TTC after pregnancy loss - tread 28 - Bfp will be coming

[Lilimum6]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Welcome to any new ladies and sorry for your loss.

Let's have a roll call ladies

@AliceRR not had much information about how long to wait, only info I can find from SANDS etc is to wait until after first period, there is more information to wait for a few months if it was a C-section birth though. I need to talk to the bereavement midwife this week and plan to talk to her about it. Not had my follow up consultant appointment yet.

After I had my first daughter every medical person I saw talked about the importance of using contraception yet this time no one has mentioned it and all I've been told so far is to contact them as soon as I know.

I think I've finally got my BFN?

Still bleeding, not quite sure how long I should leave it before I seek advice? I'm not in pain it's just like a longer heavier period which they did say would happen when I first miscarried.

@AliceRR I am so sorry for your loss. I must have missed your first post when I was catching up with February posts. I can't find the words for what I want to say but know that we are all here to support you, regardless of whether or not you're TTC yet. Everyone is welcome here xx

@Bluebelltulip I am so sorry you also find yourself here too. You're another very brave lady. We are a lovely supportive group and I've been with some of these ladies for nearly a year now and I'm so pleased I found this group xx

@Lilimum6 Your DH sounds so lovely! Mine can be a bit useless at times and just the simple things can make a huge difference. Thought he might have got me some flowers this week - either whilst recovering from the hysteroscopy or for our baby's due date. Nope 🙄

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I totally get your anger. My best friend had 3 miscarriages but is finally 40 weeks pregnant with her first DC. I am so happy for her but she keeps rubbing it in my face on social media. I told her I was struggling and then 10 mins later on Instagram she posted a pic of all her babygrows drying on the airer. On my due date she sent me a message to say she was thinking of me and then put a bump pic on Instagram. I worry that our friendship will breakdown just because I'm a jealous cow.

Also this morning my longest friend messaged me to say she's pregnant. It's her second round of IVF after the first one failed last year. She said it's their time now because they've been waiting years - I've been married longer than she has so it really hurt me! It isn't supposed to be about who has been waiting the longest. Same old phrase applies here: so happy for her but sad for me.

@rdm10 Keeping everything crossed for you! Keep us updated xx

@Dimblebimble I'm pleased you were able to be open with HR and now you should get the correct support. I hope things start to happen for you soon just so that you can start to move forward.

I totally understand how you feel about having to work hard for everything you want in life - it's the same for us. My DH and I have good jobs but not paid loads and because we live near London we can only afford shared ownership. So essentially it's similar to living on a council estate - so frustrating seeing my neighbour, who doesn't work, with 4 kids and 3 different dads, new windows and doors and a nice car. We hate our house, we hate the area, we can't seem to have a baby and no matter what we do it's just not good enough 😤 We are decent human beings but that doesn't get us anywhere in life. I'm a charity volunteer so hoping maybe I'll get some good karma points?! 🤷🏻‍♀️🙈 Sorry for the rant!

@Lilimum6 yesterday afternoon was lovely thanks. Ate so much. How are you today?

Sending hugs to all of you having a tough time xxx

@AliceRR @Bluebelltulip I can't offer any help or advice but I just wanted to say you are incredible, so strong. Hugs.

@frillyfarmer Yep looks like a BFN to me. As for the bleeding-my first loss it went on for weeks as spotting until it ran into my first period -but I think there was a bit of tissue left over that caused that. My second loss bleeding lasted about three weeks.

@RedRobin7 can I join in and rant too?

I HATE my body. Not only is it useless at keeping my babies safe and growing now it feels like it’s conspiring against me at every bloody turn.

I lost my second naturally end of sept/start of Oct. took 53 days to get my period...then next cycle 35 days, then 28, and last month 24 days. I’m tracking ov using clearblue connected. I'm on Cd14 today.

Those of you who have been here a while (coming up on a year since I joined) will know it’s not always easy for us to JKS as OH just isn’t that kind of guy and the pressure gets too much so timing is critical for us.

