TTC baby #1 for 18months - losing hope

[Barles111]

Hi all,

Looking for help, advice and just friendly chatter .
Myself and my husband are 30, in good health and have been ttc our first baby for over 18months .
I have regular cycles and have been under Nhs treatment since June last year.
Hubby’s swimmers are all good too after testing.
I’ve had scan after scan to check ovulation, blood test after blood test, HSG to check blockages in my tubes! You name it- the Nhs have checked it. And apart from an 11 day luteal phase (some say that’s ok, some say that’s short) and inconsistencies in progesterone levels - I’m all okay.

I’ve been given 4 cycles worth of clomid incase I’m not ovulating regularly ...
and AF has just showed her stupid face today!

This is going to be our 3 round of clomid ... my consultant said the next step is IVF - which scares the life out of me.

I am dreading the ‘unexplained infertility’ words to come out of their mouths .

We’re both taking supplements, eating certain foods ! I just don’t know what else to do.

I feel like my time is running out ... any help or advice would go a long way at the moment.

Thank you all in advance !
X

Hi! Sorry for the late reply, for some reason I didn't get a notification! Aww sorry about your baby bombs. People are seriously at it like rabbits. I know two of my closest friends will be starting to try in the next few months and I'm absolutely dreading it as I know they will get pregnant and give birth and I'll still be waiting here.

I'm currently on cd26. No idea when af is due as my cycles are alternating long and short at the moment?? So this would be a long one if the pattern continues. Had my hosp appt a few weeks ago, saw a different consultant. She told me to either have my hsg this following cycle and forget the Clomid, or finish my Clomid (only 1 cycle left) and have hsg the cycle after. Are you not meant to ttc after having hsg? I'm very confused.

Long story short, still no luck. She also said she will see us again in 3 months then refer us for ivf which will take another 3. I feel like there's many steps we have skipped. Ivf seems to have come up so so quickly. Also getting to the stage with work putting more pressure on me, where I may actually tell them I'm gonna be starting ivf so they lay off me. Have you told your employer anything? There is a weird kind of peace coming with accepting ivf is pretty much inevitable.

Hope you're doing ok!

Hi -
I’m Notting getting notifications either . I just thought about you and wondered how you were getting on as I realised I hadn’t heard for a while ! I used to get emails when you’d messaged so I’ll have to keep an eye on here.

Ivf does seem to have come round quick. I was told to ttc after hsg. My sister fell pregnant the cycle she had it as apparently it can clear your tubes ! The only thing they made sure before I had the hsg was that I wasn’t pregnant . You have to have it around the day 7 if I remember rightly??

I came on 2 days ago- it was a short cycle of 23 days for me. I just feel meh about it all. I think ivf is inevitable for me and if I’m honest I just don’t see that working .

My best friend and his partner are going down the adoption route as they’re both male , and it’s made me think - is this something we’ll have to do? Shall I start to accept this now? I can’t bear to think I’ll grow old without kids. I will have to go down adoption route if ivf doesn’t work. Makes me feel sick to the stomach.

My next appointment is end of aug/early September . I’ve got 2 more rounds of clomid, I’ve just taken my first pill for this month, so after this cycle, I’ll have one month left .

I haven’t told my bosses at work, some of my friends know. I think I would have to tell my boss about ivf as you could be in and out of a clinic and I assume all the hormones they give us might make us loopy !! I think my boss would be really supportive - but I don’t want to tell her until like I’m about to have it .

I do have everything crossed for you too! I was hoping you hadn’t messaged because you had a positive result !
If you do - make sure you tell me - I’ll be over the moon for you!
My sister is currently in labour with baby number 2 as we speak! Can’t wait to find out if I’ve got another niece or if it’s the first boy of the family!!
X

@Willowjasmine * I’m not not ‘notting’ 😊

@Charlotte123l ahh I got an email this time yay! How strange.

So yes I've decided to have my hsg this month and save my last Clomid for next month. I'm so so dreading it. However I have heard of many people like your sister conceiving straight after so fingers crossed. Because of weekends and days they don't do the scans, it's working out as cd12 that i have it, but I usually ovulate between 14-18 since being on Clomid so hopefully I don't miss the window. Been explicitly told not to have sex until then - omg what an aphrodisiac 😂 nothing makes you want to DTD like being told it's forbidden 😂 feel like a teenager again lol.

Ahh interesting you know someone going through adoption, it's lucky so you'll get a chance to learn about how it works. I don't think you should accept this now though, it's a long way away, but doesn't hurt to keep an open mind. I think it's a wonderful thing to do, giving a home to a child/baby in need.

I'm glad you feel your boss would be supportive... I'm still in 2 minds. I think just like you said, all the hormones and appts in work time, I will probs end up just telling mine sooner rather than later. Sadly I think mine will pretend to support just to keep up appearances but will probably just see the whole thing as a massive inconvenience.

