The July 19ers - The rollercoaster continues, scream if you wanna go faster

[Frazzlerock]

We can do this ladies.

We can take on anything

I had a dream that I got a positive pregnancy test. It was so real. I woke up feeling completely let down when I realised it wasn't true

DP seems in a better mood... I don't know what to think about whether we are TTC or not. I guess I need to wait and see what he does when we next BD.

My rainbow on a string around my wrist is still hanging on. It seems to be the only thing right now that isn't letting go of all this. If I believed in stuff like that I would see it as a sign, but I know it is BS.

@rather that is a pretty shit thing to tell you. Fair enough she had to terminate but you really didn't need to know that right now.
Hang on, if she aborted in December then why is she even preg again? That's a rhetorical question btw. I don't understand the human race

@Tigsy that’s amazing about your house! We put ours on the market a couple of weeks ago, but no one has even stepped foot inside! We had a couple of viewings that were cancelled and one where they made it to the house, but then our neighbour decided to tell them they couldn’t park where they had parked and that was it, they left 😬

@Buggles how many weeks are you? Have you managed to get an early scan?

@Indreamland it’s good your LP is a bit longer this month, but hopefully it’s longer because you are pg!

@Ratherbe even if they were O pains last night, this morning is definitely not too late. Some sperm can get to the egg really quickly. I am sorry to hear about your friend & I completely understand why it upset you, I guess she regretted her decision.

@Kinsters, sorry to hear about your cold, that sucks esp as you’ve just had thrush!

@Frazzle good news about DP! FX it stays that way until after ovulation.

Thanks all

@ratherbeshowjumping I can't believe someone would tell you that....

@Frazzlerock dreams always feed from your subconscious- I really do think you need to try and relax
I can't imagine being as stressed as you are, perhaps a month of a different focus - even if it's the wedding of something. You can't make yourself ill hun and all this stress will not help anything especially not baby making!!

@TwittleBee any more issues or pains??

I'm 5 weeks today and apart from feeling VERY slightly queasy for a few mins each morning I've got no symptoms. Actual gp should be calling soon x

haha, @tigsy if only it were that simple eh? I'd have sorted myself out during all that time DP refused to TTC after our first two losses. I could have just relaxed about it
I was quite relaxed before DP started pulling the plug again this time, excited to be TTC and to have that chance of a BFP and possibly a baby to hold at the end.
In all seriousness, I do understand where you are coming from when you're not in it and I appreciate you saying that, but relaxing is not the easiest thing to do when you have been in so much emotional pain for such a long long time and then have to endure it yet again. There is only so much one human being can take. I've tried meditation and breathing techniques, counselling, CBT, and life coaching. I've taken up knitting (and failed), reading loads, watching box sets, and my latest is sewing - I want to upholster the nursing chair we bought when we were expecting our little boy. I will still decorate the nursery. It's the only thing I have left to cling onto.

I'm glad you're not suffering too much with early pregnancy, nausea is good though, even slightly.

Oh and great news about your house! It is an exciting time to be looking for a new place. I hope it isn't a long process. When we were expecting Emily we decided to sell both our flats and had found the house we're in now. Apart from problems with the legal stuff on the lease on my flat it was pretty pain sailing and it was the best thing we have done. If it weren't for the fact we were expecting Emily we'd never have moved.
Do you have a house in mind?

@Rose thank you, I have my fingers crossed too. How are you getting on?

@InDreamland you're like me. I don't bother testing as I would rather see AF than a negative test. I hope AF never shows up for you

I'm sorry to everyone that I have been so self focused lately. If DP makes that decision to break my heart again (and I will know when we next BD if he pulls out or not) I will slip away from this group quietly xx

@Frazzlerock ... I didn't mean relax as in 'chill out will you' I meant do something to make your self more relaxed.... not to shelve the ttc, just a different focus ie looking at wedding venues, dresses etc that's something positive and different to focus the main attention on while your DH sorts his head out a little (which I'm sure will happen!)
My DH was the same throughout our court process - he couldn't see past that and it sounds similar to yours and his job issues. I don't think men can deal with more than one stress at a time! X

Thank @tigsy I'm just super sensitive today, not even a run could sort my head out today, in fact it made it worse as I spent the whole run overthinking everything. Sorry if I seemed like I was being brash x

@tigsyboo congrats on the house!

@ratherbeshowjumping sorry to see you here too how have things been since then? Hope your sister hasn’t given you any more news re friends today!

Hope everyone is doing ok and enjoying the sunshine ☀️ I’m trying desperately not to symptom spot but can’t help myself, bought a cheapie test from Lloyd’s earlier and can see a shadow of a line which obvs isn’t actually possible (5dpo) but fingers crossed it actually is correct 😂

5dpo does seem early. Could you have ov'd earlier than you thought?

@Frazzlerock I think it’s more likely to be an indent line but a girl can dream 😄 I am 99.9% sure I ov’d on Friday, had a static smiley on CB ov digi test and ov pains.

Thanks everyone. My DSis has a lot of drama going on herself, I guess she didn't think, but it did really sting😕 god knows why or how she got herself pg again. I understand accidents happen and not everything is 100% but surely after one incident you'd take even more care to ensure you're protected?

@Kinsters perhaps a little too early, but a girl can dream... 😬🤞🏼

@Frazzlerock I'm so sorry you're feeling so sad. Wish I could just reach out & give you a big hug. I'm glad your little rainbow band is still hanging out. I agree with @tigsyboo, it seems men can only deal with one stress at a time & it may be the sense of rejection not having a new offer on the table is likely amplified by feeling like he's failing you by not getting you pg... just a thought xx

@DartmoorDoughnut I've been ok thanks, how have you been? This group has been a lifeline for me... how did you deal with the mc when it happened? Hope you had lots of support.

