Over 40 TTC - lots of baby dust for us...3!

[SparrowSG]

New thread for us 40+'s

Hello ladies. I wanted to post back in December 2018 but life took a turn when my son got ill and ended up in hospital for 3 weeks (fully recovered now) and my dear father got ill and passed away just before Christmas. But I was a regular watcher of c this group for a few months. Me: I turned 45 in January; have a 4 year old son; started ttc #2 when he was 1, had 2x mmc...

The news I want to share with you all is that I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant, conceived naturally (LOTS of research and lifestyle changes and self - help but no doctor-led fertility treatment), so far fingers crossed a really healthy pregnancy, quite monitored but healthy.

I wanted to share because this thread always gave me hope and tips and I always wanted to pay back.

Wishing you ALL huge luck and thanking you for sharing your stories xx

Hi everyone, I’m back with some sad news. After seeing a strong heartbeat at 7+3, I found out last week that the heartbeat stopped at around 9+2 and I had an erpc on Friday. The fetus is being sent off for testing which will take 4-5 weeks to come back. If it’s a chromosomal
problem we can hope that was just bad luck and try again, and if there was no chromosomal problem then the consultant will do further investigations as this is my second miscarriage in a year. I’m hoping as as I have a 2.5 year old it’s an easily fixed problem, but if not we’ll just have to be happy with having one, and I know we are incredibly lucky to have them :) I’m going to spend the next month trying to lose some weight too as I read that if you are over weight even losing 5% of your body weight can have a positive effect on fertility.

@saffagette That is a great story, and congratulations! Would you be happy to give further details of what lifestyle etc changes you made? Also did you ever find out the cause of your two mmc? x

Hope everyone has had a good weekend :) x

@MaryShelley1818.. thanks. It's most likely a hormonal imbalance again..not getting my hopes up yet! Well i had a gardening weekend too. Spent way too much today at the garden centre. Hope Peppa was good?!

Sorry to hear about your sickness..hopefully is a good sign.. good luck x

Cleo.. yes i tend to get headaches and have to stay away from wine and caffeine

Chat.. god that sounds like a nightmare! Poor you. Hope you get it sorted

@Catconfusion..don't give up. I had DS at 3 months off 41! x

@Saffagette..What amazing news! Congratulations and thanks for sharing with us. flowers]

@Constance1234..i'm so sorry to hear about your mc. Hopefully you will feel able to try again if it is chromosomal. I had 2 mcs before DS. They were both early and i put it down to chromosomal issues. Sending you hugs and courage for whatever you decide x

Sending you lots of love @Constance1234 ❤️❤️❤️❤️

How lovely @Saffagette that really gives me hope. Wishing you a very healthy and happy last few weeks of pregnancy and a safe delivery ❤️

@Constance123
Oh I'm so so sorry. It's happened to so many of us here. I'm sure you're feeling devastated and I really empathise.

I'm afraid I was never given the opportunity to find out why I had the 2 mmc (and I never asked in any emphatic way) but was only ever told it was: just one of those things; statistically unusual; probably chromosomal; unlikely to be anything I'd done.

Nobody medical actually said it was my age but I was 42 and 43 and I know from reading around the chances of chromosomal issues are higher.

Having said that my sister had her first at 40, her second at 42. A very good friend exactly the same, 2 within two years after 40. And I had my first at 41.

OK I hope I'm not about to annoy you all with the long list that follows...

The main things I did (so much of which I got from this group so you'll probably know most of this) were: really got to know my cycle. I did basal temps and the expensive Clearblue OPK - so I got to know that I was ovulating fairly regularly. I took Ubiquinol religiously until ovulation (not after, until period started), myo-inisitol, and some stupidly expensive vitamins and antioxidant supplements from ZitaWest. I also got my DH to take the male supplements.

I had been doing fertility acupuncture once a fortnight when I got pregnant 2nd time, then I had the second mmc. Once I'd got over that and decided I couldn't quite give up hope, I ramped that up to weekly fertility acupuncture.

I stopped drinking booze almost completely and ate as well as possible. I used Myfitnesspal to track proportion of food groups I was eating, reduced white carbs and replaced with complex carbs (brown rice, wholemeal pasta, etc), ate tonnes of veg, eggs, protein, reduced caffeine...none of this felt too much of a sacrifice because I like food and it's possible to eat well like this. I realise this makes me sound like a bit of a nightmare!!! But I didn't go on about it to anyone 🤫

I'd read up on how the egg maturation cycle is 90 days and decided to really try and blitz doing all these things for 90 days...I even stopped using plastic bottles (bought a glass one to take to work), drank only filtered water, stopped using plastic tupperware, basically in an effort to reduce toxins in my system to give my old eggs a chance to be the best they could be!

