TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

[Laney79]

Hey ladies, we were nearing the limit on thread 28 so here's a new one.

Roll Call...

Name: Laney79
Age: 39
TTC: #1 since autumn 2017.
2 losses - MMC discovered March 2018, MMC discovered Sept 2018 both at what should've been 9 weeks, bean and bow measured 6 weeks.

@Lilimum6 @Russkispy @Catconfusion @Boboelephant @fnej01 please tag and pass on!

Sorry you are joining us Avf88 but welcome.

My feint bfp was a false hope at the weekend, been negative since. CM indicates ovulation instead which is consistent with my CD. I've heard of ovulation sticks detecting pregnancy but not the other way around. Now into another tww x

I'm so sorry @Avf88 I was similar. I was ten weeks and had a tiny bleed so organised a scan to see baby early. We were excited. Never thought they'd be no heartbeat. It's horrible!

I think see how you go over the next couple of months. You can always start tracking your temperatures to see how your body is recovering. It's been traumatic for your OH too but with time he'll want to try again. Just focus on getting well for now! Xx

How confusing @Bluebelltulip and I'm sorry it's more waiting. I've never heard of hpt picking up LH surge. Good you caught it and hopefully dtd at the right time if you're hoping to catch it. Good luck! Xx

Thanks @Catconfusion, yep it really has upset me, so many people have said at least I can get pregnant to me and I feel like screaming no point if I can't keep them.

Sorry you find yourself here @Avf88. You'll find the ladies here really supportive.

@Bluebelltulip sorry it was a case of false hope but fx this cycle you still catch Ov.

@InDreamland I think people try and say something positive but then just fail miserably because actually you just want someone to acknowledge how rubbish it is and be there for you. Xx

@moonpeace I can really identify with what you said about seeing people you know are pregnant. An acquaintance of mine has announced her pregnancy and it made me so mad. She does weightlifting and is running a marathon while pregnant. It upset me so much as I know she's in a bad relationship and I'd have never done anything too strenuous while pregnant. It's probably immature but I unfriended her on FB. Her baby will be due not long after when mine would have been and I can't cope with baby updates. Xx

@moonpeace for me he said folic acid, extra vitamin D as my levels are sub optimal, plus vitamin C, B complex, zinc and selenium. So I'm taking all of those to the recommended daily allowance, vit D I'm taking a lot more. In terms of Oh, he's been given a leaflet on sperm health-pic attached of recommendations. Sorry not to reply to all but am shattered. Will pick up in the morning. Xxx

@moonpeace Thanks. I look into that app. I’ve been using Ovia

Fingers crossed 🤞 for you too

@Squiff70 Sorry to hear you are struggling. I don’t think there is a “right” way to vent. Just listen to your body, your mind and your heart and do what feels right for you at that moment (as far as possible).

@frillyfarmer Thank you. We are still waiting for PM results but our baby girl was born wrapped up in her chord so we think that was the issue. She died before delivery though. I know what your colleague means. I’ve read of other people losing babies earlier on and then going on to have another baby and they obviously loved the baby they lost but also love their living child and know they wouldn’t have been here if not for the loss.

@Catconfusion It’s not immature at all. Facebook is not my friend at the moment. So many updates of babies and pregnancy. Today someone I went to uni with posting about the safe arrival of her baby boy. I “snoozed”. I don’t speak to her anymore anyway and last time I saw her at a friend’s wedding and she wasn’t very nice. I’m thinking of cutting down my friends to people I actually see and talk to and that way can avoid baby updates from people I don’t even really know any more!

It also annoys me when people don’t look after themselves when pregnant as I was super careful and then others who are. It careful or who don’t want their babies (seen so many mumsnet posts like that recently).

Sorry to see your update @Bluebelltulip seems you’ve had a confusing few days

Hugs to everyone else

@Frillyfarmer I have had a similar experience.

I miscarried at 6 weeks last week and my best friend knew about how I struggled with this. Me and hubby have been trying for baby number 2 for some time.

My friend was told about my miscarriage and 3 days later she txt me to tell that she was 2 weeks pregnant. since then she has txt me everyday re: can she eat this or that when pregnant, asking when she should go to the GP, and other pregnancy questions.

Im happy for her but cant help but feel hurt for her lack of consideration for my feelings.

Thanks @AliceRR it wouldn't surprise me if the person I've referred to doesn't want her baby. I just don't get the mindset of someone who would weight train and run a marathon probably in heat while pregnant.

Thanks for reassuring me I'm not being immature. I try my best to be happy for people who are pregnant, especially after losses. It's just tough like you say when people don't look after themselves or seem like they want their baby.

