Over 40 TTC - lots of baby dust for us...4!

[SparrowSG]

Here's our new thread (sorry, not good at coming up with exciting titles!!)

SparrowSG: 44. 1 DS 2.5. TTC for ever! 1 ectopic 10 wks Feb 2014, 1 successful IVF 2016, 1 failed IVF 2018, 1 MC 12 wks Feb 2019. Planned IVF Oct 2019.
KCM99: 43, 2 DC, ttc no.3 since April. 3 early losses since then.

Hey guys..

Can't really remember whether I've written in here yet. Started to go through posts but to many!

I'm 40, we've been trying since December 2018. 2 pregnancies first I found I had a MMC in May would have been 10 weeks. Miscarried naturally and had pregnancy hormones still running through my body for another 6 weeks. I bled for 3 weeks, thought it was never going to end.

Got pregnant again in September but lost this baby 1st October had a d&c 12th October.

I took a preg test a week ago and test was positive took one a few days ago now showing negative. Least this time it didn't last so long. Personally think that having d&c helped that, my womb completely emptied and my body got back quicker than before. Bleeding lasted about 5 days. So you recover quickly.

Have had tissue sent away after lots of begging and paying private. Still waiting for results, maybe that will bring some answers or maybe confuse me more.

I also begged the EPAU doctor for tests on me, she said she would put it on letter to my doctor, they called so I'm booked for 2nd December.

We have still been having unprotected sex but not actively trying, no point really my cycles will be all messed up.

Feel really miffed about it all. Do I carry on trying, it hurts so much and I became so disconnected to my growing baby, well the second time I was.

Doctor told me it was basically a 50/50 chance of mc every time. I'm petrified to conceive and I'm petrified to give up.

Maybe if I get some answers from tests. It just seems so far away.

Every day feels like a week, every week a month. This is everything, waiting for period, waiting to ovulate, waiting to test, waiting for pregnancy to get further on, waiting for scans.

Then waiting for miscarriage, waiting for op, waiting for period and then to start the cycle again.

My AF is due roughly 10th November. Judging this on when I started to naturally miscarry, I presume that's like a period. It worked out that way last time, miscarried on 9th May, had period on around the 4th June.

Good luck you girls x

@Jojowash sounds like you've been through a right shitty time. Perhaps you've had some very very bad luck and you might catch the right egg next time?
My friend had two miscarriages, a tfmr and then 3 healthy babies. They never found any reason and she was under 35 at the time.

I don't know what to say about whether to keep trying. I guess if I was 40 and had no children and experienced what you had done, I wouldn't give up yet. I know the journey is bloody hard and painful. After I had my scan where baby had fluid round it at 13 weeks, I also got scanned by a consuktant who confirmed baby was very poorly and if I didn't terminate I would miscarry. Anyhow, at this point I had a 10 month old and after what had happened I didn't want a penis near me again. I have never forgotten her saying before I left, I hope this doesn't stop you trying. It really gave me hope that a consuktant would say this to me when I was 40 and clearly had a baby with chromosomal issues. But then I'm not in your shoes, I have had three losses and one successful pregnancy and fingers crossed another successful one.

Sorry if that post became a bit about me, I think what I'm saying is that it must be so fucking hard and you must feel like giving up hope after so many losses. But if you give up now you never know if the next time might have been the right time. Sending hugs

@Rubyroost
Aww thank you. Yeah it's just a guessing game. How hard that must have been being told what you were told. My heart breaks for you x

Yeah I suppose I'll carry on 'waiting' I'm getting good at that.

Good luck in your journey 💖

Jojowash - your recent history sounds very similar to mine. I also had MMC in May and another MC in Oct, although mine was last year. I also got seriously fed up of of the waiting for everything game, and as I turned 42 I started to give up hope. Then I got this BFP. All seems to be going much better this time, but I can't fully connect to it yet as I'm still waiting for it to go wrong (which it may still do).
It's bloody hard, but at 40 you still have time. This could definitely still happen for you. The problem as we get older is that it is hit & miss. We are 50/50. But you need to make the decision of if you are willing to take the misses before you get the hit. We all have at least one golden egg hiding somewhere, we just need to catch it

Well it's been a roller coaster 44 days, but little bean wasn't growing or producing enough hormones to stay.. 😞😞
Been resting on the sofa all afternoon and other half has been good at my beck and call with hot water bottles..
down for a bit but not out... am taking hope from the fact that we could fertilise an egg... but it just wasn't top notch.. but after 6 months of my prenatal vits and 400mgs of co enzyme q10.. To get this far I'm pleased with..
@Realitysucks sounds like movements to me..
Welcome @Jojowash and sending big hugs..
sending.
Big hugs to all and baby dust

@Chatbash72

Aww bless you. Thank you for the welcome. Glad he's looking after you x

@Cleozeta

Thank you for your positivity xx

Good luck with your pregnancy, how far are you now ? Xx

@Mjlp

So pleased for you!

@Chatbash72 really sorry to hear about your news but taking inspiration from your positivity about moving forward and small successes building up to a big one! Visualise and manifest 🥰

Hello all, I've not been very active on here past few weeks but so nice to read so many posters with good news - congrats to you all and hope it all goes well

We had a rough time of it lately, the anxiety is getting to my DH and whilst we are ok just after AF, as soon as it gets near to ovulation time we just don't seem to get on to the point where we haven't been able to have sex and either DH can't finish or I'm just so miserable I want the world to swallow me up.
The only way I've been able to recover is to suggest we stop actively trying, accept we may never have a child ....DH agreed and we are being kind to each other. But I think deep down I know this is lie or just impossible as it's still on my mind.
To add to it, we are going out to a clinic abroad to get some preliminary tests done on Thursday with the view to having our 3rd ICSI cycle out there early next year.
It's just exhausting and I have no idea how to handle it anymore.

