TTC after pregnancy loss - tread 28 - Bfp will be coming

[Lilimum6]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Welcome to any new ladies and sorry for your loss.

Let's have a roll call ladies

Good luck@Boboelephant, will keep my fingers crossed for you 🤞

@Russkispy glad it's all going well, fingers crossed for you :)

@frillyfarmer that must be hard, can you get rid of time-hop for a bit if it will upset you?

@Pamplem00se I know how you feel, not wanting to join the pregnancy threads, everyone is so excited, it's hard when you've had a loss. Wishing you a sticky bean 🌈

@Lilimum6 I'm ok so far 4dpo and not yet too crazy in the tww...I'm sure it will come though! Any signs of AF yet?

Good luck @Boboelephant and @Pamplem00se fingers crossed for a sticky healthy bean for you both

@frillyfarmer hugs. I'd find that very tough. It's hard for me at the mo as Meghan markle is about as far along as I would've been with my second and every time I see a news story about her it reminds me of where I should be.

@InDreamland and @Dimblebimble so sorry to hear you are both finding things tough. Big hugs to you both x

Oh and a quick q-it's a totally tmi question-re: cervical mucus -does anyone else get loads, and I mean loads, of lotiony/creamy cm post ovulation? Past couple of days I've had lots appearing when I wipe (I'm 4dpo)

Hi Laney79... I tend to for the first week after ovulation then it gradually goes. Meghan Markle gets to me too.... I feel bad (and guilty) but I sat watching her wedding when I was having my miscarriage thinking "I bet she'll bloody be pregnant before me"!
Thanks everyone and @Dimblebimble for being understanding; I don't want to be triggering for anyone, I'm just feeling pretty anxious; but (I can't remember who asked) I'm fortunate and have a good suspect network... I've told a few trusted friends even though it's very early, just because I needed someone to tell me it was OK to feel this way!

I'm trying to just track my cycles for a while and I don't really know whether to class my bleeding from RPOC as my last period on Ovia?

Lots of cuddles and baby dust for everyone who is down on this thread at the moment. Shitty month I think as March is the last throw of the die for 2019 babies. I'm a really bitter bitch today xx

My Three little troopers are still growing, they are on Morula stage already. And 1 is ready to board mama’s train tomorrow! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻Still early days and hopefully all is well with other 2 to freeze! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@Pamplem00se thanks re: cm. the Meghan thing is hard. I'm chuffed for them but the announcement of their pregnancy was the day I went back to work after losing my second-and by the sounds of it she's likely to be due pretty much the same time as I was (I would've had my 12 week scan the week before the announcement) so for me it's just a constant reminder of what stage I would've been at. I hope everything goes well for them, but it hurts every time I see a picture/story. It's made even tougher as I'm a journalist so at work I can't escape the news. Sometimes it really feels like the universe is against me!

@Russkispy hoorah! 🤞🤞🤞🤞

Ugh to Megan! She is a few weeks behind what I would have been with the loss last summer but I feel the pain.

@frillyfarmer I am gutted to have missed the boat for 2019. If I hadn't had the ectopic I would have been due early October. I am clinging on to 2020 being more lucky for us all.

Congratulations and crossing all for you @Russkispy!

I had my first counselling session yesterday and she was lovely. I cried so much that I was exhausted when I got home. Ashamed to say I lay on the sofa all afternoon with a huge bowl of cheesy pasta and finished a box of Thornton's One thing she said that has really stuck is that I have been through two 'traumas'. The way she describes it and talked about miscarriage, the ectopic and the whole hospital experience made me feel so much better. Like I wasn't being dismissed or made to carry on, I am allowed to feel hurt and scared and wounded because these experiences are traumatic. Not sure if I have articulated myself well there, but the gist is that aside from the carbs I felt better afterwards.

@boboelephant I’m so pleased everything is progressing as it should. Please keep us posted when you can.
@knitkitty thanks for asking after me.

