TTC baby #1 for 18months - losing hope

[Barles111]

Hi all,

Looking for help, advice and just friendly chatter .
Myself and my husband are 30, in good health and have been ttc our first baby for over 18months .
I have regular cycles and have been under Nhs treatment since June last year.
Hubby’s swimmers are all good too after testing.
I’ve had scan after scan to check ovulation, blood test after blood test, HSG to check blockages in my tubes! You name it- the Nhs have checked it. And apart from an 11 day luteal phase (some say that’s ok, some say that’s short) and inconsistencies in progesterone levels - I’m all okay.

I’ve been given 4 cycles worth of clomid incase I’m not ovulating regularly ...
and AF has just showed her stupid face today!

This is going to be our 3 round of clomid ... my consultant said the next step is IVF - which scares the life out of me.

I am dreading the ‘unexplained infertility’ words to come out of their mouths .

We’re both taking supplements, eating certain foods ! I just don’t know what else to do.

I feel like my time is running out ... any help or advice would go a long way at the moment.

Thank you all in advance !
X

This is all through the NHS at the moment. Ahh ok that's good, I almost felt like I was doing something bad stopping pregnacare but I generally do feel better on folic acid only. Maybe psychological?

It is very disheartening. I do think alot of the time people fall pregnant just due to chance/luck and coincidentally have started something different that month. I tried reflexology for a few weeks which was v relaxing but didn't make any difference. Was contemplating acupuncture but still in 2 minds. All these things are so expensive and no guarantee.

So I can call up today to speak to the Secretary but don't think I'll have time as I'm at work. I also don't think she's gonna be very helpful tbh!

Keep me posted on what they say.
I’ve had a few people recommend accupunture too but in two minds as when I called the clinic, they said you need to come once a week - I bet I do at £30 a go!

But I might give it a go as running out of options before we go down the IVF route .

So many people told me good things about clomid. Apparently we have a 1 in 4 chances of becoming pregnant each month when TTC, so clomid just makes our chances the same as everyone else’s - 1 in 4.

I will keep you posted this week after starting clomid and hopefully this is our month !
X

So I rang up and once again she can't give results over the phone?! She has to speak to the Dr and call me back at some point. So annoying! I just want to know my progesterone!

1 in 4 sounds like fairly good odds... Have you had any mental/emotional effects from Clomid? I struggle with anxiety anyway but today I had such a shit and stressful day at work I just got so upset and cried. Don't know if it's me or the meds? I'm glad we are pretty much at the same point in our cycles!

Aw hun sorry you had a crappy day :( tell yourself it’s your meds and not you .

When I was 17 I had bad anxiety but I learned some self help strategies for when I needed it. Ever since I get about 1 day maybe 2 days of anxiety where I just feel worried and panicky . I track it all on my Ovia app, so I can see it is my hormones playing up.
Over the years I’ve read up on deficiencies and how the vitamin B family can help! Well you should see my cupboard full to the brim of supplements. Back in october, I read an article about what supplements to take pre and post ovulation to help your chances . One of them included vit b6- and strangely after a few days- I noticed how panicky i felt . I felt anxious for about 5 days which is unlike me, so I then worried I was getting anxiety again maybe over not being pregnant. I read another bloody forum that said B6 can be taken for anxiety but can also cause anxiety !! So I stopped taking them - and the panicky feeling went !

With clomid , I get bad headaches - in fact I had a headache 2 hours of taking my first one last night .

Sounds like your day yesterday was how I was on Saturday. Fed up, scared, worried, jealous etc etc it’s shitty ! This was the worst cycle for me since TTC as I really did have high hopes for the SMEP and Clomid.
I’m not giving up though!

How are you feeling this morning ? Any better ? X

That's a really good idea tracking your mood on the app. I use fertility friend (the free version) but as cycles are so all over the place I can't really go off the predictions, good for tracking cm and when I take Clomid etc though.

That is so interesting about the vitamin b! I don't think I'm even going for dare trying that. How strange that a tiny tablet can completely wreck the way that you feel. It's rubbish that you get the headaches - do they pass after a few hours? Also what time of the day do you take your Clomid?

