TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

[Laney79]

Hey ladies, we were nearing the limit on thread 28 so here's a new one.

Roll Call...

Name: Laney79
Age: 39
TTC: #1 since autumn 2017.
2 losses - MMC discovered March 2018, MMC discovered Sept 2018 both at what should've been 9 weeks, bean and bow measured 6 weeks.

@Lilimum6 @Russkispy @Catconfusion @Boboelephant @fnej01 please tag and pass on!

That's an interesting point @AliceRR, how do we make it known to our DPs/DHs how much we want another baby without them being made to feel like a baby making machine? It must be hard for them too. I'm scared of making my DP feel like that too as I'm not interested in sex unless I'm ovulating (and he knows it!).

@Squiff70 Well I just tried letting him know I was “in the mood” but he wasn’t buying it. He knows I just be ovulating soon. So suppose I need to carry that on all month long lol. He knows I want a baby and he does too but he’s the kind who will back off if under pressure so when I’m fertile I need to get him into bed without scaring him off 😂

@AliceRR Maybe a nice meal with candles would set the mood without just jumping on him?

@moonpeace baby bombs are just awful aren't they. I'm gonna have to try just ignoring them and avoiding the office as much as possible.

@PrayingForMyRainbow @Yukka the acupuncture was very relaxing. It's early days so let's see what happens. Should ov hopefully in the next 7 days so will see if I notice any change in my body. I'm hopeful it will help, especially as I've been so emotional lately.

@AliceRR I've not used those ones but the lines are looking quite strong so think you're at high and will peak soon.

Thanks @Squiff70 I don’t know. I don’t really jump on him lol just start letting him know I’m “in the mood” lol but he thinks I’m pretending, which is not completely true. I went off sex when pregnant and then wasn’t ready to dtd until v recently after the birth so it probably seems like all of a sudden I’m trying to have sex just for that reason when it’s not the only reason

I do cook for him etc every day, need to work out what makes him feel special 😬

Thanks @InDreamland I thought so too

Was too lazy to text again this evening so let’s see what tomorrow shows

I don’t think I’m ovulating based on other things (like cm, which I don’t really monitor but am aware of)

Hi ladies! Just dropping in for a quick hello and an update.

@fnej01 How are you doing? Have you had your second biopsy yet? How are you coping with everything emotionally? It is a lot to handle, but hopefully to be forewarned is to be forearmed. Sounds like everything is being treated very thoroughly at least; which I hope is some comfort.

*@Mistymeow, @Lilymum6, @Laney79, @InDreamland, @TinyPaws, @Newbie21** How are you all? I'm sorry, it's really hard to keep up with everything on here when you only drop in from time to time, but I do think of you all and am still routing for everyone and hoping for your rainbows. Sorry to those of you I haven't mentioned by name, I do think of all of you. xx

How are the pregnant ladies?

Glancing through the thread I saw that your were discussing lighter periods. It's comforting to know that other people have this too after MC. Mine have become a lot lighter. I also tend to have spotting for two days before AF shows nowadays. But reading through MN, it seems very common after pregnancy?

I also saw you were talking about baby-bombs on social media. I've had two this week. Other people's happy news hasn't really been bothering me for a few months, but this week it hit me a bit harder (not helped by PMS). It's possibly because of who has announced their pregnancies (one of them used to talk about not wanting children; the other doesn't look after their body in the slightest... it just seems so unfair). It's so tough to be happy for others in times like this, but I'm trying to remind myself that their journey just isn't my journey, and vice versa, and I can't compare the circumstances or timings. But still; gut wrenching. Sorry for those of you struggling with other people's happy news at the moment. Hugs xxx

As for getting your OH to DTD at the right time... Sexy undies and explaining to them that it's a natural process to be hornier when you're preparing to ovulate and you're just a slave to your hormones might help... It's true that around ovulation you have more energy, increased libido and even your hips/waist/boobs ratio changes to be more attractive to your man. You're altogether much more likely to feel sexier and want to DTD more... So at least they know it's not just clock-work baby-making and that there is genuine desire involved (even if that last part isn't always strictly true... cough...)

As for me; I heard from my endocrinologist and I'm getting medication to take twice weekly to lower my prolactin levels. I will need an echocardiogram so they can check it doesn't give my heart any adverse affects but I haven't had that appointment through yet. I'm hoping to start the medication very soon; and will start TTC as soon as I can after that. I will also have progesterone pessaries to take once I'm pregnant again. So I'm feeling fairly positive about trying new things. But as I'm sure you will all understand, I'm really struggling to believe anything will be different the next time around after 5 failed pregnancies. I can't quite believe I'll ever had a baby in my arms. But I'm working on hope and trying to stay positive and open to good things.

