TTC after pregnancy loss - tread 28 - Bfp will be coming

[Lilimum6]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Welcome to any new ladies and sorry for your loss.

Let's have a roll call ladies

@Lilimum6 I'm so sorry it sounds like you're still having such a shit time. I wish it could just all be over for you so you can reset and properly start TTC again.

@Laney79 thanks hun. I'm just really emotional at the moment.

@Russkispy so sorry about the bleed. Fx it is all still ok and you have a little bean still all comfortable in there.

Ladies, I don't know what's wrong with me. While up this morning feeling tearful and almost cried twice whilst getting ready for work. Then at work, we'll at a conference with loads of colleagues there were a couple of presentations and both basically mentioned being heavily pregnant, maternity leave, being pregnant and giving birth ....... totally unrelated to the subject but general comments thrown in ......... well, cue set me off .......I just feel so low. Tomorrow my first baby should be 4 weeks old.

@KnitKitty good news you got your follow up appointment.

Okay I need to rant;
My best friend is currently pregnant, she is four weeks ahead of what I would have been if I had not miscarried in Dec.
She messaged me today saying how bored and fed up of pregnancy she is.
REALLY?!

That was so insensitive of her @ale2992 I had something similar with a friend and it really upset me. I wish people would just think before speaking

@mynameisMrG I don't normally let things like that get to me at all, I'm almost mad at myself for being annoyed.

@moonpeace it really is just the worst thing ever. No words can actually describe how inadequate I feel and goes disjointed with life I am and I know I have so much to be grateful for and have a life so many can only dream of but nothing compared for not being able to keep my two babies. I hope and pray for all of us on here that our rainbows are here with us within the next 12 months. Goodness were all deserve a rainbow.

@ale2992 I can understand that, I'd be breaking down in a mess and then telling her to be grateful she has a healthy pregnancy and she doesn't appreciate how lucky she is.

Hello everybody. Can I join you please? I am not sure I got here given that I seem to have a different experience to most of you and as I already have a DD. But I really need somewhere to let everything out right now, hoping it's ok for me to join as not really are where I fit now...

I had a MMC last summer. Despite seeing a heartbeat baby measured small at a private early reassurance scan so I booked another a week later. The baby was gone. I miscarried naturally a week after that when I should have been 10 weeks (baby was only measuring 6). It would have been my second child and that baby would have been due on the 1st March.

Three weeks ago I found out I was pregnant again. But something wasn't right. My period was late and I had negative tests, then a faint line. Lines got darker but then the bleeding/spotting started and some weird pain. But my hcg levels were doubling nicely and according to GP I was merely anxious because of my previous loss. They tried to refer me to counselling but I asked for an early scan.

I came to my appointment at the EPU on Wednesday. The baby was measuring perfectly for six weeks and there was a heartbeat. But it was in my left tube. Whizzed up to theatre to remove it.it all happened so quickly I was only in hospital a day and a half.

I am now home and in pain and just feel so depressed. I don't feel I have had time to process this loss I was so focused on getting through the operation that I now feel lost. I should have been having a baby next month and now I have one tube and another loss. Why isn't my body working anymore? Why can't I give my beautiful DD a sibling? My heart is breaking and I am so frightened for the future. Meanwhile everyone I know is pregnant and popping out their second and third with no problems. Why the fuck has this happened to me? 

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I'm so so sorry you find yourself here and for your losses. Its a really terrible experience you've had. All the ladies here understand the wave of emotions that come with one or multiple losses. Please be kind to yourself and take all the time you need to heal physically and emotionally. If you haven't already and feel ready for it it may be worth looking into counselling - I've been going to Petals. The lovely ladies here are really supportive (and knowledgeable) so we'll all look after each other and you x

@ale2992 I know what you mean, I can usually brush things off but if something is said to me when I’m feeling a bit down or hormonal it hits me like a ton of bricks. Don’t be annoyed at yourself, it’s a perfectly normal reaction. It’s like a rollercoaster of emotions isn’t it

Thank you both.

So sorry for everything you've been through@moonpeace.

I definitely feel like I need to talk to someone. I have no one in real life who has been through this, even though I have lots of supportive family who are here for me and helping with DD while I recover. I had a look on their website - do Petals offer a national wide service? I'm in London. I am happy to pay for counselling. I just don't even know ow to begin processing this

I believe they do have services in London. Best thing to do is email them direct, details on their website. They are very good and when I had my second mc they extended my sessions with them .

