TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

[Laney79]

Hey ladies, we were nearing the limit on thread 28 so here's a new one.

Roll Call...

Name: Laney79
Age: 39
TTC: #1 since autumn 2017.
2 losses - MMC discovered March 2018, MMC discovered Sept 2018 both at what should've been 9 weeks, bean and bow measured 6 weeks.

@Lilimum6 @Russkispy @Catconfusion @Boboelephant @fnej01 please tag and pass on!

@Squiff70 Welcome and sorry for the loss of your twins. I lost a baby girl at 40 weeks in February and this group has been so lovey and supportive.

@frillyfarmer Congratulations xx

@Mistymeow and @moonpeace, thank you so much.

@AliceRR I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter - I can't even imagine what you must be going through xx

Thanks for the advice girls. Don't know what to do lol.

Congratulations @Frillyfarmer so happy for you

Sorry to see more new names here. So sorry for your losses, you've come to the right place, everyone is so supportive.

@Mistymeow fx AF doesn't show and the next FRER is a BFP.

@Yukka glad to hear your pregnancy is progressing well.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue glad you are a bit better than you have been. It is tough so be kind to yourself. Good you're DTD.

@Newbie21 that sounds so promising. What a lovely happy ending story. Fx that is you soon.

@Bluebelltulip see how you feel but I think I'd stay home so we could DTD lots.

@FirstTimeMama91 I think the advice is to wait until you have a negative after mc before TTC again.

@Beaglemum93 that's great you're getting good line progression. Fx this is a sticky bean.

@Frillyfarmer that's a fab line for 10DPO. I am definitely too scared to test, also 10dpo today. Fx this is a sticky bean.

AF due Saturday. I have been getting those pulling sensations again in my lower abdomen and the past 2 days been feeling really sick and light headed on the tube. Trying desperately to not read into it all. Feeling really crap today, feel like everywhere I turn when I'm out on my commute and at work that everyone is pregnant. DHs urologist who is treating the issue that has been found said that due to our age, even once the medication has sorted the issue, that we still will only have 20%-30% chance of conceiving. Feel like we've lost our chance now and wished we'd done all this 3 or 4 years ago. Feel like we've lost so much time and missed our chance.

@InDreamland I know it’s easy to say but try not to look back. It’s so easy to think how we could have down things differently with hindsight and none of us could have known, 3 or 4 years ago, where we would be today. I couldn’t have guessed even a year ago that in the coming 12 months I’d get pregnant, carry a baby to term and then lose her. I know it’s hard but it certainly doesn’t sound like a lost cause to keep going so fingers crossed for us 🤞 (all of us). I’ve been feeling down the last few days worrying it won’t ever happen for me but who knows where we’ll be a year from now

Hugs to everyone else x

@AliceRR I know you are right, I'm just struggling this week. Fx for us all. Goodness we all deserve to have healthy pregnancies after everything we've been through. I just feel like after almost 6 years I need to be cut a break.

Evening ladies sorry I've been quite.

Congratulations to all you beautiful pregnant ladies.
Fingers crossed 🤞 for the ladies in tww
And finally baby dust to all those approaching ovulation x
Welcome and sorry you find your self here to all the new ladies.
As for me I'm cycle day 8 and really hoping fora miracle. But if this cycle doesn't work at least we have rmc appointment next cycle and maybe get some answers or reassurance.
I really really want to be pregnant but I'm terrified at the same time. I know I'll not feel the joy I did with the very first bfp but I have to keep trying I can't give up yet xx

When I said miracle I mean my DH's back gets better just in time for my ovulation. Fingers crossed 🤞 for us ladies please xx

Thanks @Squiff70 It seems like you probably can unfortunately. It’s horrible to lose a baby (or babies) whenever it happens

@InDreamland I know and I hope it didn’t sound like I was trying to down play what you’re feeling. What I was trying to say is I understand as I feel crappy atm too. I’m sad and stressed and off worry I’m not going to get pregnant again but it’s so easy to get bogged down by these negative thoughts and I’m trying not to as it can only help us to the to be positive and relaxed xx

