TTC after pregnancy loss - tread 28 - Bfp will be coming

[Lilimum6]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Welcome to any new ladies and sorry for your loss.

Let's have a roll call ladies

@frillyfarmer that sucks that you need more antibiotics, but it's good they found it. I would personally put health first. Infections can turn nasty very quickly and it's really not worth risking something worse (like sepsis) for a drink and to avoid awkward/sad conversations. (Although I do understand where you're coming from). Do your friends know you're TTC and/or that you've had MC? If they know you're trying maybe just bring the subject up before they notice you're not drinking and say how much it sucks being on antibiotics because you were really looking forward to having a drink and ask them if you can arrange a night out for when you've stopped taking them. Or take the box with you and make sure they see it? Or just drink things that could have alcohol in them?

@Laney79 I hope you ovulate soon. But if you don't; please don't panic. It's normal for anyone of any age to occasionally not ovulate. I had an anovulatory cycle in the summer. Fingers crossed for a static smilie in the next couple of days.
(Is it possible you missed your peak because it was really short and you've already ovulated?)

@InDreamland Massive squishy penguin hugs. You've not been singled out for this unfairness for any reason; it's just bad luck and as sucky as sucky can be. I'm so sorry for everything you've been through, but I'm still holding on to hope for you. xxx

@ale2992 I'm so sorry hun. Hugs. Maybe skip the baby shower? Your friends will understand. xxx

@theAntsareMyFriends I'm so sorry you find yourself here, but I am glad you've reached out for the support. You don't need to be TTC to hang around. (I'm currently taking a break from TTC but still find it comforting to be here). Hugs.

@Pop1234 I think some of the blood tests they usually do at the first appointment can take up to 8 weeks for results to come back. (Depends what they tested). My RMC don't give results until your next appointment and my appointment was delayed. I'll get my results at the end of March. My first appointment was at the beginning of December.......

@AliceRR I completely understand not feeling ready to DTD yet. I'm sure you'll know when you're ready again.

Well I had my endocrinology appointment today. I'm not sure how I'm feeling about it.
The good news is my MRI of my pitruitary gland was fine.
The results from my prolactin blood test in December was over 1800. The results from the bloods in January had gone down to 500 and something. (The Dr didn't make it clear what the level should be).
So I have to have another blood test to check the levels again. If they're still high I'll be given medication to take until I get pregnant again.
But she said it could have just been high due my most recent miscarriage. Or it could have been caused by stress.
So I have to wait for the next results to know if I'll be medicated or not and I'll have a review in 3-4 months' time -unless I'm already pregnant. But I was told not to try until I know if I need any medication.
I'm also getting bloods done to check other pituitary hormones (Cortisol, T4 Free, Thyroid function, LH&FSH)

She said it looks like my hormones are following the cycle that they should be doing because I'm having periods and clearly ovulating; so I suppose that's good.
I was a bit frustrated that they didn't request a 3rd prolactin blood test in February to check if it was still going down before this appointment - it seems it would have been a time-saver? But getting annoyed by that won't help anything.
And although I'm glad the levels went down; I was sort of hoping this would just be the answer to everything; that I'd receive medication and then that would be that, problem fixed. Now everything all feels very uncertain again and I'm back to thinking I'm just going to keep losing babies.
Feeling a bit glum.
And was waiting for my appointment for over an hour and then got stuck in a traffic jam so got a headache as well. Just feeling a bit sorry for myself and wanting to try again. All this waiting around is starting to get really irritating.

@Laney79 I totally get it. My DH could easily never have sex again and even though I don't have a high sex drive it drives me mad. If I try to initiate it he knows what I'm after but I could be waiting forever if I let him 🙄 Fingers crossed this is your month 🤞

@KnitKitty I wish I was as strong and brave as you! I know you have down days and feel fed up too but you just know all the right things to say.

Good news about your pituitary gland being okay. I had high prolactin levels for months but they sorted themselves out on their own so you might find the same.

@Dimblebimble I'm glad it's not just me. I would definitely go back and change some things but I can't so just have to get on with it.

I can't believe your D&C option is only on a Friday. That's ridiculous! Like others have said, are there any other hospitals nearby?

@Russkispy Fingers crossed for you 🤞

@frillyfarmer Put your health first and just tell your friends you're not drinking and no you're not pregnant. As you organised the event can you say you don't want to get drunk and end up not remembering it?