So this is fertile week, we’ve had the week off, and we’ve managed to DTD every other day (mon/weds/fri) successfully so far...that SHOULD have been perfect timing, as I would normally have got my peak yesterday or today-but no. My bitch of a body isn’t playing ball. Today another flashing smiley, that’s the fifth day (and the most I’ve ever had-normally max 4). No EWCM either which is unusual (I’d put that down to the extra bd-ing). It really feels like the universe is against us. I tried to suggest another session today to continue the every other day but oh snapped and said he was tired and it was starting to feel like a chore. So the whole week will be pointless again as the earliest I’ll ovulate now even if I get a peak tonight/tomorrow am) will be Monday night and it’s pushing it for his swimmers to last that long. I’m so tired of the pressure and desperation. And of doing everything “right” - I’ve cut out caffeine bar a single cup of tea a day, I take pregnacare, coq10, extra vit D, high dose folic acid, not had any booze since nye, I eat as healthily as I can, my weight is stable and I’m bmi normal. Seriously what more do I have to do to get a break?

I’m really scared that there’s something wrong, or that I’m heading for early menopause. Why is my body doing this? Why did it let me get pregnant the first time and make me feel this primal need if it won’t let me actually have a baby? I just need it to give me a break and do what it’s supposed to.

Lilimum6 I'm sorry you had a tough day with the box arriving, but I'm glad your OH took measures to cheer you up. xxx

@Russkispy Great news about the eggs. Really hope they become strong little embryos.

@Lozboz22 Congratulations on the new pregnancy. I really hope this one is your rainbow. Take care of yourself xx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue Big hugs. It sounds like your friend didn't time her news well at all. Your true friends will give you the time and space you need and will still be there for you if you ever want to go back to them; but I understand you needing to separate yourself from that world right now.

@rdm10 What wonderful news!!! I am so pleased. I really hope this one sticks!

@Dimblebimble Well done for biting the bullet and letting HR know. I'm glad you have a plan in place. Why is it EPU haven't let you know if you can have surgical management yet?
I can relate to feeling like everything is always a struggle and everyone else glides through life with ease - I have often felt the same way. I've learnt to adopt a F* it attitude and throw determination into the mix. I'm always so inspired by stories of people who have beaten the odds... I want to be one of those stories; that people read and think "how amazing that she never gave up and it was all worth it in the end"... sometimes I still have moments of feeling "life is unfair" and allow myself a cry or a wallow; but usually, nowadays, I just think "yep, it's unfair but I'm going to grit my teeth and bloody-well not let it beat me". I think every single lady on here has a lot of that strength in them... I mean, look at the title of the thread... We're all still determinedly TTC even though we've all been knocked down by the unfairest of circumstances... I think we're all bloody amazing.

@InDreamland I hope you enjoyed afternoon tea... I love it.

@AliceRR Huge hugs. I'm so sorry to hear about Ruby.
I understand the added anxiety about your age, but please allow yourself as much time to grieve and heal as you need before even thinking about TTC again; don't let your age pressure you; you have lots of time. Look after yourself.

@Bluebelltulip I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the group. xxx

@frillyfarmer I'm so glad you've finally got a BFN. I remember feeling a huge weight lift when I had mine after MMC last year. You can bleed for a long while with MC. I think my doctor said up to 3 weeks is normal, and some women then get their period straight after, so could be longer. But of course be careful about becoming anaemic or too drained; don't hesitate to ask EPU for advice or ring your GP surgery. xxx

@Laney79 One of my cycles I thought I'd completely missed the boat because we only DTD once and it was before I even got a flashing smilie... I still got pregnant that month though; so don't lose hope. Have you thought about switching to an OPK which doesn't give you the flashing, and it's just static or nothing? It might help you avoid worrying as much? And that way you have two days to pester OH instead of a week or more? I can empathise... My OH is the same with DTD, he prefers to instigate; finds it harder to perform if it's me who does, but then doesn't have a high sex drive so some months he'd quite happily go without at all... It's extremely frustrating when trying to make a baby.
How regular are your cycles?

@RedRobin Lovely candle. I haven't had a hysteroscopy, but whenever I've had gynae surgery (a few times), I've always had a heavyish period after; whether due on or not. I think it sounds quite normal, but if the bleeding doesn't start to get lighter in another couple of days ring them up for advice?

