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Original poster

The July 19ers - The rollercoaster continues, scream if you wanna go faster

742 replies

Frazzlerock · 26/02/2019 07:35

We can do this ladies.

We can take on anything

The July 19ers - The rollercoaster continues, scream if you wanna go faster
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Kinsters · 26/02/2019 07:45

Thanks for the new thread Frazzle, hopefully it'll have some more happy news in it soon.

Your DP sounds very black and white when it comes to sex (and maybe everything?)

DartmoorDoughnut · 26/02/2019 07:53

@Frazzlerock DH is 7 years older than me and doesn’t want to be an older father, plus it will impact on his retirement age, not sure if you remember me from the July thread but we have 2 DS already so this would just be a hopeful bonus baby. Sorry to hear your DH isn’t being very helpful Flowers

Original poster
Frazzlerock · 26/02/2019 07:54

I think it is me who is very black and white tbh @kinsters

Anyway, I need to try to be positive somehow that this is just another blip. I really hope I get to stick around here

Happy new thread to all of us xx

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Original poster
Frazzlerock · 26/02/2019 07:59

@Dartmoor that is really hard for you. I do remember you but I'm crap at remembering our personal experiences. I really hope this is it for you.

Have you thought about what you will do or how you will accept it if it doesn't?
I'm just wondering as I may need to come to terms with never having a rainbow baby. DP said last night that I need to grieve for the baby I may never have but I'm not even sure how to begin doing that. I don't think I've even grieved properly for our little boy yet. Since we have been TTC, I've allowed that to help my grieving process but if we stop then I think it will really come out.

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DartmoorDoughnut · 26/02/2019 08:04

@Frazzlerock if it doesn’t work out I’d like to foster babies/toddlers/pre-school children once our two are a bit older, DH is on board with that.

I’ve kept the results of both MCs and am planning on planting a rose on them in the garden next month and having some time to say goodbye, I wrote a letter after the first one but not the second so will do that too to say goodbye to him/her as well. I had a scan with the second MC so have that to put with the letters in a box to keep.

Rose68 · 26/02/2019 08:13

@Dartmoordoughnut I remember your name from the July thread. My situation seems very similar to yours except I will be older. How old are your DS? I also have 2 DS, and my DH is a few years older than me. I have thought about fostering, but my DH is not on board with that idea. I did read a few posts from ladies that had fostered and really struggled when the child had to leave, which has made me wonder whether I could cope with it.

DartmoorDoughnut · 26/02/2019 08:16

@Rose68 I think it’ll break my heart when they move on but at least you can give them a good start in life and love them. Not the same I know but I’ve fostered dogs for years and it is always a total mixture of emotions when they move on. DSs are 4 and 2 so still in the full on period! How old are yours?

InDreamland · 26/02/2019 08:26

Thanks for the new thread @Frazzlerock! Hope this is the thread that brings all of us BFP and full term healthy babies.

@Kinsters fx for you!

CD28 now for me and 10/11 DPO.I keep feeling like AF is coming on Sad really hope she stays away but I'm being realistic.

TwittleBee · 26/02/2019 08:26

Thank you for the new thread Frazzle I am so sorry it really does seem your DP will be pulling the TTC plug. Would you consider a couple months break and then trying again once he secures a job? I know that sucks, taking a break etc though Sad

The grieving process is so fucking hard, still grieving now and it makes me feel so guilty because I am Pg again now. I have this horrid conflict that I cant grieve because I am lucky I have conceived again and it is a betrayal to this new baby but I also feel guilty for TTC so soon after the loss. I also hate that we never gave that baby a name or even properly said goodbye.

DartmoorDoughnut oh no! I am so sorry you have such a tight time limit on this, I really hope you get your bonus rainbow baby. Planting a rose does sound like a lovely thought.

TwittleBee · 26/02/2019 08:27

nDreamland oh so AF really is due for you anytime now isnt she! FX she does stay away. When are you gonna test again?

Pegase · 26/02/2019 08:35

Thanks for the new thread @Frazzlerock ! Hope this is a lucky one for all.

Well I am at EPU again waiting for final bloody scan. Seriously, the amount of my life I have wasted here is insane!