@ale2992 So sorry lovely, life is so cruel xx

@Bluebelltulip Thinking of you, will be so hard collecting your baby's ashes but the rings sound lovely and your baby will always be with you both xx

So I'm feeling very fed up today. I had a horrendous migraine on Sunday. I've suffered for 20 years and I'm used to the aura but this was something that's never happened before - started when I climbed the stairs at the back of my head as a numb/tingling feeling, went straight down my spine and then everything on my left hand side went numb, including my back and boob. What's going on with me ☹️

Yesterday I received a letter in the post saying my consultant was referring me to the fertility clinic. I don't understand why - I've had all blood tests privately and am now on metformin. Hysteroscopy has been done and now all okay. What can the fertility clinic do? And will they question why I'm there as I've only had 2 miscarriages and not 3? It did say to take the report for my DHs semen analysis but he's not had that done and nobody has told him to. How long will that take on the NHS?

To add to all that, my DH promised we would try again this month... so today I reminded him that I might ovulate at the end of the month and need him to make sure he's around. He responded, "but I don't want to"... I can't take the heartbreak of him not trying again. I think if he doesn't try this month I'm going to have to accept he's just not going to. I'm so worried about resenting him.

I spoke to a lady who gave up because her husband didn't want to try and she said it was because she would rather have a husband and no baby than a baby and no husband. Is it bad I don't know which way around that would be for me?! 😢

@RedRobin7 Aww thanks chicken. Not sure what I've said to deserve such praise, but it's kind of you to say so. And you are strong and brave. Strength isn't about not having feelings, bravery isn't about not being scared or worried. All of us ladies on here are strong and brave, because we don't have a choice really, do we? We just all deal with things in different ways. I think it's incredible how you handle your situation.
Fertility issues can really put a strain on a relationship. It's really hard when you don't feel like you're on the same team. Have you thought about having joint counselling about it? Would your DH be up for that do you think?
Do you remember what your prolactin levels were? Did they know why it had spiked? And when did they stop tracking it? (Sorry, too many questions!)

Thanks @InDreamland and @Russkispy -still no sign of peak (doing ic's later in the day as well as the CB tests first thing) really starting to worry now. My tum feels off too, heavy and low.

@KnitKitty did your period arrive on time with your anovulatory cycle?

I've checked back and I'm trying to convince myself I've just missed my peak but I don't think it's possible. I've done clearblue every day as instructed (and it's worked every month before fine) as well as ics later in the day. I thought I was heading for peak on Friday lunchtime as I started to get darker lines on if but by teatime it had faded again (and every other peak I've had I've seen lines of varying degrees for around 24 hours) -attached a pic.

I'm really upset, stressed and frankly scared by it. It's 6 months since I found out about my second loss, 5 since it actual completed and this is cycle five. Surely that's enough for my cycle to settle. It feels like there's something wrong.

@theAntsareMyFriends welcome to the huddle.

@KnitKitty sounds like a frustrating appointment, I think I'd feel the same. You can sometimes find reference ranges for tests online (glos hospitals have a decent website that has quite a lot of detail). Fingers crossed you can tested quickly and get the answer about your prolactin ASAP. I've been looking at a private hormone panel myself (£59) I think that includes prolactin as well as FSH/LH etc.

@RedRobin7 we sound very similar -I've always quite liked the fact my OH isn't a typical randy bloke but in this scenario it's hard. Work stresses have a massive impact too for us.

Sorry not to respond to everyone. Hugs x

Forgot the pic

@Bluebelltulip that's so hard to deal with, shame your friend wasn't more sensitive.

@theAntsareMyFriends sorry you find yourself here and your losses. The ladies here are lovely and supportive.

@Pop1234 that's frustrating, not under RMC but I don't find the NHS particularly helpful.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue it's so hard isn't it. My SIL was moaning about how she wished her 3 were closer in age and I thought she should be grateful she has them.

@AliceRR thank you. Take all the time you need and don't push yourself into anything.

@KnitKitty thank you, I just can't help feeling like a total failure and inadequate. So sorry things are still uncertain for you, it must be so frustrating.

@RedRobin7 sorry things are still difficult. DH's semen analysis on the NHS was fsirly quick, couple of weeks from what I recall. I hope your DH will still want a family and you get your dream x

@Laney79 any peak this morning?

So sorry so many here are finding it tough. Hugs all around.

@Laney79 sorry, just looking at your pic again. Not that I have any experience of IC OPKs but CD12 and 13 look darker than the others. Are they supposed to get really dark?

Just checking in to say 👋 to all you lovely ladies.