I really feel your pain about the crappy cycle. Especially when it sounds like you've literarlly done everything within your control to get pregnant. Smep sounds so tiring - I don't think my DH could cope with dtd 2 days in a row, he says he needs to recharge 😂

Wouldn't it be amazing if we both got our bfp in the same cycle!!! Although I'll have another week or so to wait after you!

I know - I bet people would think I’m making it up. My DH said something like - you’ve been feeling like this since you’ve been taken all these extra supplements , so I googled what I was taking and it came up!
There’s b6 in the pregnacare but I think i was taking too much vitamin b! Folic acid is part of the vit b family so I was probably doing too much ! Whoops.

If you want to try something for anxiety then magnesium is a good one too!

I agree about the SMEP! We only did one month and we were both knackered - literally !

I’ve been taking my clomid of a night time - someone told me to take them same time each day , and that if you do get side effects then least you’ll be asleep!

I’ve tracked my cycle since TTC- not done me any favours yet though has it 😂 but I’m in a routine now of checking . Plus on my anixous days I only have to look to see it’s come at the usual time, which makes me feel better .

I literally have everything crossed for us this month ! We can only do what we can do!
I’ve got that appointment tomorrow so I will pass on any words of wisdom to you xx

Oh! I forgot to tell you, I finally got hold of the Secretary and I DID ovulate! Happy days. Although I'm still not fully convinced because of the long cycles and spotting. My opks arrived today so will give that another bash lol.

I've been taking my Clomid at night too, the main symptom I've been getting is hot flushes, but it's mainly at night and early morning.

Had another horrendous day at work today. Seriously thinking if all the stress is contributing to lack of fertility and whether I should/can afford to take some time out.
I hope you find tomorrow evening really useful!! Hopefully you'll find the idea of ivf less daunting when equipped with more info. But I'm feeling confident that it won't get to that stage for us!

That’s really good news that you ovulated ! Maybe once you start taking ov tests you’ll be able to piece it altogether and see why you’ve got a longer cycle .

I’ve had a weird AF this time ... I spotted for 2 days, bled for 2 and then spotted yesterday - that’s not normal for me . But maybe it’s the clomid working ? Who friggin knows !!!

When you say afford to take time out - do you mean as in maternity leave ? We both started putting a bit of money to one side to help me when I eventually get on maternity ... however we haven’t put into it for a while as we obviously aren’t preggers yet!

Hope work is better today for you x

Hmm how strange? It must be the Clomid. I had the same, my AF was much lighter than usual, and less painful!

I mean time out as in sick leave or even like a month sabbatical or something just to get my head straight. I hate my job so much and it's the main cause of my anxiety. I've been thinking of changing careers for quite a while now but always said I would wait to have a baby and get mat leave and then start afresh. But now over a year has gone by and every month that goal is just getting further away, it's like I feel trapped. I know mat leave is important but I also don't know if I can keep putting my life on hold for ttc when it might not even happen! Wish i knew what was the right thing to do, or had a crystal ball!!

How was the evening last night??

Morning :)
I forgot to take my clomid last night - eeek so took early this morning! Was busy packing and sorting bits out ready for next week.

Oh no :( that’s not great ... have you been at your work place long ? I went back to college and uni at 24 as I couldn’t do my job any longer . I kept putting it off for all sorts of reasons and then thought I have to do it before another year passes . Do you know what you’d like to do instead ?

It’s a hard decision to make as you want to be pregnant . You watch, you leave your job and you’ll end up pregnant . I do believe whatever happens it’ll end up okay because you have to play with the cards you’re dealt, so youll find ways to manage .

The open evening was really good thank you . The fertility specialist there seems to know her shiz! I told them we’re under Nhs at the moment and will be starting the IVF discussions with the NHS in April - they said we can actually go there if we request it ! Which would be great as it’s in my local town . They did a presentation of how the IVF process takes place - and it’s not as daunting as I thought . The actual daunting part is whether it works and the fact it’s the last bit of help you get to become pregnant . We were the youngest couple in there clearly - I said to my other half is that a good thing or a bad thing ... good I know as I have a bit of time on my side where as the other women don’t ... but then we’re still in the same boat as some much older than us !

They said most people get pregnant within two years... most people I know have become pregnant in a few months.