@Rose68 thank you, I hope DH has lightening quick little swimmers 🤞🏼

How did you get on today @Pegase xxx

Sorry Frazzle that you are having such a bad week. Sorry to ask but I can't remember - I know you have children already but how old are you? Is time a big pressure on top of everything else?

ERPC was fine- did feel a bit scared when I went through to the operating theatre areas but everyone was so lovely and kind at least. At home feeling exhausted now.

Going through this, and seeing my friends suffer prolonged infertility, has made me realise how important it is that we have honest conversations with young women(and men!) about their 'biological clock'. Not to scare them but there is such an attitude of 'you can have it all,' career first etc (Google offer egg storage for female employees!) that sometimes people forget that you might not get pregnant in one year, or two, or however long and you need to leave enough time for having problems. For this hoped for baby, I put off trying as was enjoying life, everything back to normal after last pregnancy 6 years ago and now I am cursing myself for not getting on with it earlier! and then you have the problem of needing your partner to be willing also! It's a nightmare!

Also Tigsy so exciting about your house- love house shopping!

@Frazzle good about your DP, hopefully the good mood continues. Please don't apologise, we're all here to support each other and you support all of us.

@DartmoorDoughnut hope you get a BFP next week.

@Rose thank you. I'm half hoping and half realistic. Someone on the other thread I'm on said generally LP is same so I'm gonna work out what they had been in previous cycles as i have the dates and then work out when AF is due as I did ov a couple of days later than usual.

@Pegase glad you're home now. Hope you're being well looked after x

Okay, so every single cycle since mc#1 has been 12 days between my OPK going static smiley and then AF starting 13 days later. Only 1 exception was BFP in November which sadly turned into mc#2. Based on that, AF is due today.

@Pegase I'm glad your out and feeling okay, physically at least. Also it's good the hospital staff were kind. How are you feeling about it all? Emotionally?

Yes I agree, education on this is so important. What makes me so sad to see is announcements on social media. There's one on my Instagram now and everyone is saying congrats and he'll be a great dad and responsibilities to come etc.. I am biting my fingers not to post "I hope you get to meet your baby". As far as I concerned it is more of a given that they won't and it breaks my heart to see so much expectation and excitement. I was the same. Never in a million years thought I'd be affected by one MC, let alone multiple.

I am 40 so in TTC terms pretty past my use by date. Though I know women have babies into their late 40's these days. I feel that my PCOS delays things as it is so my age is just another thing. I wish so much DP hadn't left it so long to change his mind. But hey, it looks like he is changing back to no baby again so fuck knows.
Since I've got home his mood seems crap again, despite lots of perky text messages today. I don't know what's going on. I just hope it passes soon and things go back to normal. I'm sure if he gets a job soon he'll be happy again and we can get back to it. I'll probably write this cycle off though 😢

@InDreamland That sounds positive right? How long will you wait for AF before testing?

*you're 🙄

I don't know why I said I am 40 😂 I'm actually still 39 until June

@Frazzlerock I am going to try hold out until at least Sunday before getting another FRER out. I hate the disappointment on a BFN - scarred after TTC #1 since summer 2013. Lol, don't wish your life away!

InDreamland I read that LP is normally consistent as well and I'd always had a 10 day LP except the cycle I got pregnant. Then last cycle it was 13 days with loads of pregnancy symptoms but no BFP. Suck a mindfuck. I hope it's different for you and you get your BFP though.

Pegase I'm sure I read somewhere that they're thinking of including fertility in sex ed classes in school. I think that would be a good thing. Although difficult for women because it would be a change from the "yes, you can have it all" message which is so prevalent.

Nothing new for me, my temp went down this morning but is still about cover line. I've been sleeping so badly the past few nights I think it probably has affected my temperature. It didn't help that last night my cat decided she wanted to sleep in the bed and she always pushes against me and wakes me up.

@Kinsters I think your cat and my DS have been comparing notes. Yawn. I find that disturbed sleep pushes my temps down and alcohol pushes them up .... but then when I conceived DS I was drinking (a bit) and not really paying attention to anything except my Ov date.... wish it was that straightforward this time around!!

It's so nice feel her little body but at the same time I'm just thinking, it's 3am, the room is really hot, you're even hotter and I should be asleep! At least with the cat I can just kick her off the bed if she gets too annoying, I bet you can't do that with your son!

OK so I have the most ridiculous tww symptom! I live in Malaysia, obviously loads of mosquitos (and zika 😫 but I try not to dwell on that). I never get bitten except when I was pregnant and they loved me - I've now been bitten twice in a day! It's probably a coincidence because I'm sure I wouldn't "smell" different to a mosquito at 5dpo. Weird though!

Morning everyone

@Pegase I hope you are ok hun
Thinking of you xxx

@kinsters - my best friend went on holiday not knowing she was PG and got bitten loads - usually she doesn't get a single bite - one of the questions the pharmacy asked her in the hotel in Mexico is 'are you pregnant- they like pregnant ladies!' FX!!!

So we went to see 2 houses last night. DH loves one, I loved the other. So back to the drawing board.

GP called
She said if I call her when I'm 6 weeks then she will refer me to epu for reassurance scan the next week. She won't do hcg or progesterone tests until after the scan if it shows any issues.
Trying desperately to be positive but it's just so hard x

@Kinsters it is a head fuck. Hopefully the bites is a good sign, you never know.

So started light spotting this morning. That's me out again. Not pregnant again with my rainbow before my birthday