TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

[Laney79]

Hey ladies, we were nearing the limit on thread 28 so here's a new one.

Roll Call...

Name: Laney79
Age: 39
TTC: #1 since autumn 2017.
2 losses - MMC discovered March 2018, MMC discovered Sept 2018 both at what should've been 9 weeks, bean and bow measured 6 weeks.

@Lilimum6 @Russkispy @Catconfusion @Boboelephant @fnej01 please tag and pass on!

@BlueBellTulip What is wrong with people? Why do they think these things are helpful in anyway? Baffles me.

It’s sh*t when people don’t think before they speak. I get annoyed with little things people say and try not to react because then I look like the overly emotional one but it’s easier said than done sometimes.

I’m still (very) hormonal so I have a bit of a cloud over me because of that.

Even my DH says the wrong thing. Sometimes I can see he’s upset about losing the baby but then other times, he talks as if he barely saw her as a real person as she wasn’t born alive. He said something like she was never really here. I know men don’t feel it all as we do as we carry our babies and I carried Ruby to full term and felt her move and kick and hiccup. Even before that she was my baby from day one - that’s how it is from when we get the BFP. I talked to her and played with her every day. He didn’t have that with her and I get that but it seems odd he’d feel that way. Maybe it’s his way of coping. I’m trying not to react emotionally to it but it’s hard not to feel alone while I mourn the loss of my only child and he seems to be getting on with things and can only talk about his other two (living) children.

Sorry for ranting. I’m that way out. I get severe PMT and I’m feeling a bit down for obvious reasons...

Hugs to all of you

Did everyone wait for atleast 1 cycle before ttc again after miscarriage? I dont think I can't wait that long. I want to start trying again maybe next week. Any tips or advice?

Welcome @FirstTimeMama91 And @AfterLaughter @Samk79 These ladies are fab.

@AliceRR Sounds tough with your ma. I think you have every right to feel the way you do after losing Ruby. Men don't get it, you're right. Sounds awful but the only way I could get my fella to try and comprehend how I was feeling when I lost our second was to get him to imagine losing our dog, twice in 6 months-he said he'd be devastated...and I said well imagine that but much much worse...helped him a bit I think but I don't think they can ever feel what we feel, it's biology. Hugs xxx

@InDreamland I have the same fear that it won't happen but all we can do is try everything we can. I'd rather try than regret not giving it the chance. Xxx

@Lilimum6 My periods have been short too 3-4 days max and only half of that has been decent flow. So you're not alone lovely.

Wow @sophied1983 I'd be speechless too! I'd be really angry and upset if my mom had sent that.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue You just have to do what feels right for you lovely. If you need more time then take that time.

@TinyPaws I reckon I'm in the extra mature cheddar class! March 18 was my first loss.

@moonpeace I share your anger. There's no consistency in pre conception, early pregnancy, miscarriage or fertility from my experience over the past 18 months. If I hadn't been the nutty woman I am idve never found out about half the possible treatments tests or even what I'm entitled to. You shouldn't have to search and probe for the info, it should be easily accessible to all and understandable. And there should be consistency across the board.

Well had my appointment with the private consultant last night. My fella described it as one of the best dr consults he'd seen-was very impressed with him. Basically ran through a bit of history with us both (I thought it'd just be me as I was primarily there to see if he could help look at my hormone results and irregular periods) and spoke about my losses, test results, the fact that my results are suggestive of my ovaries beginning to fail and that in his opinion time is of the essence and that IVF will give us our best chance. He's one of the consultants that covers the nhs fertility clinic we've been referred to. As we'd been to that appointment he says we can now bypass the first nhs appointment as he's effectively done the history bit. He's sending me for a couple of blood tests including AMH, and he'll get his secretary to find my referral and book me in for a scan of my ovaries etc. Other half will need a couple of sperm tests too. But he's fast tracking us through the system.

So I've gone from having very little hope two weeks ago, and feeling let down, to suddenly being on a bullet train to ivf...I'm like a rabbit in headlights. It's fab I'm getting help and that my fears over age and results have finally been listened to, but man is this a head f**k. I always said I didn't want to/couldn't do ivf, especially with my phobia...and here I am, knowing that if tests go ok, I'll be having treatment by mid July. I'm petrified!!!

AF has arrived, shouldn't have been too much of a surprise as we didn't manage DTD at peak but was in the range of a chance. Now had a 23 day cycle but AF did come 14 days after ovulation was predicted from CM so taking that as a positive and hope next cycle is better.

@Laney79 that's absolutely fantastic, sounds as though you have a great consultant and fingers crossed the scans and testing have a positive outcome for you.

