Over 40 TTC - lots of baby dust for us...2!

[Hobbes39]

New thread as last one filling up - will try to link to this in old one...!

Thank you! I'm only 4 weeks so it's incredibly early. Before I got pregnant with my MMC I was taking only folic acid and I'm sure I was depleted of a lot of nutrients by pregnancy and breastfeeding. This time I've had a year of Ubiquinol and fertility multivitamins, plus more sleep, so I am praying that will have made a better embryo. Of course I'm a year older too. I hope anyone who's had bad AMH and AFC results reads my update and it helps them feel less defeated. I actually don't really understand why I got lower than average readings for someone of my age of 43 if I still have regular periods and no perimenopause symptoms? Does anyone know? Surely if I'm in peri and close to complete shutdown I would know?

Petra i remember you from many moons back. Many congratulations on your bfp. Great to hear its still possible. Ive been in touch with an ivf clinic locally and despite swearing id never go down that route(mainly because I'm a wuss!) Im giving it much thought. Im now 42 and have such limited time left, its really now or never. But its such a gamble. To invest physically, emotionally and financially with the possibility of no return is a massive decision. Don't know what to do!

Wow petra thats amazing!! I love that so much. You are a shining star of hope! My AMH was also shit and am pretty much on ny last legs and thinking of giving up. Maybe I shouldn't
Here's hoping this is it for you!

Russkispy - every embryo is different, trust your instincts

Minime - I have also been thinking the same. The time pressure is immense.

Minime....I would try it to be honest. There's nothing to lose. I was ready to try IVF when this crazy thing happened! I have also heard of natural pregnancies after failed IVF so it might help in more than the obvious ways.
Cleo. It was the shrunken ovary that most upset me with mine. The nurse took so long to find it, poor sad pathetic shrivelled ovary....and I had 2 cysts on my other ovary. 2 days later...BFP. If that doesn't give you hope, I don't know what would!!! If this goes wrong I'm going to try to ignore the numbers as I've come to the conclusion fertility is an absolute lottery. I know much younger women who couldn't get pregnant for years despite perfect test results. It's weird. I'm always hoping for you!

@PetraRabbit congratulations! That is great news!
Fingers crossed for it all going well

I have got to the point where I feel annoyed with myself that I didn't try much sooner. I dithered for years about having another and only really realised I did want another when it's almost too late.. or could be too late.

I only have 1 dc who is 7 and I also think that even if we were lucky enough to conceive the age gap would be massive and I'm sad about that

I feel like Ive really messed up by waiting so long and now risking it not happening at all, or happening and failing ( which I am not so sure I would be as brave at coping with as some of you amazing ladies on here) , or happening and there being such a big gap that it will be really hard for everyone ( obviously this is the best outcome but that is also still a bit scary)
So I am thinking I should just cut and run and be grateful for what I have .. one healthy happy dc but it is very hard to close the door 🚪☹️

Sending lots of positive thoughts to everyone who is trying or pregnant x

Hmmm I’m with you. My youngest is 6 now and the potential age gap upsets me. How are you? Are your cycles still crap like mine?

Petra - I remember you of course and wow to your bfp!! Congratulations. What did you do differently? Do you think you were one of those who organizes IVF then falls pregnant just prior?! You give me so much hope.

Russ - I’m sorry to hear about your frozen embryo. I can imagine that you’re worrying now but like others have said it doesn’t necessarily mean the one inside you is the same. I’m praying for you x

Cleo and Mini - my long time over 40s sisters. I’m still here in your boat. Living my life but still praying and hoping for that miracle. I think about giving up but something deep inside drives me on. Working really hard here at destressing and relaxing. I realized I’ve been so stressed out, not just about ttc but work and stuff. Im taking it seriously now:)

Thank you ladies! stopped thinking about the frozen embryo and just concentrating on this pregnancy. On today! One day at a time. Seeing my acupuncturist on Monday for regular sessions to help me getting through till 12 weeks 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Mimosa Im also reevaluating my work situation. Since we've been ttc my department at work has been under intense pressure. In fact, even before I met dh Ive felt stressed due to work. Im now at the point of considering stepping out for a year. Problem with that is if we decide to do ivf I'll need my wage plus I'd miss out on the maternity benefits should it be successful...as I say, a gamble. This is my main problem, overthink everything. The only plus is that by the end of the month the main source of the pressure will be relieved so maybe thatll help.

Mini- it’s so hard isn’t it. On the one hand you don’t want to put your life on hold but on the other you wonder if it’s affecting your ability to fall pregnant. I’ve been doing a lot of reading about stress and fertility etc and I do think my cycles are very sensitive to stress. It’s called the HPA/HPO axis where your brain basically communicates to your adrenals and ovaries. I’ve been walking around all stressed out to the point it’s just become normal to me. I’m sort of in fight or flight mode almost daily. Apparently your brain tells your body it’s not a good time to have a baby so either stops or reduces production of your reproductive hormones. Hence, low estrogen, low progesterone, hot flashes and irregular cycles. So, I’m doing daily meditation which has been really helpful. I’d forgotten what it felt like to be calm lol! I’ve also seen a counselor a couple of times and have been sorting out some work stuff and some relationship cr@p. Baby or no baby it feels nice to calm down.
My advice for what it’s worth is take some time out of work. Or change to a lower paid, lower pressured job if you can for a year or so. Do some yoga and meditation and try to look after yourself. Life’s too short x

Mimosa- in honesty I think we got luckier with the timing and maybe found a better egg that month (hopefully good enough- time will tell...). But I started accupunture literally 2 or 3 months ago and did an intensive amount (once a week) leading up to just before my BFP. No Chinese herbs or anything but I think it helped that I really liked my accupuncturist on a personal level and enjoyed our sessions. I had also been doing reflexology and just before ovulation the reflexologist did fertility massage. This is worth people looking into. Even self massage is apparently very good- at certain times of the month only so take advice. I think it's all about warming and increasing blood flow to the area.