Hope you’re feeling better today. Deep breaths, you’ve got this shit ! X

Oh no! I nearly forgot to take it on my second day! So what I did was set an alarm on my phone for the next few days at the same time to remind me, it's very easy to forget. I guess in a way it's good as it shows we aren't thinking about ttc 24/7 😂

Ooh packing? Are you off on holiday? Anywhere nice?
I've been in my current profession at the same company for the last 9 years now. It's hard because it's a respectable job and well paid - but it just isn't seeming to weigh out the bad stuff at the moment. I'm a healthcare professional and all I want to do is have an office job where I don't have to speak to any customers/patients and aren't terrified of being sued all the time! I would have to take a pay cut but I guess it would be worth it for my mental health! Good for you for retraining and restarting, I really envy your courage. Do you feel you've made the right choice?
You're right though, knowing my luck I will hand in my notice and get my bfp the next day 🙄

I'm so glad you feel better about the idea ivf! It's so funny, I don't even know you but knowing you think it's not as scary makes me feel less scared too. Also v reasurring that you were the youngest there, time is on our side. I didn't realise it was so soon that you'd be having the ivf discussions, so is it 2 more rounds of Clomid that you're having? I agree, the only people I know who have taken more than a few months to conceive are those who had ivf. Doesn't fill me with hope. I don't know if you watch Netflix but me and DH have been watching this show called friends from college, and there's a couple going through ivf. It showed them doing all the injections and stuff and having follicle scans/bloods. In the end it failed. Even in my downtime watching tv, ttc is bloody everywhere, can't escape 🙈

I'm with you on this one! TTC 2 years now and starting to lose hope. I say somerimes I wish we'd started sooner but that wont help or change anything now. I've had every test the NHS do and all is normal, my fiance is all normal too so there's no reason for it we just can't seem to make a baby! Everyone around me is pregnant it's not even funny anymore it's like I attract them or something! Currently 3 days late for AF with a BFN under my belt as of this morning. Marvellous!
Wishing you luck with your journey and hope you get some good news soon! Xx

Funnily enough I worked in an office for 9 years and although the Pay was good for my age, it was such a mundane job! But it was insurance lol
It wasn’t easy to go back to college then do 3 years of uni but I kind of followed in my sister’s footsteps as she had done the same. I’m definitely pleased I did it. But my new career is hard bloody work (teacher) ! Better and more rewarding than my last one.

You have to do what’s best for you. I kind of had to tell myself it’s just a job and I work to live not the orher way round

We’re moving house next week . All very exciting but a wee stressful too!

I was speaking to my DH’s cousin yesterday who had 3 failed IVFs , she was very open and said the actual procedures are fine, it’s the mental/emotional affect it has on you- waiting to find out if it’s worked and then finding out it hasn’t. That’s the bit I dread. She’s older than us and said they both decided to stop trying. They were never told they can’t have children. It’ll take me a long time to give up I think (and hope).

We do have Netflix, so I’ll put that one on my list . I’m currently watching Riverdale and not long finished YOU - amazing if you haven’t watched it already!!

I’m currently taking my third round of clomid- so after this I’ve only got one left . I emailed my fertility nurse asking her if she can speak to the main boss about giving me another round of it whilst we wait for the next consultation in April. She’s away until early March so we’ll see .

My sister always told me to come on here as she said it will help talking to someone going through the same journey - I didn’t take much notice but I feel the same as you, it’s really helping . And I genuinely have everything crossed for you and your DH. I do believe our time will come . Maybe Someone wants us to be old moms 😂 x

@notyetmumma aw sorry you’re in the same boat aswell!
It is so frustrating being told you’re ok... when clearly there must be something as we’re not pregnant 18-24 months later !

I attended a presentation evening regarding IVF on Thursday and the head director said that sometimes when healthy partners can’t conceive, it’s purely down to sperm not knowing what to do when they’re near the egg, and the egg doesn’t know how to accept (her words!).

Have you been given any meds to help or had the IVF chat?

That’s so promising your AF is late ! You may soon get your bfp!! X

It's horrible that there are so many of us in this position. I never thought it would be this hard and it breaks my heart every time it doesn't work. I've been referred to a fertility clinic and we've had the IVF chat but we're struggling to accept that it's not happening naturally. I still need to see a gynecologist as I've had loads of tests but haven't actually had a chat with a doctor about irregular cycles and pains, spotting etc.
I think I just cling onto the hope that next month it'll happen for us and when it doesn't I think we'll just keep trying but it's been 2 years now and I'm not sure what we're waiting for anymore. It's just so painful seeing so many people with their bumps and babies isn't it?
AF showed up today so back to square one!
Have you settled on your thoughts about IVF?