Thank you for the advice @InDreamland, @RedRobin7, @Laney79, @Mistymeow. I think I'm just going to lay my cards on the table and assume she reacts how I would if I were a manager.

I'm waiting in anticipation for my appointment with the endocrinologist on Tuesday. Feeling very nervous, but OH has taken the day off to be with me.
In the mean time I've almost completely lost my voice... Horrible lurgy. So I'm feeling sorry for myself. Trust me to get ill during my 'holidays'.

Thanks @KnitKitty -sorry to hear about your lurgy, Hot water, honey and lemon is my go to. Hope your manager is compassionate when you do talk xxx

As for me I just get so worried. I'm more worried that I won't ovulate at all now this month.

My cycles are all over the shop. After losing bean and the horribly long (Almost 3months) process of multiple medical management etc my cycles went to 26 days with ovulation on day 14 (positive opks on either cd13 or 14) but only had two then fell pregnant again. Since losing my second, bow, my cycles have been variable. Luteal phase is regular at 12/13 days, but cycles have been: 53 days-ov cd41, 35 days ov cd22, 28 days ov cd15, 24 days ov cd12.

I'm on cd14 today and still showing high rather than peak, and my IC opks aren't showing any signs of lines either. I also don't have ewcm like I normally do. I'm scared my hormones are out of whack and that that means I'm peri-menopausal.

My lovely OH realised how much I was hurting earlier and decided to try another bd which was successful so he's replenished the stores as it were, I just need my body to play ball.

I'm wondering if I should get in with the GP-what do you ladies think? I just don't want to be fobbed off with "cycles still settling after mc" which seems to be the stock answer-do you think I'm right to be concerned?

How's everyone else today? @Lilimum6 how was blists hill?

My social media algorithms all think I'm knocked up as all I'm seeing is maternity wear and other painful stuff. I don't even know what I've been on - how can I alter it.

I've been trail running in the rain with the husband, and this evening my linings are Rose not silver 😬🥂

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Laney79 Thank you and I sorry you’re feeling low

@KnitKitty Thank you. I am trying not to be stressed about conceiving again. I was so ready to have a baby when I got pregnant with Ruby. I had been worrying I might never have a child and my “biological clock” then I found I was pregnant and I was SO HAPPY. Now I’m back to sometimes feeling like I might never have a child while grieving the loss of Ruby and in some ways wanting a child more than ever as it seems like the only way I might get through this. I know I will get though it anyway. I have to. But it’s hard not to worry about it or how long it will take TTC once we start trying... It is always in the back of my mind. I do need to take some time to deal with what has happened though.

@RedRobin7 Thank you. Your friend sounds a bit insensitive. I don’t use insta etc much but I know on Facebook you can unfollow people or snooze their posts for 30 days (without them knowing) - maybe that could help (if you want to persevere with the friendship)?

@Bluebelltulip I hope your BMW is some help to you. There was a positive article on bbc website last week saying that while the advice used to be to wait a year there is evidence to suggest there is no need to wait to conceive after a stillbirth.

So I've started spotting this morning...

Sorry @ale2992 - is there any chance it could be implantation? X

Afternoon tea was lovely thanks @KnitKitty.

Worried about my AF being lighter and shorter than usual, does that mean the lining is not thick enough for implantation? All scans I've had recently show normal and healthy but I still worry.

My break next week can't come soon enough. Everything is getting me down. Just don't feel like I have anything good going on, 2 x mc's after TTC since summer 2013 make me feel like the most inadequate person to walk this earth and feeling totally un-valued, used, taken for granted and worthless at work too. I just want to run away.

@InDreamLand sorry to hear work isn't going well either. You are not inadequate! Hope you get some positive news soon x

Went for the second scan today and as expected, no change. They said today that they look like identical twins, which might explain why they both passed away at the same time (I guess if it's chromosomal they'd both have the same issue). They've said they'll do some blood tests and test the products that they remove if I have surgical management, but they've also said it takes months to get the results back and they're unlikely to find anything.

