TTC after pregnancy loss - tread 28 - Bfp will be coming

[Lilimum6]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Welcome to any new ladies and sorry for your loss.

Let's have a roll call ladies

Thank you for asking. I’m all over the place. Started TTC a couple of days ago - about a week after the ERPC and today I’m bleeding again. Pregnancy tests still positive and I’m broken. So dismayed and confused with my annoying, broken body.

@SARmum14 I'm sorry your feeling so low hun. It's not your fault this happened to you and your body might just need a bit longer to recover. I know I'm having to wait a bit to ttc to and it's so frustrating. Be kind to yourself and do something you get pleasure from. Losing a baby is not easy hun and we are all here for you xx

@Lilimum6 misery really does love company. How long has it been for you now? Bloods at 2 seem a really positive sign, isn't anything lower than 5 considered normal in non pregnant women? Hoping for some good news for you.

The waiting is really really shit, especially when you want to focus on something - even tracking my cycles breaks up the misery.

I didn't have any bloods taken at my last scan and was just told I only need to call back if it's still positive on 28th, which hopefully it won't be! Fingers crossed for our big fat negatives so we can draw our lines. Interesting to hear that ERPC can be absorbed, I hadn't known that - some more exhaustive googling for a Friday evening 😬😂

@frillyfarmer this has happened with every mmc for me. My body clings to my pregnancy even when it is over. It very depressing. This one started as a mmc at just over 5 weeks descovered on 6th January waited until 29th and had erpc surgery then I had a little spotting. Had bloods done on 13th Feb hcg down to 2 but scan revealed rpoc so waiting until 6th of March for something to happen naturally but I know it won't. I have had bad cramps since my surgery but nothing but a little spotting. It just seems to take me forever to get back to normal.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue so sorry to hear what you've been through, it's just awful. We all have different experiences but we've all lost little ones we love. Welcome to the huddle. Counselling really helps me...I'm almost a year in (two losses in 2018, no kids) and I go every two to three weeks. Helps just being able to be brutally honest about how you are feeling.

@KnitKitty great post, thankyou xxx

@Dimblebimble I'm so sorry to hear you're bleeding, but I'll hope for you it's not what you fear. Hugs xxx

@Russkispy so sorry lovely, you have such a good attitude. I really hope ivf works for you.

@frillyfarmer @Lilimum6 I'm ok-had lurg again this week on top of AF so been a bit miserable. Bit worried that my AF isn't right too-seems far too short/light but who knows. Cd5 today and my clear blue app is saying start testing tomorrow as I ovulated early (cd11/12) last month. Have a week off this week, and thankfully ties in with fertile week if my body stays on track so hoping we can give it a good go this month. Xxx

@Dimblebimble I'm so sorry to see you back here. Until you've had the scan it's not certain it's another mc, keeping fx that all is still ok.

@KnitKitty thank you. Your message is brilliant and I think what we're all need reminding of.

@Lilimum6 thanks for asking, another day of fake smiles and pretending I'm ok when all I feel like doing is crying.

@Russkispy I'm sorry baby didn't make it but keeping fx for your ivf.

@boboelephant how are you today?

This week I've just been so tearful. Much of the lyrics to this song are how I feel:
m.youtube.com/watch?v=WVe80iZtlYU

Hi Lilimum6, thanks for asking after me. I'm so sorry you're still waiting for your body to recover. It must be so upsetting and it's so unfair you're still going through this. I hope it gets resolved soon.

I'm doing much better. I got my negative test 2 weeks and 5 days after ERPC so we're now deciding whether to try again yet. Still in two minds due to weight gain and haven't had tests with GP yet. We feel ready other than that so we'll see! x

@dimblebimble sorry to see you here again, but wait and see what the scan says, you never know xx

I’ve read through the posts sorry everyone’s having a tough time. I know how shit it is and can only echo @knitkitty’s post. I’m hopeful and positive for all of you that you’ll have a healthy pregnancy soon. If it can happen to me it can happen to you xx

Someone asked about bmi/weight I’m about a stone over too bmi 26.7 but I’m not being considered overweight in this pregnancy - in fact they say I’m perfectly healthy. I’ve heard recently gp’s challenging the bmi scale as outdated and unrealistic.

Thanks for asking after me ladies. I’m doing well. Anxiety has reduced a little and feeling a bit more confident. I’ll be 18w tomorrow. Still on Aspirin and having blood flow checked at 20w. Then I’ll be checked every 4 wks incase I should go on heparin again. It helps that bump is growing. There’s is a worry now and again of mc at this stage, but I have to remember it’s low risk and I have treatment.

They said if growth of baby is a concern (as a risk of the condition if my blood flow it sticky I won’t get enough nutrients in) then they could induce as early as 32w and incubate, but there’s lots could be done before that stage. They also won’t let me go past due date,l anyway so deff induced if nothing natural first. Due 28th July.

Feels like a long time away, but I’m organising to finish work at 34 w incase anything happened early but also because I’m not sure I’ll really relax until I know it can be born safely and survive. And I really want to relax and enjoy it.

It’s grest having all your support. I joined a pregnancy bored but generally the women haven’t had issues and whilst it’s lovely to see the bliss and joy of normal pregnancy without mc, , it’s so far from where I feel so I appreciate you letting me stick around here xxx

Thank you ladies for all your sticky wishes and asking after me. I'm in the tww- 6dp6dt- 6 days post 6 day transfer. I've been trying to stay away a bit so I can stay in my trying to be positive bubble! Still reading into every twinge but trying to stay as calm as possible. Easier said than done!!