I'd also had scans (privately) to check egg reserve and hormone levels which reassured me generally things were 'normal'.
I am a bit of a note - taker / logger, and treated it like a project. It's impossible to know what made the difference but I think the fertility acupuncture, the reduction of white carbs and the Ubiquinol all helped.

It probably sounds like I threw loads of money at it too which I know is hard for many. But we were never going to be able to afford fertility treatment and I stopped going out and shopping etc so I did make an effort on the money front too.

I'm still really really nervous about the next 2 weeks and whether this baby will arrive safe and well. It's all such a roller coaster. But I how that my story can give some of you a bit of hope especially those of you only just turning 40!
Xx

Rose - we are moving house too! It's a great distracter

Suffagette - thank you for updating us, that is great news and gives us so much hope! I was starting to think I was out at 42 and by the time I turn 43 it was no hope for sure. Thank you for cheering me up. All the best for your delivery - keep us updated!!

Constance - sorry to hear your sad news. I also saw a strong heartbeat before my mmc so I understand the heartbreak. I hope you find the cause. I was told at every corner that it was age.

@Constance1234 I think it will likely be chromosomal, I saw a geneticist after my tfmr and asked her lots of qs- she pretty much said that most miscarriages were chromosomal and I believe as we age this is much more likely.

I too have a little one- 18 months and after a miscarriage before him and a tfmr and recent early miscarriage I've decided I'm going to go ahead to try and find the right egg.

I'm not sure there's much I can do to make my eggs better so I am just going to continue trying to be reasonably healthy. Your story gives me lots of hope @Saffagette, thanks so much for posting your story here and I wish you well for the rest of your pregnancy. Soon you will have your babe in arms. I do wonder though if for you it was just luck and perhaps a bit of genetics with your sister also getting pregnant in later life. Who knows how much of what you did contributed or whether you just got the right egg in the end.

I know, I guess it doesn't harm to try all those things. I'm going to make a doctors appt just to take advice really to see if there's anything I can do- like perhaps get prescribed those super strong folic acid tablets.

@Constance1234 sorry I really meant to say sorry for your recent loss. i wrote a better earlier post, but it got deleted and then I launched straight into the practicalities. When you see a heartbeat and then it gets taken away from you, it makes the loss very difficult- I completely empathise, it will get better x

Interesting about the amount of changes made by Saffagette. I wish i could be that dedicated! I have tried reducing white carbs but can't cut out completely. We only have bpa free bottles but maybe we should chuck out old Tupperware. The thing i really wonder about is tap water. When we conceived at 40 we regularly got our water from a local well. Then the well started having warning messages on it saying you must boil before drinking as people had been really ill from drinking it. We'd been drinking it 'neat' for years! So we stopped and this is prob complete coincidence but never had a sniff of a bfp since! I have not taken contraceptives for 10 years. So what is actually in tap water..contraceptives?! Or is that all rumour and scare-mongering?

I've heard tap water contains a form of oestrogen, which is also why children are starting periods earlier apparently (and I've seen this difference amongst friends children starting as early as 9 or 10)
I have no idea if water filters clear this?

Constance I’m so very sorry for your loss, that’s heartbreaking especially after seeing a heartbeat. Thinking of you xx

Safagette - that’s excellent news and very inspiring. I wish I had your willpower. Congratulations xx

Boosey - I didn’t get to Peppa unfortunately as I was so poorly I couldn’t even stand up so DH took him.

Not great news from me unfortunately...bleeding is full flow now so definitely a CP. I don’t feel as bad as I could do as I didn’t even get a chance to get excited about it as knew it was over as soon as I got the positive test. Looks like yesterday was just a very badly timed sickness bug as starting to feel a little better this morning although I’m very tired as been awake since 2am. DH sent me to quarantine and slept in DS’s room with him, then dropped him off at DMILs on the way to work this morning. I feel guilty and miss my little boy. Today will be spent sleeping on the sofa and feeling sorry for myself

So sorry for the losses you ladies are experiencing. Hugs for you.

I do have a question and hopefully someone will see it and comment...

Has anyone had a cycle where they ovulated but continued to get ewcm every day after? I'm 10 dpo today and I've had watery or ewcm every day since ovulation along with cramping the last week. This is abnormal for me. I'm usually dry until af. I did recently stop vitex and start ubiquinol and maca root. Would that cause these symptoms?

Thank you so much for your kind worlds everyone, I really appreciate it ❤️ I know a lot of you have been through similar experiences, and we are lucky we can support each other.