Could I ask some advice on here about whether people think 44 is too old to TTC a 3rd? I’ve wanted a third for the past 4 years but loads of things kept happening to get in the way...DH was seriously unwell just after our second was born, then he couldn’t contemplate it for ages due to the illness, then we went through some marriage problems but are now ok again...I’m still thinking what if, but wondering if I just need to accept it’s too late now?
We had no problems conceiving the first 2 times in late 30s but obviously I know it’s a lot riskier now. But feel so sad thinking about the baby that never was, and that it might never happen. On the other hand I realise I’m lucky to have 2 already, and maybe I’m just being ridiculous thinking it could still happen.
Not sure if this is the right thread to post this, so apologies if it’s just meant to be for those actually trying.

Welcome @sweetpea36 personally I don't... while you still ovulate there is always hope.. I know loads of ladies in their mid 40's who have had little ones and me and hubs are trying for another one and I'm def in my mid 40's.. xxx

@sweetpea36 having had easy pregnancies in your late 30s, I'd say it's more likely you'd be okay in your mid 40s, but I'm no expert. Sounds like you're healthy and have a good reproductive system. However, personally I think it all depends on whether you are prepared to put yourself through a very emotional journey. Yours may be easy, but ttc in your 40s can be a very difficult process. I just think you need to be prepared for the possibility of experiencing loss and potential tfmr etc.

I have posted on here before but not for ages and can't remember last post so starting again.

I have only read the last page and am so so sorry for all the losses I've read about - sending much love.

I'm 41 (just) and just started TTC number 2 this month (FW at the moment). Last TTC in 2017. Got pregnant first time but resulted in MMC at 9 weeks. Then got pregnant again 4 months later which resulted in DC who is now almost 14 months. Really scared we won't be able to have another (and I know we are incredibly lucky even to have 1). We also can't ever seem to find the time/energy to DTD. We managed it yesterday and hoping we can do it tonight but I'm just not sure we will. But we kind of have to if we want to conceive (I know, obvious biology!). I am taking pregnacare pre-conception and also ubiquinol and have been taking both since about July. Just feel like it is going to be a whole different ball game compared to last timing and not sure if I've the strength to go the whole match (more likely tournament)

We just DTD. I’ve also discovered it’s a fabulous way to ensure DH cooks dinner - we can’t DTD until at least 715 as have to wait for the munchkin to be asleep. Then we DTD and I’m obviously lying with pillows under my hips/arse for a good 30 mins (whilst also reading my book) so DH goes to cook dinner - what a bargain!!!

@burntpinky snap! It's big O day today so despite OH having the worst cold we managed to fit it in! Have forgiven him for not cooking dinner 🤣 baby dust to you!

Thanks @Rubyroost and @Chatbash72 it helps to know people don’t think it’s s completely mad idea! I get what you’re saying about preparing for loss. I just have a strong feeling I’ll regret it if I don’t at least try!
Anyway I’m liking the idea of DH cooking dinner while I have a lie down afterwards, 😀

@Mystie - glad you were able to DTD! Baby dust to you too!

@sweetpea36 - good luck! Ido think from what I’ve read, if you’ve had previous pregnancies it’s easier.

Got static smiley just now - no opportunity to DTD as getting ready for work and DC awake so will do tonight. On tonight’s menu us a healthy 5:2 chicken curry but needs a bit of prep so glad DH will be doing it whilst I’m legs in the air reading my book!

Good luck to all trying today/this week and for those waiting for next FW, hope it goes quickly!!!

Got my harmony test results back - low probability - phew!!

Fab news @Cleozeta 💕

Great new @Cleozeta!

Welcome @sweetpea36 and @burntpinky.
@Mystie - I've just confirmed ovulation too - finally, on Day 29 of my cycle!!! Here goes to our 2 week wait....
I totally get the chore of DTD! We had to fit it in this morning, after dropping DD to school and before DH went to work. A total quickie.

@Dia12. I'm sorry you feel so tired of it all. Have you considered IUI? It is less invasive than IVF (assuming your tubes are clear etc). A friend of mine conceived that way, and purely because they were finding DTD too stressful, it just didn't work them them to keep trying naturally.

@NicLondon1 great to hear you're on the 2WW! Fingers crossed we all get a BFP this month, let's hope it goes quickly!

Quick question for everyone, how long after ovulation do you continue having sex, is it safe to continue during the 2WW?

@Cleozeta - fab news!

@NicLondon1 - thank you and welcome to the 2 week wait - hand holds for the next 2 weeks!!

@Mystie - tbh, I didn't continue first time around but not for any reason - more just because we tended to hit it so often first time around that I then wanted a break! This is cycle 1 this time so not sure yet whether we will continue on - probs not as we've let the housework slide this week so will probs be on catch up next week and we are away at my parents' this weekend with DC in our room so won't be any opportunity.

@Mystie From what I've read, I think some sperm in the area has be found to be beneficial. But It's best to avoid it close to implantation (day 9) as vigorous activity could affect implantation

I also have a question, for those with recurrent miscarriages. Has anyone ever been prescribed Progesterone pessaries to take from ovulation? If so, how much daily?
I've been given 400mg Cyclogest to take TWICE daily, i.e. 800mg daily! Seems rather a lot..?