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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

986 replies

Laney79 · 24/03/2019 10:09

Hey ladies, we were nearing the limit on thread 28 so here's a new one.

Roll Call...

Name: Laney79
Age: 39
TTC: #1 since autumn 2017.
2 losses - MMC discovered March 2018, MMC discovered Sept 2018 both at what should've been 9 weeks, bean and bow measured 6 weeks.

@Lilimum6 @Russkispy @Catconfusion @Boboelephant @fnej01 please tag and pass on!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
51
Daisyboo70 · 04/05/2019 07:06

Morning ladies @catconfusion your not out until af arrives. I had a mmc during end of feb early march. I just knew but it took a week for medical professionals to believe me.

Catconfusion · 04/05/2019 07:16

Thanks @Daisyboo70 and I've just realised you have good news too. Congratulations! What cycle day did you get your bfp? I'd have thought it would show 11 dpo on an FRER but I will test again if no AF.

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you had to fight for a diagnosis of mmc. I too had a nightmare. I woke up to spotting at 10 weeks with a little cramping. The midwife wouldn't send me for a scan and said we'd be taking up the space of someone having an emergency if we went to EPU. We had to pay and find out no heartbeat in one of those Window to the Womb clinics full of people getting 3D scans. I had an ERPC at 12 weeks and was projectile vomiting with hypermesis right up until the surgery. It's honestly the most traumatic experience of my life. Then we conceived again a few weeks after with a chemical pregnancy.

Your result gives me hope that we can conceive again and get those lovely strong lines you have. I wish you a healthy and happy pregnancy! Xx

Laney79 · 04/05/2019 07:30

@Catconfusion thanks, I'm feeling ok...obviously nervous, but trying to stay positive. Will do a non frer test tomorrow too just to check progression.

I'd definitely contact the ccg. At our age they should see you sooner. The wording on my ccgs ivf criteria is shockingly bad...check it out:

"Infertility can be defined as the failure to conceive after regular unprotected sexual intercourse for a period of 2 years in the absence of known reproductive pathology”.

So you'd assume that as I had conceived twice in a year I was ineligible -that's what my GP thought, as did I...it then goes on to say: "an earlier referral for specialist consultation to discuss the options for attempting conception, further assessment and appropriate treatment should be made where:
 the woman is aged 36 years or over
 there is a known clinical cause of infertility or a history of predisposing factors for infertility"

But that is so woolly and open to interpretation that no on really knows how much earlier that referral should be. And it doesn't make clear that miscarriages are part of infertility. I thought as we'd conceived we weren't eligible, but the person I spoke to at the ccg said that wasn't the case at all (I did tell her I felt I was being punished for having mcs-was a bit upset!)

Nice guidance says you should be referred after a year, or sooner if over 36. Sadly I think it's a case of gathering the knowledge for yourself, and then asking the gp to do as you ask based on the research you've done. To be fair to a GP they generally aren't fertility Specialists and often are under strict orders not to refer outside of criteria. And when the criteria is badly worded.,..well you see the problem.

In our case, the private consult made a huge difference - basically as we did that it helped us get our nhs ivf case fast tracked - the consultant has been pushing through tests and appts to get us treatment before my birthday (which I obv don't need now-feel a bit bad but hey he told us to keep trying!) which was a huge help.

Sadly the one thing I've learnt through this, and my day job is that the nhs system is pretty broken, the care generally is very good, but referral and access to that care is poor. You have to chase things up and fight for what you need. Even with the private consult I still had to sort my referral being cancelled, my oh SA referral being returned saying it needed to be in my name, and I'm still waiting on AMH results so will have to chase those (still wanna know what it was!)

You have to be on it, it's a bit survival of the fittest (some may say most annoying/tenacious!) in my experience. Xxx

OP posts:
strawberrye · 04/05/2019 07:47

Thanks @VenusStarr

@KnitKitty yes I'm finding things quite hard. I had hoped that once we got my thyroid sorted we would conceive more quickly - you hear loads of stories about people who get their hypothyroidism treated and then bam they conceive within a cycle or 2. My thyroid has been perfect for conception since January, and I've been going for acupuncture for 3 months yet nothing. Plus everything I read about recurrent chemicals seem to be related to hyperfertility - we clearly aren't hyperfertile as we're not getting pregnant most cycles. I just don't know what's wrong and feel so frustrated with it because in young and fit and healthy otherwise. Have you got started on your new medication? How are you finding it? Will they check the prolactin is coming down?

@Mistymeow I know I'll probably feel a bit better in the new cycle but I feel this process is grinding me down. So many people have said to me that years ago my pregnancies wouldn't have even been recognised, so it makes me wonder if infertility and recurrent miscarriage are a continuum and I'm somewhere in the middle which medicine doesn't recognise at the moment. I know a loss is a loss but if they aren't seen as that by some specialists then surely the fact we've been trying so long without success indicates something is wrong? How are you getting on?

Daisyboo70 · 04/05/2019 07:52

NHS Ivf clinics will usually see ladies over 35 after 6 months of trying. I was lucky and got seen quickly as I was 40 at the time. I was only aloud 1 cycle. Unfortunately didn't implant. I'm 43 next month.

