TTC after pregnancy loss - tread 28 - Bfp will be coming

[Lilimum6]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Welcome to any new ladies and sorry for your loss.

Let's have a roll call ladies

So I took another test this morning and I think I can se the faintest of faint lines but not 100% Going to test again tomorrow and see what I get 🤞🏻🤞🏻

@AliceRR I'm so sorry to read about your little girl. I have no advice but I just wanted to give you a virtual hug, I can't imagine just how horrific it must be to lose a full term baby.

@Lozboz22 it's such a head fuck, my GP had no idea either so he was encouraging the new pregnancy idea. After the positive test I had three lots of bloods and my HGC was rising considerably but they couldn't find anything on the scans. After digging about with an internal probe for a good 40minutes they found 10x10mm retained products and that's what I'm still trying to pass. Utter head fuck because for about two weeks my HGC was rising and the lines kept getting darker and I let myself hope. Stupid really as the dates for conception and the positive test absolutely never added up. Did they scan you after the MC and identify any retained products?

Morning all.

@AliceRR I'm so sorry for what you have been through I have no advice, having never been through what you have, but I wanted to offer some love and sympathy. I only joined this group a few days ago and the ladies have been amazing already. I am sure someone will be along with better words soon.

Sorry to those having total head fucks over their tests. I will keep all crossed for good news for you.

I felt a bit better (physically) this morning but think I've over done it. Currently feeling very faint and dizzy and am lying down on the sofa. Just feel so weak and wobbly - is this normal after laparoscopic surgery? Hate being so dependent and useless!

@frillyfarmer goodness you really are going through it. I really hope it all resolves itself quickly for you. I did have a scan afterwards where confirmed all gone but top of uterus was 11mm which isn't that thick but sonographer said looked 'disrupted and that I should bleed some more, which i did the next day. Only time will tell I guess, I shall stay realistic and not let my mind go crazy (impossible) !

Thank you @frillyfarmer @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue

It is difficult and I’m just trying to find a way through. I’m sorry for the difficulties you have all faced too.

I asked MN to remove my comment after I posted it as I felt maybe I was intruding with my own questions and should perhaps just start a new thread with such questions instead

Thank you for the love ladies, sorry I have been so negative here this week. Really appreciate all your support. I think I might be hormonal, CD26 and 8 or 9DPO. All my cycles since second mc in November have been 26 days so fully expecting AF today. On top of that my first baby should have been 4 weeks old by now. I'm dreading Mother's day. Second baby who was due in July couldn't make it either

@Lozboz22 I hope is not retained products and is the start of a new pregnancy. Hope the line gets darker this week.

@ale2992 fx for you and darker line tomorrow.

Actually, AF due tomorrow if 26 day cycle. Still, pretty sure I'm hormonal.

@AliceRR you're not intruding at all, these threads were started to help people going through similar experiences. It's difficult because everyone's journeys are so different - mine was an early MC so the waiting is for my emotions to catch up rather than any physical effects.

I know someone at DS toddler group fell pregnant 2.5 months after giving birth at term and she has a perfectly healthy little baby now. It will depend on your situation and how you lost your little girl I think, have your consultants given you any specific advice on how long you should be waiting? Mentally, I imagine your next pregnancy will be very difficult for you to relax. Have you spoken to anyone from Tommy's or Petals - my friend used Tommy's for her stillborn boy and she said they were fantastic for emotional support and for helping ease the anxiety of her next pregnancy.

Don't feel this is an exclusive club and that you can't ask stuff. We might not know the answer but we're all great at jollying each other along this shitty, shitty journey xx

@InDreamland thank you 🤞🏻🤞🏻

@frillyfarmer Thank you for being so kind.

It’s still quite early (my baby girl was born asleep on 13 February) so I haven’t discussed with the doctors yet but I do plan to. I am still recovering physically and it will probably be May by the time we have the results of the post mortem but she was wrapped up in the chord when she was born so we think that’s what killed her a few days earlier (I found out day before my due date she had no heartbeat when I went to hosp with reduced movements)

I was anxious in my last pregnancy. I had no problems and I believe my little girl was perfectly healthy until the end but I was so worried about miscarrying or MMC and then the 20 w scan, I worried about what I ate, but by the last few weeks thought everything would be ok.