And Omg! The baby must be here by now??? Boy or girl??? Our lives are so parallel, my sis is due her second next month and it's the first boy in the family! Enjoy the new born cuddles - hopefully the next one is your own! X

@Willowjasmine
I had an email this time- and I’ve noticed that both of us have used @ so maybe that’s why we’ve got the emails !
We actually are living parallel lives/ my sister gave birth thurs 20th to a baby boy! The first baby boy on our side so that’s the same for us. He is adorable - heading over now to see him again .

That’s really good you have your hsg! I won’t lie it f@@@@@ hurt!! Take 2 paracetamols about 45 mins before your appointment .

So we both have one lot of clomid left each and that will be the next cycle for us both too. It would be very strange and yet amazing if we both get our positives similar times !
You’re right about your boss - I think mine too would be supportive but over time would most likely see it as an inconvenience - if that is the case though, it’s tough really. I cant imagine it affecting our jobs , but then if the ivf fails it would be hard to face work straight after!

Adoption is def a long way away, just trying to ask myself if it is an option down the road .
We’ve booked a holiday to Crete in August as I was putting a holiday off incase I was pregnant and it ain’t happening so thought sod it !!

Have you and your dh got any holiday plans this year?

Also, how are you finding work at the moment ? Hopefully things have calmed down for you anxiety wise .
X

@Charlotte123l yay congratulations!!! How exciting! Especially the first boy. Awww I bet he's lovely. It is so weird thought, the similarities between our lives. If only we lived in the same region, we could have been friends irl 😂

I really hope we get our positives at similar times, I feel like we're in this together now lol. And yes one thing I've learned is definitely book those hols! We just got back from one, funnily enough we went to crete last year! It was beautiful. One of the things I hate about ttc is avoiding zika places for hols. When we first started the advise was wait 6 months after but I think they've changed it to 3 now. Dh and I are obsessed with holidays (before the kids come along!) And we are getting so fed up of just going around Europe. It's frustrating thinking we may as well have gone to all these exotic places! So definitely enjoy yourself.

Work is same old for me at the moment. I have been having some general low anxiety moments so I've referred myself back to counselling again. Want to be in the best possible mental health for when I get pregnant because I know it will be tough.

Really want to get this hsg over with now!!!

@Willowjasmine
Thank you. He is lovely !

Well done for getting things moving regarding counselling !

We went Crete 4 years back and then we went Rhodes 2 years ago. We love Greece ! I wasn’t overly fussed on where we go , I just want sun! It’s so expensive in 6 week holidays but I don’t care- I’m going!

We went to Maldives on our honeymoon and we’re told not to ttc for at least 6 months because there was one case of Zika in 2006... ridiculous really but I suppose they want to make sure people are protected . We didn’t try to conceive for a year after we got married anyway so didn’t affect us really.

Where did you go nice on your hols ?
X

And yes we absolutely could have been friends not sure mumsnet friends !
We are in this together ! X

@Charlotte123l same here, we went to Cyprus! Love the Greek islands. Amazing food, so much sun and the people are so lovely.

So I was a bit silly... even though I was on my period last week, the last few days I felt really nauseous and sore boobs (like before af) and convinced myself maybe it was just heavy implantion bleeding and I'm actually pregnant... So of course took a test this morning - shock horror, negative. So annoyed at myself!!!

@Willowjasmine how heavy was your bleed ?
I’d take another test in a few days just to be certain!
If it it your period does that mean you’ll have you hsg soon?x

@Charlotte123l it was normal period heaviness if that makes sense. I had my hsg and they did another test before that which was negative too. Of course the symptoms have gone away now anyway. I think I must have just been a bit run down.

So hsg was an experience I am in no hurry to repeat 😂 I'm glad you told me to take paracetamol before, thanks for that! Good news was tubes are mostly clear. One of them took longer for the dye to go through so the radiographer did say she wants to have a closer look at the x rays after I had gone, but generally good news. Just feel relieved that all my investigations are over now.

How are you getting on? Where are you up to in your cycle now?

@Willowjasmine
Yeah it’s vile isn’t it ! My sister had it and said the hsg is worse than the contractions you get in labour . Good to know 😂
The hsg was similar for me too- they struggled to get the dye through one of the tubes - they had to put something under me to lift my hips higher and then they managed it .
Go at it like rabbits this cycle then to make the most of the freshly cleaned tubes 😂
I am cycle day 10. I’ll do a ov test later and see what it comes back as.
We haven’t been able to ttc this cycle yet- dh’s Work hours have been hectic.
What cd are you on now ?
X

Oh really! Well I guess all this is just practice for the main event lol. The radiographer was joking about that there's worse to come ie.childbirth. I fully appreciate that but at least I'll be having a baby at the end of it 🙄 so in the end did they say your tubes are normal?