They only do D&C on Fridays and this Friday's all booked up so I'm looking at the 15th now. They're going to fit me in early if there's any cancellation. I really don't want to wait that long.

@redrobin7 - that's exactly how I feel. I studied long and hard and now have a relatively good job with an okay salary, and yet know women who had kids fairly young, have only ever worked part time in retail, and yet own the same size house as us, seem to have more money than us (usually family help or via their partners), and of course have their lovely little family. Of course, everyone chooses the path that's right for them, but I feel that I've chosen what felt like the most sensible and responsible path at the time, waited until we could afford children without any help, but now we can't seem to have them. So it seems like a lot of work for literally no reward. I don't think I'd change anything even if I could go back, but still a bit of a kick in the teeth. I agree though that eventually the good karma will pay off, maybe we just need to be patient.

@Knitkitty I guess that's all you can do isn't it. Keep trying and keep hoping. In other areas of my life it has paid off eventually (e.g. career), but nature is just so unpredictable. I try and look for silver linings wherever I can (we'll be more prepared when it does happen, we'll appreciate it more, it's made me and DH a stronger team, we can save towards moving to a nicer area for our future kids, etc.), but it's harder this time than last time.

@frillyfarmer I don't think so I don't know though

Hi all.

@Dimblebimble and m so sorry you have such a long wait. I only had a week between the scan and MC last summer and that was because the nhs wouldn't accept my private scan results and wanted to do another (I passed everything naturally the night before their second scan) I can't believe you have to wait that long, I'm angry on your behalf! Is there anyway they can send you to a different hospital nearby? I'm sorry this is being dragged out and hope you are coping ok xxx

@InDreamland you are not inadequate, I think you are very brave and strong. Hang in there until your break - where are you going?

@ale2992 what is the spotting like? I was spotting ALOT this pregnancy (which was obviously ectopic) but I also spotted and bled on a few occasions really heavily with my DD and all was fine. Do you know how many weeks you are? Apparently spotting round 4/5 weeks is common when you would have had your period and the baby is implanting. Have you done any other tests? The waiting game sucks and I am crossing all for you.

Why do our bodies never play ball @Laney79?! I feel your frustration as hav also had dodgy cycles in the past. Just keep DTD every other day. I hate when it seems such a chore though, it's so hard.

I definitely understand the feeling that other people have it so easy. I have a relation who has just had her second, breezed through both pregnancies and her brother also has two boys the exact same age as hers. I hate their easy pregnancies and their perfect family with cousins. My DD will never have that.

I feel a bit better today. I have been reading positive posts and stories about one child families and am trying to see the upside for DD. But I am also being a lazy slob watching TV all day and eating crap food. And I've drunk two bottles of wine since last Thursday  I need to sort it out because I know I want to try again, despite all the one child positivity, and I feel like I am wallowing and sabotaging my changes by damaging my already crappy body.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue 4weeks 5days, just pink and brown spotting so not much at all.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue haven't done anymore tests yet but epu advises I done one next week if bleeding continues

@ale2992 hope it stops in the meantime!

Had my 3rd scan today and it wasn't that straight forward. Follicles grow a bit too slow and have to carry on with stimulation and Cetrotide for 2 more days, trigger on Wednesday and egg collection on Friday morning. Trying not to think about anything really and take a day as it comes. Flying home tomorrow as originally planned. At least my DD can spend more time with her grandpa.

@Russkispy doesn't seem to be 😢

@ale2992 I'm sorry to hear it. Is it a proper flow or just spotting here and there?!

@Russkispy still just spotting I supposed but is think it's getting close to proper flow unfortunately

Hi everyone
Hope everyone is doing ok x tough road this one

My AF is due today and so far nothing ... I had a MC in Jan and one of the first signs I had looking back was indigestion and what I can only describe as horrible sulphur burps around a week before my AF due ... Well this month I have had the same (I know random symptom) ... I did a test this afternoon and I'm obsessing about whether I can see I faint line on it ... I plan to do a clearblue in next day or two as I'm already driving myself mad and it's only the first day!!

Spotting is getting worse, also have done a test and it's come back negative. Looks like this isn't my month after all 😞👎🏻