@FirstTimeMama91 I've had one period before TTC again but only because I just had no idea where I was in my cycle as the mc dragged on. If you want to try, I don't think there is any reason not to, other than they will struggle to date a new pregnancy without a LMP to go on.

@Laney79 That’s amazing! DSis is massively needle/medical procedure phobic, I have no idea how she managed the IVF. She has another round left but she’s taking a break at the moment, she’s all over the place If I could bloody have one for her then I would, in a heartbeat. She knows we’re TTC again, I felt like I should tell her before it happens so she’s not railroaded by it. We had a few tears but she adores my DC and practically moved in with me after her loss because the chaos distracted her.

I had about 3 cycles between my first and second loss. After the second loss it was well over a year before I could stomach it again. I was absolutely terrified of getting pregnant again and couldn’t stand DH going anywhere near me. Caused a few issues but we worked through it somehow.

I got a faint positive on an OPK yesterday afternoon

Hi ladies, just declaring myself from lurking to see if any of you have any advice. I have no idea what my body is doing to me. I am currently 15dpo, due on yesterday or day before. The past two days I have had pinkish red spotting, and for about 5 days have been really tired, nausea etc. My temp as you can see has shot up and I was starting to get hopeful for a BFP this morning. But I've taken an IC and a FRER and both white as freshly laid snow! I have had cold type symptoms the past couple of days which could explain my temp rise (although not had this in the 15 months I've been charting...and on this sodding thread. Say hi to the mouldiest cheese of all, prematurely aged at only 27!) Gah I'm so confused and disappointed. I was really thinking this was finally our month. Have any of you had anything like this before or have any words of wisdom?

Hi everyone, I'm back from a great work trip feeling much better in many ways. So sorry to see so many new joiners, you will be well looked after.

@strawberrye I'm no expert but your early post O temps look quite low. That with the spotting could indicate low progesterone- have you had this checked? I have zero medical training so this might be a completely wrong suggestion. You could also be poorly with your cold which is throwing things off (feel better soon!).
@laney79 Wow, super impressed with your resilience and drive! Sounds like things are getting better. It is reassuring to know you can take some action.

I've had my appointment through for Dr Shehata's recurrent miscarriage clinic but it's not for another 3 months (as expected). I'll try to get a cancellation. I'm 9dpo waiting for first af since erpc, the progesterone symptoms are really strong.

What really upset me was another couple in our friendship group is now pregnant and due at the same time as I was. That's 3 out of 4 of our friends who are expecting. It's so hard because not only do we have the loneliness of recovering from our recent loss, but we can't even turn to our closest friends because it's too painful. The worst part was when my DH said to the couple that we had another loss, his friend (who was his best man at our wedding) turned to him and asked whether I'd been taking folic acid and vitamin D. What a thing to say. I wasn't present thankfully but my poor DH had to deal with it all :(

I’m no good with temps. I’ve always gone by OPKs, CM and if I can’t feel my cervix

Today’s OPK is a lot darker. Other half is currently being sick soooo somehow I think we might miss this cycle.

@Mistymeow I feel your pain so have a fucking big squishy hug from me. My friend told me she was going for a reassurance scan today "after what happened to you". I just wanted to tell her to fuck off and what difference could it make, but she continued to ask me what my MC symptoms were until I faked a work call and buggered off.

I want to be happy for my friends but I just can't be.

@Mistymeow thanks for your reply. I got my answer today when I started cramping and properly bleeding. I have had a progesterone level done which was 58 on day 21 which is pretty good I think, but wasn't temping that month so not sure if my chart would be similarly low post ovulation.

I can understand what you mean about your pregnant friends, it's truly awful and sending lots of hugs

@strawberrye hello hun. I honestly can't give you any answers about your chart coz my last one was crazy too. But officially cd1 today after spending the last 3 days spotting, something I never do unless I'm pregnant. I think we just have a blip sometimes. It's really hard when everyone else is falling pregnant and producing beautiful babies without the heart ache we've been through.