It’s not good news sadly. I had some light spotting on Saturday and it got heavier on Monday. I got a private scan immediately because I couldn’t wait. Despite seeing a strong heartbeat at 6 weeks, baby’s heart stopped at 8 and now at ten weeks I’m having my second missed miscarriage in a row. I think I knew someone was up when I should have been 7 weeks and baby was measuring 6, but the heartbeat reassured me. I’ve also had an undiagnosed UTI for two weeks which has been masking a drop in symptoms. We are devastated. As some of you know we were three days away from starting ivf when I got my bfp. Poor DH also bumped into our neighbour who is on a high as is first baby has been born. I heard DH put on a brave face, saying “congratulations, fantastic news”. He wanted to come round with the baby but he managed to put him off, thank god. Our closest friends are pregnant right now. They all have happy, healthy babies and fell pregnant straight away. It hurts. I feel like I’m having everyone’s heartache and we are the infertile couple that everyone pities. I’m also worried there’s something wrong with me, being in the 2% that have had two mmc in a row. Sorry for the long indulgent post. I will bounce back, but like many of you no one really understands and I’m so glad for this thread. Wishing you all so much love x

@Mistymeow I'm so so sorry my lovely. It's just heartbreaking and wrong and cruel. You are absolutely not alone. Xxx

@frillyfarmer I use ovia too and it's not very helpful with MC on there main calendar so as I was lost with my cycle I did use the dates of my MC as my last period just so I can work out dates. But I found after doing this that there is a bit on MC in the settings where you put the 1st period you have after MC so I may update this if and when af comes.

@Mistymeow so sorry for your losses

I feel shit this morning. It’s my baby girl’s funeral tomorrow and I feel anxious and depressed. To make it worse i just went on Facebook and my friend has posted about having given birth to her baby girl. I’m a bit upset obviously. I may have posted about her before and that I’m trying to be supportive to her too as her husband has just had an affair and left her. I’ve been messaging her about how she’s doing, we were messaging when she was in early labour and I’d even offered to take over my maternity ball or anything if she wanted it. I’ve got spare nappies I was going to give to her. I feel like she could have messaged me to give me a heads up. Obviously she knows my situation. She knows the funeral is tomorrow. Maybe it’s just how I feel right now (mornings are the worst) but I don’t feel like congratulating her on Facebook. Maybe she was trying to be considerate by not messaging me. I’m really glad they’re both ok but I was hoping she’d have a boy...

I think it’s seeing the pictures of people having given birth holding their happy, healthy babies. There was one on Facebook yesterday. It makes me think of when I gave birth and my baby was already dead. I didn’t get to have the happy post birth picture. Not many people have even seen my baby because of the circumstances but I’m so proud of her. I can barely imagine now having given birth to a healthy baby. Sorry for being a downer 🙄

@AliceRR sorry you are feeling so rubbish today. I'm sure she will understand you not congratulating her yet, as you said she may have thought messaging you directly would be worse (I think a heads up would have been better though). I hope the funeral goes smoothly tomorrow and I'll be thinking of you.

We received some professional photos we had done of my DD last week and looked at them last night, they are beautiful. It was sad but also nice to spend the time looking at them together.

I track my cycles with ovia and realised this morning when going on to check when af is due that we have DTD a few times in my fertile window . Now feeling a bit terrified about what next week might bring (either way). It's also my due date next week as well.

Mistymeow sorry for your loss.

@Bluebelltulip It’s nice to have those memories. I have the photos one of the midwives took and one of them in particular is such a lovely photo, I often look at it. The photographer who took pics of our baby daughter said she will send them out on Monday by special delivery so we should have those next week.

I think I’ll be ok with my friend. It’s probably the initial thing of seeing those photos. There was one yesterday (a relative of the same woman) who had her baby four weeks early and the pics were on Facebook. I don’t know her well anyway so I just snoozed her to avoid further baby pics!