Wishing you all the very best. xxx

Hi

@KnitKitty good to hear from you, was only thinking of you a couple of days ago. I had second biopsy a couple of weeks ago, and am still waiting results. Because the NK cells were so high at first biopsy they have prescribed prednisolone regardless of the second result. They have also changed my progesterone to twice daily and from day 21. I am feeling much better than a few weeks ago when I was totally freaked out. The NK cells I was less worried about it's the APS that bothers me as it is incurable and could impact me in life outside of pregnancy. I have been focusing on getting myself in a good place, so a trying to lose a little weight. My BMI sits naturally at 25 so trying to get it back to 23. Also trying to get a bit fitter. Going to start TTC in late May as fertile week falls on honeymoon.
Glad to hear that they have prescribed you the prolactin meds. I think you had some differing advice from the last doctor when we spoke last. Did all of your other RMC tests come back in normal range? How are you feeling about the progesterone pessaries? This journey is really full of so many delights isn't it. 😂. Sorry to hear about the baby bombs, I am fine most of the time but just have odd ones that really sting.

@AliceRR On the DTD, I always find some frilly knickers work a treat. I think explaining we are naturally a bit more interested around ovulation is also a good idea. My acupuncturist also very nicely told me that I should be showing him attention all through the month. So I have even when not TTC, been in a regular routine of JKS, which if I am honest has probably done us both good.

Today is due date 2 out of 3. Not feeling too emotional about it, as came to terms with these losses a while ago. Will be heading out to lunch with DH and raising a glass to what could have been, but mainly looking forward.

Love to you all going through hard times

X

Good to hear from you @Knitkitty sounds like a positive update from you. I don’t think any of us believe we have a real live baby in our arms until it happens

As for getting your OH to DTD at the right time... Sexy undies and explaining to them that it's a natural process to be hornier when you're preparing to ovulate and you're just a slave to your hormones might help...

^^ This is good

@fnej01 I think I am quite attentive all the time. I think it is just cause I haven’t been interested in sex for a year (for good reason) and now suddenly am!

My boobs are massive since I was pregnant with my little girl (I’m a 32F now apparently but otherwise a size 8 so they’re quite big?!) so I am in the process of underwear shopping out of necessity

Sounds like you are being strong

Hugs to everyone else xx

@Knitkitty Lovely to hear from you. Glad things are progressing, albeit slowly.

I've been discharged from the recurrent miscarriage clinic with no treatment or follow up as they didn't find anything wrong. They promised to send me my results and then didn't.

Currently gone a bit quiet as in the process of choosing a new fertility clinic.

@knitkitty lovely to hear from you! Sounds like things are progressing well. It’s incredible what these doctors can do. I really hope you can try again soon, I’ve missed your positive presence on this thread :)
@fnej01 glad to hear you’re feeling more positive, you’ve had a fair few shocks. I am wondering what they might find when I attend Mr Shehata’s clinic in July. Sorry that today is your due date- a lunch with your partner sounds perfect.
@aliceRR I don’t think I could add anything better than describing it as being “a slave to your hormones!” It is hard to keep it natural but in the nicest possible way our partners need to get over that and find a way that works for them to keep themselves relaxed. My dh has a high sex drive due to all the hormones he gets pumped with so he is constantly “is now a good time to try” but he does get “stage fright” at times. Overall, it’s not easy on both parties especially after loss but I find keeping it light and adding romantic touches now and then helps.

Ladies, TMI time. I want to talk about breasts. In short, they both hurt, but one hurts A LOT. This is the breast that’s developed a small cyst. I’m wondering if it’s milk related (but I was only 10 weeks). I had the miscarriage 6 weeks ago and have recently ovulated. Any ideas? I guess I’m looking for reassurance because if it’s not gone after my period I have to go to the breast clinic which I really don’t want.

I did another OPK today and it was more feint than yesterday and the day before. Friday and yesterday were not positive but were high (it got darker after I posted pics here)

If I’ve ovulated would the line be non existent today? I’m thinking I probably ovulated yesterday or this morning but then not sure if there would just be no line

🤔

@fnej01 I can imagine it does take a bit of time to get your head around it all. I think everything is looking really positive for you for when you next try though. Fingers crossed for a honeymoon baby.
Yes, everything else came back normal.
I'm feeling positive about trying the progesterone. I was going to ask for it but the gynae offered it before I even mentioned it. He said to take vaginally, which I prefer the idea of than rectally; but I hear using them rectally might work better, so mulling over that one. Got a bit of time to plan and think about it anyway.

