TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

[Laney79]

Hey ladies, we were nearing the limit on thread 28 so here's a new one.

Roll Call...

Name: Laney79
Age: 39
TTC: #1 since autumn 2017.
2 losses - MMC discovered March 2018, MMC discovered Sept 2018 both at what should've been 9 weeks, bean and bow measured 6 weeks.

@Lilimum6 @Russkispy @Catconfusion @Boboelephant @fnej01 please tag and pass on!

@frillyfarmer obviously no one can say for sure and I don't want to give you false hope but I have been pregnant three times (excluding this week's positive test which I am still ignoring). With my MC last year there was no bleeding until after scan revealed at 10 weeks baby had stopped growing. With ectopic I bled constantly from 4.5 weeks until surgery. But with my only successful pregnancy I bled all the way through until 24 weeks. Sometimes massively. I know that I can't know for sure but just to show how every pregnancy can be so different. I am keeping all crossed for you xxxxxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Mistymeow thanks ladies. I know you're both right - I did bleed quite a bit with DS, but it's getting progressively heavier so I'm fairly confident it's another early loss for me. I'm just so low right now, I cant believe it's happened again.

Thank you for all your messages and support! It means a lot 😢
@frillyfarmer sorry to read this.

@Russkispy I'm so so sorry lovely. Huge hugs.

@frillyfarmer hugs to you too. Xxx

Big hugs @frillyfarmer xxx be kind to yourself xxx

@Russkispy I'm so sorry to read this. Please look after yourself!

@frillyfarmer same applies, although I'm praying this bleeding doesn't mean the worst. Please take great care of yourself x

@Russkispy I'm so so sorry. What sad news. This is just so shit. Sending you lots of hugs!

@FrillyFarmer sorry about the bleeding, really hope it's okay and bean is still tucked away safely. Hope you can see someone at EPU soon.

@KnitKitty hello again lovely to hear from you! I'm glad to hear you finally have a treatment plan and are feeling about starting to try again. In terms of projects to keep you occupied I'm doing a postgraduate diploma which is keeping me pretty busy but not so great for the stress levels 😂 I find gardening really therapeutic, especially fruit and veg which can be done even in small pots in small gardens or balconies etc.

@Boboelephant really pleased to hear your update, please keep us updated about how you are. After the journey you had to getting pregnant again you give me hope that it might happen one day even for us old cheeses

@russksipy @frillyfarmer really sorry to hear your news, this world is so cruel. I hope you have lots of support surrounding you in real life.

@VenusStarr it’s difficult AF is a reminder you’re not pg but positive your cycle is showing signs of being healthy

@ruskippy I am so sorry you’ve had such sad news. Look after one another

@frillyfarmer fingers crossed everything is ok for you

What a sh*t day

Look after yourselves xx

@Russkispy I'm so so sorry. I hope you are getting all the support you need. I know what you mean about your DC being so precious. Whilst we still hurt and grieve so much for the ones we have lost, we are so unbelievably lucky for the ones we have.

@frillyfarmer I hope that the bleeding stops/eases up and that it is not what you think. I have my fingers crossed for you.

Thinking of you today @Russkispy xxxx

And you too @frillyfarmer. I hope you managed to get some sleep last night. How is the bleeding today? xxx

So sorry @Russkispy

Sorry to hear you're bleeding @Frillyfarmer :(

I am too. I'm 6+1 but had a small red bleed yesterday and I've had brown spotting since 5+2 so I'll likely be rejoining you all. I can't believe this is happening a third time... I have a scan today to confirm.

Good luck in your scan today @Beaglemum93, really hope it's not bad news for you x x

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thank you. Unfortunately it's been quite heavy so I'm just hoping it doesn't drag on for as long as the last one did.

I've just been to the doctors, they have taken bloods and will repeat in a week, because I'm less than 6 weeks they can't refer me to EPU for anything. I asked about testing and why this has happened a second time and my GP said they were unlikely to carry out tests as I have a live child with the same partner? So am I just one of the unlucky ones? I'm not sure I can keep putting myself through this.

