TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

[Laney79]

Hey ladies, we were nearing the limit on thread 28 so here's a new one.

Roll Call...

Name: Laney79
Age: 39
TTC: #1 since autumn 2017.
2 losses - MMC discovered March 2018, MMC discovered Sept 2018 both at what should've been 9 weeks, bean and bow measured 6 weeks.

@Lilimum6 @Russkispy @Catconfusion @Boboelephant @fnej01 please tag and pass on!

@catconfusion that's frustrating the SA is during fertile week but sounds like you may be covered. I hope he gets good results. My DH is on medication to improve his but he's not meant to be on it long term (pushes testosterone levels quite high). I'm hoping we will get some answers from the rmc in July so we can press ahead with IVF. I'm cd 42 today and I'm finding it hard to tell if ovulation is about to occur, or af. Maybe it will be anovulatory. I can tell my hormones are all over the place (mood swings, breasts up and down with pain, cramps, ewcm). It's to be expected but very draining. I asked DH to work from home today for more support. 17 day luteal phase sounds long but much better than a shorter one!
@laney79 I really hope that it's not that, I'm hoping because you are still having regular periods (even though the cycles are on the short side and light) that it's not early menopause. I'm sure you will have some answers soon. Good luck with your test results today.
@indreamland I was told a three day bleed is completely normal and periods change after miscarriage. It's hard being around people who have not experienced what we have been through, it's so lonely. I've lost friends over it because I was so hurt that they would witter on about their baby without a second thought to my feelings. I don't want a friend like that. Fortunately most of my friends have been kind and sensitive, and I enjoy playing with their babies because I find it healing. But it's the insensitivity that I can't bear. I would distance yourself from those who are making you feel bad.

@InDreamland Well since I posted that we have dtd twice so that’s something but it might still be a problem... Think it’s too early in my cycle to have made a baby but would be good to keep dtd every other day. I’d be frustrated if we did it now and then he couldn’t dtd in my fertile window!

The fear of never having a living child is huge. Losing my baby was heartbreaking but I feel I’ll be ok and will be able to get along with my life ultimately. She’ll always be part of my life. But if I can’t have another child then that’s a future I can’t come to terms with right now.

Re your cycle being lighter, my cycle changed a few years ago for no real reasons. I used to have periods that lasted about five days and were fairly heavy and then about 4-5 years ago they got lighter and were about 3 days. There was no real reason for it. I saw the doctor as I also was struggling with my hormones and worried it was early menopause or PCOS but they couldn’t find anything wrong so maybe our cycles can just change and I did conceive and carry a baby to full term several years later. Also things like exercise and stress can affect your cycle.

It’s not for anyone to tell you how to feel or deal with what you’ve been through so try to just stay away from people who make you feel bad x

@Mistymeow I know right!? Any other day but today, or even tomorrow as even if we dtd tonight after the analysis his sample might be lower in quality. I'm tempted to dtd tomorrow morning instead if I haven't got a bbt rise so we have a shot if it is Wednesday.

I really hope you get some answers too. It's so frustrating not fully understanding why such a traumatic thing has happened. How low was your DHs SA? Is IVF the only option for you do you think?

It's understandable your hormones are out of whack after all you've been through but so frustrating. What is your chart looking like? I really hope you get a rise soon or at least AF. I've attached mine.

I'm pleased about the longer LP but boy is it a long wait. I know it doesn't mean I'd get a bfp any later as last time was 9 dpo but if not it's a long time to wait to start again. Then my longer than normal FS which can range from 14 to 34 days.

There's so much waiting involved in ttc. I don't blame you for asking DH to stay home with you. I sometimes feel being alone makes it worse. Xx

@InDreamland my cycles are short 25 days on average and I tend to only bleed for a couple of days, with a couple of days of light, only there when I wipe spotting after. Will raise this with the clinic when we see them in a couple of weeks. But I saw a gynecologist a couple of weeks ago after my miscarriage and she didn't seem concerned.

@Mistymeow hope you're OK, I saw your chart the other day and thought your ov may have been a couple of days after when ff said it was. Have you tested again? It's so horrible being in limbo.