Fingers cross for you too @Lillimum6 and everyone else

@indreamland I actually think this is really great news for you both. To be diagnosed and treated for his issue is very promising. A 20-30% chance every month is completely normal (they say couples have a 25% chance of conceiving every month). I know it’s hard when age is not on your side but as you caught twice in a year when he didn’t have his diagnosis this is extremely promising. Got everything crossed.
@alicerr you are completely right. I feel guilty because we knew that it would take time to fall naturally because dh was born with this condition (faulty pituitary gland) but I never expected we would keep losing the babies. It’s a hard journey but there is so much hope for us all. I hope you are feeling a bit better, you have been through so much.
@lilimum6 I am hoping so much that your dh can dose himself up on cocodamol and this is your month!

@AliceRR - not really. (Trigger warning coming up, sorry...)

My friend who had a miscarriage at 5 weeks says she knows what I went through. I'm sorry, but she doesn't. I only know what it's like to have to have, lose and deliver two babies at 19 weeks naturally (not the same as a 5 week miscarriage even though a M/C is heart breaking at ANY stage of pregnancy). In that same respect I wouldn't pretend to know what she went through losing her baby at 5 weeks - she'd only known one day that she was pregnant and I can't imagine what a crushing effect that must have had and the fear she felt in her next (and thankfully successful) pregnancy.

Likewise I would never pretend to know what a parent of a full-term baby must be feeling to have lost them like you lost your daughter. I won't pretend, sorry. It's not about whose loss is greater - we've ALL suffered loss at 5 weeks, 19 weeks, 40 weeks, less, more, whatever, but we don't know what each other went through and are still going through. We can empathise and offer comfort but we don't know what that was like unless, God forbid, we have been through it ourselves.

I really hope I haven't upset or offended anyone with this post - that's the very last thing I would want to achieve. Like I said, it's not about whose loss is greater or more devastating because they're all individual and all completely devastating.

Sending you and everyone on this thread love, strength and hugs today xx

@Squiff70 I think I understand what you are trying to say. We all have some common experience in that we have all lost babies however we are all in different situations. So we have some common feelings but don't know exactly how each other feel. I lost my daughter at 32 weeks and my mil has been very keen to say that she doesn't understand but has some idea as she had a late 1st trimester miscarriage, but I don't know how she felt either. Also we could (really hope no one does) have another loss at the same point and still feel completely different. All we can do is support each other the best we can. Sorry for the loss of your babies x

@Bluebelltulip thank you - I do hope my post comes across the way it was intended. I am so truly sorry for the loss of your daughter x

I'm so sorry for your loss @Squiff70 I completely agree with this post. I have a friend who had an early loss years ago during a casual relationship. She already had her first child then. She acts like she understands the missed miscarriage of my first baby just after my honeymoon at 12 weeks with an ERPC. She does not understand. Neither would I profess to understand her situation back then. It was completely different and heartbreaking for different reasons.

No one can know how it feels. Like you say empathy and being there is the most helpful support. Unfortunately when going through a loss it seems people come out of woodwork who profess to know everything about it. My friend thought it must have been better to choose to have surgery rather than go through it naturally like she did (she was too early on anyway). I didn't choose the surgery, my body wouldn't let go of my very much wanted baby.

Sorry @Squiff70 for the rant but it really annoys me. My heart really goes out to you as it must have been so traumatic to get that far along and twice. You deserve support and kindness rather than know it alls! Xx

Thank you for your reply @Catconfusion. I have never seen through ERPG or had a silent or missed miscarriage so I can't pretend to understand everything you've been through either. Sending hugs and empthy your way xx

@moonpeace your post has made me feel a bit better! I'm 37 in September and age is a worry but all the Drs I have encountered have said this isn't an issue.