I'm really down today, I know there are a lot of people on this thread who have gone through much worse and I'm sorry I'm so self pitying, I just feel like I'm all alone in this and I might not ever get another baby.

@Beaglemum93 I'm so so sorry, I recognised you on the bus and was so happy to read your news. Fingers crossed your bean is still in there and it's just a scare xxx

@Beaglemum93 I'm sorry to hear you are also having a horrible time. Crossing all for you.

@frillyfarmer you are not self pitying, you have been through something really horrific and worrying. To have it happen once is bad enough. Regarding not sure if you can put yourself through this again, I know how you feel. I also have a child and I desperately want another. It's so hard to contemplate saying goodbye to the dreams and hopes we had for our families. Don't make any decisions now and know we are all here for you xxx

Ok I've sat and gone through my Ovia calendar and my thoughts are:

I had two sets of antibs after my last MC, one as a preventative measure for womb infection and one for confirmed BV. I know BV is a contributor to MC so perhaps if the antibs didn't clear it up, that could have caused my second MC. So my plan is after the bleeding has subsided I book in for another full set of swaps with the nurse and ensure I'm all ok in that department. I need a plan. I'm a surveyor, in process driven, if I don't make appointments and set goals and have plans I will go to shit 😂

I apologise if I've posted twice, it's saying success after posting but I can't see it on the tread.

@frillyfarmer it's good to have a plan but try to not to think too much (easier said than done!) But definitely book in with the nurse. Agree that anything we can do to take back some of the control is empowering.

Hi @moonpeace that is really interesting. I have been told a few times that it's just "bad luck" but never about having a receptive womb. In the past it has taken me about six months each time to conceive, but I suppose by some people's time TTC that isn't long. Tbh I'm shocked that this time was so quick but actually think that probably spells bad news on its way. What is fragmin? I am 37 in September and had DD when I was just 34, so feel your worries over age. I do like to read success stories of women over 40 as it makes me feel better! Plus my dr said that 37 isn't old!

I'm actually doing ok. I spoke to a new nurse at the EPU and am booked for a scan on the 13th. I should be around 5.5 weeks. I have had some twinges of pain in my hips which I am sure can't mean good news and if it gets worse I will ask to be seen sooner. My main worry right now is getting seen too late and loosing my last tube.

I did another test and it's definitely a darker line, see pic, but that happened last time and bloods doubled right up to my scan which revealed the ectopic, so not excited by that in the slightest. I can't even be bothered to keep testing and checking for line progression - I did that obsessively in Jan/Feb and it got me nowhere so I just don't care! I don't feel any symptoms, which again is probably not good news and I feel quite detached from it all and frankly, hope it stays that way. I am thinking more in terms of having another ectopic or loss, than having a baby. I think the odds are against it working out and I would rather prepare for the worst than start fantasising and getting my hopes up. My husband thinks I am negative and is trying to be super optimistic but I just don't want to feel anything. I told him I don't want to talk about it.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I understand completely the need to back yourself by expecting the worst. My DH said this morning that he thinks the bean is still alive and kicking and it's just a blip, that I'm being pessimistic. He is trying to keep my spirits high and carry me, I know he is, but it's easier for me to expect the worst than allow myself the upset of hoping, after what happened last time. I know it's hard, but put it to the back of your mind. You know the symptoms for ectopic and if you have any little concern about ectopic - 111 or down to EPU and get seen to. Look after yourself xxx

It's shit isn't it @frillyfarmer but hope is now dangerous as it could only make us hurt more When is your appointment? I am thinking of you xxx

It is good that you have a scan booked. Fingers crossed it's not ectopic. Some pain around there is fairly normal but completely understand your concerns especially given your history @MyHeartIsBrokenButIHaveSomeGlue.

I'm going to try again and really hope we don't end up with 3 lots of photos.

I took a test this morning and think I see a line. Going to test again tomorrow morning. AF due tomorrow or Saturday.