Hi ladies. I hope you are all doing ok. I'm sorry for those of you who have had insensitive things said to you recently. It really feels like people just dont think sometimes, when I told my dad we were pregnant the second time (2nd mc) instead of saying congratulations, he said oh you're not telling us too early again are you after the drama last time? Referring to the first mc. I dont think he meant for it to come across like that but just a stupid insensitive thing to say really without thinking. My good friend is also pregnant and due the same time I would have been if we hadn't had the first mc, she hasn't said it but shes not put any announcements on social media or any scan pictures. Dont know if its intentional but part of me thinks it is and I love her for that.
I do have a question which I wonder if anyone can help me with, I went for a private scan yesterday as was driving myself mad that I had pcos, endometriosis the lot 😫 all looked fine and normal, ovaries uterus etc however my lining measured at 8-9mm. I'm due my period on Sunday (roughly, first cycle since 3rd mc). I know that the lining sheds and then builds up again,so does anyone think that 8mm is thin for period to be due in a few days? I know 7mm they say is minimum for implantation so would that indicate perhaps my lining around conception time is maybe too thin? Just a thought as all of my losses are all before 5 weeks so wondering If implantation is the problem. I know none of us our doctors but shared experience and knowledge can be so helpful. Because of having my daughter though I dont know if this would be the issue? Perhaps things like that can change?
Sending love and strength to you all
Xxx

Meghan fucking Markle all over the bastard news this morning for wanting privacy and even secrecy over the birth of her child. Which would be fine had she not shoved her big baby bump in the nations faces at every given opportunity. I've woken up angry this morning.

@Frillyfarmer I can't stand hearing about Meghan Markle's pregnancy either! I was due around the same time and I still can't believe they announced it during baby loss awareness week!

@Beaglemum93 and @frillyfarmer I'm with you ladies on this one, I also would have been due around the same time too. By asking for privacy now just shows really doesn't it. I was so angry when they announced it that day. I was still pregnant with my second mmc that day but I didn't know my baby had passed. Didn't find out until the 29th of October. It still makesy blood boil.

I'm still fucked off with Harry and Meghan for announcing the pregnancy on International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Beyond that I don't care, I don't know the royal family and their babies are not very interesting to me. I suspect the media are desperate for news that is not Brexit related.

@lilimum6 good luck for this cycle, I sure hope us old cheeses get some luck soon, god knows we've been waiting long enough!

I'm totally with everyone about Harry and Meghan. Completely insensitive especially for a couple who claim to be champions for mental health. I will certainly be snoozing all royal baby stories when it arrives.

Me and DH are celebrating our wedding anniversary this month. Sucks massively that both our wedding anniversaries have been overshadowed by pregnancy loss. How many more anniversaries will we have to endure this turmoil for? 😣

Happy Friday ladies. The silver lining of all this is a guilt free glass of cold white after a very long week - another hellish week at work, three pregnancy announcements and at least four people asking me when we're planning no2.

I'm trying to back away from the stress of my job a bit but I'm not quite sure how, the anxiety of deadlines and compliance drives me completely batshit.

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend.

Just thought I’d drop by quickly and my lord things are really moving! @laney79 excellent need on both the acupuncture and the ivf prep, that’s really exciting!

@bobo TWINS!!! Congratulations that’s awesome!

@sophie I hear you, people just don’t think and forget to put you first in all if this. Same for @AliceRR men do handle things differently but don’t be afraid to tell him how you feel either xx

Sorry I cant catch up on everyone but thinking if you all and you’re future bfps, don’t loose hope xx

Evening ladies. Sorry I've been quiet this week (again), work is just so busy I feel like I don't even have time to scratch my bum! TGIF!

Popping out for an Indian with DH in 10 mins so thought I'd pop on and try to catch up a bit. Feel like I've missed so much here.

So sorry for all the insensitive inappropriate things people say. It's so annoying. I hate it. I'm still upset that I was told by a couple of people that I need to get over it and move on .........FFS, it took us 5 years to get pregnant then we had 2 losses within 5 months of each other last year with the last one in November. No I don't have to f'ing get over it and no I can't force my brain to focus on something else. Do people think I enjoy being sad and low?

Sorry to see there more newcomers here. Sorry you find yourself here.

@Laney79 that is brilliant news that things are moving for you! Sounds so positive.

@Mistymeow fx you can get a cancellation.

@strawberrye and @Lilimum6 keeping fx for BFPs for you both soon.

@Frillyfarmer I hope you have a bottle there and enjoy every drop

I'm so with all of you on the Meghan and Harry baby news. I cannot stand it and just switch over when it comes on. Privacy, really? If you want privacy then go into hiding for 12 months from as soon as your bump starts to show! I really don't like Meghan, think she is an attention seeking celebrity after lots of publicity. No class or sophistication, money cannot buy class. I'm still upset they chose to announce on baby loss awareness week and day of the wave of light - I was balling my eyes out over our first mc, little did I know I'd lose my second baby a month later. As for the point about champions of mental health, yep, no consideration at all for those suffering baby, pregnancy and infant loss. They make my blood boil so I just have to ignore them as much as possible.