TTC after pregnancy loss - tread 28 - Bfp will be coming

[Lilimum6]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Welcome to any new ladies and sorry for your loss.

Let's have a roll call ladies

Sorry for radio silence ladies-been a busy few days (including a surprise visit to local hospital for several hourswith my mum with a suspected pulmonary embolism! Thankfully wasn't that but took thurs afternoon/eve to find that out).

@Russkispy @InDreamland @frillyfarmer Thankfully we did manage to DTD on thurs am so we've given ourselves a chance this month. Had a bit of pink discharge sat morning so I reckon that was ovulation bleeding-had a few sharp pains on the left side thurs arvo, and reflexologist said yesterday my left ovary was very active so I think that must be it.

@InDreamland how are your smileys?

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue counseing helps me, if only to offload completely honestly how I'm feeling without fear of upsetting anyone.

@Russkispy your fertility coach sounds interesting-going to have a look at that. great news on the fertilised eggs! Fingers crossed they grow like they should

@Lilimum6 so pleased things are going better for you lovely.

@AliceRR i think you have to do what feels right for you, and try not to worry what others think. You've been through hell, anyone who loves you will just want you to be happy.

@Dimblebimble i don't think you're being irrational at all - I'd feel the same. It's so hard to get the men in our lives to understand just how devastating losing babies this early on is. My fella was upset, but he once said to me that in his mind it wasn't a baby yet, so that's how he dealt with it. The only way I could make him even begin to comprehend how I felt was by saying imagine losing our dog (who he worships) twice in six months-he said it would destroy him...and I think that helped a bit. That said they can't ever feel what it's like for us-it's just not anatomically possible. I could've understood him needing to go out, have a few drinks to try and ease the pain, maybe to even help him handle the loss but I'd be very angry if my fella left me for that length of time 24 hours after surgery. Hugs.

@Kinsters @PastaSauceHoarder welcome to the huddle

Hugs to all xxx

Huge hugs @Dimblebimble. If it's any consolation, I've lost count of the amount of stories I've heard of husbands 'abandoning' their wives just after D&C/ERPC. I think it's a mixture of their way of coping with the situation, complete lack of empathy because they're not going through the same thing and lack of consideration because they just don't understand. I'm so sorry you were left all alone. My OH did stick around the week of my ERPC last year but we have had a few difficult conversations over the past few months just because our experiences of the MCs have been so different we've not at all been on the same page. But you just need to keep communicating as calmly and articulately as you can as often as you need to for him to understand what you need from him. Sometimes they just need things spelling out; and the last thing we feel like doing is spelling it out for them because we feel like it should be obvious how we're feeling. Unfortunately, it isn't; so don't suffer in silence; let him know when you need him.
I hope you're recovering well physically. I'm glad you got the surgery brought forward... The waiting isn't nice. You will feel like utter shit and empty for a while; you need to go through that grief. But you will start to feel better. Hang in there.

@Laney79 sounds like you've had a tough week! Hope your mum is ok. Really pleased you O'd in the end and that you managed to time DTD well. Fingers crossed for you.

@Dimblebimble I'm glad you didn't have to wait the extra week but sorry your DH wasn't sympathetic.

@AliceRR hope the funeral plans are going as well as they can. When is the funeral? My daughter's was a week and a half ago, I found it hard to find the courage to arrange it but knew it needed to be done and she deserved a good goodbye

Thanks @Bluebelltulip @KnitKitty @Laney79. I wrote him a long letter explaining why this upset me so much and he's read it and apologised, he said he didn't even think about it as he wanted to go out and forget about everything. He said he doesn't like to cry or talk about it so he doesn't really have an outlet which i understand. He admits he was being selfish. But I just don't understand how it didn't even cross his mind that he was being inconsiderate, or even that he should have checked in with me more than once to see if I was okay. I feel like I should just forgive him and move on but I also feel pretty emotionally scarred from yesterday, it was easily one of the darkest days of my life.

3 are still growing and 1 is out of the game, just been told. Still praying 🙏🏻 3 will make to blast 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@Dimblebimble I have been annoyed with DH too for similar reasons. He has actually been really good generally but little things have upset me. Men and women do deal with things differently. Everyone’s advice to me has been to be kind to one another and I would say the same to you as I am so grateful I have him right now.

@Laney79 Thank you. I am just going with how I feel right now. I’m not quite ready to TTC (or even DTD!) but I know I will want to sooner rather than later and I think you’re right that people who care for us will be happy for us if it happens.