Hi everyone. After a short period on the pregnancy board it seems like mc no.2 is on the way. I've had the same bleeding as last time, and scan booked for Monday. Only got to 8 weeks this time :(

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue Welcome. This thread is for anyone who's had pregnancy loss. We've got a few ladies on here who have also had multiple losses after having a DC, including ones who've had ectopics with what should have been their rainbows; so, yes, you're in the right place and don't feel alone.
Sounds like you've been through a lot. Of course you feel depressed.
It's all so fresh, that you probably need to just wallow for a while and feel the emotions. Cry, scream into a pillow, write a journal, hug whoever is around to hug you, binge watch TV, rest and wear comfy clothes and eat what you want for a few days. When you're ready to start picking yourself up again you will do, don't worry. And we're all here for you and understand what you're going through. Take care. xxx

@Dimblebimble I'm so sorry to see you back here. Having to wait until Monday is horrible. Are you in pain? Could this be one of those bleeds that's not MC? Rest up, take care of yourself. Huge hugs xxx

@ale992 I'm sorry your friend was so thoughtless. I doubt she was trying to rub salt into the wound, but it's understandable if that's how it felt. Hugs xxx

@InDreamland I don't think there's anything wrong with you; I think you're having a perfectly normal, human reaction to what the last few years had thrown at you; especially with the two losses you've had. Be kind to yourself. Be patient. Our minds heal a lot more slowly than our bodies.

Just a general word to ALL of you reading this:

You did not deserve to lose your baby/babies. No one else can tell you how to cope with the loss; it's your loss, your body, your mind...

Do whatever you need to do. Don't be afraid to try again, don't be afraid to take a break from trying, don't be afraid to talk openly to people you trust, don't be afraid to ask your GP/a professional for help if you feel you need some more support. Don't feel guilty for choosing to go back to work or acting/being 'normal' if that's how you cope best, don't feel guilty about finding happiness again when you do - it doesn't mean you don't care.

Stay strong, stay hopeful and stay positive.

Hi @KnitKitty no no pain, but last time it was a mmc - the baby stopped developing at 8 weeks, diagnosed as mmc at 9.5 weeks and pain only started at 11 weeks when I was about to have my surgical management. I guess it's possible the baby is still okay but it's so similar to last time that I'm pretty sure it's another mc :( I had to wait until Monday then too, it's so frustrating that they don't do weekend appointments.

For those of of you who have had investigation for recurrent miscarriages, did the doctor say anything to you about weight?

I found some research that links being overweight to early miscarriage. I'm a stone and a bit over the healthy bmi and I wonder whether I should take a break and lose weight before ttc again. But then I am turning 30 this year I'm worried about wasting time. Why is everything so hard? 😬 Why can't everyone just have perfect straightforward pregnancies??!

Thank you ladies! Blood tests results came in and it's negative which I've suspected. So this is my AF after all. It's a hard blow I won't lie but good to know that we managed to conceive naturally even if only for a short while. My doc agreed to start stimulation tomorrow. I'm on a short protocol. Reflexology and acupuncture are booked in the meantime. Onwards and upwards! This is not over yet! Thank you so much for all your support!!

I'll catch up on messages properly tonight as had to book scans for IVF, hotels and flights as egg collection and embryo transfer will be abroad (back home)

@Dimblebimble I'm in the same position to you in that I'm a bit over my healthy BMI though I gained most of it through the pregnancy. I read some research that linked a BMI over 30 to miscarriage and slightly increased risk if 27 or over. I think being a bit over is fine. I'm currently on slimming world to try and lose the extra stone I put on but I'm trying not to worry if I fall pregnant in the mean time. I know plenty of bigger ladies who've had healthy pregnancies.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I'm so sorry you find yourself here. I had an ectopic last year and a MC this year and have a lovely DS already. It's so rough - if you need counselling please get it, miscarriage is so difficult to talk about.

After 5 weeks I think I almost have my BFN... never thought I'd be excited about that. I haven't bled at all though, I've just had a tonne of egg white CM. I don't know whether that's normal? Obviously it's going the right way if the tests are getting lighter but where is this retained product?

I'm feeling positive tonight. I need to catch up with this thread properly because I've skimmed a lot of it! How are you getting on @Laney79 and @Lilimum6

@Yukka how is your pregnancy going? Are you going to find out gender at 20weeks? X

Thank you all for being so lovely I'm sorry there are so many of us struggling. Life is just so unfair sometimes.

I'm going to have a rare steak and small glass of red wine when DD is asleep. Little things.

Will contact Petals tomorrow.

Hugs to you all, thank you again for being so welcoming xxx

@Russkispy sorry to hear that hun xx fingers crossed for ivf to work for you x
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I'm so sorry this happened to you. We are all here for you come on and join the 🐧 huddle
@Dimblebimble I really hope that baby is just fine but know we are here for you
@KnitKitty thank you for your post I really needed that today. Sometimes it's hard to keep unhealthy thoughts out of your head.
@InDreamland thanks hun. How are you?
@Boboelephant how's things going lovely
@Laney79 hi hun how are you?
@moonpeace @ale2992 @mynameisMrG I'm thinking of you all and sending healing thoughts and baby dust

@frillyfarmer I'm in the same boat as you. I had a hcg blood test done and it now less than 2 but still no bleeding and not rpoc seeming to be making an appearance for me either. I have to call epu on 6th and they will rescan me. The consultant did say that poc can just disappear and can be reabsorbed by your body. I'm praying this happened or I'm in for my 3rd erpc, something I desperately do not want I'm terrified of scar tissue. Tbh I'm so depressed with all this waiting around for something to happen.

@Pop1234 @Clumsykitten @TinyPaws @rdm10 @SARmum14 @Yukka and @Catconfusion how are you all doing?