Sorry to have been quiet for a while. I'm feeling better in myself, its nearly 3 weeks since my miscarriage. My dh seems to be struggling a bit though. It's been tough. If my cycle comes back straight away my period is due on Monday. I've come a bit obsessed thinking about being pregnant again. I've no idea whereabouts on my cycle I am but did have ewcm last weekend. We were given the go ahead to ttc when we felt ready but haven't actively been charting, just dtd whenever. I've become hyper aware of my body and any twinges.

Hope everyone else is OK xx

@Mistymeow I think you are right still no temp rise. So that's two cycles back to back with no ovulation. I'm terrified I'm broken now 😭
DH will not go for ivf as he's Catholic xx
I'm so down its making me feel ill. What the hell do I do now

I’m thinking of trying OPKs this month mainly out of curiousity as this is my first cycle of TTC since the baby but on a very mundane practical note what do I use to test in? As in I have read to pee in a sterile pot. What do you use? And what is “sterile”? Can I just used a plastic tub and then wash and reuse it daily. Sorry it sounds gross I know. I’d have preferred something I can just pee onto rather than dip.

Hope your appointment goes well @Laney79 🍀

@AliceRR same as @moonpeace, I've got a little plastic pot I wash out in the sink for use when I poas.

I did read the other day that couples who don't track bbt or use opks have more sex when ttc. I don't track any more, just keep an eye on my cm. I was reassured that I was ovulating after tracking bbt for a couple of cycles and when I went for my cd21 blood tests confirmed. I found tracking massively stressed me out. @moonpeace I don't think there is any harm giving yourself a cycle off, perhaps you can review next cycle?

Thanks @moonpeace @VenusStarr I am in two minds about tracking as I think it can be counterproductive if it is causing stress. I think it’s a good idea to take a month off tracking if you think it will help at all even if it just means you’re more relaxed

I don't track anymore, well I use a couple of apps and monitor cm, but anything else stresses me out. I can understand that it helps you feel in control though.

@Lilimum6 sorry you are feeling so anxious and stressed. I am sure you are not broken though, our bodies just do weird things sometimes. Have you talked to your DH? xxx

@moonpeace I used to spot before I had DD for a few days before AF. Weirdly my cycles were always 33 days with spotting from 31, but after MC last year went to 28 with no spotting. Anyway, my point is I don't think spotting is an issue, I read loads on it and freaked myself out when TTC DD but that was my only successful pregnancy! xxx

I'm officially an idiot today. CD 25 and I decided to POAS. It's negative which isn't surprising but I keep holding it under the light and trying to convince myself I can see something and now I am sure I can feel AF pains 🤦🏼‍♀️ Why do we do it to ourselves?!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I poss this morning on cd20! (from my miscarriage so no idea if it's a normal cd20). It was calling me, but now I have none left so in theory just waiting for my first af. Really don't want to get back into old habits of testing early. It's so distracting.

That made me laugh @moonpeace! 😉 I always have an idea when I ovulate from cm but have never known for sure. I tell myself that I have gotten pregnant twice in the past nine months so I just take that as a good thing.

Anyway, there is definitely no line so no need for anyone to check!! I am just being crazy and have literally just pissed away £s to make myself feel rubbish! 🤦🏼‍♀️

@VenusStarr good to know I'm not alone with the POAS craziness! This is my first proper cycle since my ectopic. I had AF six weeks after that and now I'm here going off my usual cycle length and CM to wait for the second AF. But I could be totally out and my body could of course, still be recovering! Or just being frustrating which is also likely!

@catconfusion I've ditched my chart for the month because it was all over the place. DH's SA results last year were 2 million and his latest is 10 million which is very good for someone with his condition. It's totally possible for us to conceive naturally, but it takes time and I don't think we have caught a healthy sperm yet. If our NHS ivf fails we will go to the expert in DH's condition in Newcastle. It sounds like your body is working itself out which is promising, must have been through a lot since having the chemical straight after the miscarriage. I hope you're doing ok mentally?
@venusstarr thanks, I don't think I actually ovulated because 20 days later and no af or positive preg test, and now it looks like I'm gearing up to ovulate again. I'm so glad you are starting to feel a bit better and I hope you and your partner are getting plenty of support.
@lilimum6 so sorry you are feeling so down. I had a couple of cycles too where I didn't ovulate and I was prescribed clomid, although I didn't take it in the end because I fell pregnant. I'm sure a fertility doc will prescribe this if you are not ovulating regularly. Of course stress doesn't help and I'm sure this was the cause of my issues, even though I denied it to the doctor. It's a vicious circle. When do you see your doctor? I found having a plan in place really helped.