@littlemimosa totally agree, re work loved my job but hated the abuse from the co worker ( my mother in law!! Let's just not go there 😡) I didn't want to leave because I was good at what I did and didn't want to let down the person I was looking after, but they had a fall and are now in post op rehab, have now had to do more agency shifts which impact a little more on life as my hourly wage is slightly less but I am back to putting my littlies to bed every night which they love, I'm free from the bullying and I haven't let anyone down by leaving. Af hit this morning which I had hoped yesterday that I was just experiencing implementing but new cycle back at it... our easter holiday plans have been cancelled as hubs has 3rd job interview bang in the middle of the only financial time we could have gone as Easter weekend flights are crazy... lots of crying yesterday which isn't normal for pre af, which was another reason why I thought I my be preg.. not meant to be this month.. lots of change and uncertainty isn't fab but we are trying to roll with it.. lots of folk in worse situations.
@PetraRabbit CONGRATULATIONS!! That fab and I think you are right about the age thing.... it's a lottery no matter what age you are..

@hmmm123 and @littlemimosa re the age thing, there is 14 years between me and my bro, 3.5 between my sis and I and I get on better with my bro.. 10 years between my son and his younger sis and it makes no diff... if Mother Nature is looking kindly on us there will be a 6/7 year age gap between my littlest and another sibling it brings pros and cons but if it's meant to be we will just enjoy every second.. you take pot luck with siblings close together and getting on, you just never know how those relationships are going to turn out till they do.. Olly Murs has a twin and they haven't spoken in years... life is funny ( odd and ha ha ) xxx

Don't know why it's all in bold sorry

Holland and Barrett Co-Enzyme Q10 for those on it or thinking about it.. 30 tablets 200mg £10 on offer till Tuesday.. Superdrug 3 for 2 at mo.. Saturday stocking up 🤣

aaawwww

Fingers crossed for both of you @petrarabbit and @Russkispy these babies aren't easy to make x

Sparrow I'm confused by that link.

I had harmony test and cvs and both confirmed my baby had trisomy 21 (or Down's syndrome )

Are they saying this could be wrong?? Or just that PGS isn't accurate?

Helleback....I read the article too. I'm not a scientist but my reading was that the corrections in the chromosomes happened at an early stage after implantation. I also read somewhere that younger men's sperm can "correct" defects in older eggs which is why 40 something women with younger partners have better outcomes. It seems to me like quite a similar theory ie. that nature sometimes finds a way to correct defects in older eggs. I would say by 10 weeks your little one's chromosomes were fixed. I'm sorry you're secind guessing your decision. I often wonder what I'd do and I would almost certainly do the same as you. You have to think that if for example you'd got pregnant with a live birth 2 months after your termination you'd be sitting here now saying the termination was for the best. I think hindsight can be cruel if things don't work out how we hoped. You still have time. X

Ah thanks petra

My problem was at 45 I'd have been a single parent to a disabled child with no family or friends to support. The only person who might have taken over parental responsibility was my adult dd and I really didn't seem that fair to her .

Dp didn't want a disabled child and I wouldn't imagine he'd have been in the picture if I'd continued the pg.

Yes that article had me second guessing! I knew I shouldn't have read it...

Hellen- I think everyone here supports your choice. Try to put the doubts to bed. X

I realise this is a sensitive place in the thread but can I join? 41, TTC #3. Currently 1-2 days late for AF but I'm on a work trip on the other side of the world so can't test!

Ok so handholding please... I need to know so I've tracked down a pharmacy and bought a clearblue test, I can't even read the alphabet on the packaging but I figure they work the same everywhere right?!

Hi @FraterculaArctica I'm here to support. Let us know what the test shows! Good luck! Xx

Thank you @Catconfusion. So... very clearly positive! Don't know what to think right now to be honest!!

Oh wow, congratulations @FraterculaArctica Had you been trying for long? What are your reasons for not being sure what to think? How far along do you think you are? X

Thank you Catconfusion. Only 2nd cycle of trying - I am very lucky and have conceived ridiculously easily every time, especially as DH has a very low sex drive. He was adamant he didn't want a third but eventually to give it a go but we haven't really talked much about what the implications would be for our lives. And I can't tell him till I get home, he has both my family and his visiting this weekend, it's not the time to send him an 'oh and by the way...' message. I reckon I'm 4+2, of course the risk of it not working out is still very high at this stage. I've been very lucky in previous pregnancies, no problems at all, so it's hard not to leap to the conclusion that this one will definitely work out too if you see what I mean, but I know that's getting ahead of myself. Sorry for the rambling, still in shock!