I think you did the right thing to delete your uni friend if you don't see her often and she isn't very nice anyway. Xx

@mylittlebunny that's awful. I'd have it out with her as that's so insensitive. Doesn't seem like a good friend to me. Tell her you'd rather not talk with her about her pregnancy as you're coming to terms with the loss of your baby. I think it's totally understandable. Xx

I know @moonpeace it really changes you. I feel like a recluse because I can't handle social situations. I worry about everything when I used to be laid back. I miss me too! I'm sorry you feel this way as well! Xx

@Catconfusion It makes it worse when people who don’t want babies get pregnant and get to keep their bakes

@mylittlebunny Your friend sounds v insensitive. Especially at 2 weeks it’s not as if she needed to tell you yet. I’d tell her (8( you want to stay friends) or I’d be minded to ignore he texts if you don’t feel you can say

This is probably a silly question but do you avoid things while TTC that you shouldn’t have when pregnant on the off chance. I don’t drink v often or eat a lot of other foods that or not permitted so that’s not a big issue. One thing I was wondering about is the steam room. I’ve started going to the gym again and been enjoying using the steam room and sauna. I plan to the to go to the gym every other day even if only work out for half an hour and and then go in the sauna etc as it relaxes me (I’m off work atm so have time to do that) but it just occurred to me maybe I shouldn’t be using the steam room especially several times a week if I’m TTC but then it could take months (or longer) to get pregnant. Would you avoid it on the off chance?

Well I think I actually ovulated today lots of cramps / sharp pains in my left side. So I get to start tww tomorrow.
@frillyfarmer @Laney79 @moonpeace @Mistymeow @AliceRR @Catconfusion
@mylittlebunny @Squiff70 @Avf88 @Bluebelltulip and all you ladies I haven't mentioned I'm thinking of you all and hoping for a better future for you all.

@AliceRR I treat my body as if I'm already pregnant, I figure if something is not good when pregnant then it can't be good for you if your not pregnant. I don't drink alcohol at all, no caffeine at all, I take multi vitamins, good diet and avoid hot baths/showers as over heating is bad for you anyway it raises your blood pressure. I'm probably ott but if and when I do get the bfp I won't have to worry about what I can and can't do because I always do it anyway lol

@AliceRR it was so infuriating. There's not many people I don't get on with but she's the worst person to make a pregnancy announcement, if you could call it that. It came across as more of a complaint she's not been able to train as hard and nearly had to drop out of her marathon because of the baby.

Personally I'd avoid the steam room during the two week wait. It's not advised in pregnancy so I'd want to start avoiding now. It's also just in case something goes wrong so I don't blame myself (even though probably wouldn't be the steam that caused it). Xx

Yay @Lilimum6 you can join me. I got another rise today so definitely ovulated. I'm 2 dpo and will stop temping once confirmed in FF. I'm with you on avoiding things not recommended in pregnancy. I find coffee a challenge though. I know they say one is ok but after two losses I'm not willing to risk anything! Xx

@AliceRR I don't avoid everything I would in pregnancy but do avoid other things. I don't worry about going over the caffeine intake but don't excessively have it either. Will drink alcohol but again not in excess. Most of the food I don't eat anyway. I do avoid medications that aren't recommended. I probably wouldn't use the steam room in tww.

@AliceRR I have decided to still do whatever I want in moderation. Therefore I have a cup of coffee each day, and a couple of glasses of wine each week. I personally would go to the sauna if I wanted to, but just not cook for hours in there. I believe that general physical and emotional well-being is a really important part of TTC. Everyone is different though, do what feels right for you x

Morning ladies. I totally echo the comments about baby bombs-especially from people who take it for granted. I however did have the opposite experience after my first loss. One of my very close friends fell pregnant about the same time as my miscarriage was discovered. She had previously had a late loss at 16 weeks so was an absolute rock for me as I went through the process. Bless her she was so worried about telling me and upsetting me but she was so kind and thoughtful -she told me at 9 weeks so I didn't spot her bump and guess, and she was very low key about what she put on fb, partially I think due to her previous loss. With her I didn't feel any jealousy or anything, just sadness that I wouldn't be able to share being pregnant at the same time. With others, especially ones who are similar in age/situation to me I've felt angry and jealous and had to snooze them on FB. It feels so cruel that they get the perfect positive test, happy pregnancy and baby at the end of it, and I just experience pain and loss and fear. It just makes me feel again like I must've done something wrong and therein lies the path of madness.

As for me, today is my second due date. If things had gone to plan idve been having my csection today and welcoming my bow to the world. Instead I have nothing but a scan pic and some flowers where I buried her off work today, going for lunch with OH. He wants it not to be a sad day, wants to "celebrate" Bow, but I can't help feeling sad. Xxx

Arh @Laney79 I'm so sorry it's a difficult day for you. I hope you and DH have a nice lunch together to remember and honour Bow. I'm just tearing up thinking about your journey and how far you've come with so much pain. Please don't ever lose hope.

I too have a lovely pregnant friend who had three losses in the past but is 26 weeks gone. Shes been a rock for me. I'm really mindful of the fact she needs to celebrate her pregnancy too. I always ask her how she is and how she's feeling. I've found pregnant friends who can appreciate the pain of this are much easier to be around. I do however have another friend who had a couple of very early losses years ago who thinks she knows everything about miscarriages. She didn't get to 12 weeks and need surgery so I don't think she does.

I guess my point is pregnant friends can be supportive and easy to be around but also some can make you feel worse. In the same vein friends who have miscarried can be super supportive or difficult to be around. The good news is we get to pick who holds our hand through this difficult ordeal. Xx