@Bluebelltulip The funeral is on Wednesday 13th which is a month after she was born. And yesterday was a month from the day we found out she had died. So it’s been a difficult weekend with that and arranging the funeral. I think I’m like you and I just got one with it because it seems it’s one of the few things I can do for her now. And to some degree I can separate what I’m doing from how I feel about her. Did you find things got any easier or harder after the funeral? I’m still finding it harder all the time and I don’t know whether the funeral will be even worse (I don’t know how I will cope with seeing her put in the ground in a little box) or help bring some closure.

For when we do TTC I want to start taking the relevant vitamins / supplements for conception now and wondered whether I’m on the right track... From what I can gather the important ones for me are folic acid, vit D, B vitamins, Zinc, and CoQ10. For DH - Zinc, CoQ10 and L-carnitine? Oh and try to get him to stop smoking!!

I still have some Pregnacare vitamins which I’ll keep taking until they finish and then see if I can get a conception vitamin that has everything in it but don’t think there’s an equivalent for men(?) although could maybe just get him a multivitamin... Any recommendations welcome on that front 😬

Hi all,
Just wondered if I could hop on?
We're planning on starting TTC in a few months all being well.
We lost our little boy in December after a TFMR at 22+4.
We've just had the all clear on the genetic front so it's on my mind more than ever.

First step is to get some folic acid! I'm on iron and vitamin D prescribed by the doctor as both were low.

Ohh and we already have a DS who is 3 :)

@AliceRR I've been finding it harder but I think that's because we are approaching her due date which is next week (she was born at 32 weeks). I cried through the whole ceremony and don't worry if you do the same, I collected her ashes this week which was another hard day. I've not stopped taking pregnancy vitamins just continued taking them by habit I suppose.

Hi Everyone

I was hoping to join this chat. I'm so sorry for all of your losses.🌷

I'm 33 and have been trying for our 1st for 17 months.

In January we got our first BFP but at 7+2 I started to bleed and after an early scan 2 days later and hormone blood tests it was confirmed I had MC.

It took a week for the bleeding to stop and did another pregnancy test a week later which came back negative.

Before the pregnancy my cycle was very regular at 29 days and ovulated around CD14-15.

Since the bleeding stopped we have DTD 4 times and had EWCM this week if I class the 1st day of miscarriage as CD1 the EWCM was CD20.

I know af can be delayed after MC so trying to work out if I should date the 2ww from the EWCM so I can test

Sorry for the detail! I just want to be pregnant again. ASAP!!!

Hello everyone.

So sorry to read all your stories and welcome you here @Raincart2017 @Treaclepie19 and @PastaSauceHoarder. I think wanting to be pregnant after a loss is natural. We've tried so hard to get to the point where we see a BFP that understandably we still want our dream to come true. I also think it's a way of coping, giving hope and something to keep us going.

@Dimblebimble men are crap! Glad you talked and I hope you are feeling better.

@Bluebelltulip and @AliceRR you are both incredible. My heart goes out to you both. I am glad you have each other on this thread xxx

I hope your mum is ok @Laney79.

I have had a good weekend. Met up with a friend and her son who is the same age as DD yesterday. The kids had fun and we basically cried in each other. She has PCOS and is struggling to conceive no2. Was nice to have a friend and I honestly feel if she got pregnant I could handle it and be happy, so feel I won't cut off all my friends through my jealousy!

I had a bit of EWCM the past two days. Been told two wait two months before TTC after the ectopic. It's so hard when I am programmed to DTD whenever I see EWCM! Feel like I'm wasting an attempt but know I need to let my body heal.

Hoping my period isn't too long away and my body gets back to normal... Am also interested in conception vitamins. Anyone recommend any good ones to take? Or shall I just take separate vitamins?

Sorry if I have missed anyone! Hugs and to you all xxx

@AliceRR @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue we take his n hers pre conception pregnacare vitamins, and I also take extra vitamin D, co-q10 and high dose folic acid. We took them the month we fell pregnant the second time, and started taking them after I lost that one. I'm on my 5th cycle since mmc. My doctor said aside from vit d and folic acid women should have the recommended daily allowance of vitamin c, zinc, selenium and for fellas the recommended daily allowance of vitamins a, c, e, zinc and selenium. X

Thank you @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue for your welcome! I take pregnacare conception and in the tww when I got my BFP I ate Brazil nuts for natural selenium. I also read somewhere that pineapple can help with implantation which I did eat with the Brazil nuts.