MaryShelley1818 sorry you are currently going through a tough time. I have decided in the future if my period is late I wont test until I am at least a week late! Rest well today x

Saffagette Thank you so much for that detailed post, I am going to cut down on carbs to lose weight anyway by doing the fast 800 diet for a month, and I have just ordered some of the myo-inisitol, and I had already started taking ubiquinol for a few months before I got pregnant so I'll start taking that again too. I've also got some royal jelly capsules as I've read that might help egg quality too. I will be rattling with the amount of supplements! I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly, not long to go! x

Eek that is a bit scary about tap water, but I'm not sure how it can be avoided as the only other alternative would be bottled mineral water which invariably comes in plastic bottles!

rubyroot Did you get a specific answer from the geneticist about why your pregnancy was non viable, or was it a general discussion about chromosomal stuff? x

Hope everyone is having an ok Monday :) x

Hi ladies.....hope your all ok. Just to ask has anyone tried lamberts strong strong start vitamins?? Im thinking of starting these soon just thought id ask...x

Sorry meant to put one strong lol xx

MaryShelley.. that's bad news, sorry. Hope you manage to rest and recover.

KristieP2018..Yes! I tend to get this every month now. I can never pinpoint ovulation as i have the ewcm a week after AF right up to the next one! I have to wear a pant liner on a daily basis now..sorry tmi

AF arrived today.. bang on time too. I was beginning to think i'd miscounted my days and was actually a week late.

@Constance1234 I had bad news at scan and follow up cvs and scan from fetal medicine unit. Consultant was sure it was chromosomal issue from looking st scan and informed me I’d definitely miscarry if pregnancy went ahead. On that basis I decided to terminate but went ahead with cvs anyhow. Results were t21 and when I quizzed geneticist about it she says t21 is more common because unlike other chromosomal abnormalities it can be ‘compatible with life. However she said that a lot of miscarriages are chromosomal it’s just that t21 often gets further in pregnancy

This was at 12 week scan which was actually 13 scan. I had already had a 9 week reassurance scan so was utterly unprepared and heart broken. Funny how time (and my little boy) is a great healer

Morning @rubyroot So sorry you had to go through that, it all sounds pretty horrific and heartbreaking. I'm glad you have your little boy to comfort you ❤️ It really is a shock when you have already heard the heartbeat. I wont get the test results for about 4 weeks so I'm just going to focus on getting as healthy as I can over the next month before we try again. Hope you are doing well now x

@BooseysMom Oh boo that AF arrived, it's such a horrible sinking feeling when that happens x

For all of you that have suffered miscarriages, can you remember when you got a negative pregnancy test afterwards? I think it was around 3 weeks for me last time, but I really can't quite remember x

@booseysmom do you keep taking opks? I just used a wondfo and have a really dark one. I’ve tested with one step before before af was due and never got anything but a faint line. So much ewcm today. I got peak with clearblue opks on the 13th. This is just weird.

Did another opk. It’s positive now. What is going on with me?!

@Constance1234..thank you. I know, it never gets any easier and this one is particularly painful. All day i've just wanted to go home to bed.

@KristieP2018.. i used to use them but had some cheap Amazon ones which were all over the place and think they weren't working so i gave up. I can't use the mucus method as it just feels like it's permanent! I had a test like yours which was nice and dark in the morning and by the evening another one showed nothing!

@KristieP2018 maybe you didn’t ovulate for some reason when you thought you did, so your body has been gearing up for ovulation again? I know this can happen with pcos... where I think a cyst prevents the original ovulation from happening.

@rose68 that’s what I’m wondering. I don’t have pcos and have always ovulated when I’ve gotten peak so we’re just dtd every few days in case. I’ve had cramps for over a week, back pain and an odd feeling in my pelvic area for almost a week. Just weird. I did take a ic this morning and I can’t see anything. (Don’t think I’m pregnant really just trying to figure this out). Who knows lol

Hello lovely ladies. Can I join this fantastic group? Long time lurker but now finally caught up so would like to join. You have all been fabulous and I have got lots of info re supplements etc so unbeknownst to you all you've been helping already!
I'm 44 and ttc#2. I already have a dd8 from previous relationship but met "the one" 16 months ago. I fell pregnant in October unexpectedly but unfortunately it was ectopic. It was treated with methotrexate so I had to wait at least 12 weeks to try again once I got all clear end of jan. Although it wasn't planned it was very much wanted by both of us and made me super broody!!
I'm usually regular as clockwork with a 26 day cycle but last month was 2 weeks late. I'm putting that down to stress. I'm due af on Friday and have had lots of cramps, sore boobs and extremely tired. Tested yest & this morning with ic as my sense of smell heightened (always been the giveaway symptom) but BFN 😔. Will wait until Friday if I can but I have a feeling I'll be disappointed as all symptoms could be pms.
Anyway sorry for long post! Hope everyone gets their BFP's soon x