TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

[Laney79]

Hey ladies, we were nearing the limit on thread 28 so here's a new one.

Roll Call...

Name: Laney79
Age: 39
TTC: #1 since autumn 2017.
2 losses - MMC discovered March 2018, MMC discovered Sept 2018 both at what should've been 9 weeks, bean and bow measured 6 weeks.

@Lilimum6 @Russkispy @Catconfusion @Boboelephant @fnej01 please tag and pass on!

@Laney79 I like your DH's approach that it's a day to celebrate bow but of course it will be a sad day. Plans of lunch and spending time together also sound good. Thinking of you today.

I'm meeting a friend later who somehow I haven't seen since very early in DC2's pregnancy, she messaged me the other week to ask how I was getting on with 2. Will be nice to catch up as despite lack of contact recently we are normally quite close. My ring with some of my daughter's ashes in also arrived yesterday and I cried happy tears for the first time since her death.

@mylittlebunny I'm sorry your friend is also shit. I've really distanced myself from mine since she ruined my weekend away, you need to look after your mental health and she was just buggering with my head!

@Catconfusion I think actually a lot of people take it for granted if they're lucky enough to not have had a loss or struggled. I had four horses eventing up to 12 weeks and I rode out until I was 26weeks with my first born - I absolutely will not be riding this time round.

@Laney79 think of you today on such a difficult day - be kind to yourself.

@Lilimum6 all good here thank you. 4+4 and quietly terrified the same thing will happen again. I've just got to wait it out and not drive myself too crazy in the meantime.

@frillyfarmer I completely get what you're saying. I took my pregnancy a little bit for granted. Weightlifting and a marathon seems a bit extreme though. My friend rides horses and she rode through her first pregnancy with no troubles. She's since had two losses completely unrelated to horse riding of course but has stopped during her current pregnancy. Having a loss really does make you want to take any extra precaution possible. The person I referred to in my earlier post just made her pregnancy seem like an inconvenience and it wound me up.

I've decided to do a two week wait detox of social media. I'm actually on the fence about a bfp but I'm determined to practice self care so I'm prepared for both scenarios and can be happy whatever the outcome of this cycle is. Last night made me realise social media has been zapping my energy and I want to focus on me right now, close friends/family and the lovely ladies on MN for my social life Xx

@Laney79 thank you for posting about the advice for sperm health, that's really helpful. Thinking of you on your due date today.

To add devils advocate to the discussion about exercise in pregnancy, the advice is generally to continue doing what you were doing before (high-risk things like scuba diving obviously an exception to that). To be honest I think exercise in pregnancy helps for a healthy mum, healthy baby and keeps condition ready for labour. If someone is used to weight lifting and running prior to pregnancy I think it can only be beneficial to continue - obviously avoiding things that may risk damage to bump.

Also I would be in the go in the steam room camp. If it helps relax you and you're not in there for ages then I'm sure it'll be fine. I've been in this TTC game for over 18 months now so I think giving things like weight training up is more detrimental to my sanity than my TTC efforts!

I completely get your point @strawberrye and I would definitely advocate exercise in pregnancy and continuing normal fitness activities but in moderation if strenuous. What I don't understand is how weightlifting is ok. I researched lifting furniture because I was pregnant when we moved house and the advice seemed to be to not lift anything too heavy. We got in extra help so I didn't have to.

Tbh was more this persons attitude that got to me and our previous history which is difficult to get across on here. Xx

@catconfusion that's exactly the point though - if you are used to weight training prior to pregnancy it's no more strenuous than any other exercise. That advice stems from he fact that the majority of pregnant women aren't used to lifting heavy weights so shifting boxes whilst moving is akin to starting a weight training class when pregnant and if you've never done it before www.babycentre.co.uk/a7878/weight-training-in-pregnancy

@Catconfusion OK I'm now in bits I don't think it happened no temp rise what so ever today. I really feel like quiting today

Similarly I wouldn't take up a new exercise whilst pregnant that my body wasn't used to. For example I wouldn't start running whilst pregnant as I'm rubbish at running and don't do it regularly. Any exercise is potentially too strenuous if your body isn't used to it prepregnancy, and the reverse is also generally true - that exercise you are used to prior to pregnancy is generally safe in pregnancy.

I agree with strawberrye it's about existing levels. I was told I could keep kayaking when I was pregnant with DC1, the boat made me feel more sick though so ended up stopping anyway.