InDreamland · 26/02/2019 08:36

@Twittlebee I won't test again now. No point in wasting another FRER (I have 5 left plus 2 CB digital). Just gonna wait for AF to show. I don't feel pregnant like I did before with the last 2 pregnancies and just feel a bit rubbish anyway as I've caught yet another cold - feeling super sorry for myself. This was my last chance to be pregnant before my 39th birthday, plus my first baby should be 1 month old now - explains my heightened emotions. Gotta try not to cry at work today. Don't feel guilty for TTC and conceiving again! Its natural to feel that way but don't be so hard on yourself. You don't love either baby any less x

InDreamland · 26/02/2019 08:38

@Pegase I hope there's a little miracle there for you at your scan. I hate EPU, I never want to see mine again.

Original poster
Frazzlerock · 26/02/2019 08:39

@dartmoor a rose sounds like a lovely idea. We planted a cherry blossom tree in our garden for our first baby. We'll be overrun by trees if I plant one for every baby so I now say that tree is for the three of them. I guess I need to start saying it is also for our rainbow baby that will most likely never be. That would be amazing if you could foster.

@Twittle yes I need to try and stay positive that this could just be a break until he gets work. Hes really worried he won't find work now as after the initial influx of interest for him and people fighting over him, it's now gone really quiet Sad

Like @Kinsters I put a time on all this. I had hoped so much that I'd be pregnant for my 40th in June, that would be my ultimate gift. It will also be a whole year since DP agreed to TTC again. Then I imagined our baby on or wedding day and have even stupidly thought about what he or she would wear. I know that was very stupid but I got excited.

DP saved my life the day he agreed to TTC again on my birthday last year. I am terrified to go back to that hole I was in before. I am going to try and get some counselling through my medical insurance. I don't believe it works, but I desperately need to speak to someone in a safe environment, and all my friends are tired of me now.

@indreamland fx for you xx

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Frazzlerock · 26/02/2019 08:39

Thinking of you @Pegase xx

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Frazzlerock · 26/02/2019 08:41

I've just remembered I have my first acupuncture session on Friday. I don't know what to do about that now Sad

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InDreamland · 26/02/2019 08:43

Oh @Frazzlerock, definitely try get some counselling if you can. It does help to be able to talk about exactly how you feel in a safe space. Sending you lots of hugs x

Rose68 · 26/02/2019 09:14

@Dartmoordoughnut my boys are 9 and 6 (almost 7), it seems like yesterday they were 4 and 2, time is going so fast, tomorrow they will be 15 and 13 😩

I really struggled when they were 4 and 2, in fact I ended up on citalopram. Now it is better, but of course I found it so hard I left it way too long before I wanted another and now I find myself at 43 fighting depression because I didn’t have that third child, and now it’s too late.

@Frazzle I think I’m confused, has DP definitely pulled the plug? Or are you thinking he is going to? I’m sure it’s all down to the job situation and once he has one all will be fine again, trouble it I know you feel like you can’t wait. x

TwittleBee · 26/02/2019 09:25

so sorry you do need to be at the bloomin EPU Pegase I hope it goes as well as it can. Thinking of you xx

Pegase · 26/02/2019 09:38

Do you think we could bulk buy FRERs like get a case and then send them out to all of us. Save us some £££

@Frazzlerock what if you just don't mention TTC to him at all for two weeks and see if that relieves the 'pressure' he feels. I know you shouldn't have to but sometimes I use this thread to vent /obsess/ discuss so DH doesn't get it.

Original poster
Frazzlerock · 26/02/2019 09:43

@Rose no he hasn't definitely pulled the plug but from the way he is talking, he doesn't want this and never did. And he thinks he won't get a job and we will get repossessed so he's not in the right frame of mind. I don't think he ever will be again after the talks we've had yesterday.

@Pegase I don't mention it, ever. As I fear it will cause pressure. It's all the stuff I do in the background like temp taking and altering my diet and taking supplements. I don't talk about any of it but the mere fact that I do it, is pressure enough.

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Pegase · 26/02/2019 09:44

Hmm that is tricky. Completely know what you mean- my DH also has been warily watching me going caffeine-free etc as some sort of 'sign'

Rose68 · 26/02/2019 09:55

@Pegase thinking of you x

DartmoorDoughnut · 26/02/2019 11:22

@Pegase hope all is ok Flowers

@Rose68 I am worried I’ll really resent DH for taking the choice away from me BUT I can understand his reasoning and have to support him, or I have to hide his car keys and mine the day of his appt next month! Grin

@Frazzlerock you might as well keep the appt, either way it might help you feel better x

Pegase · 26/02/2019 11:31

ERPC booked for tomorrow finally! One more hoop to jump through to discuss with Dr and then can get out of here. Can't really believe I am relieved to get this outcome but at least can start trying again when this is all over

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