AliceRR · 04/05/2019 08:24

@Catconfusion That’s shocking. I’m so sorry you went though that.

moonpeace · 04/05/2019 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AliceRR · 04/05/2019 09:38

@moompeace Feeling warm might not just be down to ov. Fingers crossed you have not ov yet but maybe dtd just in case

Hope everyone else is ok and has something nice planned for the bank hol even if it’s just a day to watch Netflix and eat chocolate / drink wine

I’m supposed to be going to a family gathering shortly but really not in the mood!

Lilimum6 · 04/05/2019 14:28

Just catching up but omg how many bfps!!!
Congrats ladies xx

MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue · 04/05/2019 18:52

Hi all.

Pain seems to have gone but I also feel like I'm analysing every twinge and not sure what I feel anymore.

My toddler has chosen this week to fully drop her nap. She is a nightmare come 3pm and I have really struggled today. Bedtime has been hideous (she is now falling asleep 6.30-6.30 which is nice) and I have lost my temper and shouted twice. Feel terrible. I'm a horrible mum and don't even deserve one child let alone anymore and if I end up tubeless and infertile I feel like it is my punishment.

Feel very stressed and tearful and all I want is a glass of wine but can't Sad

AliceRR · 04/05/2019 19:55

@MyHeart

I think you’d rather have a baby than wine! Have some chocolate instead?

Do you have any help with your DD?

Squiff70 · 04/05/2019 20:06

Hi ladies,

I'm sorry I've not posted for ages. I am watching but really struggling. On Monday it finally hit me that I'd lost my twins (in January at 19 weeks gestation). I cried for about 4 hours straight and since then I've felt hung over. I wasn't and haven't been drinking but it feels like my head is full of boiling water and I'm finding it hard to drag myself out of bed in the mornings.

This week is my FW and we're going through the motions and I'm trying my best to put my heart in it but I just feel so... lost. I AM ready to conceive again, but I'm full of different emotions right now.

Huge congrats to those of you who've had BFPs. I wish you all a very healthy and happy 40 weeks and beyond!

AliceRR · 04/05/2019 20:16

@Squiff70 I’m sorry you have had a difficult few days. I have too actually. For me I feel it has taken this long (baby was born in Feb) for everything to sink in and it feels like, whilst it was hard before, to some degree it hadn’t sunk in and so didn’t hurt as much. Now I feel a knot in my stomach and sometimes I feel like I’ll never feel ok again. I share this in case it stinks a chord with you. Try to be kind to yourself, don’t put pressure on yourself and surround yourself with people who support you or help you feel better (if there is anyone like that) and try to avoid anything you can that make sense you feel worse. That’s what has helped me. I’m still on mat leave and I know I’m not ready to go back to work. Tonight I couldn’t even bring myself to go shopping and make dinner so we had a take away (I do cook most days so it’s not so bad).

I have mixed emotions about conceiving too. I worry it’s too soon but I also worry I might have difficulty conceiving and more so if I wait. I worry I’m just trying to replace Ruby as really I want her but I know she’s not coming back and I always wanted children. Some days I feel laid back about it and other times I worry I will never have a living child but I don’t think that’s so unusual xx

Squiff70 · 04/05/2019 20:23

@AliceRR Thank you for your reply. Your thoughts, feelings and emotions around TTC again are completely understandable and justified. I'm nearly 37 and have no surviving children so the pressure is on to get cracking, if you see what I mean. I keep thinking what if it takes 6-12 months to conceive and God forbid the same thing happens - that's another one to two years out of my life. Sometimes in life, when we're ready to, we have to scrape ourselves off the floor and carry on no matter how hard it is.

Don't put pressure on yourself but equally don't beat yourself up about it being "too soon" - it's only too soon if YOU feel it is and screw what other people might think. Having another baby would not be replacing Ruby - you could never and will never replace her, but hopefully you will be able to give her a little brother or sister in time... at the right time for YOU.

frillyfarmer · 04/05/2019 21:02

@Squiff70 and @AliceRR hugs to you both. I have no advice or helpful things to say, but I'm thinking of you both and sending my love.

I arrived home today to a beautiful bunch of flowers from a friend and it really lifted me. There are a lot of selfish cunts in my life and I've spent too long this year focussed on them, I've forgotten how many genuine friends I have, trying to build me back up again.

Four days bleeding and a negative pregnancy test for me. I've spent hours down a worm hole reading research papers on hyper fertility and I wonder whether I could be experiencing something like that. I've decided I'm just going to continue tracking CM and crack on again now. My GP won't do anything until I've had three losses so I might as well face this head on and hope third time lucky - it'll either be a baby or an RMC referral. I'm not bitter or angry today, I've had a good day in good company and I'm absolutely fucking blessed to have my toddler and my husband.

Love to you all tonight penguins 🐧

AliceRR · 04/05/2019 23:02

@Squiff70 Thank you. I’m 35 with no living children and have had similar thoughts of it taking time to conceive and what if more goes wrong before it goes right?! It’s scary but I really want to have (living) children so I’m on for the ride and hoping for the best.