@Russkispy I'm so sorry it didn't stick. Everything crossed that this ivf cycle brings you your rainbow.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I'm so sorry for your losses. My experience has been quite similar to yours so I do understand your pain. I have a beautiful 3 year old DS who was conceived very easily. Then my second pregnancy a little over a year later resulted in an ectopic rupture. It was such a shock, I didn't even know what an ectopic was. It took a year to fall again and at 10 weeks we found out that was a MMC and had to have an ERPC. The amount of times I've asked myself why it is so hard to give him a sibling when everyone else falls pregnant so easily! For me it's been another year and nothing so we are currently in the middle of IVF and hopeful for our rainbow. This is a lovely supportive group who have been invaluable to me that you have found. Sending hugs for what is a really crappy time.

@Laney79 sorry it wasn't your month hun.

@lilimum6 and @frillyfarmer sorry you are both still going through this but I hope your bodies are moving in the right direction.

@Dimblebimble fingers crossed for Monday and I hope everything is fine.

@KnitKitty great news that you have your appointment!

@InDreamland sorry you're struggling. Sending hugs.

@Yukka wow 18 weeks! Great milestone!

Sending hugs to everyone else that needs it. It's a tough old ride this one!

My mood of the day....

Hello @Boboelephant I'm sorry to read about your experience. The rupture must have been so scary. We're you experiencing pain or bleeding beforehand? I had some weird cramps and light bleeding for over a week. Life is indeed so unfair. Are you doing the ivf privately? I guess I'm interested if I "qualify" if you already have a child? It's funny because I am so down and tearful today but the thought of giving up hasn't even crossed my mind. It's just a given that we will try again. I'm just petrified that the chances of an ectopic have increased and I could loose my last tube. Then what? The only thing positive I have taken from this (and sorry if this is really morbid) is that the baby was measuring bigger than last time and had a heartbeat. So my body seemed to be doing the right thing. It just settled down in the wrong place I'm also struggling today with "what ifs" as it could have been so much worse and in some way I'm lucky because they found it when they did.

Sorry to everyone else to ramble on about myself. I will try and get up to speed with all of your situations so I can type less self absorbed posts!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thank you. Yes it was the scariest time of my life and I very nearly bled out internally so could have been even worse! I had no external bleeding at all and thought the pregnancy was fine. As my DS had been a low risk pregnancy no-one suspected anything could be wrong. I had no pain until the tube actually ruptured and then collapsed with the worst pain of my life. I know what you mean. When I fell again, we were terrified it'd be another ectopic. As soon as we got the all clear we thought we were fine so the MMC was a real kick in the teeth. I think these things just happen sometimes and whilst they are spectacularly unfair we need to hold onto the fact we know our bodies can do this. If it helps, the chance of a repeat ectopic after a tube removal is significantly lower than if they salvage the tube. So the likelihood of having another in the other tube is tiny. And yes I agree it's a good thing that it lasted longer than the MC.
Yes we are doing private IVF, we are not entitled to any NHS funding because of DS. We also know we would never give up and as we fall into the unexplained category as no pregnancy for over a year after last loss but normal test results , and we've been trying for number 2 for 2.5 years this was the right choice for us. Hopefully it works!!

@Lilimum6 thanks for asking about me. AF showed up this morning so feeling a bit crap as we really tried this month. But hey ho on to the next cycle and hopefully we will have some results from rmc by then. How are you doing?

@Clumsykitten thank you! I do keep telling my belly to just 'cling on!' 😂 Hope your tests give you some answers.

@Pop1234 sorry AF showed up.

@Boboelephant it sucks. But keeping my fingers crossed for you 😘

@Clumsykitten I think it's worse as with all 3 pregnancies I've caught first time but all ended in miscarriage. So this is the first one I havent caught first time, but maybe could be a good thing? That's exactly the same as me. I want to try and loose some weight as I have put on 2 stone since my first miscarriage. Did you try this cycle?

Hello ladies.
Sorry for the ladies that got af. And baby dust to those in the tww and fingers crossed 🤞.
As for me still nothing happening I can't believe I actually want af to get me, but it's not looking likely.

I've had some very light pink spotting this morning - I'm praying it turns into a full bleed and get the rest of RPOC out!

I've woken up with thrush symptoms though, so I wonder whether perhaps the bleeding is to do with that? I could kind of do without a bout of thrush to top everything off! 😬

Sorry you're still waiting @Lilimum6, hope it arrives for you x

Morning all, I posted maybe a couple of weeks back with my story, I had a mc at 8 weeks mid to end of Jan when bleeding stopped. I've had 2 negative tests since . This morning something compelled me to test- it can't be can it? I just can't quite believe what I'm seeing. Do you see it too, it's faint but I'm sure my eyes aren't deceiving me. Am assuming it can't be anything left from the mc if I've tested negative inbetween, or can it? Thanks

Hi @Lozboz22 that is definitely a positive test.

I'd contact EPU and ask for a scan? I had a MC on 17th Jan, two negative PG tests and then at start of feb they started becoming positive again. Unfortunately it is retained products, so although it's perfectly possible you've conceived again, I don't want to get your hopes up as it's been a fairly rough slog for me this past couple of weeks trying to get answers. I'm almost 6 weeks since MC and I'm still getting a very faint positive on one step HGC tests.

@frillyfarmer oh wow I didn't realise that you could get a negative and then a positive and it be retained product. What a massive head f**k this process is. I'm sorry for everything you are going through. I might take another in a few days to see if it's getting darker and then call Epu. It does seem a bit early to actually be pregnant again but anything is possible I guess. Xx