I imagine in a future pregnancy, if I’m lucky enough to get pregnant again, I would be so nervous.

Hi ladies.
I wasn't sure when would be the right time to comment.
I found out on Tuesday I had a MMC. The baby measured at 7+1 but I should have been 10+6 and decided to opt for the surgical option, which I had on Thursday. I actually feel like that has helped me recover emotionally a lot and although it's only been a short time I feel like it's been forever. I have had the most amazing support network and couldn't have asked for anymore from both friends and family and also the NHS.
It's been the most devastating week of my life and my future for now is looking so different to the one I saw only earlier this week. 2019 has taken a left turn for now.
I have been reading your posts all week just trying to see everyone's different experiences.
I wasn't really told to test again in a few weeks or anything nor was I told how long to wait to TTC. But I'm just gonna let my body decide that for me - I mean DTD is so off the cards at the moment anyway.

How long did you all take before you could even DTD again? I'm so scared to and I know I'm in the early days still but just like to hear the different sides. I'm not really bleeding much - haven't done really since I had the surgery just very very light spotting.
So sorry for all your losses. It's so heartbreaking to know how often it seems to happen 😢

@AliceRR I am honestly so so sorry to hear about your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you must be going through ❤️ life can be so unfair.

@MrsLBear Thank you. I am so sorry for your loss as well 💐

@AliceRR and @MrsLBear I'm so sorry for your losses. The are no words that can make any of this better add its just a result dreadful cruel thing to happen to you and all of us here. Please just be kind to yourself and take all the time you need to heal physically and emotionally, it will take time. Sending you both lots of virtual hugs

Me, today, more crying. I'm a mess.

Why on earth did I just waste a FRER knowing it's way too early to test????? 😖😞 I'm such an idiot!

Hi can I join you ladies
TTC#2 for over 2 years
MMC Jan 2019 baby stopped growing at 7 weeks
Now first cycle since miscarriage feeling very hopeless took two years to conceive the baby we lost (I have PCOS) and now back at square one. Part of me just wants to give up on the idea of having another baby but was so excited to be pregnant but if I do get pregnant again I'm just going to be an anxious mess.

Hi everyone,

@MrsLBear so sorry for your loss. I had a missed miscarriage earlier this month. It really is a horrible start to the year for all of us. Such a heartbreaking experience for everyone.

With regards to dtd, we tried the week of ERPC as I stopped bleeding and it felt fine though a week later we tried again and I got sharp pains. At 3 weeks it feels normal again. I guess everyone is different but take it very easy at first.

@AliceRR I really don't know what to say other than I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It's so tragic and it must be so hard to even begin to come to terms with. Please do talk on here if it helps and we'll help if we can.

@InDreamland It's just too tempting sometimes just to know. Hope it's good news soon!

@Essexgirlupnorth I'm sorry you've had to go through this. It must be horrendous after trying for so long. Your body will probably be more fertile now it's been through this. Just to let you know I suffered with polycystic ovaries throughout my twenties and early thirties. At 39 I fell pregnant first time I tried. It was a MMC but at the scan they told me my ovaries are now normal with no cysts. Its cleared up. I'm not sure if this is common but I thought I'd let you know.

Xxx

It sure is @Catconfusion. I am so annoyed with myself though to for a moment think it could have been anything other than a BFN.

AF due today, or in the next few days, not that I know anymore what my body is doing post second mc. I really don't feel pg so think I'm definitely out again this month.

@Essexgirlupnorth sorry you find yourself here. It's such a horrid thing to experience. You'll find all the ladies here really supportive.

@indreamland It's natural to hope. Just wait and see if AF really does come.

I'm waiting for ovulation to happen. It's three weeks since my ERPC and my temps are still low but looking normal. Hoping I see some proof my body is kicking back into action soon. Xx

Thank you @InDreamland @Catconfusion I appreciate you all being so kind x

Thanks for your lovely messages ladies.
I think we need to allow ourselves days where we just cry @InDreamland. It's so hard and I do really think we gotta take it day by day. I feel really reserved about it today. Not a moment passes where it doesn't enter my mind.