I've got my scan booked for Friday so praying it's good news. Just wish my inadequate body would just give me a break.

How you all doing?

Anyone anymore info or advice on going to a doctor about miscarriage or struggling to conceive. We've been trying since September 18 with 1 miscarriage and 1 chemical during that time.

@Lilimum6 good luck with the scan!
@Laney79 have you got your peak yet?
AFM, today was the last day of stims. Did my trigger a couple of hours ago and all set for EC on Friday morning. DH is flying over tomorrow night. And then the real "fun" begins!

@Lilimum6 fingers crossed for the scan, how are you feeling?

These antibiotics have made me feel so unbelievably sick, I struggled to work today. Which is unfortunate to say the least as I've had a 14hour day in the office with a five hour budget meeting followed by "networking lunch" and a trustees meeting with clients this afternoon. I fetched the horses in, in the dark pouring rain, and because these antibiotics have wiped me off of my A game, my youngster swung round and booted me in the leg whilst I was tugging him up.

Penguin hugs to all xxx

@Lilimum6 fx for your scan!

@moonpeace mine are the same, AF changed since mc #1 and again again after mc #2.

@ale2992 generally NHS refer to gynae fertility clinic after 1 year of trying or 3 consecutive mc's. There's no harm though in asking your GP.

@Russkispy fx for egg collection!

I'm still really struggling. I don't think I'll ever be ok until I bring home a live healthy baby. I don't know how I'll ever be happy.

@frillyfarmer sorry you've had a shit day

Thanks ladies tbh I'm not feeling great I'm nervous, fed up and just a little bit p**d at the world right now. But I'm sure I'll get passed it, I managed to to it 5 time now what's one more

@InDreamland yeah the test line needs to be as dark or darker than control for a positive. The cd 12 was getting there but then faded.

I had another high this morning @Russkispy but I've done an internet cheapy before bed and it's positive so did my clear blue and finally I have a solid smiley - but OH too tired tonight. Keeping fingers crossed we can try in the morning. I think our session on Sunday afternoon will be just that bit too far away unless his swimmers are super strength.

Yay @Laney79! Glad you got your static! Fx for tomorrow morning 🤞

@InDreamland yes that's what I thought still going to book an appointment with go and see what she says! My other half is also going to see his go

@Laney79 glad you finally got it! Phew! Hope you will manage to squeeze one more DTD tomorrow morning 
@InDreamland stay strong and positive! I know it's been shit times for you but it will happen eventually!

Thanks @Russkispy. Unfortunately after 5 years of trying to be strong I've run out of energy. I just feel like I cry so much now and nothing but a healthy happy baby I can bring home will help.

@InDreamland I know it's hard and I can't imagine what you're really going through but you must stay positive and have faith. It will happen. Some just getting pregnant easily and for some it's much harder. Maybe you can get help from a fertility coach? I'm coached by this lovely lady Kate, and we do this over video chat, 1 hour, plus emails etc I'm quite a strong person and remain positive but thought it would be still nice to talk to someone who's helping a lot of ladies to get through this emotional process and get extra support l. Here's a link to her site:
yourfertilityjourney.com

@Laney79 I'm so glad you got your static. At least if you haven't managed to DTD, you can have some peace of mind that you've ovulated xx

@Lilimum6 I'm sorry it's never ending for you, big fat hugs xx

Hi can I join the penguin huddle please?

ale2992 our stories sound very similar. I've been TTC #1 since having my IUD removed in August 2018. I possibly had a chemical in September 2018, got pregnant the next cycle and miscarried at 8+4 in December 2018. Got a BFP this Monday (third cycle of trying after mc) but started spotting yesterday and properly bleeding and cramping today.

I seem to get pregnant quite easily but they don't stick. DH is often away with work so we don't get a good try each cycle.

I live overseas and will probably go and see my gynae tomorrow to ask about whether there's any tests she can do (although I'm sure there'll be loads of pregnant ladies in her waiting room and not sure I can face it). I have really light periods and am worried my lining isn't thick enough to support a pregnancy. I also have quite a short luteal phase at 10 days and I worry that this indicates either low progesterone or poor egg quality. I'm taking q10 and pregnacare pre-conception (although I can't buy it where I live and have almost finished my supply). I'm 28 so hope my egg quality should be OK but you never know and I don't think there's a way to find out?

I think next cycle will be a write off as DH is again away with work. Unless this early MC delays ovulation by a few days in which case he might just be back in time.

Sorry for the huge long intro! I'll go back and read the rest of the thread now.