I hope you get the result you want next week. Do you think you’d find it harder if you were pregnant by your DD’s due date? It will be a difficult time for you either way. My little girl was born at term so I don’t have a due date to think about in the same way (which can be a good and a bad thing)

I'm sorry @Mistymeow I was keeping my fingers crossed for you. I think we fell pregnant about the same time and mine also stopped developing at 8 weeks (I started spotting immediately so found out about the mmc a couple of days after). Also my second mmc in a row. It is so horrible, so unfair, and so frustrating. I hope you have a good support network around you. Xx

@DimbleBimble after what you've been through it's totally normal to feel that way. Hopefully the counselling will help. I've found it useful.

@Laney79 thank you.

@Russkispy that's great news. Fx for tomorrow for you!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue glad the counselling session went well, mine said a similar thing to me and it does help to know it's ok to feel the way we do.

@Mistymeow I'm so sorry! There are no words. This is just shit. Sending you lots of hugs and love x

@AliceRR sending you lots and lots of hugs! Maybe try stay away from Facebook for a while as it is painful to see. I've barely been on since mc#1 in July and it does help not having pregnancy and birth announcements shoved down your throat online. If you don't feel like congratulating then don't, I may sound selfish but this is self preservation. Try focus on your little one's funeral tomorrow xxx

Today is my birthday and I'm now home alone. Don't feel like celebrating as I have nothing to celebrate. Since my last birthday I've had 2 mc's. CD13 for me amd smiley still flashing on OPK but also had EWCM this morning. Busy day though, went to gym and had massage this morning, done 1 load of laundry and another is now on. Gotta pack now as DH taking me out for dinner then we're heading to the airport to stay in a hotel before our flight in the morning.

@InDreamland Thank you. My birthday was on 3rd March and I felt like you but try to by kind to yourself. I hope you have as nice a birthday as you can.

I’m sorry to rant but I need to. I’m annoyed with my DH as he just told me he has arranged a client meeting for this evening and plans to be home around 9pm. It’s our daugher’s funeral tomorrow! Who on earth would expect that and in the evening especially. And then he was supposed to have Thursday off but said he might work. He has just handed his notice in anyway because he can’t takt the stress so what does he have to prove now? I’m so annoyed. Am I overreacting? I don’t think I am but I feel bad for making him feel bad for it. I need him today. I feel he’s putting everything else ahead of me.

Thanks @InDreamland, I hope it does.

@AliceRR I don't think you're being unreasonable. You're bound to be feeling fragile and upset the night before and likely the day after, so it's fair to expect him to try and be around as much as possible. Could you ask him why he's doing it, given that he's already handed his notice in anyway? Is he maybe trying to keep busy so he doesn't have to think about it? If that's the case, maybe you could plan things to do together to mutually keep each other company and to try and keep your minds off the funeral (as much as is possible, anyway). So sorry you are in this horrible situation.

@AliceRR I would be annoyed too, it could be him distracting himself. One of the best bits of advice my midwife told us was to talk to each other about our feelings and tell each other if we upset each other and make sure we talk about it. Grief is such a horrible thing and effects us in different ways. I'm not due my period until after the due date and I'm not going to test until then.

@Dimblebimble @Bluebelltulip He seems to think he has to do it and it has to be today. I can kind of understand why it might have to be today because there are about 17 people to get together but equally he could have said he can’t do today / tomorrow / Thursday! Also his boss could have filled in. He thinks he had to go as he’s familiar with the matter but I don’t buy it. I think he thinks he has to do it but I just don’t agree with his reasoning. And then I find myself in the position of having to try to comfort him because I’m making things harder for him. I don’t want to make things harder and I don’t want him to be stressed but I think he’s got his priorities all wrong!

Thanks @AliceRR. You have every right to be upset and are not being unreasonable. I'd be the same. It's not just any normal week so he should be there and put home and you first.

I have tried to do stuff to have a nice day but I'm struggling to be happy. DH gave me a Mother's Day card by accident which has upset me, had to hold back tears, our only babies are angels. How can you muddle a Mothers day card with a birthday card in the shop? Did he not read it?

Not in the mood now to go out for dinner. Just had a cry so told him to cancel the restaurant. I'm so upset.

Oh @InDreamland I’m sure your husband didn’t mean to upset you but that was a silly thing to do. You could go out a bit later if you feel up to it but I understand if you don’t x