@frillyfarmer Thank you and hugs to you too. Sometimes its when the worst things happen that you see the best in people. In a weird way even though I’d lost my daughter I have felt blessed to have the friends and family that I have and my husband. I think most people go through some kind of loss and pain in their lives but not everyone has real love and support around them. It’s good that you can be grateful for what you have at a sh*tty time xx

Squiff70 · 04/05/2019 23:30

@frillyfarmer, thank you for the much-needed hugs! I'm so glad the flowers from your friend gave you a bit of a lift at what is such a crappy time for you.

@AliceRR, I hear you completely. I'm so with you on this journey xx

Mistymeow · 05/05/2019 08:56

@strawberrye that must be very disheartening. Are you eligible for ivf? What’s the news with your Tommy’s referral? It sounds like you need more support from the healthcare professionals. It helps so much to know the doctors have a plan for us, rather than saying “just keep trying.” Do you have a good GP?
@frillyfarmer what a lovely gesture from your friend. It makes such a difference. When I lost my second I got the “I’m sorry” and a wall of silence. At the same time my friend’s cat died (which is very sad of course) but the reaction to her losing a pet was such a contrast to how I was treated. “We shouldn’t send pics of our cats on the WhatsApp group etc” yet people continued to talk and send me pics of their babies. It’s so hard. I hope you are feeling ok today. I really enjoy your swearing!
@alicerr @squiff70 you have both been through so much. It’s such a difficult road but your strength amazes me. No advice but I have a few penguins to send your way 🐧🐧🐧🐧
@indreamland thanks for asking, I’m ok just waiting for first af which is due tomorrow! Planning to celebrate by aggressively digging up the garden :p
@laney79 all ok today?
@myheart hope the pain is subsiding.

I spent the day with a couple and she is one week ahead of where I would have been. She had a little bump. They were very sensitive and I asked a few standard questions. I felt ok but it was a constant reminder. We told our friends we can’t see them all together (because they are all pregnant) but it’s ok one to one. I don’t want people to pity us as that poor infertile couple who keep losing babies but at the same time it hurts to see them all bonding over baby stuff. I’m so glad we are leaving the country for a month, it’s what we need.

Lilimum6 · 05/05/2019 09:01

OK ladies waiting for frers to arrive today. But the in last 3 days I've done hpt from savers. One 8dpo and 10dpo. I see a line on the 10dpo one (it looks loads pinker in real life and my camera is rubbish ) what do you think. Second pic is 10dpo (today)

TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!
TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!
Lilimum6 · 05/05/2019 09:05

@Mistymeow I'm sorry your low hunxx
Maybe your time away will help you heal.

fnej01 · 05/05/2019 09:38

@Lilimum6 I can see a faint line on the 10dpo. 🤞x

@Laney79 congratulations wishing you a healthy pregnancy.

Sorry for those of you having a tough time. I haven't managed to keep up with the thread but thinking of you @frillyfarmer @Russkispy.

@Squiff70 @AliceRR Ladies you are so strong!

@Mistymeow I completely get the challenges of pregnant friends at the moment. I am having to avoid a friend who is due anytime as her dates fall between mc 2 and mc3 and I just can't cope well with it.

@KnitKitty I completely get the prescription excitement. Have found it really hard this month now we have a diagnosis not TTC. DH put his foot down as doesn't want to ruin honeymoon. Ovulated yesterday so counting down to CD1 and being back in the TTC game.

Sorry to anyone I've missed. I hope you are all having a nice relaxing long weekend x

AliceRR · 05/05/2019 09:50

@Mistymeow Thank you. That’s so wrong about your friends with the car v mc! It must be quite difficult with so many of your friends pregnant too.

Thank you @fnej01 Hope you are ok

@Lillimum6 I think I can see a faint line on your 10dpo one. Can you invert the picture like some people do and then it often shows up more clearly (I don’t know how to do it)

Lilimum6 · 05/05/2019 10:05

@AliceRR what do you think

TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!
Laney79 · 05/05/2019 10:10

Thanks @moonpeace @fnej01 and everyone else for the tentative congrats!

@Mistymeow I'm doing ok, tested with another frer and a cheap hpt this morning...I think they look ok, frer looks a little darker and there's a def line on the cheap less sensitive test. I'm 14dpo today. Pic attached. Also feeling very slight nausea but wonder if that's hunger, oh and I'm windy which OH tells me I was with Bean and Bow! You were incredibly strong seeing your friend...and as for the what's app group insensitivity 😡😡😡 🥊🥊🥊

@strawberrye there's a definite issue with the definition of infertility. For people like us, we can conceive but are struggling to carry so in my head that is infertility. But as you say opinions differ so much. Hugs.

@AliceRR And @Squiff70 You ladies are so strong. My heart breaks for what you've been through xxx

@frillyfarmer Glad to hear you've had a better day.

@Lilimum6 I think I might see something on the pic with just the one test. I'd do a frer with fmu tomorrow. 🤞

Have a good Sunday ladies!

TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!
OP posts:
Laney79 · 05/05/2019 10:32

@Lilimum6 the inverted pic does seem to show a line 🤞

OP posts:
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