Over 40 TTC - lots of baby dust for us...4!

[SparrowSG]

Here's our new thread (sorry, not good at coming up with exciting titles!!)

SparrowSG: 44. 1 DS 2.5. TTC for ever! 1 ectopic 10 wks Feb 2014, 1 successful IVF 2016, 1 failed IVF 2018, 1 MC 12 wks Feb 2019. Planned IVF Oct 2019.
KCM99: 43, 2 DC, ttc no.3 since April. 3 early losses since then.

I've read that some women take it when pregnant. There isn't any negative evidence it's just that most doctors err on the side of caution.

Ashwaganda (an Adaptogen herb)
Taurine

I'm a supplement fiend. Love to hear what other people find makes a difference. What benefit do you feel you get from those two (or are seeking)?

@Harriettenightingale thank you. I'll take half CoQ10 maybe during LP

I took Ashwaganda last year for anxiety and it was nice and calming. It didn't agree with my bowels though so had to quit it. Made my motions mucousy.

@KCM99 I can only find info that says not to take when pregnant

Hi all, I have seen this site mentioned a lot on my FB groups and it does look like it has a lot of useful information: www.remembryo.com/

AF arrived yesterday Bang on time like clock work.
I'm getting really disheartened by all of this, is it ever going to happen??

Im taking lots of supplements, tracking ovulation with tests and charting and I do seem to ovulate, all the signs are there. We regularly DTD to cover all possibilities and yet back to square one very month.
The baby I miscarried last year was a lovely accident, I was absolutely thrilled when I found out I was pregnant.
Now I'm trying almost absolutely everything and I just cannot conceive. So how come 10 months ago I got pregnant just like that and now I can't despite giving it 200%.

Sorry for the rant, but when do you say enough is enough?

@Zigzag11 it is one thing conceiving and having a successful pregnancy and another just conceiving. Since I have had my first child conceiving has been pretty easy. Keeping the baby on the other hand, has not!

I guess if the egg and/or sperm is not right then fertilisation just does not happen, or sometimes it does, but does not implant and leads to a chemical pregnancy. If this is relatively early on, you may never have known you had even conceived.

I like to see this as your body doing the right thing, rather than fertilising a chromosomally abnormal egg and then miscarrying later on. I guess that's just my way of looking at it.

Also, when I went to the doctors about difficulty conceiving my first, he said that when you stop thinking about it is when you'll conceive. i've heard quite a few doctors say such a thing, maybe there's something in it, who knows?

@rubyroot and @Zigzag11 my dr said just relax... easier said than done.. my hubs and youngest daughter are super stress monkeys.. but if I look back over the years.. I can with some perspective say.. " actually no it wasn't a good time" maybe sometimes your body just knows what we don't.. x

@Chatbash72 Thanks for the Emma Cannon recommendation!

And Re: supplements - I've been taking Ubiquinol and Proceive Max - has anyone else heard of this? It seems to have all the right supplements in one sachet, is there any reason why nobody is taking it..?
I've definitely had more energy, better nails and skin since taking these.

And re: relaxing, I have a friend who tried for 8 years to conceive. It was only when she stopped and completely gave up, that she did - aged 44!

The Proceive max has 40 mg CoQ10 which is less than some other options and it may be in a less absorbable form. Forms that are water and fat-soluble absorb better.

I know I need to relax more and not getting too obsessed by (which I already am), but what doesn't make sense that when I conceived the baby that I had lost, I didn't take any supplements I had the odd drink even smoked the odd cigarette!
It was the same when I got pregnant with my DD eight years ago, I was actually a regular smoker at the time, conceived straight away and a very easy pregnancy, very easy birth and a very healthy and chilled out baby.
What I am trying to say is that there is no logic in it, and I do wonder if I need to take all these stuff that I'm taking now, eating healthily, not drinking or smoking, does it actually make a difference or is it really just a draw of luck, fate, hand of the Universe, fairy magic... (i'm joking now), but you get my gist.

I was so hopeful for this month, everything just seemed right, a very kind friend even made me a 'Wishing Bag' full of little handmade things and spells & wishes for a healthy pregnancy and baby. It included some seeds to plant, and after planting five, one seed is just poking out through the soil and I immediately took it as a sign. I imagined the very young plant growing the same time as my baby would be growing.
I know I sound really pathetic now and I shall stop, but I just feel so-so sad. I fear it will never ever happen.

Would any of you know if taking anti-depressants would hinder conception?