I'm a ball of worry. Small lump in breast which is going up and down, scared of going to the GP in case they refer me for an ultrasound which brings back terrible memories. No period 6 weeks on from erpc. I'm normally quite rational but clearly my hormones are all over the place. I should just bite the bullet and go see my GP :(

Hi ladies, I'm sorry to see some of your are struggling. I am too. We're three weeks away from my twins' due date and it's messing with my head. I realised today I haven't grieved for them properly because I don't know how to. I also realised today, amidst period pain and backache, that the TWW was keeping my mind occupied and now it's (nearly) over I'm back to thinking 24/7 about my babies until the whole cycle starts again in 10-12 days then it's back to the TWW. Ad infinitum.

Sorry to be so negative right now when it's the last thing the rest of you need, I just needed to vent a bit.

@Mistymeow my first appointment is 14th May that's gonna be a really hard day as its also the due date for the baby I lost 29th October. Its like the universe keeps kicking and won't let me get back up.
I'm sorry I'm being down today. I was so excited about trying this cycle and then I didn't even drop an egg. I'm so broken right now

@Mistymeow I don't blame you. I nearly did the same. The first time I fell pregnant I wasn't trying to control anything. I was just enjoying my honeymoon with DH. Now it's all about how many days to this and that. It's exhausting! I do however find with long cycles it's tough to keep the stamina up for dtd so temping gives me more signs of when to do it I guess.

Amazing news about your DHs SA. Isn't 20 M ideal but over 10 M still fertile? Only reason I know is because my ex had only 500 thousand. He'd known for 2 years and lied to me about SA results as he was embarrassed. We were told ivf Icsi was our only shot. We broke up as I found it hard to forgive him for letting me believe my body was the problem. Luckily I have a lovely DH now so I'm hoping all is well with his results.

I'm actually feeling good today thanks so I wonder is I have Ovulated as I'm suddenly not as hormonal and have a sore chest. I've also been nesting and moved the whole living room around. I've not been great before now though. Very hormonal and tearful at times. I'm gradually coming to terms with the two losses.

How are you feeling about having IVF? I do hope something happens naturally before then as you never know! Xx

@Squiff70 I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how traumatic this has been. Sometimes in life there are no positive words. It's just a horrible thing to happen. You are completely justified in feeling this way, especially with the due date coming. Vent all you want on here. My thoughts are with you! Xx

I'm so sorry @Lilimum6 you're feeling this way but it's understandable. It's so frustrating when the body doesn't seem to be doing the expected, especially after loss. I've had two failed ovulations this cycle and it's been devastating to watch my temperature drop. It's like the miscarriages all over again. It's so hard to stay positive sometimes with all the worry about what these signs mean for future chances of a baby. I'm thinking of you! Xx

@AliceRR my colleague lost a full term baby. He was healthy up to 38 weeks and unfortunately had the cord around his neck and was born sleeping. She delivered a healthy baby boy just 14 months later, after a straight forward but obviously anxious pregnancy. Obviously she will hold her first born in her heart forever more, but she has always said she was having one child, and without the tragedy of her first born, she would never have had her second, and that is an unbearable thought for her. I cannot begin to imagine what you have been through this year, but you will get there xxx

@Catconfusion your body has tried twice and not ovulated in one cycle. I ve never had that happen usually an anovulation just means I get an extra week before AF shows up. Do you know why this happens or how to fix the problem?

@Lilimum6 I do have pcos so it could be that but I think some ladies just with longer cycles have it happen. I'm gearing up for round three at the moment which hopefully will result in a sustained temperature rise. I'm cd 35 now. I get positive Opk, twitching pains and feel like it's happened then a temp rise but a fall the very next day. It sucks when we've timed dtd perfectly.

I started temping 6 months ago and this is the first cycle it's happened but I have a feeling I've had spells like this before as I've always suffered with long cycles. I have had two back to back miscarriages though so could just be my body recovering. Apparently cutting out dairy, gluten and sugar can help. Luckily I usually ovulate so I am fertile. If there's no ovulation it's fertility drugs or ivf for ladies with pcos. Xx

Thank you so much @Catconfusion, it means a lot to me.

Do you feel any better for rearranging your living room?