@Squiff70 I completely understand your words. I am struggling and often feel no one understands me because my second loss was ectopic. It's affecting me in ways my MC didn't. And I don't think people who haven't been through that can understand. But it's not to say we don't all feel our losses and heartbreak. And none are greater losses or heartbreaks xxxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. I'm here if you want to chat x

Thanks @Squiff70, I'm just struggling in general as we all are.

Hi.. can I join.

Me:
29 (30 in 4 weeks)
TTC since January 2019

Just after we decided TTC I found out I was pregnant, 2 days later I had a miscarriage.

I have just had a BFP, but have brown spotting and twinges in my abdomen. I am terrified that this is another miscarriage. I was referred for an early scan where they couldn’t confirm a positive or negative it said I would be approx 5 weeks, so had bloods taken yesterday and I’m going back tomorrow for more to see if hormones have increased. They took a pregnancy test and they said it was a faint line. Has anyone else had this experience? I’m sending positivity to everyone who is TTC..

@Squiff70 I think any loss IS different of course. Just as if each of us lost a sibling to or a parent at some stage it would be a different loss depending on when it happened, how it happened, what or relationship with that person was. I think it is a bit different to have an early miscarriage than it is to have a loss later or just as there are differences in having a baby born alive and then dying soon after as compared to a stillbirth but ultimately I think we all have some understanding in each other in having lost a pregnancy or baby. That’s all I meant. I try not to compare losses in that sense and certainly wasn’t suggesting anyone knows EXACTLY how you feel and vice versa and wouldn’t suggest any one person’s loss is worse than another.

Having said that (and I know this is not the same), my husband and I are having counselling following the loss of our daughter. We have been discussing related issues regarding his children (not my children) and the counsellor was saying that that is a loss and a bereavement too (the fact he doesn’t live with them and have the relationship he would have liked, even if he chose it or played a part in it). I really resent that comparison. I understand it’s difficult for him but don’t accept his children living a bit of a drive away is the same as my daughter being in the ground and I never got to see her eyes open... At least he can see them. All I can do is visit my daughter’s grave.

@moonpeace Thank you. That made me feel better too. I’m 35 and I know that’s not “old” but that used to be the point people used to say it started getting more difficult but it is so true that people have babies later now, people live longer and I don’t think something changes on your 35th birthday...

I know I’d like more children but have mixed feelings about it and would you believe still haven’t actually dtd since we lost our daughter in Feb?!? I’m sure I should be banned from this board for claiming to be TTC when I’m not even dtd. I’m on CD 5 though so not ruling out trying this month 😬

Hi everyone, hope you don't mind me joining!
I'm 32 and TTC #1 after a mmc (anembryonic) & erpc at 8 weeks last month. Was absolutely devastated for a few weeks but have somehow managed to get on an even keel and while it's still on my mind a lot, I am mostly at peace that things just didn't work out for us this time around - the baby did not develop past a very early stage and it was never going to be a successful pregnancy.
My first period post erpc has just arrived and we have discussed ttc again but are going to try to do it without too much planning, tracking, etc - just see what happens. I am definitely anxious about how I will react if I am lucky this time around - I was so over the moon when I found out about this pregnancy and I just can't imagine being able to feel that excitement again knowing about what could happen.

Glad to have some people here to chat to who are in/have been in this situation.

Sorry I've been quiet for the last few days I've been focusing on exercise to help me with my mental well-being trying not to focus on this TWW. So AF is due Saturday and have had sore boobs and vivid dreams since Sunday. I've also been getting a watery/ milky CM at the same time.

I had this when I was pregnant before and read it's called Leukorrhea if you are pregnant. Just wondering if any of you lovely ladies have had this before getting AF? I'
As i'm thinking about testing tomorrow because of these symptoms!

Hi all, hope you don't mind me joining too. I had an mmc 4 weeks ago at 10+5. What a horrendous experience.
I have a healthy child so feel very lucky for that but now got the 'ttc post mc panic'. Don't we all!
@coconutlatte44 do you mind me asking how many weeks it took your AF to return? X