Unfortunately I had to start taking them after developing a severe health anxiety after my miscarriage, I was very reluctant to go on them, but the anxiety got so severe it started to affect my work and my day to day life.

I feel much better since and I'm just pondering to ditch them as I have read online that being on anti-depressants can take women longer to conceive.

Personally I think it's the luck of the draw, an estimated 80% of eggs are no good in your 40s so I think it's just a case of getting the right egg.

I've never taken supplements, changed my lifestyle significantly etc. I've miscarried twice and I've also had a termination at 13.5 weeks due to t21. Can I say that baby was also very poorly and according to specialist I would have miscarried anyway.

Perhaps some would say if I'd taken supplements this wouldn't have happened, but I don't believe this to be the case. I think all my miscarriages were chromosomal and as a result of meiosis not occurring as it should.

medicalxpress.com/news/2019-01-insufficient-evidence-antidepressants-affect-fertility.html

@Zigzag11 I'm sorry you're feeling down in the dumps. Keep trying-its all you can do x.

I read somewhere that actually having sex every day is a good idea and doesnt deplete sperm. Why don't you have sex every day fir a week around ovulation time. That way you're relaxing a bit more and more likely to catch that egg. Make sure you start a good few days before you expect to ovulate.

No @Zigzag11 I hear you on the hand of the universe. Love a wishing bag, I write my intentions out each new moon. I don't know enough about anti depressants and pregnancy to help you there... but sending hugs..
@NicLondon1 emma cannon is fab x

Thanks @rubyroot and @Chatbash72 xxx

No advice zigzag, but I get you. I feel the same. It's so easy to over annalyse everything. I wonder if it's just luck of the draw too. Some of us will win, some of us will loose.
But at the end of the day, we have to be in it to win it so lets not give up

@Zigzag11 ((hugs)) I think we all do this, imagine what we'll be doing when baby gets here/how big the plant will grow etc having those mental pictures is actually really important. I believe in the one true living God of the bible and praying as if you already have it and thanking God for it. Visualisation is all part of that. It helps us stay in hope and faith.

I've have two children and both were conceived just after being on antidepressants (not on them).

Whilst ttc this time I was on antidepressants and conceived each month trying but lost all 3. I've ditched the antidepressants. I read up on it all and the literature says it's not to bad, no real difference not being on them but I think a lot of this data comes from the pharmaceutical companies. I was misled.

Last time I was pg (last month), I went to my GP to tell her I was pg and I casually reminded her I was on antidepressants. (Remember I was fine about it as I'd read it was ok etc) but she was not happy at all and got me on a super fast taper. I did lose that one too.

I know I'm in my 40's now and egg quality so it is hard to see if my losses were due to the antidepressants or my age.

I'm off the antidepressants now and I got off the real quick and it wasn't too bad. So this cycle I'm hoping it has the desired effect and I'll get a sticky baby.

My mental health is not as good now but I know it's not forever. I'm just giving myself lots of Lee-way and kind to myself, staying away from triggers etc

@Cleozeta exactly. I'm of the opinion if you keep trying then it will hopefully happen. However, that can mean very difficult times re loss etc and I guess you'll know when it's time to stop and you just can't deal mentally with any more potential loss. I think I read on this thread or perhaps another someone who had miscarried 11 times and then eventually got their rainbow baby. I don't know personally if I could go through that. That's some determination!

Perhaps some would say if I'd taken supplements this wouldn't have happened, but I don't believe this to be the case. I think all my miscarriages were chromosomal and as a result of meiosis not occurring as it should.

It's quite possible but it's maybe worth checking out It Starts With the Egg as there are research studies cited which suggest that certain supplements can have an effect on the egg development in terms of meiosis (I think).

Thanks for the information about ashwaganda KCM.

Thanks @Harriettenightingale but I don't see how a supplement will prevent t21!

As far as I can see the only useful supplement is folic acid and then they're not even sure about that.

@Harriettenightingale sorry I think you are a complete dick. It wasn't really an invitation for comment. I've read the studies and there's no evidence that any tablets/supplements will stop chromosomal abnormalities such as t21. I have spoke to a geneticist who I believe is far more qualified than anyone on here. On that note I'm leaving this thread.
I'll keep trying and good luck to you all. You all deserve this x

The theory is that some supplements (I think DHEA and CoQ10) make it less likely for chromosome abnormalities to develop in the last stages. As I say I don't know. The book is written by a scientist and cites 200 or so genuine controlled scientific studies.