@Essexgirlupnorth can't imagine having to start again after so long. Just have to have faith and trust your body. My cousin fell pregnant after being told they couldn't conceive naturally so I believe there's always hope. It's just having the willpower and strength to go through it. Sending you all the best.

Yeah we have DTD for weeks before too as I had a stinking cold and work and life got in the way. So I feel like distance between us. We have spoken about it and my husband is so supportive and just said we will wait till I'm ready. I've got more pains again today but I think I've done too much over the weekend.

Wow that's amazing @Catconfusion. I've heard that before. I have quite irregular periods and the doctor told me getting pregnant might probably sort them out so will see what they are like once they come again.

@MrsLBear it was quite the shock. Indeed getting pregnant straight away was but now I know why. My sister just found out at 44 her ovaries are normal too after horrendous symptoms her whole life so it can pass with time.

It's horrible having irregular periods and not knowing where you are necessarily in your cycle. Mine are still anything between 4 and 8 weeks apart. I'm using Ovusense to track ovulation which has helped. I started three cycles before my wedding and it detected ovulation every time. I was very surprised but still didn't think I would fall so easily on our honeymoon. I was definitely stuck in the mindset of there being something wrong with me.

Ovusense is good for ladies with PCOS as ov sticks can give a false positive. I'd highly recommend. I'm using it now to see what my hormones are doing after the miscarriage so we can start ttc soon.

After suffering my whole life with crazy cycles, sometimes 9 months apart when I was in my 20s, it's a relief to be a bit more normal. Still a little concerned not regular since ovaries no longer polycystic so seeing doctor on Wednesday. I want to ask if a late ovulation could have led to the miscarriage. It was four weeks in when I fell pregnant.

Have you been offered Clomid by the doctor? My Mum and sister needed it to conceive. It worked first time for them. I just assumed I'd be the same. I still wonder if it might help in my case to make me ovulate quicker.

As horrible as it's been for you to go through this, hopefully the pregnancy has helped your body to know what to do. I'm hoping mine has kicked in as well.

Best of luck! Xx

@Catconfusion it's mad how something you think is basically irreversible does reverse itself. Makes you think about the level of hormones your body has or hasn't got before during and after pregnancy.
I've heard of ovusense but never actually googled it before. How big is it? Can you feel it once it's in? Sorry for the graphic questions!
I might look into that as I used clear blue digital adv opk before and that's like £30 for a month and a bit really so this seems more economical and easier! Cos doing my temp every morning used to disrupt my sleep so much. It's like my body would wake up at a certain time and then I couldn't sleep again.

No they didn't actually. I had scans for pcos before and it all came back as negative so if I find my cycles are still irregular I will revisit my gp. I've heard loads of success stories on clomid too.
Funny you should say that. When I conceived I ovulated around day 22/23 and it did cross my mind if that had an affect on the viability of the pregnancy. I still tested negative 4 weeks after my last period and it only showed nearly 5 weeks after. So I ovulated late and it took a while to implant too. I'm relatively young (late 20s) so drs won't listen to much I say atm. I was told numerous times whilst I was in hospital "oh you're young you will have no problems". Frustratingly as I've experienced one of the biggest ones already so that's completely irrelevant.

It's really odd but I think our bodies change over time. There's such a stigma about ageing but I don't think things necessarily get worse.

The Ovusense I would say is not much bigger than a maxi tampon. I find it comfortable enough and forget it's even there. All you have to do is tap it to a sensor that you plug in your phone and you get a graph showing where you are. As long as you do it within an hour of waking up you have the information. It's been really useful for me. It predicts when it thinks you might ovulate too. You also get an Skype appointment with a fertility nurse included.

It's great your scans are negative but I'm sure you just want to know why your cycles are long. I've tried to find research about longer cycles and miscarriage. One study suggested there was a link but I know lots of people who have irregular periods who had healthy pregnancies. I don't think the doctors really know. Clomed definitely seems to help in many cases.

It's so annoying they brush it off because you are young. Time does go very quickly and you want it investigated now so you can have a family on your terms. It's likely you will be fine next time but still it's such a frightening experience to go through. It makes you question your body so much. I really hope you feel recovered from the physical side soon and feel ready to try again. Xx

Should be a frer waiting for me when I get home! Do I test again once I'm home or wait until morning?!
There's two tests in the box but really don't know what to do....