@AliceRR I hate bra shopping. I had to do the same last week. It's tough getting used to your body's changes, but I hope getting some nice new underwear helped with that.

@TinyPaws I imagine you are feeling a mixture of relief and frustration about that? On the one hand it's great they didn't find anything wrong; on the other they haven't fixed anything so that probably doesn't help with your nerves for trying again... How are you feeling? Are you trying any other lifestyle changes or anything to help you feel in control a bit more? I read It Starts With The Egg and have cut down on plastics and stuff in a bid to feel like I'm doing anything I can to help be successful next time.

@Mistymeow Aww thanks. I've missed being around too, but I was struggling a bit with not TTC and felt I didn't have much to contribute while on my (longer than expected) break. It is helpful to have people around who understand about TTC after loss.
Sorry about your boob situation. Are they in constant pain or is it intermittent? Have you tried massaging them or using warm or cold packs on them to sooth them? Is it the nipple or the boob? And are you wearing the right size bra? (I get boob pains when my bra doesn't fit anymore, and with the pregnancies mine have fluctuated a lot over the past year); so it could be coincidental with the lump?
My advice would be to try a cold pack, wear a non-wired bra even at night to give them some support and maybe massage them gently to see if it helps. Might just be hormone changes if you have recently ovulated. (How recently did you ovulate, could you be pregnant again?)

AF turned up 4 days early this month, meaning I've just had the shortest cycle I've ever had (25 days). Very odd. Not sure why... They've been consistently 29 days for about 6 months.
I'm hoping this will be my last cycle of not trying, assuming I start my meds this cycle. It should mean I can start trying in June; which sounds ages away, but I'm sure it will fly by. I will just have to find distractions.

What distractions are keeping you ladies busy these days?
I need new ideas because my sister's wedding, which has been keeping me occupied for months, was two days ago. It was a lovely, lovely day. But now I'm starting to think I need something else to look forward to, plan or organise to keep me from obsessing about TTC again!

@alicerr what times of day were you testing? Research says women mostly ovulate late in the day or overnight. When I found this out I started testing more and my strongest lines were 11pm then I’d have ov pains at 5/6 am. I could have missed it if not for testing more, 4 or 5 times a day even. Expensive but worth it....

Underwear, bit pricey but Bravissimo on line has some stunning stuff in bigger cups.after 3rd mc I shopped there, the Mac counter and a few beauty treatments. Helped me feel good about myself again and in turn got the magic going in the bedroom again. I tried to think (and talk) about all the things we did when we first met. That helped too x

@Knitkitty I hate bra shopping too. Don’t know why but it feels like hard work. I couldn’t keep wearing maternity / nursing bras though, which were all that fitted me, and probably not that supportive

Even bra shopping though, as I was wearing maternity jeans, the woman who asked me asked am I have a baby? I said no I had one recently. She asked if I was BF. I said no. And that was that.

Not as bad as when the dentist asked me who was looking after the baby on Thursday! 🙄

Sorry I am rambly again

@Yukka I tested around 5pm Friday and got the dark line, around 2pm yesterday and got v similarly dark line and today around 5pm got a fainter line. I realise it could be as simple as having had more to drink before today’s test. I got something like 90 strips for about £12 on Amazon so cost wise I don’t mind testing several times a day but it is slightly faffy and I try to do it when DH is not likely to find my pot or pee in the bathroom 😂

I am going to try Bravissimo. I have a shop in the city near where I live so I’m going to go there and try some on

I have so much in the way of beauty products at home (I have been a bit of an addict to buying that kind of stuff but have cut down) so have been trying to look after myself more in doing face masks, using body scrubs and moisturising my body every day after a shower. As I went to full term my stomach is still not back to “normal” so I’m hoping scrubbing and buttering will help my skin

@AliceRR I had the same question from the dentist too followed by shoulder patting which I found uncomfortable. I've not been brave enough to go shopping, been making do with what I have.

AF is due somewhere between Thursday and Sunday (used to be predictable to a few hour window), got PIL visiting next weekend which could be awkward.

@Bluebelltulip I find it so awkward. I wouldn’t mind talking about what happened if not for worrying about other people’s feelings. It makes me worry about going out.

