a stillbirth at full term earlier this year (my first pregnancy) and then a MC at 4.5 weeks in August (my second pregnancy). I wasn’t even surprised when I had the MC and I worry about everything now - life just seems so fragile! Hopefully your MC was a one off for you and you fall pregnant quickly again whenever you feel ready to try. This is a really supportive group.