I'm on cd18 now, only managed to dtd twice since the hsg so I don't have high hopes for this cycle. What day do you normally ovulate?

Oops forgot the @Charlotte123l

@Willowjasmine
Bet you’re glad it’s all done and ok. I’m sure the other results for it will come back fine.
Apparently our tubes are as thin as a hair strand ! So it can get congested easily - which can make sperm travel more difficult . I dunno how much truth there is in it all, but I get sucked in to what I’m told 😂

Before clomid, I used to have an average 25 day cycle and I usually ovulated on day 15... which they said is late for my cycle length. But since being on clomid - I ovulate day 12/13. So it’s doing something! I still haven’t taken an ov test, I must do one today incase I’m getting my dates wrong .
We’ve only managed to dtd once so far.
X

@Charlotte123l I did not know that tube fact! That is fascinating. Also this is probably really ignorant but I didn't realise that our tubes don't actually go in a straight line to the ovaries, they go in a squiggle
So interesting to learn all these things. No wonder DHs poor sperm can't find their way there, it must be so confusing!

Hope you've have a nice weekend in the hot weather - one pro to not being pregnant yet, I don't think I could survive in the heat with a bump! Maybe I'm destined to be pregnant over winter 🤔

@Willowjasmine
I always thought the tubes were straight ! They showed me an X-ray and I couldn’t believe how crazy they are !

How’s your dtd going ? We’ve done it a few times but not as often as we would like! Dh’s work has been manic these last two months !
X

@Charlotte123l we have managed to dtd 4x but I have a feeling I missed ovulation due to the hsg being quite late in the cycle. Cd21 now so hopefully only another 10 days or so until the last round of Clomid. Can't believe I'm already on the 6th and final lot and still not pregnant. I thought of Clomid as some miracle drug but hey.

Does your DH work away/lates? Must make it hard to time dtd. Good news is not long until the summer holidays for you!

You never know- you may have dtd around ovulation. Weird how our last clomid will work out similar timings! Parallel lives !

Yeah- he works all different hours , so it can be hard to pin him down ... literally !

I had a few people tell me about a person they knew who had tried for years to get pregnant , have clomid and get pregnant straight away! And 5 cycles in- nothing !
When we moved house - I heard “you know what they say, new house =new baby,” over and over - and 4 months in... nothing !

I cannot wait to break up- 2 weeks tomorrow !! X

@Charlotte123l morning! How was your weekend? I'm on cd25 and really sore boobs since yesterday which is my telltale sign that AF is on the way 😒 really was hoping that the hsg would do some magic but guess not.

So is it right to say if our tubes are clear and we're ovulating with Clomid and nothing else seems wrong on ultrasound (uterus wise) then it must be the sperm That's the issue? That's what my DH is saying but I'm not convinced, there must be more than that...

Also why do people think they're so hilarious saying stuff like new baby new house. Like really. I'm starting to lose patience with people making jokes about having babies!

@Charlotte123l are you there???

Hiiiiiiii @Willowjasmine ! I didn’t get notifications for these but thought - see how my twin is doing and you’d messaged yesterday too so we def are in sync !!
I’m on cd 11- so ovulation is about to occur for me. Where abouts are you?

Hmm, I don’t really know what it means - it could be a fact that for some reasons eggs struggle to implant in us ? I don’t think it necessarily means it’s a sperm issue ?
Who flipping knows !
When we went to the ivf clinic place, they said that some people can be a bad match and find it that much more difficult to conceive .
So what’s the next step for you guys? I’ve had my last clomid now- so next month will be clomid free!
Xx

@Charlotte123l you're not going to believe it... I'm pregnant! Found out on Sunday night and been dying to tell you I feel we've been through this together. I really can't believe it. I'm already 5 weeks and 4 days and didn't realise for ages because I had spotting for about 10 days. Was so worried the HSG had damaged me somehow and was gonna ring the hospital on Monday morning but thought I had better test first. You're the first person I've told outside of doctors!

I was really really really wishing and hoping for good news for you too. Please can we stay in touch! Congratulations on your final Clomid! I hope this month is the one for you x

@Willowjasmine OMG !!!!! CONGRATULATIONS !!!
I am soooo happy for you ! I bet you are literally beside yourself !!!!
Wow - 5 weeks already!! So the hsg must have done something 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
We absolutely need to keep in touch- I’ll send you my number privately as I’ve finally realised why I’m not getting notifications... it’s going into my spam folder .

Have you spoken to the hospital where you’ve been referred for fertility tests- I was told when I get pregnant they’ll want me in sooner to scan and check everything’s ok.

I’m on cd15 so I have everything crossed .

Congratulations again!!! I will send my number across now (somehow) xx