Ohh yes you did tell me about moving house, I completely forgot sorry lol. I hope it goes smoothly for you!

Oh wow, now that is a stressful but rewarding job. What age group do you teach? Everyone says the same thing that it's quite monotonous in office jobs. I feel like the grass is always greener on the other side! You're so right about working to live though, it's easy to get wrapped up in the stress.

Aww sorry to hear about your DH cousin's issues, that must be so hard for her to deal with. It must be hard trying not to get your hopes up every time. My sister had her first baby with ivf, it worked first time but I can't help but think she was just very lucky. Now that she's pregnant again it happened naturally! So I guess you really never know.

I too am a Riverdale watcher! And binged You within 2 days over new year, it was soo good!!! There's a similar one called dirty John, we watched it last week. Not quite as good as You but watchable!

Have you got anything nice planned for the weekend? I asked DH to get some kopperberg and snacks for the evening, try and enjoy some booze while we can lol!

@NotYetMumma so sorry you're In our boat! So frustrating when you're told that everything is fine. Sucks that AF arrived today too. CD1 is always so shit! It's incredibly painful seeing pregnancy announcements and new babies all the time, especially when it's people who are close to you, it's very bittersweet. It's good that you're not losing hope though!

Hi both ,
Sorry I haven’t replied sooner - for some reason I didn’t get notifications like I did before !

Thank God Monday is over !! Not looking forward to these next few days - living out of boxes and packing up the last bits . Sick of Cardboard and tape

I teach year 4- I taught this class two years ago so it’s been a nice year so far! The kids Can drive me potty though !!

I’m on season 2 of river dale ! Love it . And it took me ages to realise Jughead is/was Ross Gellor’s son in friends.

It’s shit we’re all in the same position! I try so hard to stay positive but I do have this slight doubt in my mind that maybe I just can’t have kids ! But I just can’t give up yet!! How do girls get pregnant after a one night stand !!!

I have everything crossed for us this month ! I’m due to ovaulate on Friday and my dh is on a stag do until Sunday , and we move house Thursday so we’re going to be knackered - literally !

How was work today ? I’m like you, the grass feels greener !
X

Aww it will be worth it when you're in there! Exciting times. Have you got much work to do in the house in terms of decorating etc?

Ooh year 4 - you're going to be great when you become a mum, it must take a lot of patience dealing with 30-odd children at once!

I started doing opks yesterday again. I use the CB digital. Got low fertility yesterday and high today, I'm on cd10 at the moment. I wanted to dtd last night and night before but DH just isn't up for it lately. Maybe the pressure is getting to him. It's bad but I always feel like our dtd is more enjoyable when it's not my fertile week and just purely for fun (tmi I know sorry!)

I am feeling the same as you in terms of doubts... as much as I want to be positive, at the moment I keep calculating "if I get pregnant now, when I'm 50 my child will be 20" and so on . I feel like time is slipping through my fingers. Even if I get pregnant now, i will be 31 when the baby is born. My dad died last year. Before getting to meet my potential children. I keep thinking the longer it takes to get pregnant, I'll be too old and will die before I get to meet my grandchildren. Sorry for getting so morbid, but it's just my deepest darkest fears, and putting them down in black and white somehow makes it feel a bit better.

Oh hun I’m so sorry about your dad . No wonder you’re feeling anxious - you’ve got so much going on and it’s still very fresh what’s happened to your dad :( sending you a virtual hug . I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been and are still going through. And I absolutely get what you’re saying about the whole “if I get pregnant now I’ll be 50 when they’ll be 20” - I’ve said it over and over again. My mom had my sister at 28 and me at 30 so I always had that - I’ll just be like my mom and have a baby at 30- and I’m 31 in April ! So I’m going to be 32 + at this rate! And I also know that some women would kill to be in their early 30s TTC ! I just don’t get why it’s so hard for us when we’re all doing the right things and aren’t in horrendous fertile ways!!
I could rant about it loads (well I do but hey ho) .