I wonder if I could join you all for a while?
I joined the thread briefly last may after I had a MMC at 10 weeks. It was a truly awful time: I found out about the miscarriage on my birthday and bled through my grandmother's funeral 200 miles away, and then my Mum's inquest (for suicide) at which I'd been called to give evidence. I was being bullied at work and made redundant several months later and our house sale (I know, insignificant really) fell through costing 15k.
Anyway, new year, new job and having thought it wouldn't happen again I now appear to be pregnant. I'm wracked with worry though. I've got an ovarian cyst which is supposed to be being investigated, and my cycles have been all over the place. I feel like I'm still grieving on goodness knows how many fronts and would struggle to deal with another loss. So here I am. I can't bear to join an antenatal group any time soon. I hope you don't mind me hopping on!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Laney79 I saw (after some further searching online) you can get the his and hers conception pregnacare. I noticed the men’s one has CoQ10 in it and the women’s one doesn’t. Never heard of selenium but will now google / add it to my list!

@Bluebelltulip I can understand it will be a difficult week for you too. I’m finishing my pregnacare off first too. I wasn’t very good at taking it in the last couple of months actually but I’m trying to take it now.

Hopefully I can’t grt DH to take a vitamin every day...

@AliceRR I think the selenium is in the his n hers-I think!! We take ours after dinner each evening so we don't forget. X

Having a rough weekend. Antibiotics have just wiped me out.

Should have been 12 weeks yesterday. This loss is SO hard because it followed my first pregnancy date wise, so today's Timehop showed my 12 week scan with DS was two years ago. All the photos of my first pregnancy are going to stab with this loss I think.

@Pamplem00se you sound like you have had a horrific time my thoughts are with you. How far along are you now? Praying for your rainbow baby in more ways than one x

Thank you for replying Raincart. Only four weeks.. it's got the potential to be a very long few months!!

3 embryos are still growing just been told! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@Pamplem00se I guess all you can do is stay as calm and relaxed as possible X do you have a support network around you?

Just checking in ladies while I wait for AF to show up.
How are you all getting along.
@Russkispy and @Boboelephant how are you both getting along. Thanks @KnitKitty me too just cd1 drama to get passed and back on the crazy train. How's things your side?
@Laney79 how are you getting on hun?

Hello to the new ladies I'm sorry you find yourself here? It's the best club (amazing bunch of ladies) no one ever wants to join and can't wait to move on from (hopefully with beautiful 🌈 children)

Everyone else I'm sorry I have not mentioned you but this tread moves so fast lol wishing you all baby dust x

Hi ladies, I only have a minute so very quick. Thank you to all of you who have tagged me and asked after me. So sorry I can't catch up, there are more than 10 pages since my last check in so hugs to everyone who needs them.

I am doing ok. 6 weeks today and have a scan booked next Tuesday. I've had two blood tests which showed my HCG quadruple in 3 days which was excellent and a 5 week scan to show bubs is in the right place which it is. 😀😀 I'm lying pretty low as I need to keep in a positive headspace but sending you all my best as always xx

Hi ladies, sorry not been on over the weekend, I've been rather busy - and really tired too. Still finding this whole mc and TTC thing really difficult. Heard from a friend this morning who is going through her 3rd mc - it's just so sad and unfair. Like me she is still TTC #1 but hasn't been trying as long as us. I just hate how this happens at all and even worse that so many of us have multiple.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thank you, I have a lot to think about but it's just hard.

@Yukka I guess everyone is very different, I have thought about it long and hard for the past 4 years but I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm so conflicted. Also not comfortable with speaking with my priest about it - I just don't think he'll understand and also I don't want to just break down in front of him and have all my emotions flooding out with all my hurt and anger etc.

@Russkispy fx all is well for transfer on Wednesday!

@AliceRR sending you lots of hugs x

@Dimblebimble how are you? I can understand you feeling the way you do, I'd be the same.

@Laney79 fx for you this cycle. My smileys are still flashing but I'm only on CD12 so probably another 2 or 3 days before static (hopefully it goes static).

@boboelephant I'm so pleased everything so far is going well. Hoping for a nice healthy pregnancy!

@Lilimum6 hope AF comes soon and then you'll be TTC again very soon.

So sorry to see so many new names on here. This is such a supportive thread though.

@InDreamland thanks for asking. I'm... not sure how I am really. I'm physically okay but feel really tired and not quite myself. A bit zombie like and just going through the motions, and don't really want to see anyone except dh. I worked from home today and not looking forward to going back into the office, and especially to teaching later in the week and having to be all positive and upbeat. Tbh I think I might be a bit depressed, but I'm paranoid that if I go to the doctor about anything mental health related that it might impact my adoption chances if we need to go down that route in the future. The midwife signed us up for bereavement counselling at the end of the month so maybe that will help.