@Bluebelltulip and @strawberrye weightlifting is part of marathon training started during pregnancy. It triggered me and I think that's valid. X

@Lilimum6 I'm so sorry you didn't see another rise today. Feel free to post your chart. It's so upsetting sometimes. Please try not to let it affect your day too much. I know that's hard but I've missed out on so much life over the last few weeks due to my temps getting me down. X

Sorry @Catconfusion I didn't realise it was started in pregnancy also I didn't mean to say that you couldn't be upset by it. It's hard seeing people doing things that you wouldn't in pregnancy and definitely feels unfair. I was just saying that continuing exercise is generally ok for anyone that wasn't sure.

@Catconfusion here is my totally messed up chart

@Lilimum6 sorry your having such a hard time. Take care of yourself x x

@Catconfusion even if I did ovulate the bd was all at the wrong time because I usually ovulate around cd10

Sometimes it can take a couple of days for temp to rise after ovulation so don't give up hope @Lilimum6

Thanks @Beaglemum93 I was going to say @Lilimum6 it looks as if you're likely to get another rise tomorrow. If so you dtd on the day of ovulation and early in the day so that's good. My temp goes up over several days when I ovulate. Here's my chart! Try not to worry or think the worse. I'm one to talk but I'll say it anyway! Xx

@Beaglemum93 and @Catconfusion thanks ladies but the way I'm feeling at the moment is that I might have to except it will never happen. 6 mc's and now ovulation issues plus my age is making me think I'm passed it and need to learn how to live with out a baby in my future

@catconfusion I am sorry you feel that my posts made you feel your reaction was not valid, that was not my intention at all. I just wanted to add that exercise including weights in pregnancy isn't automatically bad, and that women shouldn't be judged or shamed for this. I know you weren't doing this but after loss I think we are all prone to self-blame and being very sensitive to what might and might not harm a pregnancy, and didn't want there to be possible interpretations or undercurrent of blaming women who exercise in pregnancy

@Lilimum6 I'm sorry there is so much uncertainty with your cycle at the moment and that it's contributing to you feeling so low. I truly hope this is your body settling down after your most recent loss and I believe a successful pregnancy is possible for you. Sending hugs fellow old cheese.

That's ok @Bluebelltulip and @strawberrye I completely understand the point you were making. As I think I made clear though there is a lot more to this than just the marathon training. I was just really surprised by how much it upset me and was looking at it with interest really. Certainly wasn't shaming anyone.

I see Mumsnet as a safe space to talk about the things that trigger me. As it's a forum about pregnancy loss, the things that trigger us can maybe seem irrational to others. I just wasn't expecting to feel I had to justify myself. That said sometimes a discussion about these issues can bring up salient ideas that might be helpful to other people. Xx

I find that I'm surprised by what triggers me and sometimes the things that I think will doesn't upset me at all. I really didn't intend to make you feel like you had to justify it x

As I said absolutely fine @Bluebelltulip I know it wasn't your intention. It's a useful point though for anyone wondering about exercise for when they get their bfp.

This is such a strange kind of grief and so unique to the individual circumstances. It's so nuanced and I've also found it unpredictable.

Above all it's really made me question who I want in my life. Also whether I want social media to be part of it. The only triggers then are the real life ones. Mumsnet is such a great source of strength and support though, I definitely wouldn't be without it! Xx

Totally agree about taking a break from social media if it’s causing upset. I’ve snoozed several baby bores for my own sanity. My dh who is usually so sensitive asked if I’d congratulated our friend yet on her pregnancy. I glared and said “well she hasn’t reached out to me and said sorry for my loss. It works both ways.” Silly dh. We are going to the US all of June mainly to get away from our pregnant friends but also to recover from the stress of it all.
@lilimum6 you are at exactly the same point as me (positive opk yesterday and cramping today). Don’t worry about the temp rise, it can take a few days. Sometimes you get a drop on O day and it shoots back up. I’m pretty certain you are not broken! I would bd today if you can.
@laney79 sorry to hear it’s Bow’s due date (cute nickname) and I’m glad you have a nice lunch planned. It’s ok to feel sad- do whatever you want to help you through. Lots of positive vibes for this cycle x

I don’t cut out anything whilst ttc because I’ve been doing this almost 3 years now and I think I would go mad! Instead I do everything in moderation- cut back caffeine and alcohol and generally lead a healthy life. I struggle a bit with my weight (lose weight easily) so that’s my big issue (as it affects ovulation). I also do steam room but don’t overdo it.

Thanks @Lillimum6 @Bluebelltip @Catconfudion @fnej01

It’s difficult to strike a balance. I could easily give it all up but love the steam room / sauna. Having said that I hadn’t been in from last June when I found out I was pregnant until this month so it’s not like I can’t live without it

I have dtd twice but think it was too early anyway so not even 2ww but I know I can be OTT too

I’ll avoid things like ibuprofen for sure