I’ve been doing more packing tonight - and managed to DTD. I’m cycle day 8- trying the sperm meets egg plan again ... we shall see. I’ll start my ov tests on cd10. I too use the clear blue lilac digital testing . Find them easier as it’s a straight forward - low-high-peak. Cost a flipping fortune though! Don’t make it cheap this TTC malarkey !

We haven’t been to great with dtd outside of fertile window. We’ve tried more so recently to make an effort in between- but so much effort is put into that fertile window - we’re both shattered by it and glad of the break! And I know it shouldn’t be like that, but after TTC for this long it’s just the way it is. It’s hard to spice it up and avoid a regimented approach because you both know so much is riding on it ! I feel sorry for our DH as their part to play in it is harder (excuse the pun) than our part !

I’m glad you’re finding comfort in speaking to us on here ! I’ve got to say you did help me last week. Like you, putting it down in black and white has helped me- not sure why but it has ! X

Thank you. It's been hard because I did put extra pressure on myself as I was desperate to conceive while he was still here. But that's life and out of my control. Looking back, it would have been hard dealing with everything with a new born baby, so I guess sometimes things happen the way they're supposed to!

I'm kind of glad I'm not the only one who does the calculations lol. It then goes on to "if they don't have kids until they're 30 I'll be 60 when I become a grandma" lol it's easy to get carried away! But you're absolutely right, alot of women would kill to be our end of our 30s ttc.

Good on your for giving smep another go! And managing to dtd. We managed to aswell last night and aiming for every other day now. Been getting "high" the last 2 days on the opk so feeling positive. They do cost an absolute fortune though don't they! But I don't trust myself to read the internet cheapies accurately at all. This is very black and white. I'm also drinking grapefruit juice this week - supposed to help with fertile ewcm. Can't hurt?!?

DH made me laugh last night. He said "let's go up and DTD - that's do the deed, right?" I'm like wtf where did you learn that!!! Turns out he's been googling ttc stuff and keeps coming across MN stuff and is learning the lingo 😂

Oh bless him- that’s good that he’s putting himself into it and trying to do things to help!
I’d not heard of grapefruit juice so will get some. I’ve read after you ovulate you should have pineapple juice and Brazil nuts as it can help?? I’ve got a list of foods, drinks and supplements best to have after ovulating . Like you say, won’t hurt ... hopefully !

I think you’re right, it might have been too much having a baby then and dealing with what happened . I think you’re incredible for managing and coping with what you have done/ not many could or would.

I have calculated loads regarding ages of kids and grandkids- my other half was like- let’s focus on our kid never mind the grandkids lol !
X

Pineapple juice is probably nicer than grapefruit juice, it's so bitter I am literally downing it in the morning lol. I tried it last month, I can't say I noticed much difference but never know. Not heard the Brazil nuts one.. what is it supposed to help with?

Aww thank you for saying that, very sweet of you. I didn't/Don't have much choice and just have to keep living life. The idea of a baby is always a little light at the end of the tunnel. Even if it feels quite dim sometimes!

I hope you're being serious about the grandkids calculations because I definitely feel less crazy now! My DH says EXACTLY the same thing. Also, I've always only wanted 2 children and he wanted 3. Recently I've been saying to him how nice it would be to have 3, he's like steady on let's try and successful make one first! Have you decided how many you want ideally? Do you secretly have a boy/girl preference?

I know you're probably really busy with the move but just had to share my joy of this peak fertility opk! Haven't seen one of these in months!

Yaaaaaaaaayyyyy! That’s amazing ! Bet you feel good seeing that smiley face :) I haven’t taken any ov tests - first month in ages. I literally haven’t had chance to!
I’m cd12 and I think I’ve ovulated because (sorry tmi) I had ewcm earlier . I’ll do an ov test tomorrow . Can’t do much as dh is on the stag . We dtd mon (cd8) , wed (cd10) and we had every intention on trying last night before dh goes on his stag- but we just couldn’t after moving house!!

We’re in! Wooo! Yesterday was a hardddd day! And today I had to go back to work- i was/an absolutely shattered. Came home and had a few visitors which was lovely.

We want 2 kids - but I just don’t see how it will be when we’re struggling with baby 1. I keep calculating how old I’ll be with potential baby1 then how long until baby 2 and how old id be then.

Hope you and your partner are dtd and celebrating your peak result !!! X