I want a hair cut but worry my hairdresser might remember I was heavily pregnant when I saw her at Christmas! Again I don’t mind talking about what happened but she’s a young girl and I know she wouldn’t know what to say.

Hope on laws visiting is not stressful for you

@AliceRR I went to the hairdresser's a couple of weeks after DD2 died and didn't say anything even though I know they will have noticed. The next time I went in was for DD1 and mentioned it in conversation, got the standard sorry then moved the conversation on. I think they didn't want to bring it up but I walk past several times a week so they would have noticed.

@Bluebelltulip I know I’m probably overthinking. It’s just some days are hard enough without dealing with how to tell people. I feel like I need to come up with a standard blurb... or even lie! I thought about saying “my mum” when the dentist asked who was looking after the baby but then maybe that works better with someone you are not likely to see again 🙄

@AliceRR definitely I find it harder saying that she died to someone for the first time than I do talking about what happened.

Morning ladies,

@AliceRR hope the bra shopping goes well. I really do think you an amazingly strong woman after all you've been through, I think I would just be in a crumpled heap still. Also I have changed hairdressers to avoid lesser things than that conversation.

@KnitKitty glad you are getting ready to start TTC again. My prescription says pessaries can be either way. I have to do morning and night. I don't like the idea of the rear entrance, but I've seen quite a lot of people say that is most practical for mornings. I will find out in a few weeks 😬.

@Mistymeow great news that you are getting to see Dr Shehata. I hear great things and he is definitely my plan c, if nothing else works out.

X

@aliceRR how are you getting on with the opks? The one step tests took me a few months to get used to but once I got the hang of them I found them really reliable. Hope you find the perfect bra today :)
@tinypaws good to hear from you! It’s tough to hear that there isn’t anything rmc can fix, I’m fully prepared for that too when I go. But maybe this does mean it really was “bad luck” (hate that term) and the next baby will be a healthy one. Hope you find a better clinic, are these London ones? So many to choose from.
@fnej01 yes I feel very lucky that he is the consultant at my local hospital. I can’t fault my care so far. My GP is incredible. I hope you don’t need to see him and your treatment means a healthy pregnancy.
@knitkitty yes I’m fairly sure it’s related to ovulation (I’m 5 dpo) and it’s intermittent burning and stabbing pain. I don’t mind the pain so much but I’d do anything to get that cyst to go down. Will try the compress, thanks for the tip! Regarding distractions, is there a holiday you want to go on this summer? I’m in the US in June so that’s taking my focus. Also reading a page turner and a box set is good for unwinding. I’ve done some DIY and the garden is next, this is a great distraction because I find something physical stops my mind from going to sad places.

@KnitKitty lovely to hear from you. Sounds positive that you have a treatment plan. Fx the next baby will be a sticky one you can bring home with you.

@AliceRR ditto what others have said, you are so strong. Enjoy the undies shopping.

I think I need to go undies shopping and throw out lots too. I was going to last year but then got pregnant....twice ......and everything kinda went on hold. I really struggled yesterday and had a good cry. It's just the comments and knowing so many people think I should just get over the 2 losses and move on and be ok now. I'm just finding it so hurtful and feeling so judged like I'm not ok to feel like this but no one can tell me how I should think, feel and react but I can't say it to them.

@fnej01 Thank you. I’m not sure strength comes into it sometimes. We all have these circumstances thrust upon us and we do our best.

@Mistymeow I didn’t test again yesterday so I had a strong (but not positive) line Fri and Sat and then a lighter line yesterday. I think I’m just going to test again today around the same time and see. If I’m not being lazy about it I could try twice a day. It’s my first cycle of trying I’m trying to be somewhat relaxed about it and think there is a chance of a BFP this month but if not (and I am certainly not expecting to be pg this month) then maybe I’ll try to pinpoint ov more closely with OPKs next month and maybe I’ll get the hand of temping 🤷🏻‍♀️ On the plus side I haven’t found the OPKs to be the massive faff I thought they would be

My DH and I also find keeping I got busy around the house and garden has helped us a lot

Hi all. I'm totally stressing out so sorry for the selfish post. AF didn't arrive on Friday, I thought it had but I just had two days of very light spotting and only when wiping. I have just done an IC and think I can see a very faint line. Can anyone see it? Does it look like a line or an evap? Petrified it's another ectopic because it's so faint. No other symptoms what so ever!

@MyHeart I can see a faint line. Can you get out and get yourself another test?